白烂贱客（2001）

You remembered!
你记住了!
Oh, it was a frame-up, Jay.
那是虚构的 杰
Missy, Sissy, Chrissy, and l are international jewel thieves.
米丝 西丝 克丽丝 我们都是国际珠宝大盗
We were setting you up to be a patsy…
我们把你当替罪羊…
but I couldn’t go through with it because l…
但是我不能这么做…
because I love you.
因为我喜欢你
Yeah? That means you’re gonna fuck me, right?
是吗? 那就是说我们可以干事了?
Of course.
当然
If she does, It’ll be considered necrophilia…
如果她干了 那她就有恋尸癖
because she’s gonna be one dead bitch.
因为你很快是个死人了
Hi, Jussy. We catch you at a bad time?
朱丝 我们来得不是时候吗?
You should have just let these guys go down, Jussy.
你早就应该把他们干掉了 朱丝.
I wanted to go down, but this angel…
我本来是想和她干的…
popped on my shoulder and was, like, “Listen.”
但是那个在我肩膀出现的东西说 听着
And I was, like, “What’s up?”
我说 怎么啦?
Shut the fuck up before I shoot you…
再不闭嘴我就开枪了…
where you stand in your pansy red booties.
看看你恶心的红靴子
Holy shit, I am wearing pansy red booties.
妈的 我真的穿着恶心的红靴子
Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?
你为什么没告诉我?
Let’s have those diamonds, Justice.
把钻石给我们 杰斯特
I can’t do that, Sissy.
我不能这么做 西丝.
Then lover boy gets one in the fucking brain.
那你的宝贝男朋友就要吃枪子了
Yo, lovely ladies!
亲爱的小姐们!
Would any of you all like a private audition…
你们中有人 有兴趣私下来…
to be in my movie?
来试试镜?
Bring that ass over. Come on!
都过来吧!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
妈的…
Oh, fuck me!
靠
Crazy crackers with guns?
疯子手里都有枪
Time for me to get my black ass out of here.
是时间该走了
You really let me down, Justice. Throwing it all away…
杰斯特 你真的让我失望了 不顾一切…
for a little stoner with bad pronunciation.
就为了这个吐字不清的小混混
What’s it gonna be, Sissy?
你想怎样 西丝?
Which fighting style do you want me to kick your ass in?
你想让我怎么揍你?
Are you kidding me?
开玩笑吧?
I taught you all your moves myself.
你的打法我全见过了
There’s no style you can bust that I can’t defend against.
没有我不能抵挡的花样了
You’re no match for my Shao Lin Monk.
我还有少林功夫
Yeah, but I’ll bury you with my Crouching Tiger.
我有卧虎藏龙!
A little Venus Flytrap? I’ll counter with Dragon Queen.
死神之吻怎么样? 龙族女皇拳来解
How about a little “Bitch, My Man Ain’t Your Baby’s Daddy?”
来个泼妇拳怎样
Bring it on.
放马过来吧
Fucking stupid bitch!
他妈的 母狗加泼妇!
Yo, I hope one rips off the other one’s shirt…
我希望有一个人衬衣破掉…
and we see some fucking titties…
这样就能看到咪♥咪♥了…
Flopping around and shit in the air. Yeah!
太棒了
Mr. Biggs, Mr. Van Der Beek, I just wanted to say hi. I’m…
比格斯先生 范德比克先生 我只想打个招呼…
Banky fuckin Edwards!
他妈的 本科
Just the motherfucker we came to see!
我们正要找你呢
Holy shit! What the fuck are you guys doing here?
我靠! 你们在干啥?
Why the hell are you shooting at me?
你们为什么要向我开枪?
Two reasons.
两个原因
One…we’re walking, talking bad-girl cliches!
第一 我们是坏女孩
And two…because you’re a man! Aah!
第二 你是个男的
Only on the outside.
这只是我的外表而已
Stop the movie? Are you crazy?
阻止这部电影? 你们疯了?
All these assholes on the internet are calling us names…
现在网上的混♥蛋♥都在骂我们…
because of this fucking stupid movie.
就是因为这该死的傻电影
That’s what the internet’s for… slandering others anonymously.
这就是网络的用途… 用来造谣生事
Stopping the flick isn’t gonna stop that!
不拍电影他们还是会骂的
This isn’t fair!
这太不公平了
We came to Hollywood, I fell in love.
我们来到好莱坞 我坠入了爱河
Fucking we stole a monkey, we got shot at…
我们偷了猴子 还被人开枪打…
and I got punched in the motherfucking nuts…
最后我还被一个叫睾丸打手…
by a guy named Cock-Knocker!
的人给打了
You know what? I feel for you boys, I really do.
你知道吗 我真的很能理解你们
But Miramax… you know, Miramax Films…
但是米尔马克斯…
paid me a shitload of money for “Bluntman and Chronic”…
他们为了这部点电影付了我很多钱…
so it occurs to me that people bad-mouthing you…
所以说别人在网上…
on some website is none of my fucking concern!
谈论你们和我无关!
Oh, but I think it is.
我认为有关
We had a deal with you on the comics, remember…
我们和你是有协议 还记得吗…
for likeness rights…
肖像权…
and as we’re not only the artistic basis…
这不光来源于我们的故事…
but also, obviously, the character basis…
而且基于人物改编
for your intellectual property, “Bluntman and Chronic”…
至于 大烟鬼和钝男 的知识产权…
when said property was optioned by Miramax Films…
当被米尔马科斯买♥♥断的时候…
you were legally obliged to secure our permission…
依法你要把我们的许可权…
to transfer the concept to another medium.
转至其他媒体下面
As you failed to do that, Banky…
可是你却没这么做 本科…
you are in breach of the original contract.
是你违反了原始合同
Ergo, you find yourself in a very actionable position.
因此 我们可以随时起诉你
You guys are gonna ruin my movie career.
你们会毁了我的电影事业
Well, we want something for our mental anguish.
我们只是想要点精神损失费
Tell you what… we’ll settle this monetarily.
好 我们用钱来解决这件事
I’ll give you half of what I make.
我会把我一半的所得分给你们
Half? Half’s not good enough? Fine.
一半? 一半不够? 好
I’ll give you two-thirds of what I make.
三分之二怎么样
Fuck you. You already said half.
他妈的 你已经说了一半了
You can’t take it back.
你不能反悔
Done.
成交
Your shit is so tired, Justice.
你的招式太过时了 杰斯特
Call me Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck… bitch.
叫我 小宝贝 泼妇!
Truce?
休战了?
I think I killed both of them.
我想我把她们俩都杀了
I am an excellent marksman. I’ve always…
我真是个出色的抢手 我总是…
Oh…God.
天啊!
Come on, you guys. It’s over.
出来吧 没事了
You all right, Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck?
你还好吧? 我的小宝贝
I was just about to jump in and fucking get your back.
我正想要跳出来帮你的
Holy shit, the cops. We gotta get out of here.
妈的 警♥察♥来了 我们必须走了
No, no, no. I’m tired of running.
不 我不想再过逃亡的生活了
Oh, Marshal. Hey, you awake?
长官 你醒着吗?
Wake up, Marshal.
醒一下 长官
Oh. Are you OK?
你还好吧?
Oh, my God, I’m paralyzed!
我的天呀! 我瘫痪了
That monkey shot me in the ass and paralyzed me!
那只猴子打了我 我瘫痪了
Oh, sweet irony!
真是讽刺啊
You’re not paralyzed. It was just a tranquilizer.
你没瘫痪 那只是镇定剂
Oh, Jesus! Ow!
老天
Tranked by a little monkey!
被猴子给打了镇定剂
My friends in the Bureau…
我局里的朋友们…
are never gonna let me hear the end of this.
要是知道了非笑死我不可
You have friends in the FBI?
你有在FBI的朋友
Uh-huh. They all made it in, but I failed the exam.
他们全都顺利通过了 只有我考试不及格
Why the hell else do you think I became…
你以为我为什么要当…
a Federal Wildlife Marshal?
联邦野生动物官员?
I’ll tell you why! Because I’m a joke!
我来告诉你 我成了笑话!
Maybe not.
先别急着下结论
I can make you a deal that will get you into the FBI…
我有个能让你进FBI的好方法…
regardless of test scores.
根本就不用考试
What kind of deal?
什么方法?
You get the charges dropped against Jay and Silent Bob…
你要撤下对杰和鲍伯的起诉…
and say you never found the ape.
然后说没有找到那只猴子
In exchange, I will give you the diamonds we stole…
如果你照做的话 我就把钻石交给你…
and turn in Missy, Chrissy, Sissy, and myself.
你还可以把 米丝 克丽丝 西丝 和我都抓起来
But I want a reduced sentence.
但是我要求轻判
You’d be willing to do that?
你真的想这么做?
For him, I’d be willing to do anything.
为了她 我愿意做任何事情
I’m an international jewel thief who’s facing a jail sentence.
我是一个要接受审判的珠宝大盗