朱诺

并且不让你毕业
and be really, really mad and not let you graduate,
或者放春假时不让你去卡波海滩
or go to Cabo for spring break.
反正我打算跟布里克去葛底斯堡
I was gonna go to Gettysburg with Bleeker anyway.
你可以看看领养广♥告♥
You should look at adoption ads.
《省钱一族》上每天都在登
I see them all the time in the PennySaver.
他们还有这种广♥告♥
They have ads for parents?
“跪求宝宝”
“Desperately seeking spawn”
一般都在小狗啊 蜥蜴啊
right next to, like, terriers,
还有二手健身器材这类旁边
and iguanas and used fitness equipment and stuff.
是完全合法的
It’s… it’s, like, totally legit.
“健全且精神富有的夫妻
“Wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple
都认定彼此是真爱”
have found true love with each other.”
唯一遗憾就是少了你的孩子
All that’s missing is your bastard.
我想要只小鹦鹉
I want a parakeet.
朱诺 你完全没在听我说话
Juno, you’re totally not even listening to me.
我在听
No, I heard you.
我不想把孩子给一个
I just, like, I don’t want to give the baby
说自己”健全”的家庭
to a family that describes themselves as “Wholesome.”
-为什么 -我也不知道
– Why? – Well, I don’t know,
我想要更特别一点的
I just want someone a little more edgier.
好吧 你想要什么样的
Okay, what did you have in mind exactly?
我希望是美术设计师 三十多岁
I was thinking more like, graphic designer, mid-30s,
有一个漂亮的亚裔女朋友
you know, with a cool Asian girlfriend who, like,
很会穿衣服 还会弹贝斯
dresses awesome and rocks out on the bass guitar.
更多的细节我也不愿意想
But I don’t want to be too particular.
好吧
Okay.
这个怎么样
How about this?
“高学历 事业成功的夫妻
“Educated, successful couple seeking
“希望你加入我们的五人之家
“Infant to join our family of five.
“我们会支付报酬
“You will be compensated.
请帮助我们实现美满的爱”
Help us complete the circle of love.”
听起来不错
That sounds great.
听着像一群练神功的
They sound like a freakin’ cult is what they sound like.
而且他们都有三个小孩了
And, besides, they already have three kids.
真是贪心的贱♥人♥
You know, they’re just like greedy little bitches.
朱诺
Oh, Juno.
那这个呢
How about this one?
这是马克和瓦妮莎·劳瑞夫妇
They were Mark and Vanessa Loring,
连黑白照片都那么好看
and they were beautiful even in black and white.
布里克:
你可以对着
我的照片
打飞机
开玩笑
的啦
你的死党:
朱诺
保罗 你要下来吃点东西吗
Hey, Paul, are you coming downstairs to eat?
不了 我不想吃
No, I don’t think so.
你今天跑了八英里 亲爱的
You ran eight miles today, puppy.
但是我不饿
I… I’m not hungry, oddly.
你早上就没吃东西
But it’s breakfast for supper.
你最爱的 保罗
It’s your favorite, Paul.
是啊
Yeah.
今天你跑步的时候朱诺打过电♥话♥来
Juno MacGuff called while you were out running today.
你知道我怎么看她的
You know how I feel about her.
知道 你说过很多次了
Yeah, yeah, you mentioned it a couple times.
她有点
She’s just…
特别
different.
我知道
I know.
我不知道该怎么跟你们说
So I’m not really sure how I’m gonna spit this out.
亲爱的 你被开除了吗
Hon, did you get expelled?
没有 如果被开除
No, the school would most likely contact you
学校一定会先联♥系♥你们的
in the event of my expulsion.
我只是问问
Well, I was just asking.
不排除有这可能
It seemed plausible.
你欠人钱了吗
What, do you need a large amount of money?
还是违法了
Legal counsel?
不是 我不需要任何东西
I’m not… I’m not asking for anything.
可能需要点仁慈
Except for maybe mercy.
如果你们不打我就谢天谢地了
Like, it would be friggin’ sweet if no one hit me.
你到底做了什么
Well, what have you done, June bug?
你是不是撞了人了
Did you hit someone with the Previa?
没有
No.
我想你还是直接告诉他们吧
Dude, I think it’s best to just tell them.
我怀孕了
I’m pregnant.
天啊
Oh, God.
但是我准备
Yeah, but I’m gonna
送给别人收养
give it up for adoption.
我已经找到了合适的人选
And I already found the perfect couple.
他们会支付医疗费用和其他费用
They’re gonna pay for the medical expenses and everything.
过了诡异的30周之后
And… What, 30, er, odd weeks,
我们就可以当什么都没发生过
we can just pretend that this never happened.
你怀孕了
You’re pregnant?
对不起 对不起
I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
不知道听到这些你们会不会宽慰些
And if it is any consolation,
我已经胃痛到四肢无力
I have heartburn that is radiating my kneecaps,
从星期三开始就没上过大号♥了
and I haven’t taken a dump since… Wednesday.
星期三早上
Morning.
我都不知道你有过性行为了
I didn’t even know you were sexually active.
那孩子是谁
Who is the kid?
孩子 我也不是很清楚
The baby? I don’t really know much about it.
我只知道 他长指甲了
Other than… I mean, it has fingernails.
-据说是的 -指甲 是吗
– Allegedly. – Nails? Really.
对啊
Yeah.
不 我不是问这个
No, I don’t, I mean,
我问的是孩子父亲是谁 朱诺
who is the father, Juno?
是鲍里·布里克
It’s… it’s Paulie Bleeker.
鲍里·布里克
Paulie Bleeker?
怎么了
What?
我以为他毛都没长齐呢
I didn’t think he had it in him.
我也这么觉得
I know, right?
这没什么好笑的
Right. This is no laughing matter.
就是 一点都不好笑
No, it’s not.
要知道 鲍里其实很不错
And you know, Paulie is actually great,
-在… -好了
– in… – Okay.
在椅子上
In chair.
你打算找人收养吗
You’re thinking about adoption?
没错 有这么一对夫妇
Yeah, yeah, and it, there’s this couple,
他们没有孩子
they haven’t had, you know,
他们努力了五年都没有小孩
they’ve been trying to have a kid for, like, five years.
我们在《省钱一族》上找到的
We found them in the PennySaver,
就在”奇珍异雀”一栏旁边
next to the Exotic Birds.
他们请了正式的律师
And they have a legitimate lawyer,
我准备下周末去见他们
and I was gonna go meet with them next weekend.
朱诺 这件事非常非常不容易
June bug, that is a tough, tough thing to do.
可能比你能够想象的难得多
It’s probably tougher than you can understand right now.
我知道
Oh, I… I know.
我只是还没做好当母亲的准备
And I… It’s just that I’m not ready to be a mom.
你当然没准备好
Damn skippy, you’re not.
利伯蒂·贝尔的呼吸面罩
You don’t even remember
你都能给忘了
to give Liberty Bell her breathing meds.
就那一次 而且她也没死
That was once, and she did not die, if you recall.
亲爱的 你有没考虑过
Honey, had you considered,
别的选择
you know, the alternative?
没有
No.
你还真够坚定
Well, you’re a little Viking.
先说最重要的事
First things first.
你必须保持健康
All right, we have to get you healthy.
要补充产前维生素
You need prenatal vitamins.
刚好它们对指甲也很好
Incidentally, they do incredible things for your nails,
加分项
so that’s a plus.
我们还需要跟医生预约时间
Oh, and we need to schedule a doctor’s appointment.
计划好你在哪里生产
Figure out where you’re going to deliver.