伦尼的故事 Lenny（1974）

她可能不知道你在哪
She probably won’t even know you’re there.
好，那我不用上去. -但你要见见Mema姑妈
Good, then I won’t have to go up.You gotta meet Aunt Mema.
我要让她对你做她有名的feh
I’ll get her to do her famous Feh for you.
Feh? 那是什么?
Feh, what’s that?
她对一只犹太海鸥的模仿
Her impression of a Jewish seagull.
你会见的，快点，哥们，快上
Feh! Feh! You’ll see.- Come on, man, let’s go.
Lenny？
Lenny?
帮我个忙? 请别叫我哥们
Do me a favor?Please don’t call me man.
我真希望她喜欢我
I really wanted her to like me.
亲家，你知道
In-laws, you know.
我告诉你这家伙第一次
Oh, now, I gotta tell you about the first time
在一家酒吧表演-又来了
that this schmuck ever worked a club-here is comes again.
却从未上过台, 就是这家胜利酒吧
Never been on stage before. I’m working this club on Ocean Parkway.The Victory Club.
多巧!
Oooh, what a joint!
客人很恶劣
The customers were so tough,
他们在夏天穿羊毛衣不♥穿♥内♥裤♥
they wore wool suits in the summer
不♥穿♥内♥裤♥
with no underwear.
现在，听着
Listen,
我知道你听过，但我无论如何还得说出来
I know you know the story, but I’m gonna tell it anyway.
有一天，主持人没来，他的车有问题
All right. – One night the MC didn’t show.He had trouble with his car.
警♥察♥在卡车里找到大♥麻♥，之前你从未听过
The police found marijuana in the trunk.- Good. – You haven’t heard that before.
你们结婚前你认识Leonard多久 ?
How long did you know Leonard before you two got married?
你是我的
You’re on your own.
Mema,我在这，好么?
Mema, I’m on, okay?
我坐在酒吧里，Lenny在表演
So, I’m sitting in the bar. And in walks Lenny.
你该见到我
You should have seen me.
我穿棕色小山羊鞋Billy Eckstine领子
I had on brown suede shoes, and the shirt with the Billy Eckstein collar
我就说, Lenny,主持人今晚没来
So, I says Lenny, the MC didn’t show tonight.
我来介绍你，你来介绍演员们如何?
Now, how’s about if I introduce you, and you introduce the acts?
他说不，你在开玩笑?
And he says Oh, no. Are you kidding with that?
我说, 没什么事
And I says There’s nothing to it. ‘
你不必搞笑，只是介绍
You don’t have to be funny. It’s intros,
比如, 这里是’跌跤’和’巴掌。”
like ‘Here’s Slip and Slap’.
帮帮Schmutz和Drek如何?
How about a hand for Schmutz and Dreck?’
Drek是个犹太狗屎
reck is Yiddish for shit.
最后, 他说, 好吧，为何不?
Ouch! – So he says OK, why not?
3秒种后，我穿着棕羊毛鞋进了厕所
Three seconds later, I’m in the toilet. bleurgh!- All over the brown suede shoes.
Leonard!
Leonard!
Blah!-Feh!
Blah!-Feh!
Feh! 就是这个
Feh. There it is.
停下，停下，巨星来! 现在，听着，我在这，看见没有
Hold it! Hold it, the star is on!Now, listen, I’m up there, see,
我拿到了麦克风,我对大家说.伙计们，
and I got the microphone.and I’m saying to everybody,I.. Folks,
今晚司仪不能来
the MC couldn’t make it tonight, blah, blah, blah.
但幸运的是，我的一位好友
But luckily a good friend of mine,
一个非常，非常搞笑的人–
and a funny, funny guy.
胡说! 你说 地球上–
Bullshit. You said the funniest guy in. Ouch.
你说地球上最搞笑的人
The funniest guy in the world.
你是对的!得了吧。
You’re right! Right!
Leonard Alfred Schneider, 他刚从西海岸过来
Leonard Alfred Schneider,who just flew in from the coast
来自Sullivan秀, 来到了现场
for the Sullivan Show,happens to be in the club.
你知道她对我做了什么? 我老妈
You dig what she did to me? My own mother.
我这辈子从未上过舞台, 我得试着出去努力搞笑
I’d never been on the stage in my life, and now I gotta go and try to be funny.
你如此紧张，以致狂奔而出
You were so nervous that you came rushing out,
他还被麦克风绊倒
and he tripped over the mic cord,
他还拍我们俩的屁♥股♥!
and he knocked us both flat on our asses.
是真的
It’s true.
这是真的
It’s true.
你从未听过她这样的笑声
You never heard such a laugh. mainly her!
那么在你们结婚前，你们互相认识多久?
So, how long did you two know each other before you got married?
是的，我们一定知道答案!
Yes, we must know the answer!
我们结婚前认识多久?
How long had we known each other before we got married?
大约1个半小时，我在一辆D火车上结识他
Half an hour. I picked him up on the D train after he exposed his putz to me.
在他显出他的Putz给我后
after he exposed his putz to me.
了不起! -Putz?
Terrific! – Putz?
我喜欢! Putz! 了不起!
I love the putz! It’s terrific.
是真的. Mema, 是真的
It’s true. Mema, it’s true.
我和她在D火车上相遇, 我对她做了这事
I met her on the D train, and I gave her one of these.
这是个小的feh. 想听一个更大声的feh?
Feh!- That’s a small Feh.Would you like to hear a loud Feh?
我爬上她，并且
I went up to her.
这是个大声的feh
Feh! Feh! – That’s loud.
我能不能给Sophie看?
Can I show Sophie?
Sophie?Sophie是她最好的朋友。Sophie，遇见Linda
Sophie! Sophie’s her best friend. Sophie! Mema.
Sophie,这就是我怎么遇见我老婆!
Sophie! This is the way I met my wife!
Sophie,Mema不喜欢，我不理解
Mema doesn’t like it,I don’t understand.
Mema, 我小的时候你喜欢亲它
Mema, you used to. you used to kiss it when I was little.
Lenny, 她是个了不起的女孩!
Oh, Lenny, she’s a terrific girl.
没有比当你女友变成你老婆
There’s no bigger test of how hip you really are
更能考验你智慧的事了
than when your girlfriend becomes your wife.
这是新的,为什么?
Wow. That’s a new one. Why?
我不知道
I don’t known
你正在拿水壶走路
You’re walking around with your jugs and pupik sticking out,
有人把帽子摆膝盖上
and guys are sitting out there watching you with newspapers
坐在那看报纸，
and hats in their laps.
你很嫉妒!
You’re jealous!
我喜欢
Oh, I like that. I like that.
我想或许我们能干出些什么
So I. I thought maybe we could work something out
我们可在一起干
that we could do together.
什么，双飞? -好
What,a double act?-Yeah.
知道我意思么，就像你和一个普通人说
Dig what I mean. Like, you talk to the average guy, man.
看看那边那妞
Hey, look at that chick over there.
不是很完美么?
isn’t that a pretty chick?
是，她很美
Oh, yeah. She’s beautiful.
她有个很美的脸和
She’s got a real pretty face,
一个热水瓶
and nutty jugs.
你愿和这样的女人结婚么?
You’d marry a woman like that?
你开我玩笑?
Yeah, are you kidding me?
你愿让你老婆穿成那样么?
would let your wife dress that way?
不！你说笑么！我打她屁♥股♥!
No. you kidding I’d knock her right on her ass.
你第一次在哪遇见她?
Well, what did you dig her for in the first place?
你知道，她的奶♥子♥掉出来
Well, you know, her jugs were sticking out.
你不愿她穿成那样?
She can’t dress that way now?
不！你疯了！那是我老婆!
No, you crazy? That’s my wife.
我要取消我的一些
Well, I’ll have to cancel some of my.
算了吧
Forget it.
好吧，老爸，来个双飞
OK, Daddy. A double act,
好么?
OK?
这就是斗争的开始,,,我们对 老婆的要求是
That’s where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife
一个周日学校教师
a combination Sunday school teacher,
和一个500块一晚的妓♥女♥的结合
and $500-a-night hooker.
他开始努力让我成一个歌♥手
Well, he started working with me to be a singer,
他表演得很像 Flo Ziegfeld或别人
and he really played, like, Flo Ziegfeld or somebody.
我们一天24小时在一起
And we were together 24 hours a day,
因此我们一起工作
so we started working around.
酒吧, Catskills
Club dates, the Catskills,And,um. it wasn’t a bad act.
这不错
Really
真的，演得不错
not a bad act.
来见你这样的巨星,Hart先生 这对我们意义深远
Coming from a big star like you, Mr Hart, that really means a lot to us.
你带来了一个如此美丽的小姐
And that’s a very pretty little lady you got there.
很美丽
Very pretty.
谢谢
Thank you.
我哪天也可以在节目里用到你
I might even be able to use ya on my show sometime.
谢谢
Thank you.
因为我喜欢你, Lenny. 我喜欢你们年青人浮头
Cos I love you, Lenny. I love you younger guys coming up.
你们年青人是我做这行的快乐源泉
You younger guys are what makes this business a pleasure.
谁想当一个没子女的父母，一个没公主的国王?
Who wants to be a parent with no children, a king with no princes?
我会和Henny Youngman 在Barry Gray秀上说
I was talking on the Barry Gray Show about that. Did you catch it?
你明白么? -她不会错过，Sherman. 对么?
She never misses it, Sherman. Right?
对的
Right.
无论如何，小伙子， 我想说的是你太有才干了
Any way kiddos,What I’m trying to say, you’re so talented.
我痛恨看见你迈错一步
I’d hate to see ya get off on the wrong foot. Work clean.