海扁王（2010）

Watch.
我告诉她 坐在我膝盖上
I told her, “sit on my lap,
我们再谈谈是啥玩意先出来
We’ll talk about the first thing that comes up”.
-怎么 -刚收到短♥信♥ 他在路上了
– Yeah? – Just got the text. He’s on his way.
很好 在我到之前留他活口
He did very good. Don’t kill him till I get there.
好
Right.
这家伙到底是谁
Who the hell is this guy?
我不知道 老爸
I don’t know, dad.
但听海扁王说 城里不止他一个超级英雄
But Kick-Ass told me we’re not the only superheroes in town.
也许他知道他是谁
Maybe he knows who this guy is.
封锁这个地方
I want this place locked down.
再找到这天杀的混球
Nobody comes in, nobody goes out.
把他给我千刀万剐之前
Not until somebody finds this cocksucker…
任何人不得随意进出
…and pulls his fucking lungs out through his ass!
听着 他们冲着你来了 听到吗
Listen, they’re on to you. Do you hear me?
他们盯上你了
They’re on to you.
他们不是在找海扁王吗
I thought they were looking for Kick-Ass.
不再找了 希甘特刚放了一段视频给我们看
Not any more. Gigante put on a movie show for us.
另一个超级英雄
Different superhero.
在仓库里血洗达米科的人
In a warehouse, killing a whole bunch of D’Amico’s guys.
我猜那人就是你
I’m gonna guess that was you.
-我毁掉了所有摄像头 -显然有漏网之鱼 听着 兄弟
– I killed all the cameras. – Apparently not. Look, bro…
你得跑路了 赶紧藏起来
…you need to get ghost, hide yourself quick.
谢谢提醒
Appreciate that.
敏蒂 别写作业了 宝贝儿
Mindy… no more homework, baby doll.
该跟弗兰克·达米科说再见了
It’s time for Frank D’Amico to go byebye.
X战警 神奇四侠
X-Men, the Fantastic Four.
现在 我真是嫉妒死他们了
Right now, I envied the crap out of them.
现在一切都失控了 我完全不知所措
Everything was out of control. I didn’t know what the hell to do.
你还好吧 孩子 看着很疲惫
You okay, buddy? You look tired.
今天早点睡吧
Early night tonight, maybe?
也无人能够倾诉
And there was no-one I could talk to about it.
戴夫 听见吗
Dave? Hello?
好吧 我会的
Yeah, you bet I will.
我从未感到如此孤独
I never felt more alone.
我一直梦想成为超级英雄
I’d always dreamed of being a superhero…
但结果却是一场噩梦
…but this was a nightmare.
是时候结束这愚蠢的游戏了
It was time to stop wearing this stupid costume.
但我还有最后一件事要做
But there was one last thing I needed it for.
彼得·帕克[蜘蛛侠的真实身份]和蜘蛛侠有什么区别
What’s the difference between Spiderman and Peter Parker?
蜘蛛侠抱得美人归
Spiderman gets the girl.
我是海扁王
Hey, I’m Kick-Ass.
我是海扁王 你给我写邮件了吗
I’m Kick-Ass. You mail me?
拜托
Please.
见鬼
Oh, fuck! oh, fuck!
戴面具的变♥态♥
Fucking freak in a mask!
-滚出去 -凯蒂 我不会伤害你
– Get out of my house! – Katie, I’m not gonna hurt you.
好吗
All right?
别别别 是我
Oh, no, no, no, it’s me, it’s me. All right?
-我只是想给你个惊喜 -戴夫
– I, I was only trying to surprise you, I’m sorry. – Dave?
你搞什么鬼 你干嘛穿成海扁王的样子
What the fuck are you doing? Why are you dressed as Kick-Ass?
-因为我就是海扁王 -你说什么
– Because I am Kick-Ass. – What are you talking about?
而且我也不是同性恋
And I’m also not gay.
我靠
Fuck!
我是个傻瓜 烂朋友 我骗了你
And I’m an idiot, and a shit friend. I lied to you, I know, and if…
我的上帝
Oh my god.
我知道 要是这样能让你好受点
I know. If it makes you feel any better,
我觉得现在我比你更恨我自己
I, I don’t think you can hate me any more right now than I hate myself.
求你了
Please…
听着 我真的很抱歉
…look, I’m really, really sorry.
我从没遇到过像你这样又漂亮又善良
I’ve never met anyone who’s as beautiful and as kind and…
又可爱的女孩儿
…lovely as you.
你该有个更好的归宿
You deserve better.
戴夫
Dave.
怎么
Yes?
我妈在楼下设了防盗警报
My mom has the burglar alarm on downstairs,
你还是从窗户出去吧
So you should probably use the window.
或者
Or…
或者你可以留下来
…or you could just stay.
留下来 再通宵一晚上吗
Stay? What like when we have a sleepover?
不好意思 我不是故意要吓你
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.
好吧
Well…
我们要过这一关
We gotta get over it…
得到顶上 然后再从中间进去
…on top of it and then into it. Right in the middle of it.
老爸 我想我找到了
Daddy, I think I’ve found one.
超完美 三天内送达
It’s perfect and they can deliver it in 3 days.
但要三十万块
Ah, it’s 300,000 bucks.
没有比那更好的了吗
Well, can you think of anything else you’d rather spend it on?
天啊 酷毙了
Oh my gosh. That is cool.
可不是
Yeah.
放入购物车
Add to shopping cart.
没问题
Okay.
海扁王和红旋风对打 谁会赢
Out of Kick-Ass and Red Mist, who would win in a fight?
为啥他们要打 听着好傻
Why are they fighting? That seems stupid.
-你觉得呢 -我不知道
– What do you think? – I don’t know,
我觉得海扁王更可爱些
But Kick-Ass is cuter.
是吗
Really?
当然
Mmm-hmm.
只要有机会 我一定干到他大脑窒息
I for one would definitely fuck his brains out if I got the chance.
-是吗 -当然
– You would? – Definitely.
你想看凯特·哈德森[美国影星]的新电影吗
Do you feel like checking out that new Kate Hudson movie…
她演一个剩女鞋子设计师
…where she’s a shoe designer who can’t get a guy?
-现在走的话还能赶上下一场 -别废话了 走
– We could make the next showing… – Hell, yeah.
估计没咱啥事了
Guess we’re not invited.
来这边
You know what? Come here.
我要把你培养成一个漫迷
I’m gonna convert you to a comics reader right now.
我突然明白为什么超级英雄只存在漫画中
Suddenly I understood why superheroes only existed in comic books.
我明白了为何人们不会为了陌生人而冒险
I got why people didn’t risk their lives for strangers.
因为我的生命中头一次有了意义
Because, for the first time in my life, I had something worth living for.
有了害怕失去的东西
Something to lose.
凯蒂担心我会受伤
Katie worried about me getting hurt,
所以我向她保证 我的海扁王岁月终结了
So I promised her my Kick-Ass days were over.
事实上 我并不怀念那段岁月
And the truth was I hardly missed it at all.
我一整周都没有看过网站了
I hadn’t even checked the website for, like, a week.
戴夫 我下班了
Okay, I’m off, then.
凯蒂今晚不来吗
No Katie tonight?
明天来 周三她要做义工
Tomorrow. Wednesday, she’s got one of those volunteer things.
你看起来焕然一新 知道吗
You seem like a different guy, you know that?
你妈看到你现在的样子会很欣慰的
Your mom would have been so happy to see you out of your shell like this.
晚安
Have a good night.
老兄 你到底在哪儿
出来碰个面 红旋风
宝贝儿
Hey, baby.
怎么了
Hey, what’s going on?
我得执行一个海扁王任务
I gotta do a Kick-Ass thing.
什么 你不是洗手不干了吗
What? I thought you were done with that.
最后一次 我保证
This is the last time. I totally swear.
我很担心你
I worry about you.
你不用担心
Well, I wish you wouldn’t worry.
我控制不住 因为…
I can’t help it, I do because I…
我非常在乎你
…I care about you a lot.
我也非常在乎你
I care about you a lot, too.
最好是要紧事 老兄
This better be pretty serious, dude.
我跟我女友保证我不再干了
Cos I promised my girlfriend that I’m done with all this shit.
我们都死定了 够要紧了吗
How about both of us being dead? Is that serious enough for you?
什么 怎么会死
Dead? How?
看来那群仓库里的死人
Well, it turns out those dead guys from the warehouse
有一帮混账坏蛋朋友 他们认定是我们干的
Had some bad motherfuckers for friends, and they think we did that shit.
他们在悬赏我们的人头
There’s a price on our heads, man.
啥 这都什么年代了 还搞西部这一套
A price on our heads? What is this, the wild west?
我没跟你扯淡 他们追到我家
I’m not messing with you, dude. They found out where I lived.
毁了我的住处 我他妈完蛋了