宋飞之前是杰瑞（2017）

Because you get that, “See?”
这样才对嘛”
“That’s what I’m talking about.”
因为他有花
Because he’s got flowers!
他就算另一只手拿了颗人头
她也不会注意到
He could have a severed head in
the other hand, she doesn’t notice that.
女生会说他只是自卫杀人
He was probably just defending himself.
所以说
花店其实是不符合男人需求的
That’s why the florist is not really
set up right for what men need.
花店服务应该是男人走进花店
告诉店员你做错了什么
You just should walk in,
you tell them what you did wrong,
他们会把你该送的花交给你
然后你就从后面出去
they give you the flowers for that,
and you just move right out the back.
他们需要设计出
They need to make up the,
“好吧，你兄弟不是白♥痴♥”花束
“All right,
your brother’s not an idiot” bouquet.
“你的事业也很重要”花篮
The, “Your career’s
important, too” basket.
这样对男人比较有帮助
That would be helpful to men.
我29岁时订了婚
后来并没有结婚
I got engaged when I was 29.
Didn’t go through with it.
我日期上没办法配合
The date wasn’t good for me.
只好取消
Had to cancel.
其实很多人都经历过这种事
No, it was one of those things.
You know, a lot of people go through that.
“订婚”是很可怕的一个词
The word “engaged” is a very scary word.
如果我有权力的话，我会改掉这个词
I-I would change that
if I was in charge of that.
不知道是女人
还是谁发明了这个词“订婚”
I don’t know, women, or whoever
came up with that word, “engaged.”
我会想到两个很大的齿轮卡在一起
I just saw giant gears just going,
“Chunk!”
我觉得订婚就像是
在云霄飞车的第一个高点
“Engaged,” to me, I felt like I was on
the first hill of a rollercoaster, going,
慢慢地往上爬
“Click, click, click, click,
click, click, click, click.”
“好高喔！”
“Boy, this thing goes high.”
爬到最上面会有戒指和蛋糕
“Click, click, click.” At the top,
they give you the ring and piece of cake.
“结婚了！”
“We’re married!”
我觉得一段感情
最重大的一步是决定生小孩
Biggest step, I think, in relationships
is you decide to have a kid.
因为认识的人都已经完全了解你了
I think you get to a point where everybody
you know has pretty much caught onto you.
你必须做出一个
完全不了解你的新人
You need to create a new person
that doesn’t know anything about you.
你需要一段新的感情
You need a relationship
对方觉得你知道汤匙在哪里很厉害
where someone’s impressed
you know where the spoons are.
还有要去哪里尿尿
Where to urinate.
当然，小孩会长大、变聪明、离家
But, of course, they mature,
become intelligent and leave the house.
所以人才会养宠物
That’s why people get pets,
因为狗不会变聪明
because dogs stay stupid.
狗会变大变老
They grow, they get older,
但永远不会变聪明
but they never catch on to anything.
每次回家
Every time you come home,
它都觉得你很棒
he thinks it’s amazing.
高兴得不得了
They go through the routine.
“他又回来了
♪ He’s back again! ♪
有食物跟球球的人来了
♪ It’s that guy with the food And the ball ♪
他来了
♪ It’s the guy ♪
你怎么知道我在哪间房♥子？”
“How did you know which house I was in?”
这对很多人来说是很困难的
And that’s a tough thing
for a lot of humans.
很多人难以下定决心生小孩
They have a tough time making that leap.
“I’m going to have a kid.”
我邻居有一次养了只猴子
I had a next-door neighbor
one time actually had a pet monkey.
一只猩猩，我就想
“你也真是的，跟人只差一点点啊”
A chimp. And I thought,
“Come on, man. You’re so close.”
如果你需要一只
可以溜直排轮和抽雪茄的宠物
I mean, if you need a pet
that can roller-skate and smoke cigars…
你或许该考虑生孩子了
it’s time to think about a family.
男人呢？男人喜欢东西
What about men? Men like things.
做东西、修东西、忙东西
Building, fixing, working on things,
或是接近其他会做东西
or being around other men
that are building,
修东西、忙东西的男人
fixing, or working on things.
如果有男人在前院拿工具做东西
If a man is in his driveway
working on something with tools,
附近的其他男人都会被这个活动吸引
every other man in the neighborhood
is magnetically drawn to this activity
有看不到的力量
by, like, some invisible force.
就像僵尸一样晃过去
They just wander up like zombies.
他们会到窗边拉开窗帘
They go up to the window,
they pull the drape back.
“吉姆好像在做什么东西
“I think Jim’s
working on something over there.”
我最好快点过去看看”
“I better get over there.”
他们也不会帮他，只是想要待在附近
They don’t help the guy.
They just want to be in the area.
我们想待在有人做事的附近
We want to be in the area
where work is being done.
我们想要问他一些蠢问题
We want to ask him dumb questions.
“你用的是十字螺丝起子吗？
“What are you using,
a Phillips head there?”
十字螺丝起子不错”
“Yeah, that’s a good screwdriver,
the Phillips.”
在讲工具的时候要拉高裤子
You always want to hitch your pants
when you talk about tools.
正是如此，在建筑工地
But this is why,
when they have construction sites,
旁边就会围围篱
they have these
wood-panel fences around it,
把闲杂人挡在外面
这样他们才能专心做事
just to keep the men out,
so they can get a day’s work done.
他们会留小小的洞给我们
They cut a little hole for us
让我们把头塞进去看
so we can stick our head in
and see what the hell is going on.
“他在用十字螺丝起子吗？”
”没错，看起来是十字型的
“Is he using a Phillips?”
“Yeah, looks like a Phillips down there.
那个十字螺丝起子不错”
That’s a good screwdriver.”
漫画喜剧俱乐部历届表演者
漫画喜剧俱乐部
这里给了我们一个家
This was the place
that uh… really gave us a home,
我们就…
and we just…
咬定了
locked onto it, you know?
我觉得这里在某方面感觉很像长岛
For me,
it really felt very Long Island, in a way.
是吗？
因为这里不是很酷的曼哈顿
-[Jimmy] Oh?
-Because it wasn’t cool, Manhattan.
所以我们才能如此融入
So we fit right in.
我们每天晚上都会来表演
Seven nights a week, we were here.
每天晚上，而且连续好几个月
Seven nights a week, for months
and months and months at a time.
每天都在准备等太阳下山
You would spend all day
getting ready for the sun to drop.
没错
对吧？
-Right, yeah.
-Right?
太阳下山前我们根本不存在
Until the sun dropped, we didn’t exist.
对，只要天色一暗
Yeah, as soon as it got dark…
没错
“我的日常生活开始了”
-[Mark] That’s right.
-“My life is starting now.”
而且走进这扇门之后
And how about when you walked in this door
所有朋友都在这里
and all your friends are here?
没错
观众也在
-[Jimmy] Yeah.
-[Jerry] And there’s an audience in there.
真的很棒
It was amazing.
我觉得很像不是学校的高中
To me, it was like high school
without the school part.
没错
懂吗？
-[Jerry] Yes!
-You know?
而我们是美式足球队的明星球员
And we were the…
the stars of the football team.
没错
对吧？
-That’s right.
-Right?
这是我们之前在社交层面上