保持缄默（2005）

– 帮我撑一下好吗？ – 但为什麽…
Put your finger on here, will you? – But why is it,
当他们最终找到上帝后 也就失去自己的幽默感了？
when they eventually do find God, that they lose their sense of humour?
哦
Oh.
喂?
Hello?
Lilian ，又是你啊
Lilian, again.
你在哪儿呢？
Where are you?
刚才是 Lilian ，我和她准备进城吃午饭
That was Lilian and I’m going for a nip into town and meet her for lunch.
Lilian ？
Lilian?
– 我真想见见她 – 好的，当然可以！嗯…
I’d so like to meet her. – Yes, of course! Uhm…
我会安排的
I’ll sort something out.
– 拜拜 – 拜
Bye-bye. – Bye.
上帝的仁道是非常玄秘的，所以我们说：
Gods ways are mysterious, that’s why we say:
上帝玄秘之道
God’s mysterious ways.
我是说，看看约伯和他遭受的不幸 他质问上帝：
I mean, look at Job and all that befell him. He asks the Lord:
「为什麽你要这样对我？」
“Why are you doing all of this to me?”
而上帝明明可以解释…
And God could have explained,
但他却说「相信我，约伯」
but instead he just said: “Trust me, Job.”
那就是玄秘的
Now that’s mysterious.
上帝？
God?
我在， Walter ？
Yes, Walter?
你听这演讲如何？
How do you think it’s sounding?
嗯，这开场白很糟…
Well, the title stinks, for a start.
嗨，对不起，我无法赞成上帝的观点
Hi, I’m sorry. I can’t agree with God about that.
– 天哪， Grace – 希望你别介意
Goodness, Grace. – Hope you don’t mind.
不，不，不 我只是在练习牧师大会的演讲
No, no, no, I was just practising for the convention.
我觉得很发人深省
It’s very thought provoking.
乾巴巴，无聊，你是这麽觉得吧
Dry and boring, I think, you mean.
– 但我就是这样的人 – 瞎说
But that’s me all over. – Nonsense.
我不能算一个活泼的人
I’m not the most vibrant of individuals.
有点严肃，可能
A bit serious, perhaps.
– 你还真一针见血 – Goodfellow 牧师！
You’ve hit the nail on the head there. – Reverend Goodfellow!
Goodfellow 牧师！我只想跟你谈谈…
Reverend Goodfellow! I just wanted to speak to you about…
– Hawkins 太太 – Parker 太太
Mrs Hawkins. – Mrs Parker.
我能不能和你私下谈谈？
Is it possible to have a word with you, privately?
是插花委员会的事
It’s about the flower arranging committee.
事态变得很严重，我这辈子从没遇到过
It has taken a turn for the worse. I have never in all my life,
– 我从来，从来都… – Parker 太太
I have never, never… – Mrs Parker,
牧师正在准备他的讲道词
the Reverend is practising his sermon.
啊，是的，我要参加一个牧师大会
Ah, yes, I have a convention coming up.
我知道了
I see.
那好吧
Very well.
再见， Parker 太太
Goodbye, Mrs Parker.
– 哦，天哪，我希望我没有… – 当然没有
Oh, dear. I hope that didn’t… – Of course not.
看在老天的份上，你是位大忙人 牧师，大家都该知道
For goodness sake, you are a busy man, Vicar, people should realize that.
对啊
Right.
是的
Yes.
好了
Now.
关于你的讲道
About your sermon.
如何？
Yes?
你喜欢笑话吗？
Do you like jokes?
笑话？
Jokes?
你知道，上帝非常疲倦，他对圣彼得说：
So you see, God is very tired and he say to St. Peter:
「听著，彼得， Petey 」上帝说
“Look, Peter… Petey,” he says,
我已经精疲力尽了， 我需要一个长假，我真的需要
“I’m absolutely exhausted. I need a holiday, I really do.
你有什麽提议吗？
Is there anywhere you can suggest?” So,
圣彼得想了想，说「我知道」
St. Peter thinks for a bit, and then he says: “Well I know,”
他说：「月球怎麽样？」
he says, “what about the moon?”
上帝说：「不，我觉得不好 不去月球，那裡没空气…」
And God said: “No, I don’t think so. Not the moon, there’s no atmosphere.”
– 是啊，真逗 – 我还没说完，之后上帝又说：
Yeah, that’s funny. – I’m not finished, yet. So then God says:
「我想去一个与众不同的地方」 圣彼得说：「好，那麽地球怎麽样？」
“I really want something different.” So, St. Peter says: “Well, what about Earth?”
上帝说：「不，我2000年前去过了」
And God says: “No, I went there 2000 years ago.
「遇到了一个漂亮的犹太姑娘 结果他们到现在还在谈这事」
I met this nice little Jewish girl, and they’re still talking about it.”
我做得不错吧
I did good, huh?
你真漂亮
You look beautiful.
你先请
After you.
– 妙极了是吗？ – 哦，是的
Fabulous, right? – Oh yes!
票已经定好了
The tickets are on their way.
宝贝，哦，宝贝
Baby! Oh, baby!
哦，就是这样！哦，上帝！
Oh, this is it! Oh God.
– 我需要… – 等一下！
I need… – Wait!
什麽？
What? – Let me take my clothes off.
让我先脱衣服
好的
Okay.
哦，天哪。哦，全能的上帝！
Oh, man. Oh, God almighty!
慢一点，慢一点，慢一点
Slow, slow, slow.
哦，是的！哦，全能的上帝 你让我发疯了！
Oh, yeah! Oh, God almighty. You make me crazy.
– 哦，天哪，那是什麽？ – 什麽？
Oh God, what’s that? – What?
那个！
That.
– 这是我的爱物 – 我知道那是什麽
This is my love thing. – I know what it is.
– 我以为你们英国人好这口 – 不
I thought you Brits like this kind of thing. – No.
你不觉得这个很性感？
You do not think this is hot?
不
No.
你没有关手♥机♥？
You didn’t turn your phone off.
喂？
Hello?
什麽？
What?
你又是谁？
Who the hell’s this? Oh.
– 一个女的 – 我不认识什麽女的
A girl. – I don’t know any girls.
– 我知道了，我马上脱掉 – 不，穿著吧
I got it, I’ll just take it off. – No, keep it on.
事实上，我会把我的衣服也穿上 今天就到此为止吧
In fact you could put everything back on. I think we had quite enough for today.
我的上帝啊
Good Lord.
「与上帝欢笑」
“Giggle with God”.
哦，不
Oh no.
在教堂和赌场的祈祷，两者有何区别？ 在赌场裡的祈祷是真心的
一切都好吗，牧师？
Is everything alright, Vicar?
真安静啊， Grace
It’s just so quiet, Grace.
很好不是吗？
Lovely, isn’t it?
– 祝你下午愉快 – 你也是
Have a good afternoon. – And you.
非常好
Very good.
你♥爸♥爸是不是要你每晚祈祷？
Is your dad going to make you pray tonight?
– 闭嘴 – 他是不是要你为小耶稣祈祷？
Shut up. – Does he make you pray to baby Jesus?
– 别来惹我 – 投入奶奶的怀抱吧，笨蛋
Just leave me alone. – Run to granny, you prat.
– 你还好吗？ – 是
Are you alright? – Yeah.
我在想如果你有一句咒语，那会是什麽？
You know, I was wondering, if you had a magic word, what word would it be?
– 我是说，你最喜欢的一个词是什麽？ – 我最喜欢的词？
I mean, what’s your favourite word? – My favourite word?
– 西兰花 – 西兰花？
Broccoli – Broccoli?
啊，我不清楚，也行吧？
Well, I don’t know. Why not?
没事的， Petey ，没事的
It’s alright, Petey, it’s alright.
你只要闭上眼睛，闭好了
You just close your eyes. Keep them closed.
现在说出你的咒语
Now say the magic word.
西兰花
Broccoli.
现在睁眼
Now open them.
看看会发生什麽事
See what happens.
– 瞧，那是上帝小孩 – 没事的
Look, there’s God boy. – It’s alright.
你死定了，上帝小孩，你死定了！
You’re dead, God boy, you’re dead!
– 我的刹车失灵了！ – 我停不住了！
My breaks aren’t working! – I can’t stop!
– 那是谁啊？ – 是 Billy Martin
Who’s that? – He’s Billy Martin.
哈！老西兰花真好 我们买♥♥一些来做晚饭怎麽样？
Wow! Good old Broccoli. Shall we have some for supper?
嗨，妈
Hi, Mom.
你看，麵粉也可以这麽性感
You know, flour can be so sensual.
在天堂，我为了找个牧师主持婚礼 花了3个月时间
In Heaven it took me 3 months to find a priest up here for the wedding.
– 你觉得找个律师要花多久？ – 我喜欢这个
How long do you think it would take me to find a lawyer? – Yeah, I like that.
哦， Gloria ，你回来了 这是 Mark … 嗯…
Oh, Gloria, you’re back. This is Mark… ah…
– David … 嗯… – Grant
David… ah… – Grant.
嗯，这个很不错 Holly ！过来听听这个
Oh, now this is a good one. Holly! Come and listen to this.
坐下，嗯…
Sit down. So…
有个牧师超速行驶被截了下来 警♥察♥闻到一股酒气…
This Vicar is stopped for speeding, and the policeman smells alcohol…
又看到后座地板上有个空酒瓶
and sees an empty bottle of wine on the passenger’s side floor.
于是他说：「牧师，你喝酒了吗？」
And he says: “Have you been drinking, Reverend?”. And the vicar says,
那牧师摆出一副无辜的样子…
all innocent, like…
那牧师摆出一副无辜的样子…
all innocent, like…
那牧师摆出一副无辜的样子说：
And the vicar says all innocent, like: