科特·柯本：烦恼的蒙太奇（2015）

他常常贬低和嘲笑科特
and Kurt would be shamed.
而科特会感到羞耻
I mean, it really hurt him, to be embarrassed.
这种被羞辱的感觉深深地伤害了他
Then, I don’t know,
后来 我也不清楚
I just umm, I started to mature.
可能是我开始成熟了吧
You know, I started getting older, kind of looking back at…
年龄大一点以后回想这一切…
Kind of the song may even stir this in me,
可能真的让我有感而发的
“Is that all there is?”
美国女歌♥手Peggy Lee的一首60年代热门歌♥曲 讲述对现实生活的幻灭
是「Is that all there is?」这首歌♥
You know, is this my life? I haven’t done anything with my life.
我的人生就是这样吗我还什么都没有做呢
In those days, people didn’t get divorced.
那时候 人们是不离婚的
I mean I didn’t know anybody that was divorced.
我那时不认识任何离过婚的人
You just, you were in the soup.
你就被困在这种境地里
You didn’t think about divorce.
甚至都不会去考虑离婚
Kurt was nine at the time,
科特当时9岁
and everybody was talking about it.
大家都议论纷纷
It just embarrassed him to death that we had gotten divorced.
我们离婚的事情 让他觉得丢脸至极
He took light bulbs out of all the lights
他把家里所有的电灯泡都拧下来
and locked the babysitter in and came outside, and just became really unruly.
还把保姆锁在家里 自己跑出去 他变得难以管教
And I said: “this is not going to happen anymore.”
最后我决定不能再这样继续下去了
And so I took him over to his Dad’s house.
She couldn’t handle it,
她受不了了
so I took him.
所以我来抚养他
I liked it, really, you know, having him.
我其实挺喜欢他住在我这儿的
Him and I together like that.
我们父子俩在一起
科特的父亲
And I think there was one thing that I said at one time
有次我说了句
that I was never gonna married again.
我以后不会再婚了
that I was never gonna married again.
我以后不会再婚了
And I think he took that for a word.
而科特可能把这话当真了
Then I met Jennifer, we got married,
后来我遇见了詹妮弗 我们结婚了
and you know, he had a stepbrother and sister. Then our son Chad.
科特多了继弟和继妹 后来我们的儿子查德也出生了
He wanted to be in a family, period.
他非常想要融入家庭
And I felt that just from the beginning.
我从一开始就感觉的到
科特的继母
The game nights that we had, that was really important to him.
家庭游戏夜对他来说很重要
You know, we didn’t wanna do it on a Wednesday night,
我们不想在周三晚上玩
You know, we didn’t wanna do it on a Wednesday night,
我们不想在周三晚上玩
you know, he’d say “No, we have to, that’s what we…”
他会说不行必须要玩平时都是周三玩的
Just I could feel that he just really liked that time.
我能感觉到他很喜欢家人聚在一起的感觉
Um but he always wanted to win.
但他总是想赢
And if he didn’t win, he was mad.
如果他没赢的话 就会生气
He wanted to be the most loved.
他想做最受宠爱的人
And it just wasn’t the ideal world that he thought a family should be.
但实际家庭状况并不是科特理想的那样
So he just decided he wasn’t gonna do anything anybody said.
所以他就决定不听任何人的话了
He just lay on the couch and watch TV,
他成天躺在沙发上看电视
go down in his room and play the guitar.
躲在自己房♥里弹吉他
And then he started just doing really mean things to the kids.
然后他开始对孩子们很刻薄
And then it just got so…
事情变得…
I…I think it was kind of my fault in a way,
我想从某种程度上来说是我的错
Because I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.
因为我实在是受不了他了
And I told Don he’s gonna have to get out of the house.
我告诉唐 科特必须搬出去
He went to Wendy’s brother’s for a while.
他去他妈妈温迪的弟弟家住了一段时间
And with my Mom and Dad, he even live with them for a while.
甚至在我爸妈那儿也住了一阵子
You know, then come back to us, still have problems.
后来又回到我们家里 还是问题不断
It was like nobody,
就好像每个人
after a couple of weeks, they wanted him out.
在几个星期后都想让他搬出去
I think the sad part of the whole thing
我觉得整件事最让人难过的是
is that Kurt just really wanted to be with his mom.
科特只是想要和他妈妈在一起
来自地下的怪物
♪ 背景音乐“Something in The Way”-Nirvana♪
♪ Underneath the bridge ♪
♪ The tarp has sprung a leak♪
♪ And the animals I’ve trapped ♪
♪ Have all become my pets♪
♪ And I’m living off of grass ♪
♪ And the drippings from the ceiling ♪
♪ It’s okay to eat fish ♪
♪ ‘Cause they don’t have any feelings ♪
♪ Something in the way ♪
♪ Ummmmm ♪
♪ Something in the way, yeah ♪
♪ Ummmmm ♪
♪ Something in the way ♪
「辐射的可怕真♥相♥」
♪ Something in the way ♪
♪ Ummmmm ♪
♪ Something in the way, yeah ♪
♪ Ummmmm ♪
He just was in so much pain, that he, you know, took it out on his mom.
他当时非常的痛苦 所以就朝他妈妈撒气
And took it out on his dad,
朝他爸爸撒气
and took it out on his siblings.
也朝他的兄弟姐妹撒气
But it’s almost like he didn’t, …
但其实就好像是
he didn’t feel worthy because he was rejected, basically.
他觉得自己没有价值 因为他被人拒之门外
And I don’t know how anybody deals with having your whole family reject you.
我不知道一个人要怎样面对 被全家人拒之门外
♪ 背景音乐“Scentless Apprentice”- Nirvana ♪
In a community that stresses macho-male,
在一个强调男子气概的社会
sexual story is the highlight of all conversation.
性事总是谈话的焦点
I was underdeveloped, immature little dude that never got laid.
而我是个发育不全 幼稚的小处♥男♥
I was underdeveloped, immature little dude that never got laid.
而我是个发育不全 幼稚的小处♥男♥
And was constantly razzed.
总是被人嘲弄
“oh poor little kid.”
「可怜的小男孩」
It bothered me probably more so because I was horny.
这些话之所以更困扰我 可能是因为我真的性♥饥♥渴♥吧
And frequently, we had to make up stories like,
我们经常要编像这样的故事
uh when I went on vacation, I met this chick
我去旅行的时候遇见个妹子
and we fucked and she loved it, etc, etc.
然后我们大干一场 她可享受了之类的
This typical pubescence problem
在我和我爸还有继母闹得最凶的时候
was in effect during the height of my problems with my father and stepmom.
这些典型的青春期问题是其中一个因素
You know, the typical wicked stepmom story.
典型的邪恶后妈的故事
And so I moved to both grandparents’,
所以我就搬去双方祖父母家
And four sets of aunts and uncles and so forth and so on within a year.
然后又在各个叔姨家轮流住 在这一年内就这么被搬来搬去
And in eighth grade, my mom had no choice to take me in.
到了8年级的时候我妈不得不收留我
because my Dad packed my stuff
因为我爸把我东西都打包好
and drove me to her house in the morning, and left me there.
然后一大早开车送我去她家 就把我丢在那里
She was pissed.
她很不高兴
I accumulated quite a health complex, not to mention a complexion.
那时我不但心里日积月累起「健康」的想法 表面上也没给过好脸色看
Then one day I discovered the most ultimate form of expression ever:
后来有天我发现了世上最终极的表达方式
Marijuana. Oh boy, pot!
大♥麻♥ 我的天呐大♥麻♥
I could escape all day long and not have routine nervous breakdowns.
我可以整天自我逃避 不再老是精神崩溃了
Trevor was a guy I hated, but resorted to becoming friends with,
我其实很讨厌特雷弗 但还是和他成了朋友
because he was the only person I could get pot from.
因为我只有在他那儿才能搞到大♥麻♥
He was a kingpin.
他是个混混头子
Trevor, Ace, John, and Darren,
特雷弗 阿斯 约翰 达伦
all white trash, low life, scum of the earth according to jocks.
对学校运动健将来说 他们都是白穷鬼 低贱的社会败类
They had been going to this girl’s house after school,
他们那时放学常去一个女孩家
and they invited me.
后来他们也邀我一起去
We got to the door and a very fat girl let us in.
到了门口 一个很胖的女孩给我们开了门
It wasn’t obvious to me for over an hour
that this girl seemed kind of quiet…
…until one of the guys pointed out that she was in a Special Ed class.
I’m sure a lot of kids would call her a retard and some just slow,
我肯定有人会说她是个弱智 或是反应迟钝
and at the time, and still to this day,
但是当时 甚至时至今日
I would call her quiet and illiterate.
我仍然只会说她安静 目不识丁
But not retarded.
但不是个弱智
The object of the guys who’d been going there for the past month
这些家伙最近一个月总去她家的目的
was to steal booze from the downstairs basement den of her house.
就是从她家的地下室偷酒
While others distracted her,
一些人留在楼上分散她的注意力
one would go down and take a fifth, and then exit out the downstairs.
take a fifth是口头语 表明由于不愿意承担法律后果 援引美国宪法第五修正案来拒绝回答不利问题
另一个人就会跑下去偷 然后从地下室出口溜出去
So we do this routine every other day
我们隔天就这么干一次
and got away with it for, only about a month.
偷了差不多一个月都没被抓到
And during that month
而这一个月
happened to be the epitome of my mental abuse from my mother.
正好是我妈精神虐待我最集中的一个月
It turned out that pot didn’t help me escape my troubles too well anymore,
结果大♥麻♥也不能让我继续逃避问题了
and I was actually enjoying doing rebellious things
我开始真的喜欢上做叛逆的事情
like stealing booze and busting store windows.
比如说偷酒啊 砸商店橱窗啊
And nothing ever mattered.
对什么都不在乎
I decided within the next month I will no sit on my roof and think about jumping,
我就决定在一个月内 我不会再坐在房♥顶上想着跳楼了
but I’ll actually kill myself.
And I wasn’t going out of this world
但在离开这个世界之前
without actually knowing what it was like to get laid.
我要体验一下上♥床♥的感觉
So one day after school I went to the girl’s house alone
所以某天放学后 我就独自去了那个胖女孩家
and invited myself in.
不请自进
And she offered me some Twinkies.
她给我吃奶油夹心面包
And I sat on her lap and I said, “let’s fuck”
然后我坐在她大腿上说 我们上♥床♥吧
And I sat on her lap and I said, “let’s fuck”