♪ Once the immune boosters kick in I can try the kung pao chicken ♪
♪ 欢迎五年级学生 直接从这道门进去 ♪
♪ Welcome, fifth graders Go right through this door ♪
♪ 因为今年你们的教室在二楼 ♪
♪ ‘Cause this year your homerooms Are on the second floor ♪
♪ 请不要踩到幼儿园的小朋友 ♪
♪ Please don’t step On the kindergartners ♪
♪ 睡觉还能开夜灯的最后一年 ♪
♪ Last year Of sleeping with a night light ♪
♪ 不会拼错“甜点”的最后一年 ♪
♪ Last year Of not spelling “dessert” right ♪
♪ 能主宰下课时间的最后一年 ♪
♪ Last year Of dominating recess ♪
♪ 穿有公主图案T恤的最后一年 ♪
♪ Last year Of T-shirts with a princess ♪
♪ 能吃妈妈午餐的最后一年 -口袋里装满绿色黏液 ♪
♪ Mom’s food at lunchtime ♪ ♪ Pockets filled with slime ♪
♪ 用纹身贴纸的最后一年 把我的比熊犬染成蓝色的最后一年 ♪
♪ Of temporary tattoos ♪ ♪ Of dyeing my Bichon blue ♪
♪ 最后一年 在五年级所做的一切 ♪
♪ Last year And what we do in grade five ♪
♪ 将决定着我们的余生 ♪
♪ Will decide the rest of our lives ♪
嘿 明天五年级又要开学了
Hey. You know the 5th grade starts tomorrow again.
什么？意思是我们要早上八点起床？
What?! Does that mean we have to get up at 8:00?
冷静
Oh, calm down.
暑假大多时候 你都在睡大觉 -是啊
You slept 95% of the summer. Yeah.
小夏怎么样？ -她人很好
What about Summer? -Yeah, she’s nice.
恶心
Uh, vomit.
小夏 妈妈呢？今晚我哄你睡 凯拉
Summer, where’s Mommy? -I’ll put you to bed tonight, Kayla.
我们长大了 妈妈总有一天会离开
We’re getting older. Mom’ll be gone someday.
我要上五年级了 是时候长大了
It’s 5th grade. Time to be a grown-up.
去哪里… -我不会喝咖啡 也不会喜欢男生
Where did she– -I won’t drink coffee or like boys.
但我要自己给水壶装水 留刘海 -她要…
I’ll fill my own water bottle, get bangs. -Is she still gonna–
我知道去年大家都留刘海 但我脑门太大
Everyone got bangs, but my forehead’s getting bigger.
我不想看起来像游♥行♥花车 或漫画书里的外星人 被人八卦…
I don’t wanna look like a parade float or an alien and be the talk–
你可真强硬 老爸
Way to be strong, Dad.
高光时刻！
The big time!
明年去韦斯特莱克吗？
Going to Westlake next year?
我表哥说那里有个小孩抽烟
My cousin said there’s a kid who smokes there.
你看到什么了吗？ -没 咿哩哇啦吵死了 拜托
You see anything? No. A lot of yappin’. Come on.
这就对了 好吧
Ah, there we go. -All right.
新学年 又是一批五年级的小魔头
Another year, another batch of 5th grade head cases.
卡比尔、安东尼 欢迎
Kabir, Anthony, welcome.
你是纽约来的 新来的家伙？ 爱国者队逊毙了！
You from New York, new guy? Patriots suck!
爱国者队是新英格兰的
That’s New England.
你的上衣好像穿反了 -拜托！
I think your shirt’s on backwards. -Come on!
瞧瞧 一群话多鬼 -是啊 老样子
Look at this. Bunch of motormouths. -Yep. Same old, same old.
我看到卡拉穿着金宝贝的毛衣
I saw Cara in a sweater from Gymboree.
一群势利眼 -美少女队
There’s the snotty clique. -Tween Queens.
假惺惺小队 -11岁就是人生巅峰
The Facade Squad. -Peaking at 11.
当然了 永远“病恹恹、应该待在家”的小孩 永远有这样的小孩
The “sick and should’ve stayed home” kid. -Always one.
暗地里鄙视自己的班级小丑
There’s the class clown who secretly despises himself.
太搞笑了 柯尔！
That’s hysterical, Cole!
多谢 柯尔！ -哎呀 今年有几个柯尔？
Thanks, Cole! -Jeez, how many Coles this year?
这让我想起了 1991年的“贾斯汀大风潮”
Reminds me of the Justin avalanche of 1991.
但愿别又流行叫“里奇”这个名字
God forbid we ever see a Richie again.
哥们 不会吧 你现在比我高？
Bro, no way, are you taller than me now?
绝对会有一个爱吃奶酪泡芙的小孩
The inevitable Cheez Doodle kid.
不 手指的颜色看起来像多力多滋条
No, those look like Dorito fingers.
我们刚从布朗克斯搬来 -你是新来的？哇
We just moved from the Bronx. -You’re new? Wow.
太难了 我从来没离开过朋友 除了我们去年去默特尔比奇
That’s hard. Never had to leave friends, except when we went to Myrtle Beach.
回家的飞机上 坐我旁边的老太太有关节炎
On the flight home, the old lady next to me had arthritis.
我不得不帮她打开芥末包
I opened her mustard packet.
第一个孩子 -口无遮拦
First child. -No filter.
从不知道什么时候该闭嘴
Never heard the word “enough.”
好了 同学们！你们开心吗？
Okay, guys. Are you excited?
大多数同学在本校就读五年了
Most of you have been going to this school for five years.
有的是七年 你们现在是大孩子了！
Some of you, seven. And now you’re the big kids.
希望大家都见过了我们的班级宠物 里奥纳多和杰尼龟！
I hope everyone’s met our class pets, Leonardo and Squirtle.
我才不要碰它们
I’m not touching those things.
它们不是在同一个地方吃喝拉撒吗？
Don’t they eat, sleep and poo in the same place?
嘿！我在它睡觉的地方拉便便
Hey! I poo where he sleeps.
现在如果我告诉大家
Now what if I told you
本学年末 表现优异的学生 会获得大大的奖励 怎么样？
there’s a big reward at the end of this year if you do well in class?
学术马拉松竞赛？
The Academicathalon thing?
看她管教这些孩子 萨莉娜丝不愧是专家
Look at her work these kids. Salinas, what a pro.
自1960年代的毕乐姬老师之后 她是最棒的
Best since Ms. Bielecky in the ’60s.
如果我告诉大家 今年获胜的班级
And what if I told you this year’s winning class
可以去一个特别的地方搞户外教学 玩一整天 怎么样？
gets a field trip to somewhere special for a whole day?
好耶！
Yeah!
萨莉娜丝怀孕了？ -孕肚出来了
Salinas havin’ a baby? -The belly’s poppin’ a little.
赞恩 不可以带零食进教室
Oh, Zane, I’m afraid you can’t bring snacks into the class.
我暂时替你保管
I’ll hold those, just for now.
奇多 真没料到
Cheetos. Wow, didn’t see that coming.
本学年结束时 我们五年级的其中三个班
At the end of the year, our three 5th grade classes
将进行美术、辩论、科学和历史竞赛
compete in art, debating, science, and history.
如果我们班赢 就可以去魔幻乐园！
And if our class wins, we get a trip to Magic Land Park!
那里有飞龙过山车 我听说它之前着过火！
Don’t they have the Dragon Coaster? I heard it caught fire once!
对 在欧洲被禁了！对 但佛州没禁！
Yeah, it was banned in Europe. -Yes, but not in Florida.
好 有宝宝了
Yep, havin’ a baby.
好 来看看你们学会了什么
Okay. Let’s see how much you guys already know.
谁知道植物把光转换成食物的过程
Who knows what you call it when a plant…
叫什么？
…converts light to food?
那种转换叫… -光合作用
The conversion’s photosynthesis… Photosynthesis.
…会把水和二氧化碳转换成葡萄糖 -变成葡萄糖
…turning H2O and CO2 into glucose. Into glucose.
好极了 米娅！
Ah. Excellent job, Mia.
那么…
Oh. So…
老天 父母离异的小孩
Oh, boy. Divorced parents.
好了 宝贝 谢谢
Okay, honey. Thank you.
你没事 真贴心
You’re okay. So sweet.
好了
Okay.
来看看本学年要读哪些书
Let’s look at some of the books we’re gonna read in class this year.
谁听说过《夏洛特的网》？
Who’s heard of Charlotte’s Web?
不！孩子们到最后都会哭
Oh no. The kids always cry at the end.
但孩子们哭得还不够吗？ 我们要引发水灾吗？
Like kids don’t cry enough? We gotta trigger the garden hoses?
弱者才哭！ -对
Crying’s for weaklings. -Right.
我们会认识芬和她的小猪韦伯
We’ll meet Fern and her pig, Wilbur.
反正是一本破书
It’s a stupid book anyway.
对 动物才不会跟人类说话 而且 谁都吃不到夏洛特
Right. Animals never talk to people. -Plus, no one gets to eat Charlotte.
只能日复一日地听说蜘蛛很美味
You just have to hear about this delicious spider for days
想想都馋到不行
and get hungry thinkin’ about it.
…这就是你们今年要学的知识
…like you’ll learn this year.
不好意思 柯尔？你有什么要跟大家分享的吗？
Sorry, Cole? Is there something you wanna share?
好恶心！
That’s so gross!
你居然那样！
I can’t believe you did that!
抱歉 同学们
Sorry, guys.
闻起来好香
Man, that smells good.
下次送一些给我们！吃腻生菜了！
Send some of that our way next time. Gettin’ sick of the lettuce.
你好 萨莉娜丝老师！
Hi, Mrs. Salinas!
你好 我是柯尔·威斯基的妈妈 -你好
Hi, I’m Cole Wiseki’s mom. -Oh, hi.
我能…很快就好？要发脸书？
Can I– Real quick? For Facebook?
谢谢
Thanks.
柯尔非常… -看起来肯定很棒 谢谢！
Cole is a very– -That’s gonna look great. Thank you.
从什么时候起 大家喜欢噘嘴拍照了？
Since when do people wanna look like ducks?
孩子们一晃眼长大了 真是不可思议
Isn’t that something, how they’ve grown?
你会发现 到了五年级后 孩子们就想要自己做选择了
And in 5th grade, you’ll find your kids wanting to make their own choices.
欣然接受吧 让他们去犯错
Embrace it. Let them make their own mistakes.
这种情况会持续多久？
How long does this go?
不会很久 温格医生
Not terribly long, Dr. Wenger.
你们中有些人可能已听说 萨莉娜丝老师在课堂上的小插曲了
Now, some of you may have heard about Mrs. Salinas’, uh, incident in class.
首先 我想确认一下 这跟她在食堂吃的东西完全无关
I want to confirm it has nothing to do with anything she ate in the cafeteria.
她会休息一段时间 应该说是休假
She’s just gonna be taking some time off. A leave, let’s say.
等等 要多久？
Wait. For how long?
重磅消息来了
Here comes the bomb.
要到…等她生完宝宝
For, uh… Till she has the baby, let’s say.
什么？生宝宝？
What?! Having a baby?
确定吗？她有没有征求其他意见？
Are you sure? Did she get a second opinion?
开什么玩笑？三年级时也这样！
Are you kidding me? This is what happened in 3rd grade!
代课老师糟透了！
The substitute was awful!
我这就给女儿发信息！ 她会伤心死的！
I’m texting my daughter right now! She’ll be devastated!
这也太突然了吧！