雷蒙·斯尼奇的不幸历险（2004）

孩子们
Children,
世界上有好人也有坏人
there are good people and bad people in the world.
有人放火也有人救火
The ones who start the fires and the ones who put them out.
这是谁干的
Who’s doing this?
是奥拉夫吗
Is it Olaf?
我已经说得太多了 你们的父母知道答案
I’ve said too much already. Your parents knew the answer to that,
瞧瞧他们落得什么下场
and look what happened to them.
我们的父母 他们说了什么
Our parents? What did they say?
我们真不应该离开岩洞
We should never have left that cave.
现在回去还不迟
It’s not too late for us to turn around now,
我还是回去和房♥地♥产♥商碰碰运气吧
and I’ll just take my chances with the realtors.
约瑟芬婶婶
Aunt Josephine,
我们的父母说了什么
what did our parents say?
我们都会死的
We’re going to die.
-什么 -水蛭
– What? – It’s the leeches!
我猜我们最近都没吃过东西是件好事
I guess it’s a good thing none of us have eaten in a while then.
约瑟芬婶婶
Aunt Josephine!
船上有个裂缝
There’s a crack in the boat!
克劳斯 我们该怎么办 他们在吃船
Klaus, what do we do? They’re eating the boat!
我们在下沉 下沉
We’re sinking, sinking, sinking.
-克劳斯 划船 -命中注定 命中注定
– Klaus, paddle, please. – Doomed. Doomed.
约瑟芬婶婶 那样没用
Aunt Josephine, that is not helping.
那有艘船 到这儿来 救命
There’s a boat. Over here! Over here!
比泪湖的水蛭更让人讨厌的人
But as unpleasant as Lachrymose leeches can be,
从雾中缓缓驶来
there was something far more unpleasant arriving out of the fog.
你们好啊
Hello, hello, hello.
我想死你们了
I missed you guys.
看上去你们需要一些帮助
Looks like you could use a little assistance.
等我们回到镇上需要帮助的人就是你了
You’re gonna need assistance when we get back to town.
约瑟芬婶婶会告诉大家真♥相♥
Aunt Josephine’s gonna tell everyone what happened.
那我就会被抓起来关进监狱
Then I’ll be arrested and sent to jail,
而你们会从此幸福快乐地生活在一起
and you’ll live happily ever after with a friendly guardian,
有时间搞发明 读读书
spending your time inventing things and reading books
磨练你的伶牙俐齿
and sharpening your little monkey teeth.
高尚和勇敢将会最终胜利
And bravery and nobility will prevail at last.
这个邪恶的世界也会慢慢
And this wicked world will slowly but surely become
变成和睦美好的大家庭
a place of cheerful harmony.
每个人都唱啊 跳啊 笑啊
And everyone will be singing and dancing and giggling
就像小精灵
Iike the Littlest Elf.
大团圆结局 你们是这么想的吗
A happy ending. Is that what you had in mind?
不过我想
Because I hardly think
没人会相信一个死人说的话
that anybody is going to believe a dead woman.
你不许碰约瑟芬婶婶
You’re not gonna touch Aunt Josephine.
她会告诉大家真♥相♥
She’ll tell everyone what happened.
不不不 我什么都不会说的 我发誓
No, no, no, no, I won’t tell anybody anything. I promise.
请别把我丢给水蛭
Please don’t throw me to the leeches.
财产和孩子都归你
You can have the fortune. You can have the children.
约瑟芬婶婶
Aunt Josephine!
求你了
Please.
欢迎登船 烫手山芋
Welcome aboard. Hot potato.
我会走的 我会乔装打扮 改名换姓
I’ll go away. I’ll dye my hair. I’ll change my name.
-那我们呢 -闭嘴 小鬼
– But what about us? – Quiet, child.
大人在说话呢
The adults are talking.
-我猜我没必要杀你 -是的
– I suppose I don’t have to kill you. – No.
不过 你耍诈假死
On the other hand, with that little stunt of yours at the window,
证明你之前是个不值得信任的人
you hadn’t been a very trustworthy person.
但是
But. . .
我可以施于你一点仁慈
. . .I could show a little mercy.
是现在
”Haven’t.”
什么
What?
你的时态用错了 应该说
You said ”hadn’t.” That’s bad grammar. You should’ve said,
你如今不值得信任
”You haven’t been a very trustworthy person.”
谢谢你纠正我
Thank you for correcting me.
不客气
Not at all.
不不不 不要 约瑟芬婶婶 约瑟芬婶婶
No. No, no, no, no, no. Aunt Josephine. Aunt Josephine!
-约瑟芬婶婶 -你不能
– Aunt Josephine. – You can’t–
约瑟芬婶婶 婶婶
Aunt Josephine. Aunt–
约瑟芬婶婶 -跳啊
Aunt Josephine. Jump!
结果…你们猜得到
Well, you get the picture.
约瑟芬婶婶
Aunt Josephine.
我们已经尽力了
Well, we’ve done all we can do.
别说话
Everybody be cool.
孩子们 是你们吗
Children? Is that you?
波尔先生 我们
Mr. Poe! We’re–
快淹死了
Drowning.
我救了他 我从水蛭手上救下了这个男孩
I saved him! I saved the boy from the leeches!
退后 你们这群恶魔
Back to the depths, you fingery devils.
今天你无法得到这个男孩的头颅
You will not devour this boy’s head today.
奥拉夫伯爵 你在这做什么
Count Olaf? What are you doing here?
波尔先生 奥拉夫伯爵 你怎么会在这里
Mr. Poe, please. Count Olaf, what are you doing here, man?
我知道 我不该来
I know, I know. I shouldn’t have come.
但当我听说孩子们有危险 我就来了
But when I heard the children were in danger, I had to.
即使我
Even if I’m not. . .
并不适合做他们的监护人
. . .Fit to be their guardian.
看来我之前错了 奥拉夫伯爵
It appears I was wrong about you, Count Olaf.
-不 -不
– No! – No.
您证明了您绝对是一位出色的监护人
You have proven yourself to be an exceptionally capable guardian.
我会立刻将孩子们的监护权还给您
And I would be remiss in my responsibility
不然我就失职了
if I did not place the children with you immediately.
为什么 如果不是你 他们…
Why, if it weren’t for you, the–
别说了
Don’t say it!
我不能忍♥受失去我的珍宝
I can’t stand the thought of losing my little treasures.
虽然一想到巨额的遗产
Even the thought of the massive inheritance
就会让我头疼不止
would be a constant reminder of my heartache.
没必要为此苦恼
Well, well, there’s no need to fret about that.
法律明确规定
The law clearly states that
如果孩子们有什么意外
you would not inherit the Baudelaire fortune
你将无法继承波德莱尔家的任何财产
if anything happened to the children.
你说什么
Say what?
不 当然还是有例外的
No, no. With the exception, of course,
如果你是他们的血亲 或者法定夫妻
of blood relatives and married couples.
真的吗
Really?
波尔先生
Mr. Poe,
我跟你提过我们的新戏吗
have I told you about our new play?
奥拉夫伯爵 《非凡婚姻》
批评家
Critic.
批评家
Critic!
您的披风 先生
Cape, sir.
别想让我做好人
Don’t try to get on my good side.
他准备干什么 我们为什么会在这部剧里
What is he up to? Why are we in the play?
他把这个作为工具
He’s using this as a prop.
只要两个人结了婚
It says that if two people are married,
他们就共同享有彼此的财产
they’re entitled to any money that either of them has.
但这只是一场戏
No, but it’s just a play.
他不能因为在戏里娶了我就得到我的财产
He can’t get our fortune by marrying me in a play.
不能吗
Can’t I?
阴谋家说 “凯撒死了
Conspirators. ”Caesar must die.
凯撒死了 凯撒死了”
Caesar must die. Caesar must die.”
要想使婚姻有效
In order to be a valid marriage,
必须有一位真正的法官在场
it has to be administered by a bona fide justice of the peace.
这里写得清清楚楚
It says so right here.
施特劳斯法官 准备好登场了吗
Justice Strauss, are you ready for your debut?
维奥莱特 你看上去真美
Look at you. Violet, you look so beautiful.
你是新娘 我是法官 谁是新郎呢
You are the bride, I’m the judge. Who’s the groom?
施特劳斯法官 您不明白 这出戏是真的
No, Justice Strauss, you don’t understand. The play is real.
当然 当然
Yes! Yes.
这一定得是真实的 所以我才邀请您
It must be real. That’s why I cast you.
请其他演员来演 总是少了点
All the other actors I saw lacked the proper–
什么词来着
What’s the word I’m looking for?
-头发 -手
– Hair? – Hands?
逼真效果