简·方达的五幕戏（2018）

反对那些
against a people who…
说到底只是想征求独♥立♥的人
wanted, above all else, independence.
我们不可能赢
There was no way that we could win.
你知道 这很有趣 突然
You know, it’s funny, suddenly,
我觉得我比以前更有感触
I felt, more than I ever had,
美国人啊
American.
这似乎是完全矛盾的
It seems completely contradictory,
你知道 几年后
you know, in a few years,
不喜欢我的人会说
people that didn’t like me were saying,
“回到河内去”诸如此类
“Go back to Hanoi,” and all that.
但我觉得 “不 不 不 这是”
But I felt, “No, no, no, this is…
“是我们走错了路
“We’ve taken a wrong path.
“我想和我的人♥民♥在一起 在我的国家
“I want to be with my people, in my country,
“试着纠正一些事情 ”
“and try to make this right.”
我真的 我希望我的生命有意义
I really, I wanted my life to have meaning.
但我结婚了 我怀孕了
But I was married, and I was pregnant, and…
我的天哪 我不知道该怎么办
Oh my gosh. I don’t know what to do.
我说 我只是不知道该怎么办
I said, I just don’t know what to do.
她意识到
She realized that
她不仅仅想做一个家庭主妇 女演员
there was more to life than just being a housewife, actress.
瓦迪姆 尽管思想进步了许多
And Vadim, although progressive,
参与政♥治♥讨论 但真心参与其中是不可能的
getting involved in politics, and really getting involved, was not his thing.
凡妮莎出生
Vanessa was born…
这是一个非常 非常 非常痛苦的出生
and it was a very, very, very traumatic birth.
他们用了手术钳把我撕裂
They used forceps, and they tore me.
我大出血
I hemorrhaged a lot.
我患有产后抑郁症
I was suffering from postpartum depression.
我没有母乳
My milk didn’t come…
这种反应应该形成 嗯……
That bond that’s supposed to happen, um,
但就是没有
it just didn’t.
我觉得我是一个坏妈妈
I felt like I was the bad mother,
我很害怕
and I was terrified.
这让我很惊讶 这种恐惧的感觉
It surprised me, this feeling of fear.
后来 当我回首往事的时候 我知道为什么
And, you know, later on, as I look back on it, I know why.
那是因为
It was because…
这很难说 嗯
It’s hard to talk about. Um…
我总是把我母亲看作是受害者
I always saw my mother as a victim.
女人等于受害者
Women equals victim.
“我是一个女人
“I am a woman,
我要被伤害了 我要被榨干了”
I am gonna be damaged, I am gonna be crushed.”
我的母亲是一个非常复杂的女人
My mother was a very complicated woman,
非常非常漂亮的女人
very, very beautiful woman,
但她似乎总是生病
but she always seemed sick.
我们坐在客厅里 她握着我的手
We’d sit in the living room, and she’d hold my hand,
她的手会像这样颤抖
and her hand would be trembling like this.
还有
And…
我不想让她感觉不束缚 所以我也会让我的手颤抖
I didn’t want her to feel bad so I would make my hand tremble, too.
我的意思是 这是很难说清楚的
I mean, it was… it was hard to figure out
她身上到底发生了什么
what was happening with her.
可怜的妈妈
Poor mom.
我想她不应该嫁给父亲
I think my father was not the person she ever should have married.
他对她不友善
He was not kind to her.
我父亲去百老汇演罗伯茨先生
My father went to Broadway to do Mr. Roberts.
所以我们搬到了康涅狄格州
And so we moved to Connecticut.
我的母亲 那是她精神健康
My mother… that was where her mental health
完全恶化的地方
was really deteriorating.
我当时不知道
I didn’t know it at the time,
是舞台经理的妹妹
but the sister of the stage manager
比我大7岁
was seven years older than me,
我父亲爱上了她
and my father had fallen in love with her.
显然 对我母亲来说 这是一个艰难的时期
It was a difficult time for my mother, obviously.
我记得我在吃晚饭的时候
I remember sitting at dinner…
我们吃了垃圾食品
We ate Spam,
不总是吃那些
not all the time,
但偶尔也会有罐头水果和垃圾食品
but occasionally, it would be canned fruit and Spam.
很奇怪
Very weird.
坐在桌子旁
And sitting at the table,
我垂下眼帘看到妈妈
I looked down and my mother was…
她的脸上流下了泪水
there were tears pouring down her face
滴落在她的餐盘上
onto her dinner plate.
我的祖母在这里 我的弟弟没有人说一句话
And my grandmother was here, and my brother… and no one said a word.
我记得有一天下午她
And I remember, one afternoon her
被送进医院
being taken to a hospital.
上次她回家的时候
The last time she came home,
她说服了该机构的人
she has convinced the people at the institution
说她康复了 他们让她回家
that she was getting well and they let her come home,
有一个护士陪着她
with a nurse accompanying her.
我弟弟和我在楼上玩杰克
My brother and I had been upstairs playing jacks.
外婆叫我们下来
Grandma called for us to come down,
我不会去的
and I wouldn’t go.
我对彼得说：“你去吧 我让你赢
I said to Peter, “You go and I’ll let you win,
如果你走下去 我就不用去了 ”
if you go down, I’m not going.”
我再也没见过她
I never saw her again.
就在那一天 她把一个刀片从房♥子里偷出来
That was the day she snuck a razor out of the house,
然后自杀了
and then killed herself.
有一天我从学校回到家
I came home from school one day,
我的父亲和祖母坐在客厅里
my father and my grandmother were sitting in the living room,
他们让我坐下 他们说
and they sat me down, and they said,
“你的母亲死于心脏病 ”
“Your mother died of a heart attack.”
我能听到彼得在哭
I could hear Peter crying.
我一直在想 “为什么我哭不出来？”我从来没有哭过
And I kept thinking, “Why can’t I cry?” I never cried.
我从来没有哭过 我坐在我的床沿上
I never cried, I sat on the edge of my bed
想着 “我怎么了？”
thinking, “What’s the matter with me?”
人们会说
And people would say,
“天啊 简不是很令人惊讶吗？”
“God, Jane isn’t she amazing?
“她心理太强大了 ”
“She’s so strong.”
所以这种无谓的赞许 会一直加在你头上
So it was like approbation for keeping it all in.
这就成了我的一贯做风
And that became my modus operandi.
嗯
Um…
对我来说 很难做到这一点
it was very hard for me to ever be able to kinda do away
克服心理障碍花了很长很长的时间
with that. It took a long, long time.
嗯
Um…
你有没有注意到 嗯 或者观察
Did you notice, uh, or observe
你父亲对你母亲的死有何反应？
how your father reacted to your mother’s death?
嗯 爸爸出来了 他把这个消息告诉了我
Well, dad came out and he dropped the news,
然后回到纽约 继续演戏
and then went back to New York and did his play.
嗯
Um…
那是爸爸
that was dad.
演出必须继续
The show must go on.
我父亲带我去了联合车站
My father took me to Union Station,
带着我的手提箱
with my suitcase,
把我送到寄宿学校的火车上
and put me on the train to boarding school.
他刚再婚
He was newly married.
他在百老汇的戏剧里
He was in a play on Broadway, and…
在夏天拍电影 我是说 很明显
making films in the summer. I mean, it was obvious
彼得和我不能继续和他住在一起
that Peter and I couldn’t continue living at home with him.
没有人跟我们谈过我母亲的遭遇
Nobody had ever talked to us about what had happened with my mother.
我发现真♥相♥是因为有一本电影杂♥志♥
I found out because of a movie magazine.
上面写着 “亨利方达的前妻 弗朗西斯德维勒尔方达
And it said, “Henry Fonda’s ex-wife, Frances de Villers Fonda,
“在里格斯研究所用剃刀割破她的喉咙”和
“cut her throat with a razor at the Riggs Institute,” and…
在很多不同的层面上 这都一个令人难堪的局面
It was an awkward situation on a lot of different levels.
对我爸爸来说 寄宿学校让我们
And, to my dad, boarding school was getting us
到一个安全的地方
into a safe place,
我们也不会给他添乱了
and it was also getting us out of his hair.
它就像一个避风港
It was like a haven.
这是我生命中最稳定的东西 它是我生命的核心
It was a… it was the steady thing in my life. It was the core of my life.
我开始意识到
I became very aware
事实上 我真的与众不同
of the fact that I was really different,
不仅仅是因为我父亲很有名
not just because my father was famous.
我们只是过着不同的生活
We just lived differently.