伦尼的故事 Lenny（1974）

讲点干净内容, Lenny. 别老是玩脏的
Don’t resort to using dirt.
你的另一晚秀将大有收获
There was a big beef about your show the other night.
你真走运，我遇见了Jack Goldstein
Lucky for you, I ran into Jack Goldstein.
我阻止他打电♥话♥去投诉你
I stopped him from phoning in a bad report.
我很感激, Sherman, 但那只是个误会，哥们
I appreciate that, but it was just a mistake.
这是个错误的喜剧
It was a comedy of errors.
我们结束了二重奏，老说那些老 笑话太无聊了
We just finished the duet, and I was bored doing the same old jokes.
那很热，明白么
It was hot. So, dig.
我脱下夹克，转头对乐队说 现在是我脱夹克的表演
I took off my jacket, I turned to the band,and I said Now for my ‘jacket off’
而mike捡它起来
And the mic picked it up,
因此乐队抓狂，而我看着甜心–
so the band cracked up.- I looked at Honey.
我也抓狂了-我也抓狂了
I cracked up.And then I cracked up.
我知它看起来很糟，哥们，但仅是愚蠢
I know it looked the worst, man, but it was just.
这很愚蠢
That’s very stupid.
从此后，你要每小时都细想
Up there, you gotta be thinking every second.
谢谢，谢谢
Thank you, thank you.
如你们所知，女士们先生们
As you know,Ladies and gentlemen,
这里有最好的全天秀表演者之一
one of the all-time greats of show business is here with tonight
事实上，他在这酒店起步
In fact, he got his start right here in this hotel.
女士们先生们, 自娱自乐先生
Ladies and gentlemen,Mr Entertainment himself,
Sherman Hart,女士们先生们!Sherman Hart!
Sherman Hart, ladies and gentlemen! Sherman Hart!
你真了不起! 你这美人儿!
You’re wonderful. You’re beautiful.
你是上帝!
Oh, you’re heaven!
多美的观众
I. Beautiful audience! Oh!
Lenny,宝贝，我喜欢你在这做的
Lenny, baby, I just love what you’re doing up there!
在我的喜剧时间你也会喜欢
You’ll love it, too, when you see it on my Comedy Hour.
周三晚上, CBS
Wednesday night, CBS.
谢谢，你真美! 我会告诉你时间
Thank you. You’re beautiful.
是东部9:00 , 7.:00洛矶山脉, 东京上午4:00
I might as well tell you the times. It’s 9.00 Eastern, 7.00 Rocky Mountain,and 4am in Tokyo.
东京!
Tokyo!
你真美，谢谢
Oh, you’re beautiful! Thank you. Thank you.
Lenny,宝贝，甜心，帮我个忙
Lenny, baby, do me a favour.
你能否讲慢点? 我不能记这么快
Would you just talk a little slower? I can’t write that fast.
去吧!
Go get ’em. Go get ’em.
Sherman Hart, 女士们先生们!
Sherman Hart, ladies and gentlemen.
你真了不起!
You’re wonderful!
你是超人! 谢谢! 去吧，孩子
You’re super. Thank you. Go get ’em, kid.
伙计们，离题一会儿
You know, folks, just to digress for a second, I know that.
我是新手还要学很多
I’m new at this business and I’ve got a lot to learn,
但谢谢Sherman
but thanks to Sherman,
我明白我另一晚离开这是个错误
I realise I made a mistake out here the other night.
若我对你有任何冒犯
And if I offended any of you,
我很愿意道歉
I’d really like to apologise.
那借道歉之机
So, by way of making it up to you,
我想我要操♥你♥妈♥
I think I’m gonna piss on you.
为什么?
Why?
听着，我只想离开这. -你为何要做这么可怕的事?
Look, I just wanna get outta here.
特别是在这样的一个大节日周末夜! 人人都要警告你。
Why would you do such a terrible thing on the High Holiday weekend?
你不能在任何一个聚乐部干，任何一个!
Everybody’s going to be warned about you!
你完了! 你的演艺之路完了!
You won’t work another club, room, anything! You’re finished!- Finished in show business!
不! 不!
Oh, no, no, no.
别这样! 别这样!
Not that! Not that!
好吧，走着瞧!
OK, you’ll see!
你选择了一条崎岖的路，小家伙!
You’ve got a rough road ahead of you, sonny!
特别是和你的臭嘴及你没有才华的老婆!
Especially with your dirty mouth and your no-talent wife!
过来, Jack
Come here, Jack.
厨房♥里没有波多黎个人
Not one Puerto Rican in your kitchen
没在干♥你♥老婆
hasn’t schtupped your wife.
万分感谢
Thanks for everything.
什么是才华? 你还好么?
What does he know about talent?
好吧，什么下流?
OK, what is dirty?
什么是干净? 现在，若我需要做个选择，伙计们
And what is clean?Now, if I had to make a choice, man,
我宁愿孩子去看色情电影
I would rather my kid watches a stag movie than a
好过去看王者之王这样的干净电影
clean movie,like King of Kings.
为什么? 因为王者之王全是杀戮
Why? Because King of Kings is full of killing,
我不希望我儿子在基♥督♥回来时把他干掉
and I don’t want my kid to kill Christ when he comes back.
这就是王者之王干的
That’s what happens in that.
但对于色情电影，有人被打被杀么
Tell me about a stag movie where anybody gets punched or killed.
若你走运，你会见到有人被尼龙绳 绑着，或
If you’re lucky, you might see someone get tied up with a Wembley tie or
松松的被一个皮带捆着
tapped lightly with a Hickok belt,
但大部分段落，在这1小时半里你真 正♥见♥得多的
but for the most part, all you really see during that hour and a half, man,
是大量的拥抱和接吻
is a lot of hugging and kissing.
淫♥声♥浪♥语♥
and moaning and groaning.
上帝，然后在电影结尾
Oh, God. And then, near the end of the movie,
当那个潜在的杀人工具露面
when that one potential instrument of death is revealed.
是个枕头
The pillow.
或许他用枕头使她窒息就像恐怖电影里的一样
That tool that guy might smother the chick, like in a horror flick.
他拿那枕头轻轻放在那女孩屁♥股♥下面
He takes that pillow and gently slides it under the girl’s ass.
然后她们就高♥潮♥了,没人被伤或杀
And they go off, and nobody gets hurt or killed.
这很好
And it’s nice.
这就是那电影的结尾
And that’s the end of the movie.
谁来帮帮忙!
Somebody help!
快来帮帮我!
Please, somebody help!
我的手和脚上全是伤口
Oh, I had cuts all over my arms, my legs.
我这有条大伤口
I had a big gash right across here.
我的膀胱都破了
My bladder was punctured.
我被震惊了3个星期
I was in shock for three weeks.
这很戏剧性
It was. it was very dramatic.
Bruce先生你要些冷咖啡么?
Would you like some cold coffee, Mr Bruce?
好的
Yes?
好的，我要
OK, I will.
Bruce先生，你能进去了
Mr Bruce? You can go in now.
这是什么，医生? -吗♥啡♥
What is that, Doctor? – Morphine.
有些人很享受
Some people have all the fun.
我爱你
I love you.
Bruce先生
Mr Bruce?
别丢下你的大衣
Don’t leave your coat.
谢谢，我帮你穿上
Oh, thanks. – Let me help you on with it.
谢谢. -不客气
Thank you. – You’re welcome.
妈的
Aw, shit.
直面它吧，男人是不同的
Let’s face it, guys are different.
女士们不明白这个
And ladies just don’t understand this.
因为，对女士而言，欺骗是指亲，抱， 喜欢某人
Because to a lady, cheating means, I know,hugging and kissing and liking somebody.
你至少要爱某人
you are doing at least liking somebody.
对于男人，他们不这样
With guys, that doesn’t enter into man
你把一个男人关在沙漠岛上， 他会干泥潭
You put a guy on a desert island, he’ll do it to mud.
一只鸡，一只桶，任何东西，一个小蛀孔
A chicken. A barrel. Anything. A knothole.
若你了解这些，你会心痛么？
If you know this about guy, would you really feel hurt
若你会家发现你老公在和只鸡上♥床♥
if you came home and found your husband on the bed with a chicken?
一只鸡，一只鸡在我们床上！
A chicken. A chicken in our bed!
得了，别碰我！
Oh, come on.Don’t touch me!
你要晚餐么? 让你的鸡为你准备吧！
You want your dinner, get your chicken to get it for you.
你知道，在纽约，这是不合法的
In New York, it’s illegal.
和动物做♥爱♥
Seeming sexual intercourse with an animal,
鸡，
to wit, a chicken.
但你怎么去想像?
That’s the literal.But how can you even fantasise it?
他们太短了
They’re too short!
你今晚怎么这么孤单?你的鸡出城了
How come you’re alone? Your chicken leave town?
你让我留下来陪鸡？我醉了，我在 院子里看见她
Will you leave me alone already? I was drunk. I met her in the yard.
无论如何，我在干的时候总想到你
Anyway, I was thinking of you the whole time I was doing it.
我得一直这样?
Do I have to stay in this thing?
我可以走，你知道
I can walk, you know.
这是规矩,Bruce夫人. 就到门口
It’s the rules. Just as far as the door.
你不想破坏规矩吧？
You don’t wanna break the rules, do you?
我们走
Here we go.
放松点，放松
OK, take it easy. Easy, easy.
你没事？你确定？
You ok? you sure?
再见，Bruce夫人
Goodbye, Mrs Bruce
再见，Bruce先生. -再见
Goodbye, Mr Bruce.-Bye.
遇见你们两个很高兴
It’s been nice meeting you both.