杀死波诺（2011）

No, no, we are not the new runners. We’re the McCormick’s.
我们是哈蒙德新签的艺人 我们是来签约的
We’re Hammond’s new act, we’re just here to sign the old contracts.
哈蒙德已经是历史了 被炒了
Hammond’s history. Axed.
因为对卡加勾勾乐队的投资
Kept spunking cash into Kajagoogoo.
我是新的哈蒙德
I’m the new Hammond.
-什么 -不
-What? -No.
不 不 不
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
他走之前说了什么
What was the last thing he said before he left?
我想想
Let me think.
我♥操♥你们这些该死的
I’m gonna sue you bastards right through the arsehole.
之后就崩溃了 情况非常糟
Then he sort of broke down. It was all very uncool.
他没有告诉你有关我们的事情
Yeah, but he did tell you about our deal?
还有五万元的酬劳
Yeah, and the fifty grand advance.
哦 是吗 提醒我了
Oh yeah, it’s ringing bells. Ding-aling-ling.
但是我说十万更实际
But I’d say a hundred’s more realistic.
-十万 -是的
-A hundred grand? -Yeah.
-我告诉你们 -什么
-I tell you what. -What?
你们真♥他♥妈♥的太上镜了
You boys will look fucking fantastic on camera.
我要帮你们做一支MV 和杜兰杜兰乐队比比
We’ll do you a video to rival Duran Duran.
好啊
OK, yeah.
我们要去月球上拍摄
And we’ll shoot it on the moon.
什么 真的吗
What? Really?
不 假的
No. Not really.
其实 我是想告诉你们没被签下的原因
In fact, I’ll tell you why you boys will never be signed to this label.
你们看起来是一对 来自吉普赛集市的算命先生
You look like a pair of mental fortune tellers from a gypsy fair.
哈蒙德喜欢你们 所以 我讨厌你们
And Hammond liked you. Therefore, I hate you.
我不会跟你们签约 即便是你给我十万美金
I wouldn’t sign you to this label if you paid me a hundred grand
再让我♥操♥你母亲
and let me John Paul Pope your mother.
别打我 别打我
Don’t hit me. Don’t hit me.
你不能把麦考密克兄弟 像垃圾一样扔掉
You do not throw the McCormick’s out with the trash.
听见没有
Did you hear me?
这意味着宣战This means war!
『哭泣的孩子』
尼尔·麦考密克
Neil McCormick.
尼尔 你这混♥蛋♥还真难找
Neil, you’re a hard bugger to track down.
你听了U2的新专辑没
Did you listen to the new U2 album?
是的 听了 还不错
Yeah. Yeah… it’s OK.
但是没有把『战栗』 从音乐排行榜首位挤下来 不是吗
Never gonna knock Thriller off the top spot though, is it?
你告诉麦金先生 你会比他们更出名
Still, you told Mr. Machin you’d be bigger than them
但是到现在都还是一文不值 莎伦 你迟到了
and you’re still a pair of no marks. Sharon, you’re late.
他希望赚钱 不然他不会继续投资了
He wants come back on his cash or he’ll cut yous off.
他说你们是他最大的金钱”痔疮”
He says you’re his biggest cash haemorrhoid.
损失 普拉格 我们是他最大的损失
Haemorrhage, Plugger. We’re his biggest cash haemorrhage.
我正在想办法解决 会有改观的
But I’m gonna sort it out. That’ll change.
最好这样 别搞到我要去抓你 尼尔
Well, it better. Don’t make me come over there, Neil.
你知道我晕船的
You know I get sick on that ferry.
是 是 好的 我也爱你 好 爱你 拜
Yeah, yeah. OK. Love you too. OK. OK, love you. Bye.
-是谁 -妈 她问候我们
-Who was that? -Ma. She sends her love.
取下那些拒绝信 一点意义都没有
Take down those rejection letters. They’re not funny.
都是些惨痛的回忆
They’re just a bad reminder.
好吧 今天收到5封
Well, we only got the five today.
还有一张波诺从佛罗里达寄来的明信片
Oh, and a postcard from Bono in Florida.
他们刚结束在美国的第48场巡演
They just finished 48 shows across America.
还有
And get this.
他们在维加斯抽了雪茄 和辛纳特拉一块
They smoked cigars in Vegas… with Sinatra.
然而我们走的音乐之路
Whereas we took on the music industry.
却到处碰壁
And got kicked up the arse by everyone in town.
我得提醒你 我们不是要和U2竞争
Let me remind you that this is not a competition with U2.
是啊 要不我们死得更惨
Good, ’cause if it was we’d be getting our arses kicked there as well.
振作一点 我们是流行 他们是摇滚
Oh, come on. We’re pop, they’re rock.
不 他们太棒了 而我们就是坨大便
No. They’re great and we’re shite.
而且现在还身无分文
And now we’re skint, too.
如果卡尔没赶我们走 我才觉得真的奇怪
I’ll be surprised if Karl doesn’t evict us.
而且 我不要出♥卖♥♥♥我的菊花
And no, I’m not selling him my arse.
-我们能弄到钱 -去哪弄
-We can get more money. -Where?
这些东西哪来的
Where’s all this been coming from?
我告诉过你 存款
I told you. The savings.
你说过在这会不同
You said it would be different here.
但是我们只是换了个地方而已
But all we’ve really done is change the scenery,
用乐队换了个他妈的磁带录音机
and traded our band for a fucking tape recorder.
也许我们应该面对现实 打道回府
Maybe we should just face reality, and go home.
我们现在还不能走
We can’t leave now.
-我们才刚刚开始而已 -刚刚开始
-We’ve only just started. -Just started?
我们在原地踏步 好几个月了
We’ve been standing still. For months.
无处可去
Going nowhere.
那是因为走错了方向
And that is where we’ve been going wrong.
现场演唱才是王道
The business needs to see us live.
我们不去找那些笨蛋了
Instead of us going to see the wankers,
而是让他们来找我们
we get the wankers to come and see us.
我们需要组建一个乐队
We need to get a band together.
去哪找
Where are we gonna find a band?
『哭泣的孩子』
拯救你 你开始相信我
# Save your skin and you start to believe me
谎言 谎言 谎言 你开始欺骗我
# Lie, lie, lie then you start to deceive me
像你一样毁掉梦想 不需要任何理由
# Kill the dreams like you don’t have a reason
哭泣
# Cry
等会 等会 停
Hold on. Hold on. Shut up.
嗨 葛罗瑞亚
Hi, Gloria.
葛罗瑞亚 这是我们的新乐队
Gloria, this is the new band.
伙计们 这是葛罗瑞亚
Band, Gloria.
你觉得你能忍♥受得了这几千分贝的噪音吗
Do you think you can try cranking it down a few thousand decibels?
就像公♥寓♥被汽油弹摧毁的感觉
It’s like flat sharing with Napalm fucking Death.
抱歉
Sorry.
嘿 葛罗瑞亚 你不是在戏剧巡演吗
Hey, Gloria. Aren’t you supposed to be on a theatre tour?
来 我帮你 让我来
Here, I’ll help you. Let me do that. Grand.
我们公♥司♥倒闭了 所以我们得找个
My company folded so we’re gonna have to find some new way
不用戴耳塞或是杀掉对方的相处方式
to put up with each other without having to resort to ear plugs. Or murder.
我很抱歉 葛罗瑞亚 我们会把音量调小
Listen, I’m really sorry, Gloria. We’ll try and turn it down.
你真的没必要离开
You really don’t have to leave.
不 我要走了 我要去应聘
Yes, I do. I have a job interview.
那好 我来问问你 在工作中你最想得到什么
Go on, practice on me. What’s the first thing you want out of a job?
-又不是你面试我 尼尔 -来嘛
-You’re not interviewing me, Neil. -Oh, come on.
好吧 我不知道
Oh, OK, I don’t know…
通常会说:快乐 满足
The usual stuff: pleasure, satisfaction.
有份工作是既快乐又感到满足
What about a job that combines pleasure, satisfaction
-而且跟你所爱的音乐有关呢 -你想说什么
-and appeals to your love of music? -Where are you going with this?
我想说如果你不能容忍♥我们 可以考虑加入
I thought if you can’t put up with us, you could join us.
我不会加入你的乐队
I am not joining your band.
不 你可以当我们的乐队经理
No, but you could be our manager.
你在跟我开玩笑 我真的要迟到了
Are you fucking with me? Because I’m already running late.
不 我刚刚在想你懂布景
No, I just thought that you know, you know the scene,
而且你在剧院上同样不顺利
and what with all your shite luck at the theatre and everything,
我们可以负负得正
you know, maybe we could combine our shite luck,
或许就不那么倒霉了
and together we can make something a little bit less shite.
听上去可行
That’s tempting.
真的 你需要工作 而我们需要帮助
No, seriously, you need the work, we need help.
我们互惠互利 我给你收入的百分之十
We’re made for each other. We’ll give you ten per cent.
零的百分之十还是零
Ten per cent of nothing is nothing.
真聪明 你懂数学还有其他的
Brilliant! See, you can do the maths and everything.
再说了 你经营过剧院 你知道如何吸引观众们
Plus, you run a theatre, so you know how to handle people.
音乐人很难相处
Music people are very different.
就当他们都是一群混♥蛋♥
Just start with the idea they’re all arses
这样你才会偶尔有一丝惊喜
and every so often you will be pleasantly surprised.
来吧
Go on.
这么说 这乐队有名字了
So, does the band have a name?
我们正在想
At the moment we’re stuck somewhere
是用奶酪刨丝机还是美女花♥园♥
between The Cheese Graters and Lady Garden.
你真的需要帮助
Wow. You really do need help, don’t you?
让我想想 行吗
Let me think about it, all right?
没问题
Couldn’t ask for more.
你们是城里最热门的唱片公♥司♥
Well, you are the hottest label in town.
应该听过”震撼”乐队吧
Surely you’ve heard of Shook Up?