雷蒙·斯尼奇的不幸历险（2004）

Napkins are here. Come away from the fridge.
如果它倒下来会把你压扁的
If it falls, it’ll crush you flat.
好了
All right.
孩子们 你们想看点照片吗
Everyone, would you like to see some pictures?
小心点 别被纸划伤了
Careful. Don’t get a paper cut.
这是艾克吗
Is this Ike?
他很帅吧
Wasn’t he handsome?
您的经历好丰富啊 约瑟芬婶婶
All the things you did, Aunt Josephine.
您还驯过狮子
You tamed lions?
艾克活着的时候我胆子很大的
Oh, I was quite adventurous when Ike was alive.
蒙蒂叔叔 您认识蒙蒂叔叔
Uncle Monty? You knew Uncle Monty?
不 这张相我照的不好看
No. That’s not a good picture of me.
等等 这是 我们的父母吗
Wait, is…? Is that our parents?
这是个俱乐部吗
Was this some sort of club?
你们为什么都有这个望远镜
Why do you all have these spyglasses?
我不喜欢我在这张照片里的样子
I don’t like the way I look in that picture.
艾克也是死于火灾吗
Did Ike die in a fire?
不 不 傻孩子 不是
No, no, no, no. Silly child, no.
他被水蛭吃了
He was eaten by leeches.
过来 我给你们看看
Come, I’ll show you.
小心吊灯 孩子们
Watch the chandelier, children.
它要是掉下来会刺穿你们的
If it falls, it will impale you.
艾克和我探索了泪湖周边所有的洞穴和小港
Ike and I explored every cove and inlet of Lake Lachrymose,
从恐怖港
from Horrid Harbor,
一直到柯德岩洞 在那边
all the way over to Curdled Cave, way over there.
那块岩石附近就是水蛭袭击他的地方
And near that rock is where the leeches attacked.
泪湖水蛭有六排非常锋利的
Lachrymose leeches have six rows
牙齿和一个灵鼻子
of very sharp teeth, and one very sharp nose.
他们看不见 但是他们
They are blind, but they
在几英里外就能闻到人的味道
can smell food on a human from miles away.
如果他们闻到有食物 他们就蜂拥而至
And if they smell food, they will swarm.
我告诉过他 艾克 你一定
I told him, ”Ike, you must
要等一个小时再下水
wait one hour before going into the water.”
但是
But…
他只等了四十五分钟
he only waited 45 minutes,
然后
and…
对不起 孩子们
I apologize, children.
克劳斯
Klaus!
那个房♥间禁止进入 那是艾克的房♥间
That area is private. That was Ike’s room.
天哪 我恨这里
Oh, God, I hate it here.
约瑟芬婶婶 你有没有想过
Well, Aunt Josephine, have you ever thought
搬家
of maybe moving someplace else?
也许搬离泪湖
Maybe if you moved away
会让你好过一点
from Lake Lachrymose you might feel better.
我绝不能
I could never,
绝不能卖♥♥了这所房♥子
never, never, never sell this house.
我最害怕房♥产经纪人了
I’m terrified of realtors.
恐惧有两种
There are two kinds of fears:
理性的和不理性的
rational and irrational.
害怕房♥产经纪人是不理性的
Being afraid of realtors is an irrational fear.
我来的不是时候吗
Is this a bad time?
我们得把她弄出这所房♥子
We gotta get her out of the house.
当心鳄梨
Watch out for those avocados.
它的核会卡在喉咙里
The pit could become lodged in our throats.
也要小心推车 它可能会乱跑撞倒我们
And watch out for that cart. It could break free and run us over.
没什么可怕的 约瑟芬婶婶
Everything’s fine, Aunt Josephine.
哎呀我的亲娘七舅老爷啊
Lord thundering jumped-up Jehovah.
黑死病 是黑死病吗
The black plague! Is it the black plague?
不 都是我的错
No, that there was all my fault.
万分抱歉
Tell you what, can’t tell you how sorry I is
我撞到了这位小妹妹
for running into your sister there like that.
约瑟芬婶婶 这是
Aunt Josephine, this…
你们长得可真美
Couple of right beauties you are, mum.
特别是您
Especially you.
约瑟芬婶婶
Aunt Josephine…
请允许我介绍我自己
But allow me to introduce meself.
不 让我和克劳斯介绍他
No, allow Klaus and I to introduce him.
-这是 -你语法错了
– This… – ”Klaus and me.”
那无所谓 这是
It doesn’t matter. This is…
无所谓吗
Doesn’t matter?
你逗我玩呢 小姑娘
Are you jigging me, girl?
虽然我是一位说话不讲究的渔民
Why, perhaps it’s just the ramblings of an expert fisherman,
但是对我来说语法可是这世界上的
but grammar is the number-one most important thing
头等大事
in this here world to me.
是吗
It is?
语法是锦上之花 点睛之笔
It’s the whole ball of wax. The entire kit and caboodle.
要是没有精准的语法
Why, without your good grammar,
写出来的东西也只能是垃圾
the whole darn shooting match could go arse over tea kettle.
您可真会说甜言蜜语
Well, you can certainly turn a phrase.
我玩起语法绝对是游刃有余
I can flip it up and rub it down too.
当然 我的发挥取决于您 女士
Of course, that would be entirely up to you, mum.
Sham:赝品
我是贾船长
Captain Sham…
乐意为您效劳
at your service.
他在撒谎 他是奥拉夫伯爵
He’s lying. He’s Count Olaf.
就是你们提醒我提防的坏蛋吗 在哪
That horrible man you warned me about? Where? Who?
-就在您的面前 -在哪
– Right in front of you. – Where’s he at?
-在贾船长后面吗 -不是
– Behind Captain Sham? – No.
我要给他点颜色瞧瞧
I’ll show him a thing or two.
看我不把他抽筋剥皮
I’ll give him the old ”wax on, wax off,” me son.
贾船长就是奥拉夫伯爵
Captain Sham is Count Olaf.
这次我不会再忍♥了
I’m not going through this again.
邪恶的小孩啊
Children of the corn!
克劳斯
Klaus!
你为什么要这么对待这个可怜的人
Why did you do this to this poor man?
我太抱歉了 抱歉
I’m so sorry. Sorry.
明天这腿就该疼了
That’s gonna smart in the morning.
我没事 女士
Oh, I don’t pay that no never mind, mum.
他还是个不懂事的孩子
He’s just a boy barely out of his OshKosh B’Gosh.
OSHKOSH B’GOSH 美国知名童装品牌
自从我的腿被泪湖的水蛭吃掉之后
I’ve had to deal with that sort of thing
我就疲于应付这种事
ever since me leg was chewed off by the Lachrymose leeches.
为什么我没有等一小时再下水 为什么
Why didn’t I wait an hour before swimming? Why? Why? Why?
水蛭也害死了我的丈夫
The leeches took my husband too.
不会这么巧吧
Get out of town.
是真的
No, really.
老天 那些天杀的水蛭
By jeez, them blasted leeches
它们夺去了我一条腿
doomed me to a life of hopping, they did.
虽然我总能得到最好的停车位
Sure, I get the good parking spots,
但是谁会爱一个
but who could love a man
脸长得像鸡屁♥股♥又没有腿的可怜虫
with one leg and a face like a hen’s arse?
我就像那绝壁上的海鸥一样寂寞
I’m as lonely as a gull on a rock, girl.
贾船长
Captain Sham.
今晚能赏光来我们家吃晚餐吗
Would you come to my house for dinner this evening?
-不 -不
– No! – No!
不 我看还是算了 女士
Oh, no, I don’t know about that, mum.
我怕我这破木头腿会
I’m afeard I might scuff
刮花您的地板
up the floors with this old cribbage peg.
没关系 我会铺上报纸
Well, I will lay down newspapers.
来吧 孩子们
Please, the children are
晚餐会做好吃荡♥妇♥酱意面
going to make a lovely dinner of puttanesca.
和我失去腿前吃的最后一餐一样
The very meal I ate before they took me leg!
哦 天哪 孩子们
Oh, my goodness. Well, children,
我会带贾船长回家
I’m going to take Captain Sham home.
你们继续采买♥♥
And you stay here and
不许买♥♥任何跟荡♥妇♥意面有关的东西
shop for an entirely puttanesca-free dinner.
-但是 -但是不是个句子 克劳斯
– But… – ”But” is not a sentence, Klaus.
约瑟芬婶婶
Aunt Josephine.
你们还没付钱呢
Hey, you haven’t paid for that.
现在的小孩啊
Kids today.
有人知道你往这个方向走吗
约瑟芬婶婶
Aunt Josephine?