宋飞之前是杰瑞（2017）

There’s a guy in there
that looks just like me.
我的鹦鹉就会被骗
我有时候会把它从笼子里放出来
And my parakeet would fall for this.
I would let him out of his cage.
我觉得它被关在笼子里很可怜
所以我会放它出来
I always felt bad that he was in a cage,
so I would let him out,
它会飞一飞，然后“砰”一声
and he would fly around,
and he would go “bang,”
然后头就直接撞到镜子
right into the mirror
with his little head,
还会掉羽毛
and the feathers would fly,
然后就摔到地上
再往另一个方向歪歪斜斜地飞去
and he would hit the ground,
then fly off in another direction, a little askew.
但即使它以为镜子会通往另一个房♥间
But even if he thinks
the mirror is another room,
它为什么不试着避开另一只鹦鹉？
why doesn’t he at least try and avoid
hitting the other parakeet?
仔细看啊
Look up!
你的视力不是应该很好吗？
What happened to bird’s-eye view?
There’s a…
有一只鹦鹉直直对你飞了过来耶！
There’s another parakeet
coming right at you!
我之后就开始受不了童年了，很厌倦
But I couldn’t take childhood
at a certain point. You get tired of it.
真的会…我没办法再做木头飞机了
You actually get… I just couldn’t build
one more balsa-wood glider.
知道我当时想做什么吗？
You know what I wanted to do?
一些大人才会做的行为，我有注意到
I wanted to do certain little adult
behaviors that I would see adults do.
比如说
我很喜欢大人检查口袋的样子
Like uh… I liked the way adults
checked their pockets when I was a kid.
我小时候真的会这样想
我喜欢大人这样子
This is actually something I thought as kid.
I liked the way adults did this.
“我的东西呢？
“Do you have those…?”
我找不到钥匙
“I can’t find those keys.
比尔，钥匙在你那边吗？我找不到”
Bill, do you have my keys?
I can’t find the keys.”
小时候如果被问有没有拿什么东西
就会双手伸出来说没有
When you’re a kid, if someone asks
if you have something, you say, “No.”
你所有的东西都拿在手里了
Anything you own is in your hand.
被问“真的没有吗？”
就把手指张得更开一点
“Are you sure?”
You spread the fingers wider.
“真的没有，不在我这边”
“No, I don’t. I don’t have it.”
我想要吃不下
I wanted to ruin my appetite.
我受够了一直被说
“你等一下会吃不下…”
I got tired of hearing,
“You’re going to ruin your appetite.” “Ruin your appetite.”
我们大人当然知道如果吃不下
As adults, we understand
even if you ruin an appetite,
过一阵子就又会吃得下了
there’s another appetite
coming right behind it.
不可能会永远吃不下
There’s no danger
of running out of appetites.
我的胃口会源源不绝地开
I could ruin 100,
I still got thousands more.
我♥干♥嘛那么谨慎小心？
我等等就有胃口啦！
Why am I being so careful with each one?
I’ve got millions of appetites!
我想要玩温控器
I wanted to mess with the thermostat –
大人都不让我碰
that was another thing
they wouldn’t let me go near.
我小时候根本不懂
I don’t know what the story…
“那是什么东西？
为什么我不能碰？”
When I was a kid, “What is with that thing?
Why can’t I go near it?”
我还记得我爸妈跟我解释小鸟、蜜蜂
I even remember when my parents sat me
down to tell me the birds, the bees,
性♥交♥、繁衍的事
intercourse, procreation.
但我一直在等他们解释温控器
I’m like, “Yeah, when does
the thermostat come in here?”
那是我最想知道的秘密
“That’s the secret
I’m waiting to find out.”
我直到28岁才第一次碰到温控器
I didn’t touch a thermostat
until I was 28 years old.
我当时人在匹兹堡的一间旅馆房♥间里
I was in a hotel room in Pittsburgh
我总算鼓起勇气把温度调高了一点
when I finally got the guts
to make it a little warmer.
我彻夜未眠，就怕我爸爸会冲进来
I didn’t sleep the whole night.
I was terrified my father was going to burst in the door.
质问我“是谁碰了温控器？
“Who touched the thermostat in here?”
调那个温度是有原因的”
“You know, I set it there for a reason.”
是，请说
Yes. Yes, sir.
我看到了那组书挡
[man] I recognize the bookends.
那一直都在这里吗？
不对，那是我放的，那是我的
-Are they always here, or is that–
-No, I put them here. Those are mine.
那是超人，我超爱超人的
That’s a Superman.
You know, I love Superman.
所以这是…
So this is a…
这是在氪星的凯艾尔
This is Kal-El on Krypton.
他在这里面，他在火箭里面
You see that he’s in there.
He’s in the rocket.
还有他爸乔艾尔和他妈萝拉
And there’s his dad, Jor-El,
and his mom, Lara.
然后他进了火箭
And then he goes in the rocket,
之后降落在…
and he lands…
他降落在哪里？堪萨斯州吗？
Where does he land? Kansas?
堪萨斯州
堪萨斯州
-[man] Kansas.
-Kansas.
他就在这里
他们有个小超人宝宝，在这里
And there he is, and they have got
the little Superman baby… right there.
对，这是我的
Yeah, those are mine.
还有什么问题？什么？
那些书是谁的？
-What else? What’s that?
-[man] Whose books are those?
这些书是道具，是假的书
The books are a prop. They’re fake books.
这只是道具而已
我毕竟是在娱乐圈打滚
They’re just props. This is show business.
我不是真的住在这里，这不是…
I don’t actually live here.
This is not a…
你需要多出门开开眼界
You need to get out a lot more.
我每张喜剧专辑都有
所有喜剧的东西都有
I had every comedy album
and every comedy thing you could get.
我三年级的时候用这个人偶表演过
I did a show with this puppet
when I was in third grade.
我小时候只要在电视上看到搞笑艺人
When I was a kid
and a comedian came on TV,
我就会看得非常专心
I would just freeze and stare at them.
我很沉迷于喜剧，我觉得这样很自♥由♥
Being obsessed with comedy
felt very liberating,
因为喜剧可以脱离真实世界
because it didn’t have to do
with the real world.
像是《疯狂杂♥志♥》
You know, a Mad Magazine,
只要翻开来看
就会发现这些人不尊重任何人事物
you would start reading it and you’re going,
“Well, these people don’t respect anything.”
真的让我大开眼界
And that just exploded my head.
因为你可以不用全盘接受
It was just, like,
you don’t have to buy it.
你可以说”那样很蠢
You could say, “That’s stupid.”
这很蠢”
“This is stupid.”
有一天，我朋友的哥哥跟我们说
纽约有一个地方
Then, one day, my friend’s older brother
told us there was this place in New York
会让年轻人上台表演单口相声
where young guys were getting on stage
and doing stand-up comedy.
不是像《艾德苏利文秀》
那些穿西装拿雪茄的人
Not like the guys on Ed Sullivan
with tuxedos and cigars,
是疯癫的年轻人
just young, crazy people.
我一知道有这件事
这种世界是真实存在时
Once I saw that this was going on,
that there was a world,
我就很想进到那个世界
我不想待在真实世界
I went, “Oh, I want to be in that world.
I don’t want to be in the real world.”
我在1976年进了市区
So, I came into the city in 1976.
我刚刚说过了
I told you that.
当时纽约治安不是很好
Uh… At that time, New York,
a little bit of a tough town.
但在我看来
Uh… But definitely the best place,
绝对是要成为搞笑艺人的绝佳地点
in my opinion, to become a comedian,
因为首先呢，纽约每个人都很幽默
because, first of all,
everybody in New York is a little funny.
我相信你们应该都自认很幽默
I’m sure you all think you’re funny.
所以你们才喜欢喜剧
因为你们觉得自己很幽默
That’s why you like comedy –
you feel you’re pretty funny yourself.
你们或许觉得自己
也可以像我一样上台搞笑