Sure they are, Mr. Chicken-to-leave.
随便你说什么 “想被咬”先生
Whatever you say, Mr. Wants-to-get-bitten.
我好害怕 “几乎跟史酷比一样勇敢”先生
Oh, I’m shaking, Mr. Almost-as-brave-as-Scooby Doo.
鸭子、鸭子、鸭子、鹅！
Duck, duck, duck, goose!
好！ 好了！不是这样玩的 孩子们！
Ow! Okay. Okay. All right! That’s not the game. Kids!
…印花税法 眼睛看这里！课前预习过的人…
…the Stamp Act. Eyes up here! For those of you who did the reading…
萨莉娜丝老师从来不教这些东西 -对 印花是什么玩意？
Salinas never taught this stuff. -Yeah. What’s a stamp?
…是英国议会直接向美洲殖民者
…the first tax levied directly
征收的第一种项税
on American colonists by the British Parliament.
丝凯乐 你刚刚说什么？
Skyler, what did I just say?
回答！殖民地的人作何反应？
Answer! How did the colonists react?
记过！
Demerits!
最好不要被记过
You do not want demerits.
记过是什么？好像是洛杉矶快船队的球员吧
What’s a demerit? -I think he played for the Clippers.
五年级过后 你们要学会遵守纪律
You’re going to leave 5th grade with discipline,
否则就留级！
or you are never going to leave 5th grade.
谁要遵守纪律 这周末带班级宠物回家？
Who has the discipline to take a class pet home this weekend?
我来 我还要带里奥回去
I’ll do it. I’ll take Leo again.
“里奥”？
“Leo”?
又带？谁想两次带它回家？
Again? Who would want it twice?
你们全都不够格上中学！对吗？
Not one of you is man enough for middle school, are you?
现在不行！我带蜥蜴回家！
Ugh. Not now. I’ll take the lizard.
你会跟里奥玩得很开心的 伊莱 我可以去你家玩吗？
Oh, you’ll have so much fun with Leo, Eli. You think, maybe, I can visit?
真的吗？太好了！赞恩要来 不过我们可以一起…
Really? That’d be great. Zane’s coming, but we can all hang–
大家玩得开心吗？
You kids having a fun play date?
当然了
Sure.
抱歉毁了薯片 不过小心为妙
Sorry about those chips, Zaney. Can’t be too careful.
吃个羽衣甘蓝纸杯蛋糕吧
Have a kale cupcake.
我整个周末都得穿着防护服吗？
Do I have to wear the safety suit all weekend?
蜥蜴携带疾病 亲爱的
Lizards carry disease, honey.
孩子和狗狗最容易被传染
Kids and dogs are especially vulnerable.
我妈妈要来接我了
Um, I think my mom wants to pick me up.
谢谢你 朱莉！他们玩得很开心
Thank you, Julie! -They had the best time.
你可以帮他把鸡肉切成小块 不会让人噎到？
Could you go cut his chicken into non-chokeable pieces?
怎么了？会长回来的
What? It’ll grow back.
你穿得像1950年代的宇航员 还说我奇怪？
You’re dressed like a 1950s astronaut and I’m the weird one?
你在威胁我吗 贵宾犬？那样…
Oh, now you’re threatening me, Doodlepoo? Do that–
怎么回事？
What?
怎么… -吃晚餐了 伊莱
What– Dinnertime, Eli!
伊莱 快点！食物消化三小时后 才能上♥床♥睡觉
Eli, now! You need three hours to digest your food before bed.
这太扯了！-你会说话？
This is totally crazy. You talk?
只跟你说而言！
Just to you.
因为… -我很特别？
‘Cause, uh… -I’m special?
对 没错
Uh, yeah, that’s right.
好吧
Oh. Okay.
你不能告诉别人 不然他们会宰了我 像对付外星人那样
But you can’t tell anyone. They’ll try to kill me like E.T.
可我爸妈说 如果有人说“不能告诉别人”
But my parents told me when someone says, “Don’t tell anyone,”
我一定得告诉他们
that’s when I have to tell.
他们说得对 但人类就是很奇怪
Well, your parents are right, but that’s with strange humans.
我只是一只奇怪的蜥蜴 好吗？
I’m just a strange lizard. Okay?
拜托你别说出去 尤其是对它 -无人机？
Please don’t tell. Especially him. The drone?
肯定不会 你看到它怎样对待奇多薯片了
No way. You saw what it did to the Cheetos out there.
它很忠心 这样挺好
I mean, it’s nice that it’s loyal.
拜托 我六岁时 孩子们觉得它很酷
Come on. When I was six, kids thought it was cool.
或许你应该说点什么 我不想伤害它的感情
Maybe you should say something about it. -I don’t want to hurt its feelings.
我有办法 多年来 我见过很多小孩跟同伴绝交
I know a way. I’ve seen kids break up over the years.
你写下跟人绝交的原因
You write down why you’re dumping them,
这样对方才有时间去消化 不会突然发怒
and it gives the other person time to soak it in and not snap.
给无人机写封绝交信
It’s a “Dear Drone” letter.
去拿纸笔来
Get a pen and paper.
它只是做做样子而已 瞧见没？
He’s just doing it for show. See?
它知道自己可回收
He knows he’s recyclable.
让它静一静吧
Let’s just give him some space.
没人会像它一样喜欢我
Nobody’s ever gonna like me like he does.
孩子 他们都不了解你 现在你可以展示自己的才华了
Kid, they don’t even know you. Now you can finally show your stuff.
我没才华
Uh, I don’t have any stuff.
你只需要找到自己的天赋
Ah, you just gotta find your gimmick.
1998年 有个叫迈克·德约科维奇的小男孩
There was a boy in 1998, Mike Djokovic.
他把《在太阳上行走》的歌♥词 全部记下来了
He memorized all the words to “Walkin’ on the Sun.”
破嘴合唱团？没听说过？ 听我说 那首歌♥歌♥词很长
Smash Mouth? No? Look, it’s got a lot of words.
重点是 很多小孩都有天赋
The point is, plenty of kids have a gimmick.
没关系 我也有几手绝招
It’s okay. I got a few.
给我一只毛毛虫 -真的吗？
Uh, get me a caterpillar. -For real?
相信我
Trust me.
太好了
Oh, that’s perfect.
好 开始了
Okay, here we go.
好恶心！
So gross!
等等
Wait.
搞什么…
What the–
来 我给你露一手
Here, let me show you something.
伊莱 你的防护服呢？
Eli, where’s your safety suit?
试试这样做
Try doing this.
非常好
Very good.
小心！
Fore!
你打得真准 那是什么？负鼠吗？
You nailed that thing. What was it? A possum?
不知道 不过你打中它的蛋蛋了 伙计
I don’t know, but you hit it in the jellybeans.
想认输吗？没办法超越
Wanna quit and go home? Can’t top that.
有些人没收到请柬
Not everyone’s invited.
对 我回来了
Yes, I’m back.
你的尾巴呢？ 你每次要断掉一个部位才能逃跑吗？
Where’s your tail? You escaping one limb at a time?
让我静一静 我的蛋蛋被击中了
Just give me some space. I got hit in the jellybeans.
我都忘了还有这玩意
I forgot that was there.
萨莉娜丝是年度最佳教师！ 真受不了那个代课老师
Salinas was teacher of the year! That substitute lady’s unacceptable.
我送的护肤霜样品 对你们来说毫无意义吗？
Do the skin cream samples I give out mean nothing to you people?
我要怎样做 才能把那个可怕的女人换掉？
How do I get that horrible woman replaced?
温格医生 拜托 她就坐在这里
Dr. Wenger, please. She’s sitting right here.
所以呢？ -杰 这样很失礼
So? -Jay, it’s not polite.
好吧
Fine.
我可以畅所欲言 当你不存在吗？
May I speak about you as if you’re not here?
听着 我家小孩 明年要上韦斯特莱克中学
Listen, my kid was on track to get into Westlake next year,
三年后要上兰利预科 七年后上达特茅斯学院
Langley Prep in three years, Dartmouth in seven years,
14年后踏入还算幸福的婚姻
then a moderately happy marriage in 14 years.
我赞助买♥♥了智能白板和电灯开关
I paid for that smart board and this light switch.
要是你想继续留住这个禽兽当老师
If I’m letting you keep this animal as her teacher,
就得想办法补偿
you’re gonna do something for me to fix this.
四秒钟！三、二、一
Four seconds. Three, two, one.
放下铅笔
Pencils down.
洁妲除外
Except Jayda,
她有永久性时差反应
who will now be getting two more minutes
还剩两分钟
due to her permanent jet lag.
安静 不许讨论
Quiet. No discussion.
好了 一位同学 要带一只班级宠物回家
Now, one of you has to take home a class pet.
要么自告奋勇 要么我指定
Volunteer or be assigned.
我还要带里奥回去
I’ll take Leo again.
什么情况？里奥？又来？你说不能两次 带同一只宠物回家 对吧？
What is the deal? Leo? Again? -You can’t take a pet twice, right?
因为我想…你为何又想带它回家？
Because I would– I mean, why do you want him again?
因为它很棒
Um, ’cause he was awesome.
你为何想带它回家？ -一样的理由
Why do you want him? -Uh, same reason. Awesome.
慢着 它很棒的话 那我想带它回家
Wait. If it’s awesome, I want it.
应该写“皮肤医生”
It’s supposed to say, “Dr. Skin,”
不是“匹夫医生”
not “Dr. Skid.”
皮肤 不是匹夫
S-K-I-N. No D’s.
洁妲 我把猫咪染成绿色了
Jayda, I dyed the cat green.
太没创意了
So unoriginal.
爸爸给你的惊喜很棒吧？
Isn’t that great, what I got for you?
德雷克要来我的派对？我还在想办法
Drake’s coming to my party? -Eh, I’m still on it.
我是说随堂小测验 你多出两分钟
I meant the pop quiz, the two more minutes.
谁罩着你？ -爸爸做了什么？
Who takes care of you? -What did Daddy do?
班吉 洁妲的代课老师很可恶…
Well, Benji, Jayda’s substitute teacher is a horror show…
让孩子们读很厚的书
Making the kids read big books.
不！