功之怒（2015）

迈阿密 1985年
嘿 你们的枪有许可么
Hey, you got a permit for those guns?
老子现在就找你要许可
I got your permit right here.
小调挺上口嘛
Catchy tune.
什么破逼游戏
Fuck this game.
操♥你♥妈♥
Fuck you!
我们需要支援 我们需要功怒
We need backup, we need Kung Fury.
对 那是我的二头肌
Yeah, that’s my bicep.
等一下 宝贝
One second babe.
你好
Hello?
我们这有一台发了疯的游戏机
We got an arcade machine down here going crazy,
在街上见人就杀 简直是破坏 混乱 恐怖
it is killing everybody, it’s destruction, chaos, terror-
你打算怎么办
What are you gonna do?
干活儿
My job.
游戏结束
Game over.
我是个警♥察♥ 混得巨牛逼
I’m a cop and damn good at my job.
一切要从几年前说起
It all began years ago.
在一次执勤过程中
In the line of duty,
我和搭档一起抓捕
me and my partner were chasing down
一个神秘功夫大♥师♥
a mysterious Kung Fu-master.
你被捕了 废柴
You’re under arrest, punk.
把手伸出来
Show us your hands.
干得好 阿龙
Good work, Dragon.
你那个疯狂特技差点害死咱俩
You could have killed both of us with that crazy stunt.
不过 你♥他♥妈♥真是我最棒的搭档
But goddammit, you’re the best partner I’ve ever had.
谢谢 还是我的师♥傅♥厉害
Thanks, I learned from the best.
你像我的父亲一样
You’re like a father to me.
他给了我搭档 致命的一击
With one fatal blow, he hit my partner.
我当下就知道他死挺了
I could tell he was dead straight off.
在开枪之前
Before I could pull the trigger
我被闪电击中又被眼镜蛇咬伤
I was hit by lightning and bitten by a cobra.
我昏了过去
I blacked out.
看到了古代少林寺的画面
And saw images of ancient Shaolin temples and monks,
僧人们在施展着功夫
mastering the art of Kung Fu.
自古流传着一个预言
There was an ancient prophecy,
是说一种非常强大的功夫
about a new form of Kung Fu so powerful,
只有一个人能够驾驭
only one man could master it.
就是那个被选中的那个人
The chosen one.
当我醒过来的时候
When I woke up,
我看到那个功夫大♥师♥向我冲过来
I saw the Kung Fu master running towards me.
我能感觉到自己的身体发生变化
I could feel my body mutate
成了某种功夫奇才
into some sort of Kung Fu freak of nature.
你
You!
你是被选中的那个
You are the chosen one!
– 叩叩 – 是谁啊
– Knock, knock. – Who’s there?
铁拳
Knuckles.
作为纪念
As a memento,
我系上了死去的功夫大♥师♥ 身上一块布条
I put on a strip of cloth from the dead Kung Fu master.
我决定用新的超级功夫
I decided I would use my new super Kung Fu powers
去打击犯罪
to fight crime.
于是 我就成了世上最出色的警♥察♥
So, I became the best cop in the world.
我成为了 功怒
I became, Kung Fury.
我可不想听你解释 功怒
I don’t wanna hear it Kung Fury.
我刚从市政厅回来 说你造成了五千万的损失
I just got back from city hall, $50 million worth of damages,
市长给我一通臭骂
and I got the mayor up my ass
跟他妈基佬刚吃完伟哥似的
like a fag on Viagra.
我怎么跟媒体解释这件事 嗯
How am I going to explain this to the press, hm?
你♥他♥妈♥毁了一整个街区
You just destroyed an entire city block for Christ’s sake.
不是你说让我阻止它的嘛
Didn’t you tell me to block it out?
我是让你按规矩办事
I told you do it by the book.
别废他妈话了
Cut the bullshit.
你知道 除了我没别人
Nobody else could have stopped
能阻止那个游戏机
that arcade machine and you know it.
你听我说 功怒
Oh man, listen to me Kung Fury.
你得开始像我们一样 照章办事
You need to start following the rules like the rest of us,
所以我给你安排了个新搭档
so I’m assigning you a new partner.
什么 拉倒吧 我一向都是单打独斗
What? Hell no, I work alone.
以后就不是了
Not anymore you don’t.
跟你的新搭档打个招呼 三角龙警♥察♥
Say hi to your new partner, Triceracop.
非常高兴见到你功怒
Very nice meeting you Kung Fury,
很期待和你一起工作
looking forward to working with you.
你就像我的父亲一样
You’re like a father to me.
我一向单打独斗
I work alone.
要么你跟三角龙警♥察♥合作
Either you team up with Triceracop,
要么你就停职吧
or you’re off the case.
我不要停职
I’m not off the case,
老子不干了
I quit.
对 对 我验完血了
Yeah Yeah, I did the blood test.
是阳性的 对吧
It was positive, yeah?
你♥他♥妈♥说什么呢
What the hell are you talking about?
好 没问题
Yeah no problem.
电♥话♥给我
Give me the phone.
这什么玩意儿
What the hell is this?
– 我是迈克尼克斯首长 – 是警♥察♥局么
– Chief McNickles speaking. – Is this the police?
– 没错 是警♥察♥局 – 干♥死♥你♥
– Yeah, this is the police. – Fuck you!
出故障了么
Malfunctioning?
快来人给我追踪那个电♥话♥
I need someone to trace that call!
那是不可能的
But that’s impossible!
对我来说就是可能的
Not for me it isn’t.
骇客侠
骇客侠 他是有史以来最强的骇客
Hackerman, he’s the most powerful hacker of all time.
跟我来
Follow me.
我能通过三角定位那个手♥机♥的信♥号♥♥
I was able to triangulate the cell phone signal
来追踪打电♥话♥的人
and trace the caller.
他的名字是阿道夫·希♥特♥勒♥
His name is Adolf Hitler.
希♥特♥勒♥ 他是有史以来最邪恶的罪犯
Hitler, he’s the worst criminal of all time.
你认识他么 长官
Do you know him, sir?
我觉得算认识吧
I guess you could say that.
在四十年代 希♥特♥勒♥是功夫之王
In the 1940’s, Hitler was a Kung Fu champion.
他很擅长功夫
He was so good at Kung Fu,
还觉得给自己改名为功夫之王
that he decided to change his name to Kung Fuhrer.
但他并不满足于此
But he didn’t stop there.
他知道关于功怒的预言
He knew of the Kung Fury prophecy,
于是想将那门功夫据为己有
and wanted to claim the throne.
他还有他的纳粹士兵们
He and his posse of Nazi soldiers
做了很多年的实验研究
conducted experiments for years.
但还是没能领会
But they weren’t able to figure out
驾驭功怒的奥妙所在
how to master the art of Kung Fury.
直到有一天
And one day,
他从这个世界消失了
he disappeared from the face of the earth.
从那之后再也没有人见过他
And no-one has seen him ever since.
直到现在
Until now.
我想他是觉得只要能杀掉那个被选中的人
I guess he figured if he could find and kill the chosen one,
他自己就会成为功怒了
he would become Kung Fury himself.
他一定是穿越了时间来到这里
He must have traveled in time in order to get here,
这可能就是他消失了的原因
that’s probably why he disappeared.
那你打算怎么办
So, what’re you gonna do?
干活儿
My job.
我要穿越回纳粹时期的德国
I’m gonna go back in time to Nazi Germany,
宰了希♥特♥勒♥ 一劳永逸
and kill Hitler, once and for all.
那 你怎么才能做到呢
So, how are you gonna do that?
我不知道
I’m not sure.
我需要个时光机什么的
I need some sort of time machine.
稍等一下
Wait a minute,
利用RX调节器 我或许能用
using an RX modulator, I might be able to conduct
一部主机黑进上行线路进入下行线路
a mainframe cell direct and hack the uplink to the download.
那是什么意思
What does that mean?
只要算法♥正♥确 我可以黑进时间 把你弄回去
With the right algorithms, I can hack you back in time.
就像时光机一样
Just like a time machine.
那好 那咱们开始吧
Well then, it’s hacking time.
您将要黑进时间 确定么
哦 不