白烂贱客（2001）

because of what all these dickheads are writing…
因为所有这些在网上发帖的人…
about the comic book Jay and Silent Bob.
谈论的都是漫画里的杰和鲍伯
Maybe one night me and Lunch Box are out…
也许会有一天 当我和鲍伯出去…
We’re making some chick and shit, and she’s, like…
泡妞的时候… 小妞会说:
Ooh, I wanna suck youse guy’s dicks off…
我要把你的小鸡鸡舔下来…
and she’s like, “What’s your names?”
她也许会问 你们叫什么名字
And I’m, like, “Jay and Silent Bob.”
我就说 我们是杰和鲍伯
Recognize.
她会认出我们的
And she’s like, “Oh, I’ve read on the internet…
她还会说 我从网上听说…
that fucking youse guys…
那两个人是…
are a couple of little fucking jerkoffs.
一对打手♥枪♥的白♥痴♥
And then she goes and sucks two other guys’ dicks off instead.
然后她就会去找别人去了
Well, fuck that. We gotta put a stop…
妈的 我们必须阻止这帮…
to these fucking hateful sons of bitches…
狗♥娘♥养♥的…
before they ruin our good names.
毁了我们的好名声
First of all, I don’t know how good your names are.
第一点 我不知道你们还有好名声
Second of all, there’s not much you can do…
第二 你们什么也干不了…
about stopping this bile.
没法阻止这件事
The internet has given everyone in America a voice…
互联网给了每个人一个说话的权力…
and evidently, everyone in America has chosen…
很显然 大家已经都选择它来…
to use that voice to bitch about movies.
评价电影了…
As long as there’s a “Bluntman and Chronic” movie…
只要 大烟鬼和钝男 这部电影存在…
the net nerds are gonna have something negative…
网上就会有讨厌的人…
to say about it.
不停的贬低它
Well, wait a second.
等等
If there wasn’t a “Bluntman and Chronic” movie…
如果没有 大烟鬼和钝男 这部电影的话…
then those fuckers wouldn’t be saying shit…
那么这些混♥蛋♥就不会…
about Jay and Silent Bob, right?
对我们说三道四了
They’re not saying anything about you now, OK?
他们针对的不是你
They’re talking about fictional characters.
他们谈论的是里面的角色
Fictional characters.
虚构的人物
Am l…am I getting through to you at all?
我说了这么多你们还不明白吗?
So all we gotta do is go stop…
所以我们只要不让那个…
the fucking movie from getting made.
电影开拍就行了
Yeah, and forego the hundreds of thousands of dollars…
想象你们能从这部…
that you two would be entitled to in the process.
电影里赚多少钱
What are you, fucking retarded?
你们他妈的痴呆到这种地步?
I don’t think I’m alone in the world…
不是我一个人…
in imagining this flick may be the worst idea…
认为这电影是一个馊主意…
since Greedo shooting first.
最馊的点子
You know, it… a Jay and Silent Bob movie?
你们想想看 这样的一部电影
Who would pay to see that?
谁会花钱去看?
But, since it appears inevitable…
不过这部电影开拍是势在必行…
I recommend that you guys go hunt Banky down…
我建议你们去找本科…
and get your mother-fucking movie check…
把你们应得的钱拿回来…
as you so succinctly put it…
简单的说…
cause that’s what’s important, right?
因为那才是重要的事
Um, no, Holden McNeil.
先别急 等一下
The important thing here is a fucking bunch…
重要的事是…
of motherfuckers we don’t even know…
一群我门不认识的人…
calling us assholes on the internet…
在网上叫我们白♥痴♥…
to teenagers and guys who can’t even get laid.
没女人要的白♥痴♥!
Putting a stop to that is the most important thing…
不让电影开拍才是最重要的…
we could ever do.
这才是我们要做的事情
So when’s this movie getting made?
电影什么时候开拍?
Uh, they start this Friday.
这个星期五
So if today’s Tuesday, that gives us…
今天是星期二 我们还有…
Eight days.
八天的时间
Uh, three by my count, but close.
可是我算的是三天 但也差不多
Right.
对
My bad.
我没算好
Three days to stop that fucking stupid movie…
只有他妈的三天时间…
From getting made. Come on, Silent Bob.
去阻止他们了 赶快 鲍伯
We’re going to Hollywood.
我们要去好莱坞了
Tickets?
车票?
Since when did they start charging for the bus?
公车什么时候收费的?
Didn’t we used to ride that shit…
我们以前早上不是…
to school every morning for free?
老是座免费公车上学的吗?
This sucks balls, man.
真♥他♥妈♥差劲
How come we ain’t getting no rides?
为什么我们一辆车也拦不下来?
Cause you’re doing it all wrong.
因为你们的方法不对
You gotta give the driver a little incentive.
你们必须得给司机点好处才行
Like how?
比如说?
Like this…
像这样… ‘我会为你提供性服务’
Yeah, but what happens when they pick you up…
但是要是司机拉了你…
and you don’t make with the head?
而你又不答应的话…
Don’t they kick your ass to the curb?
那他们会不会把你扔出车外?
Sure, if you don’t make with the head.
是啊 如果你不的话
Yeah. Hey, if It’ll get me…
但是 要是他们…
a couple of hundred miles across the country…
能拉我开几百公里的话…
I’ll take a shot in the mouth.
我连口♥交♥都干
Yeah, but we ain’t gay.
但是我们不是同性恋
Don’t be so suburban. It’s the new millennium.
别太保守了 新世纪都来到了
Gay, straight… It’s all the same now.
坦白的说 没什么关系
There are no more lines.
和正常性♥交♥没什么区别
Well, there’s a line, and on this side of it, we ain’t gay.
还是有区别 我们不是同性恋
Hey, all the hitchers do this.
所有的旅行者都做这个的
Why do you think people pick us up?
你以为司机就那么好心拉我们?
If you get a ride, It’s expected.
想搭车 就得这样
I don’t care who the driver is.
我不管司机是谁都干
It’s the first rule in the book.
这是法则里的第一条
What book?
什么法则?
The unwritten book of the road.
座顺风车的法则
Follow the rules of the book…
只要遵守法则…
and you get where you’re going in no time.
你就可以想到哪 就到哪
Excuse me.
我走了
You both don’t have to sit back there.
你们俩不必都座在后排
Why doesn’t one of you come sit next to me?
你们其中一个座到前面来不好吗?
Where are you boys from?
你们从哪来的?
New Jersey, but we’re on our way to Hollywood.
新泽西州 要去好莱坞
Oh, Hollywood, huh? That’s a long ways away.
好莱坞 那要走很长的路
Yeah. Thank God you picked us up.
是呀 太感谢你了
Well, do unto others. That’s what the Book says.
多做善事 我们法则上说的
Wait a sec. You follow the book, too?
等一下 你也遵守法则?
I live my life by it.
我一生都在遵守着它
You?
你?
Of course. So…
当然?
you live by the Book, too?
你也遵守法则?
Well, you picked us up, didn’t you?
是你搭了我们 不是吗?
I gotta.
我懂了
Well, that’s good to hear.
听起来很好
But It’s a lot easier to say that you live by the Book…
但是只说说很容易…
than to actually do it.
实际行动才是最重要的
Can you do it?
你能行吗?
All right.
好吧
I can’t believe this shit.
我简直不敢相信
Five hours and not a single ride.
5小时了 一辆车也没有
Every day people hitch to Hollywood…
每天都有成千上万的人去…
to stop studios from making films about them…
好莱坞淘金…
but when you and me try it…
但是当你和我要去的时候…
It’s like we’re trapped in a fucking cartoon.
我们却被困住了
Now we can finally solve the mystery…
我们终于揭开了…
of the hitchhiking ghouls.
这帮旅行盗尸者的秘密了
Pull off their masks and let’s see who they really are.
摘下他们的面具 看看他们到底是谁
I don’t think they are masks.
我不认为他们戴着面具
And I don’t think…
我也不认为…
that they’re hitchhiking girls, either.
他们是搭顺风车的盗屎者
Ghouls, you fucking moron, not girls.
盗尸者 笨蛋 不是盗屎者
I wish they were hitchhiking girls…
我希望他们要是女的就好了…
sexy hitchhiking girls.
性感点的