小贼、美女和妙探（2005）

数到三
On the count of three.
一、二、三！
One, two, three
来玩套圈圈，25分钱可投3次 看啊，很简单吧
Try the ring toss. Three for a quarter. Look how easy it is.
优胜者出现了！
There you go, a winner!
吓人的结局来了
And now, for my shocking finale.
胆小的人别过来
Not for the squeamish.
懦弱的人也走远一点
Not for the faint of heart.
我称这个把戏为“死亡入口”
I call my trick “The Jaws of Death.”
快点说，说啊
Now. Say it. Say it.
哈洛，快用你神奇的力量解救我
Harold, use your awesome might to save me from this hopeless plight.
你绝对不会受到伤害，阿♥拉♥卡参！
No harm will come to you. Alakazam!
救我！救我！
Help me! Help me!
我将来要当演员
I’m going to be an actress.
第一天：我爱麻烦
还是很难相信就在去年圣诞节…
Hard to believe it was last Christmas…
哈梦妮跟我改变了这个世界
…that me and Harmony changed the world.
我们不是故意的而且整件事情也没有搞得太久
And we didn ‘t mean to. And it didn ‘t last long, you know.
那种事也维持不了太久
A thing like that can ‘t.
现在我在洛杉矶，没事就参加派对那种派对的女生，如果叫吉儿…
Now that I’m in L.A., I go to parties. the kind where if a girl is named Jill…
也要故意写成姬尔
…she spells it J- Y-L-L-E, that bullshit.
那个人就是我，我叫做哈利拉克哈特我是你们的解说员
that’s me there. My name ‘s Harry Lockhart, I’ll be your narrator.
欢迎来到洛杉矶
Welcome to L.A.
欢迎参加这个派对
Welcome to the party.
在抽烟的那个人是戴伯尼萧我的制♥作♥人，是他发掘我的
the guy smoking, that’s Dabney Shaw, my prodycer. He discovered me.
跟他在一起的人是派瑞凡史卓克又叫做盖伊派瑞
the man with him is Perry Van Shrike, a.k.a. Gay Perry.
是个如假包换的私♥家♥侦♥探♥跟电影电视界有合作关系
Honest-to-God private eye, consylts in film, tV. just incorporated.
他可是业界的重要人物喔，还有，他是同性恋
He ‘s bigtime. Also, he ‘s gay.
别闹了，派瑞，拜托？
Don’t start, Perry, huh?
我看到你手在摸那里你是很强悍啦，不过一看到裸男…
I seen you play ball. You’ re tough. But you see a naked guy…
脑袋马上想着“我要”
…your brain says, “I want that.”
我就不会那样急躁你那个样子就像是看到一头大象
I don’t make that leap. It’s like, “Look, there’s an elephant. Quick…
心里只想着：“快点快把他的血拿来涂在我船上”
…let’s drain its blood to paint my boathouse.”
那不该是你第一个想到的事情
It’s just that that’s not the first thing you think of.
洛杉矶
L.A.
现在你们大概好奇我为何跑来这儿
By now you may wonder how I woynd up here, or maybe not.
但搞不好你们想的是怎么用彩色黏土做出漫划人物
Maybe you wonder how Silly putty picks shit up from comic books.
重点是，我没看到别的解说员所以给我闭嘴
Point is, I don ‘t see another goddamn narrator, so pipe down.
我怎么会跑来这里的？你们自己看吧
How did I get here? See for yourself.
（哈利为什么会在派对现场）
（马格玩具店）
克洛伊再把名字念一次给我听好吗…
Chloe, just run the name by me one more time…
我一定是漏掉了什么
…because I must be missing something.
我要抓狂了我已经前前后后找三次了
I’ m going nuts. I’ve been through the store three times.
《网路侦探》，网子的网…
Cyber Agent. C-Y-B-E… Why don ‘t you ask…
你干嘛不问店员？-不行，他们都在忙
…an employee or something? No, they’ re all busy.
“《未来战警》—人♥民♥保护者”是这样吗？意思就是他负责保护人♥民♥
“Protocop, protector of man.” Is that it? Protocop? He protects men.
哈利叔叔，到处看看到处都有标示
Uncle Harry, look aroynd. there are signs.
那个戏两年前就没了你去问…等一下，店是开着的吗？
that show was cancelled two years ago. just ask… Wait, are they even open?
是啊，假期延长营业时间不要靠近窗户
Y eah, it’s holiday hours. Look… Get away from the window.
我得挂掉了不过我会找到的
I gotta go, but I’ll find this.
这下好啦-该死，哈利，那东西坏了！
Great. Shit, Harry, that shit went wrong!
把枪给我！-不要，把子弹给我！
Give me the gun! No. Give me the bullets!
不要动！
Freeze!
别开玩笑了-给我站在这里等警♥察♥来
You gotta be fucking kidding me. We’ll stand here and wait for the police.
把枪放下，小姐，我们什么都没做我们一点都不危险，快把枪放下
Drop the gun. We didn’t do anything. We are not dangerous. Drop the gun.
嘿，小姐，这把枪没上膛…-瑞奇，不要！
Hey, lady, gun is not loaded… Richie, no!
瑞奇！
Richie!
该死！
Shit!
糟了
Oh, boy.
别急嘛
Take it easy.
天啊，不…还没轮到你喔，先生
Jesus. Oh, no, no. We’re not ready for you yet, sir.
去跟大家一起等吧-葛瑞丝，帮个忙，就让他上吧
Go wait with the others. Grace, do me a favor, let’s take him.
他准备好了，你准备好了没？-好了吗？
He’s ready. You’re ready? Ready?
好，来吧
Okay, come on.
你知道剧情大网吗？有没有问题？
You know the setup? Got any questions?
他没有问题啦看他这样就知道，来吧
He’s got no questions. Look at him. Let’s go.
开始读剧本吧
Let’s read.
他在哪里？瑞夫在哪儿？-他在哪里？
Where is he? Where’s Raphael? Where is he?
在哪儿…？
Where’s…?
尽管整晚拷问我吧要我放弃我的委托人，做不到
Beat up on me all night. You want me to give up my partner, you can go spit.
少在那边装好人了混帐东西
Quit acting like the good guy, jerk-off.
是你害他送命的！
You got your partner killed.
他搞不清楚状况，你也知道
He was in over his head, you knew it.
搞不好是你开的枪
You may as well have pulled the trigger.
是你把他杀了！
You killed him!
不，我没…我没有杀他是他自己要跟的
No, I didn’t… I didn’t kill him. He wanted in.
为什么？
Why…?
为什么？！
Why?!
我不想让他跟的是他自己坚持要一起去
I didn’t want him to come in on it. He insisted.
我跟他说“你待在家里”可是他不听啊，这个大白♥痴♥
I said, “Stay at home.” But he doesn’t listen. He’s such a stupid son of a bitch.
是我害死他的，对不对？
I killed him, didn’t I?
干！这都是我的错对不起
Oh, fuck, this is my fault. I’m sorry.
抱歉
Sorry.
嘿，加油
Hey, good luck.
看到没，这就是我讲的老派的方法
See, this is what I’m talking about. Old school. Method.
学院派-布兰多，把这个人送到洛杉矶去
Studio. Brando. Put this in the pouch to L.A.
打电♥话♥给盖伊派瑞
Get Gay Perry on the phone.
结果呢，他们要帮我试镜了很酷吧？
Now, get this, they’re screen-testing me. Is that wild?
前一分钟，我还在东村卖♥♥Xbox游戏机
One minute, I’m boosting Xboxes in the East Village…
下一分钟我已经在洛杉矶喝香槟了
…the next, I’m sipping champagne in L.A.
嗨-嘿
Hi. Hey.
你是做什么的？
So, what do you do?
喔，我退休了我在小时候发明了骰子
I’ m retired. I invented dice when I was a kid.
你呢？-我是演戏的
How about you? I do a little acting.
我要去看一下还有谁来了
I’ m gonna see who else is here.
总之我就是那样混进派对的
Anyway, that’s how I got to the party.
哈梦妮的部分就是另外一个故事了
Now, Harmony, different story.
可能会有人说她是因为一个大机器人才去的
Some will tell you she got here on account of the giant robot.
待会儿你们就会看到
I’ll show you that in a minute.
但对我来说，不管是不是她都注定要去派对
but for me, robot-schmobot, she was destined to be here.
天啊，看看那双腿
Jeez, look at those stems, will you?
虽然这跟她参加派对没什么关系
Not that that’s what constitutes why she should be here.
对，种族主义者我是说真的
Yes, racist. I’ m serious.
另外一只驯鹿还笑他结果没想到，他们竟然要他
The other reindeer laughed at him. Then, out of the blue, they need him.
说他跟雾灯一样有用
He’s as good as a fog light or whatever.
你来告诉我，这有什么差别
You know what, so you tell me, how is it any different than:
“别跟瑞奇讲话，他是黑人
“Don’t talk to Reggie, he’s black.
喔，等等，他会打篮球那把他签下来吧”
Oh, wait, he can play basketball. Sign him up.”
洛道夫、瑞奇
Rudolph, Reggie.
（哈梦妮如何混进派对）
哈梦妮费斯蓝恩是典型的洛城女孩不过她不是来自这里
Harmony Faith Lane was your tupical L.A. girl, she wasn ‘t from there.
她出身印第安那州南部的一个小镇
She grew up in a burg in soythern Indiana.
“有疑问的时候就去杀一头猪”是他们小镇的格言
“When in doybt, cut up a pig.” that was the town motto.
就跟那些会变坏的女孩一样哈梦妮其实超级聪明的
Like most soon-to-be-fucked-up girls, Harmony was wicked smart.
她之所以有这样的表现
Of course, credit where credit’s dye…
是因为她有一个很棒的老师不是她
…she had a terrific mentor. No, not her.
是他
Him.
（强尼葛萨默惊悚片《死得其所》）
“下地狱去吧，强尼葛萨默！
“‘Go to hell, Jonny Gossamer! ‘
她穿上合身的洋装
She poured herself into a seamless dress.
她的外表透露出一些端倪”
From the looks of it, she spilled some.”
在廉价的书里强尼这样说…
Jonny spoke from the pages of cheap paperbacks…
有一个叫做海岸的应许之地…
…and told of a promised land known as “the Coast”…
一个叫做洛杉矶的魔幻城市
…and a magical city called Los Angeles.
多年来她一直希望他是真实的
As the years progressed, she wished he was real.
希望他会出现在印地安那州解救她的小妹
Wished that he would come to Indiana to save her little sister, Jenna.
爸爸每天晚上都不放过妹妹
you see, Papa was at her night after night.
可是强尼从没出现
but Jonny never showed.
而且写书的人死了
And then the guy writing the books died.
16岁的时候她离开家
Age 16, she split.
她搭了公车去洛杉矶书中说的应许之地
took the bus to L.A., the promised land.
她会赚很多钱、变得很有名然后就可以拉小妹一把
She ‘d get rich and famous and then help little sis.
在过世之前