随波逐流

我的慈善事业仅限于
I fix a cleft lip or a child’s deformity.
治疗小孩的兔唇或其他畸形
I don’t take them to Hawaii.
而不是带他们去夏威夷
I could get arrested for that.
那样做我会坐牢的
What if I was deformed?
那如果我残疾了
Then would you take me to Hawaii?
你就会带我去夏威夷吗
If you were deformed, I’d bring you to Hawaii,
如果你残疾了 我就带你去
but I’d leave you there,
但我会把你留在那里
’cause I wouldn’t want to look at you.
因为我可不想再见到你了
Okay. Here’s the money, and I want change.
这是你要的钱 找回的钱还给我
And I wanna hear back
回来后告诉我
that you actually ate the food that I am paying for.
我付了钱你们到底吃了点什么
Mom, before we go, can I make a Devlin?
妈妈 我们走之前 我能去拉个德芙琳吗
Sure. Down the hall. Will you please go with him?
可以 大厅那头 你想和他一起去吗
We open in five minutes
我们五分钟后营业了
and I am not having him sit there forever.
我可不想让他一直在这蹲着
Bloody hell right, I will, Mumsy!
我必将不辱使命 亲爱的妈咪
All right, Winston Churchill.
好吧 温斯顿·丘吉尔[名言]
He said, “I gotta make a Devlin.”
他说 “我去拉个德芙琳”
What does that mean? Uh…
那是什么意思
It’s just a friend of mine who was in my sorority in college
是我大学时候的一个朋友
named Devlin Adams, and…
叫德芙琳·亚当斯
Well, I wouldn’t say friend. I’d say more my nemesis.
其实也不算是个朋友 算是我的克星
Oh, so she was a frenemy? Yes.
亦敌亦友吗 是的
You’d probably like her. She’s really, really fake.
你可能会喜欢她 她非常非常虚伪
Always had to have the coolest clothes
一直都有漂亮的衣服
and the hottest boys and, you know…
最帅的男孩 还有…
She bothers you.
你讨厌她
A lot.
非常讨厌
So, one night, I was just having a glass of wine.
有天晚上 我喝了杯酒
A bottle. A bottle.
一瓶吧 是一瓶
And, uh…
接着…
And I just got so tired of the kids saying things like,
我特别烦他们总是嚷嚷着说
“I gotta take a crap.
我要拉屎
“I gotta take a dump.”
我要大便
So, I told them that it was called “Making a Devlin,”
我告诉他们那称为 “拉个德芙琳”
and they liked it.
他们喜欢这种说法
And it stuck.
变成习惯了
I always call it making a black pickle.
我一直称为”拉个腌黑咸菜”
Making a what? I don’t say that.
叫什么 我没那样说
Out loud?
大声说出来
To others. No. Good.
不说了 很好
What are we gonna do about my love life, though?
我的爱情生活怎么办
Oh, Danny, I would feel terrible for you if I had any,
丹尼 如果我有哪怕是一丁点
even the slightest investment
投资在你非凡的二十三岁
in you successfully banging 23 year olds.
我会觉得可怕
Holy Devlin, you’re not listening to me.
什么德芙琳 你没好好听我说
This is like not some bull Devlin fling.
这可不是我脑子里有德芙琳所以冲动的想法
I mean, I’m serious.
我是认真的
This is the real Devlin. I could…
这不是随便什么德芙琳 我可以…
I swear to God, I could see myself ending up with this girl.
我发誓 我会跟她白头偕老
You’re right. You can’t tell her the truth.
你说的没错 你不能告诉她真相
High score!
破纪录了
Oh, God. Sorry.
天啊 别见怪
I’m glad someone’s doing good.
至少还有个人表现不错
You know what? You don’t wanna get serious,
知道吗 你不能随便认真啊
’cause when you get serious, that leads to marriage,
一旦你认真了 接下来就是结婚了
and then marriage leads to divorce, and divorce is just…
结婚之后就是离婚了 离婚之后就…
I mean, look at these poor kids.
瞧瞧这两个孩子可怜的娃
You know, their dad was supposed to pick them up today.
他们的爸爸本该今天来接他们的
He was a no show? Again.
他放他们鸽子了 又一次
But you know what?
但是你知道吗
At least I got my head together and I divorced him.
至少我头脑清醒 和他离婚了
Wait a minute.
等等
You go ahead without me.
你自己去吧
Palmer, Palmer, Palmer, Palmer, Palmer.
帕莫尔 帕莫尔 帕莫尔 帕莫尔 帕莫尔
I told you I didn’t want to see you.
我说了不想再看到你了
I just want to explain something to you.
我只是想解释点事
Let me explain something to you.
还是我解释给你听吧
I do not date married men.
我绝不和已婚男人约会
My father cheated on my mom when I was young.
小时候我爸就背叛过我妈
I am not going to be the other woman!
我不想当小三
Adulterer! Fornicator!
奸夫 姘头
All right, take it easy, Damien, all right?
达米恩 别激动 淡定 行吗
Okay, his name is Silas, leave him out of this.
得了 他是塞拉斯 别把他扯进来
I’ll kill you.
我要杀了你
What? Anytime!
真的吗 随时恭候
Listen! I am married.
听着 我是结过婚的
But it is a horrible marriage.
但这是段糟糕的婚姻
She doesn’t even talk to me anymore.
她现在压根不跟我说话
Danny, that’s what all married men say.
丹尼 是个已婚男人都这样说
If it’s so bad, why don’t you get divorced?
真那么糟的话 你干嘛不离了
I am.
我离了
You are? Yes! It’s over.
你离婚了 没错 都结束了
Oh, my God, I can’t believe this.
天啊 简直不敢相信
I destroyed a marriage!
我毁了一段婚姻
I really feel like I’m gonna be sick. I can’t…
我都干了什么啊 我不能…
No, no, it wasn’t ’cause of you!
不 不 这和你没关系
I filed a long, long time ago.
很早很早之前 我就提出要离婚了
We’re gonna sign the papers in a couple of days
这两天我们就要签字了
and it’s like, she’s dead to me.
这样一来 我们就毫无瓜葛了
What’s her name?
她叫什么
Mrs. Maccabee.
麦卡比太太
You mean her first name? Her first name is Devlin.
你是指她的名字 她的名字叫德芙琳
Her name’s Devlin?
她叫德芙琳
Isn’t that a shitty name? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
屎一般的名字吧 没错 绝对的
But Devlin and I are splitting up, fortunately,
幸运的是 德芙琳和我就要各过各的了
’cause I caught her cheating on me with another guy.
我发现她和另一个男人有奸情
I didn’t catch her.
我没发现
The television show Cheaters caught her and the guy.
是背叛者那个电视节目 替我干了这事
And I told them not to air it, though,
不过我让他们别播
because it’s too painful.
这太伤我面子了
They actually burned the tape so you can’t see it.
他们把录像带烧了 你看不到了
But I would love you to.
但我倒希望证明给你看看
There’s another man?
她外面真有男人啊
There’s another guy, yes. Dolph.
是有男人 那男人叫道夫
Dolph?
道夫
Dolph Lundgren. Yeah.
道夫·伦德伦
Like the guy from Rocky IV?
虎胆龙威里的那个
No, no, a different Dolph Lundgren.
不 另一个道夫·伦德伦
Apparently, if you bring that one up,
显而易见 如果你把那个当成了这个
this one gets really angry, so don’t.
这个会很生气的 所以别这样干
Danny, guys always say they’re gonna leave their wives.
丹尼 男人总是耍耍嘴皮子说要离婚
They never do.
但有几个真那么干
I’m telling you, she’s happy with this Dolph guy,
跟你说吧 她和那个道夫一起很逍遥
good for her. Now I wanna be happy.
那就祝她幸福 现在我也想快乐点
And the only way I can be happy is if I’m with you!
但只有和你一起我才快乐
All right?
懂了吗
Just wanna be able to be with you
只想光明正大地和你在一起
and not be called a “Fornicator”
不用被人骂”片头”
or an “Adulterer” Or whatever that
或者什么”奸夫”之类的
Children of the Corn kid was calling me.
那个可怕的小孩骂我的
Okay.
可以
Okay?
真的可以
I just need to hear it from her.
不过这些我要从她嘴里听到
How about if she texts you, would that be good?
让她给你发短信 这样行吗
I need to meet her.
我要见见她
Let’s do it.
那就见吧
You want me to be your wife?
你想让我扮你老婆
And you couldn’t think of another name, other than Devlin?
你就不能想个德芙琳之外的名字
I practically took a Devlin in my pants when she asked me.