杀死波诺（2011）

我讨厌大自然
I hate nature.
你们能不能快点
Can you guys get a shake on?
就像在观看世界上最苦逼的水景
It’s like watching the world’s most depressing water feature.
有没有人给我解释一下
Could someone please explain to me
昨晚为什么表现得如此糟糕
why you were so spectacularly awful last night?
你是在说我们很垃圾么
Look. Are you saying we were shite?
我老娘葬礼都比较热闹
More lively crowd at my mother’s funeral.
你觉得我们表演缺了点什么
You think we sound like we’ve lost something.
-也许这是事实 -好吧 我们还需要一个主唱
-Maybe it’s ’cause we have. -All right, we’ll get another singer.
“威猛”刚刚解散 也许我们可以招那人进来
Wham! have just split up. Maybe we could get that guy.
乔治·迈克尔（威猛主唱）
George Michael?
我们不要他 还有谁
No, we’d never get him. The other one.
我们不需要新主唱 我们失去了自己的主唱
We don’t need a new singer. We’ve lost our front man.
不管你怎么说尼尔 那是事实
And whatever you say about Neil, that’s what he was.
我们得面对事实
And let’s face it.
你老婆可不会和一个贝斯手乱搞
Your wife wouldn’t have shagged a bass player.
这可说不定
-You don’t know that. -Oi!
无♥耻♥的东西 相不相信我炒了你
Cheeky git. I’ll fire you, n’all.
听着
Look.
尼尔是这个乐队真正的组成部分之一
Neil was part of what really made this band.
你炒了他
And you fired him.
不 我们炒了他
No. We fired him.
对
Yeah.
我们要去给U2助演
We… are supporting U2.
-啥 -别开玩笑
– What? – Bog off!
波诺亲自邀请我的 他们要一个本地乐队做嘉宾
Bono asked me himself. They want a local band to support them.
-就像过去一样 -我们不能给U2助演
-Just like old times. -We can’t support U2.
我在养鸡场上班
I work in a chicken factory.
你辞职会死啊
Would it kill you to quit?
我不确定我还会不会表演
I don’t know whether I can still play.
你反正从来不会 没人会注意到
You never could. No one will notice.
有八万人会注意到
Eighty thousand people might notice.
你弟弟呢 我听说你们吵架了
What about your brother? I thought yous fell out?
不用担心伊万
You leave Ivan to me.
相信我 他会为此回来的
Trust me. He’ll want to come back for this.
麦考密克McCormick!
你在这啊 你这个小贱♥人♥
There you are, you little shite.
我一直在到处找你
I’ve been looking for you all over.
普拉格！我没看到你
Plugger! I haven’t seen you…
闭嘴！汉堡小子
Shut the fuck up, burger boy.
麦金先生听到了一些丑闻
Mr. Machin’s been hearing ugly rumours.
说乐队解散了
Word is the band is split up.
你夹着尾巴逃回家了
You come running home with your tail between your legs?
简直是胡说 这就是乐队
Absolute crap. This is the band.
-嗨 -啥
-Hi. -What?
等组建好了 我们会在柯克公园给U2助演
And as it happens, we’re over to support U2 at Croke Park.
但海报上面没见过你的名字
But I haven’t seen your name on any of the posters.
是真的么 娘炮
Is this true, twat features?
没错 U2 柯克公园
Yeah. U2, Croke Park. Yeah.
这样 我和麦金先生之间就没问题了吧
So, this should see me and Mr. Machin straight, right?
好吧 我会打几个电♥话♥
OK. I’ll call some people.
确认你说的话 如果你撒谎
Check your story. If you’re lying,
我就介绍你们去参观麦金先生的浴缸
I’ll introduce the lot of yous to Mr. Machin’s bath.
他的浴缸
His bath?
天啊 尼尔
Jesus, Neil.
你还跟这些杀人犯搅在一起干嘛
What are you still mixing with those murderous bastards?
老天保佑你说的是实话
Like, thank God you’re telling the truth.
否则我们就要倒大霉了
Or else we’d be in the shit.
喂 波诺 又是我 尼尔
Hi, Bono? Yeah, me, Neil again.
我想确认你是否收到我上次的留言
Just calling to check you got my last message.
我的乐队已经到位
Got all my band sorted.
我们都在城里 急切希望动身 伙计
We’re all in town and we’re raring to go, man.
好的 再见
OK, bye.
爸 你好么
How are you, Dad?
伊万 我早盼着你能打电♥话♥过来了 儿子
Ivan, we’d hoped you might call sooner, son.
是 我知道 我一直
Yeah, I know. I’ve just been…
我一直很忙于巡演还有
I’ve been busy with the tour and that and…
尼尔怎样
How’s Neil?
说实话 很糟
Fucked, frankly.
他像个流浪汉 我们几天没见着他了
He’s been living like a tramp. We haven’t seen him for days
还有一些粪青在找到处找他
and I just had some hard arse round looking for him.
-谁 -一些小P孩
-Who? -Some kid.
那种杀人越货型的 他是不是有什么麻烦了
The type who’d happily take your head off. Is he in some kind of trouble?
这不是我们自己的摇滚明星么
Ah! Well, if it isn’t our very own rock star.
奈尔 你好么
How are ya, Niall?
我在设法找到波诺 你知道他在哪么
I’m just trying to track down Bono. Do you know where he is?
他们刚到城里准备演出 在工厂排练
The bands just back in town for the gig. They’re rehearsing down at the factory
然后他们会藏在斯坦福酒店接受采访
and then they’re holed up at the Stanford doing press.
-好极了 -早 加里
-Great. -Morning, Gary.
格瑞丝·琼斯如何
How’s Grace Jones?
很吓人 他在这干嘛
Fucking terrifying. What’s he doing here?
加里 还在写给波诺舔菊的文章么
Gary. Still writing poof pieces for Bono
是不是一边写一边打飞机
with your pen in one hand and your prick in the other?
我随时准备给你写篇报道 “摇滚圈最底层的难民”
Could always do another piece on you. The refugee from rock bottom.
我认为你上次造的孽就够多了
I think you’ve done enough damage after the last time.
另外好事就要发生了
And anyway it might be the best thing that has ever happened,
因为我回来了给U2当嘉宾
because I am back here to support… U2.
Hi. Hiya.
尼尔·麦考密克来见波诺
Neil McCormick here to see Bono.
他在工作 不愿接受访问
He’s working. He don’t take social calls.
你不会是狗仔队吧
You’re not press, are ya?
-我讨厌狗仔队 -我也是
-I hate fucking press. -Yeah, me too.
我讨厌狗仔队
I hate press.
我不是狗仔队 我是他的朋友 我们是好哥们
I’m not press. I’m a friend of his, we’re… good mates.
所有都柏林人都这么说
Everyone in Dublin says that.
那你想让我怎么样
Well, what do you want me to do?
出示印有”和波诺一起上过学”的名片么
Flash my “I went to school with Bono” card?
好啊
Yeah?
给U2当嘉宾是什么意思
What do you mean we’re supporting U2?
是尼尔说的 你是说他在逗我们玩
Well, that’s what Neil said. Are you telling me he was having us on?
有可能 谁知道 我也是刚听说
Maybe. I don’t know? It’s news to bloody me, you know?
我真搞不清楚尼尔脑子里想什么
I just don’t know what’s going on in Neil’s head.
他确实有点神经 比平常还神经
Well, he was acting a bit mental. More so than usual, that is.
-他说他上哪儿了么 -他去找波诺去了
-And did he say where he was going? -Sure, he was on the hunt for Bono.
尼尔·麦考密克 《沸点》杂♥志♥社的
Neil McCormick. Hot Press.
你好 我来见波诺
Hi. Here to see Bono.
波诺没有登记 先生
Bono’s not registered with us, sir.
他不是客人 他是乐队成员
No, he’s not a guest. He’s with the band.
他在这开新闻发布会
They’re here for the press conference.
乐队 什么乐队来着
The band? And what band would that be now?
我给你点提示
I’ll give you a clue.
我喜欢提示 我喜欢提示
I love clues. I love clues.
波诺Bono!
好的 波诺 波诺没有登记
Oh, right, Bono. Bono is not registered with us.
听着 你这个小太监 我知道波诺在这
Listen to me, you little tight arse. We both know he’s in the building.
外面有半个军的U2歌♥迷
There’s a small army of U2 fans outside.
因此 告诉我怎么去会场
So, just tell me the way to the fucking conference.
他没有登记
He’s not registered.
保安！保安Security! Security!
保罗！保罗 我是尼尔·麦考密克
Paul! Paul. Its… it’s Neil McCormick.
没事 他跟我一起的
Hey, it’s all right he’s with me.
天啊 尼尔 你都脱相了
Jesus, Neil. You look different.
你是不是环游世界去了
I thought you were off touring the world?
厄 说来话长
Yeah, well, it’s a long story.
听着 我找你我只想确定助演的事宜
Listen, while I have you, I did just wanna firm up our support gig.
-你之前拒绝的那个 -对 就是那个
-The one you turned down? -Yeah, yeah. That’s the one.
我重新考虑了一下 还是算我一个
Listen, I’ve had a bit of a rethink and count me in.
抱歉 尼尔 你说过不行的
Sorry, Neil. You said no.
算我不近人情 但是波诺认为那就是不行
Call him crazy but Bono did take that as a no.
保罗
Paul.
那就这样了 没有余地
So that’s it? End of story?
我能说什么
What can I say?