朱诺

去年就是我帮贝基打的电♥话♥
‘Cause I called for Becky last year.
不用 我自己来
No, I can call myself.
不过我还是想请你帮忙
Oh, but I do need your help with something.
特别重要的一个忙
It’s, like, critically important.
多搬重物 没准你就不用去医院了
You know, heavy lifting can really only help you at this point.
别逗了
Seriously.
你是生活太无聊了吗
So you were bored?
所以上天给了你这么大个惊喜
That’s how this blessed miracle came to be?
不 不 这都是计划好的
No. No, no. The act was premeditated.
是和他上♥床♥
I mean, the sex,
我不想跟他生孩子
not the whole, like, let’s-get-pregnant thing.
那你什么时候决定
So, when did you decide
要和布里克上♥床♥的
that you were going to, uh, do Bleeker?
差不多
Well, like,
一年前上西班牙语课的时候
a year ago in Spanish class.
你爱上他了
You love him.
不是 其实
It’s… No, it’s actually,
没那么简单 好吗
it’s really complicated, okay?
鉴于我现在这么脆弱 我也不想多谈
And I don’t feel like talking about it in my fragile state.
那上了他这么个瘦猴是什么感觉
So what was it like humping Bleek’s bony bod?
爽翻了
Magnificent.
他每天早上起床
‘Cause he gets up in the morning
九点上班
And he goes to work at 9:00
五点半下班回家
And he comes back home at 5:30
每天都乘同一班列车
Gets the same train every time
他的生活准时准点
‘Cause his world is built on punctuality
从无差错
It never fails
他太美好了
And he’s, oh, so good
他太出色了
And he’s, oh, so fine
他身体健康 思维敏捷
And he’s, oh, so healthy in his body and his mind
他在镇上很有地位
He’s a well-respected man about town
循规蹈矩地做着好事
Doing the best things so conservatively.
早 布里克
Hey, Bleek.
这老虎好威风
Wicked tiger.
看上去很神气
He looks proud.
从兰西克小姐家草坪上偷来的
I swiped it from Miss Ransick’s lawn.
你的短裤 今天看起来 尤其鲜艳啊
Wow, your shorts are, like, especially gold today.
我妈用了防掉色漂白剂
My mom uses colorsafe bleach.
卡萝尔真厉害
Go, Carol.
我会告诉她的
I’ll tell her.
每次我看见他们一边跑着
When I see them all running like that
那活儿一边在短裤里甩来晃去
with their things bouncing around in their shorts,
我便不能自已地想象他们光溜溜的样子
I always picture them naked even if I don’t want to.
眼里只剩一根根的肉♥棍♥
All I see is pork swords.
我该去跑步了
I’m supposed to be running.
你猜怎么着
So guess what?
为什么 不知道
What? I don’t know.
我怀孕了
I’m pregnant.
我们应该怎么办
What should we do about?
我在想
Well, you know, I was just…
要不要扼杀在摇篮里
I was thinking I’d just nip it in the bud,
趁事情还没变得更糟
before it gets worse.
因为他们在生理课上一直在讲
‘Cause they were talking about, in health class,
怀孕 会让人生出宝宝
how pregnancy, it can often lead to an infant.
确实 没错 没错
Typically, yeah, yeah.
妈妈还有老师怀孕以后就是这样
That’s what happens when our moms and teachers get pregnant.
那就是说 你没意见
So you’re cool with that then?
对 好极了 我的意思是
Yeah, yeah, Wizard, I mean, you know, just,
你认为该怎么办就怎么办
I guess do whatever you think you should do, you know?
很抱歉和你上♥床♥了
Well, I’m sorry I had sex with you.
毕竟那也不像是你的主意
I know it wasn’t, like, your idea.
那是谁的主意
Whose idea was it?
学校见吧
I’ll see you at school, all right?
那是谁的主意
Whose idea was it?
你的书散架了
Your book fell apart.
是啊
Right.
肯定是看到你的脸了
Must have looked at your face.
搞笑的是
The funny thing is
史蒂夫·伦达左其实想和我上♥床♥
that Steve Rendazo secretly wants me.
像他这样的运动员总想把怪女孩
Jocks like him always want freaky girls,
戴牛角框眼镜 穿人造皮鞋的怪女孩
girls with horn-rimmed glasses, and vegan footwear,
画哥特妆的怪女孩
and Goth makeup.
喜欢拉大提琴 读《麦克斯威尼杂♥志♥》
Girls who, like, play the cello and read McSweeney’s,
长大后想当儿童图书馆管♥理♥员♥的怪女孩
and want to be childrens’ librarians when they grow up.
没错 这些运动员就吃这一套
Oh, yeah, jocks totally eat that shit up.
他们只是不愿承认而已
They just won’t admit it
因为人们觉得他们应该喜欢
because they’re supposed to be into, like,
完美的啦啦队队长
the perfect cheerleaders, you know?
就像莉亚这样的
Like Leah, who,
很不凑巧 她比较喜欢老师
incidentally, is into teachers.
我也是
Me, too!
我也很喜欢伍迪·艾伦
I love Woody Allen.
安静 安静
All right, all right.
安静 各位
All right, people,
今天我们要做光谱实验
we’re doing chromatography lab today.
四人一组 自♥由♥组合
So find your partners and break into groups of four.
做实验真让人激动呢
Well, there’s nothing like experimenting.
我昨晚做好了实验的预习题
I did the prep questions for this lab last night.
你不介意可以抄…
So you can just copy my answers if you…
我不能抄你的
I couldn’t copy your work.
你每周上课都抄我的
You copy my work every week.
也是 我是多么差劲的组员啊 对吧
True. I’m kind of a deadbeat lab partner, aren’t I?
没关系 我不介意
No, I don’t mind.
我肯定你也会有所贡献的
I think you definitely bring something to the table.
非凡的魅力
Charisma.
那谁准备好大显身手了
So who’s ready for some chromo-magnificence?
我今天来事儿偏头疼
Yeah, I have a menstrual migraine,
不能看强光
so I can’t really look at bright lights today.
阿曼达 我都让你去医务室躺着了
Amanda, I told you to go to the infirmary and lie down.
你偏不听
You never listen.
不 乔什 我从不听别人发号♥施令
No, Josh, because I don’t take orders,
不论是你还是其他男人
not from you and not from any man.
自从我去曼卡多市看我哥哥回来
You’ve been acting like this ever since I got back
你就一直这样
from visiting my brother in Mankato.
我都说了 没事发生
I already told you, nothing happened.
我来把设备仪器装好
Well, I’m gonna set up the apparatus.
朱诺 接好本生灯
Juno, do you want to plug in the Bunsen burner?
-没问题 -我去医务室了
– It’s my pleasure. – I’m going to the infirmary.
不送 大姨妈走了再联♥系♥我
Good. Call me when you get off the rag.
那好 等你不会你哥那喝点伏特加
Fine. Call me when you learn how to love someone
再喝点果酒就跟妞乱搞
instead of cheat at your brother’s college
而是真正学会爱别人了
just because you had four Smirnoff Ices
再来联♥系♥我吧
and a bottle of snow peak peach flavored Boone’s.
好的 阿曼达 我会的
Good, Amanda, I’ll be sure to do that.
我会记下来的
I’ll make a note of it.
我倒是听说
I’ve actually heard that
伴你时的雪峰蜜桃味果酒
the snow peak peach flavor
是最好喝的
is the best flavor of Boone’s.
是吗 布里克
Isn’t that right, Bleek?
怀孕了吗
请到女子医院
请按2
Oprima el numero dos.
你好 是的
Hey, yeah,
我想做一次快速人流
I… I’m just calling to procure a hasty abortion.
什么
What?
能稍等一下吗
Can you just hold on for a second?
我电♥话♥有点问题
I’m on my hamburger phone.
现在好了
Okay, yeah, now I can…
只是 有点难开口
Yeah, it’s just, like, really awkward to talk on.
对 是的 我…
Yeah, yeah, I…
我需要做人流
I… I need an abortion.