蠢蛋搞怪秀3D

整个好像崩溃了
We’re really falling apart here.
-天啊 -兄弟我爱你
-Jesus. -I love you, bro.
他刚吐在他的镜头上
He just puked all over his camera.
这就是 运动服的鸡尾酒
That was the Sweatsuit Cocktail.
-真的啦 -耶 兄弟
-Seriously. -Yeah, brother.
我是圣诞老人
My name is Santy Claus,
跟我的兄弟们 这是 圣诞树
and I’m here with the Dudesons, and this is the Christmas Tree.
木材
Timber!
-圣诞老人和精灵难得下来 -是的
-Santa and elf is coming down hard. -Yes!
圣诞老人已经很久没爬树了
Santa ain’t climbed a tree in quite a while.
老实说 圣诞老人昨晚喝了几杯
And, I am gonna be honest, Santa did have a couple last night.
所以…这不会很舒服的
So… this ain’t gonna feel too good.
我只能享受这趟旅程
I’m just here to enjoy the ride.
你要怎么开始
How do you get started?
-你需要帮忙吗 -是的 圣诞老人需要你帮个忙
-You need a hand? -F, yes! Santa needs a hand.
我喜欢他们爬上一棵40英尺高的树
I just love that they’re climbing up a 40-foot tree,
他们得从60英尺降下来 它是…
and they’re gonna have a 60-foot drop and it’s
-最高的早晨 -给你的最高的早晨
-the top of the morning. -Top of the morning to you!
-圣诞老人看起来极好 -圣诞老人干♥他♥妈的累了
-Santa looking good! -Santa’s fucking tired.
圣诞老人可以勉强称住 所以让我们走吧
Santa can barely hold on, so let’s go.
这是最难的部分 现在是容易的部分
That was the hard part! Now comes the easy part.
电锯拿出来
Bring out the saw!
他们让雅皮士拿电锯
They’re letting Jarppi work the chainsaw.
他从来没有用过电锯
He’s never touched a chainsaw before.
他只有一根拇指 他要怎么松开扳柄啊
He’s got one thumb. How’s he gonna hit the trigger?
之后他会没有大拇指
He’s gonna have no thumbs after this.
你在这时龟缩了
You ever get scared in these moments?
耶
Yeah.
推它 从旁边推它
Push it! Push it the other way!
雅皮士 切断它
Jarppi, cut out!
耶 但你一定要推啊
Yeah, but you got to push!
来了 来了
There it goes, there it goes!
木材
Timber!
干
Fuck!
圣诞老人来了 你还好吗
Santa’s coming out! Are you all right?
我的屁♥股♥跌在树上
I fell on the tree… on my ass!
-你跌在树上 -嗯
-You fell on the tree? -Yeah.
但你还活着耶
But you’re alive.
还好吗
You good?
圣诞老人 我认为这是唯一的方法帮自己取得一棵圣诞树
Santa, I think that’s the only proper way to get yourself a Christmas tree.
经历了这么多次的雪橇旅程
With all that sleigh riding I do,
我发现圣诞老人应该不喜欢这种高度
Santa really doesn’t like heights, I found out.
我是 危险的厄尔文 这是Pin the Tail on the Donkey
I’m Danger Ehren, and this is Pin the Tail on the Donkey.
就是这样
You got it.
让我转你个几圈 转个几圈
Let me spin you around. Spin you around.
Ok 打开你的腿
OK. Spread your legs.
搞High一点
Tail up higher.
-它踢到哪 -没有
-Where’d he hit you? -It didn’t.
你觉得它踢到我哪里
Where the fuck do you think it hit me?
你看 干♥他♥妈的
Look, damn it!
把那绳子放到驴子上
Put that tail on that donkey.
Ok 就只是只驴子
OK, it’s just a donkey.
腿打开…腿打开
Spread legs… spread legs.
赞啊
That’s good.
把鸡鸡放低点
Get your dick lower.
往前往前 腿打开
You’re going good. Spread legs.
走的好啊
Your walk is just amazing.
往前 往前
Straight, straight.
你会暖起来的
You’re getting warm.
我听到那下
I heard that.
它踢了我的鸡鸡 它踢中我的鸡鸡
It got me in the dick! It got me in the dick!
我看到他小♥弟♥弟♥上的蹄印
I see the hoofprint on his ding-ding.
干 我不想再来一次 如果刚那下可以的话
Fuck! I don’t want to do that anymore, if that’s OK.
哈啰…
Hello…
哈啰 我是 约翰尼·诺克斯维尔
Hello. My name is Johnny Knoxville.
这里是职业球员 埃里克安吉 艾伦贾里德
We have professional football players Erik Ainge, Jared Allen,
及 来当我们裁判的 西恩威廉史葛
and our referee today, Seann William Scott.
这是 误导
This is the Blindside.
-不是我喔 小子 -我知道…
-I didn’t do it, Wee Man. -I know.
不是我喔 贾里德 你怎么这样勒
I didn’t do it. Jared, why did you do that?
刚我突然傻了一会儿
I really got lost in the moment.
来把场子弄热起来吧
Let’s get this shit over with.
蓝色…24
Blue… 24!
蓝色…24 Hut
Blue… 24! Hut!
喔 我的天啊
Oh, my God.
看来你不是档到他耶 普雷斯顿
Looks like you didn’t block him, Preston.
而是把他种在他妈的地上
You just planted me in the fucking ground!
干这感觉像屎
That felt like shit.
你当过后卫吗
Have you ever played linebacker before?
-很久以前 -可以来试一次吗
-Years and years ago. -You think you can give it a try?
回顾一下 你担当的是
Quickly review. What’s your job?
毁掉诺克斯维尔的脸
Murder Knoxville’s face.
-你担当的是 -接球
-What’s your job? -Catch the ball.
-我是说…-大家上吧
-I mean… -Let’s do this!
我是说 接球
I mean, catch the ball.
你认为 诺克斯维尔会接球吗
Do you think Knoxville’s gonna catch the ball?
-不 -谁鸟他啊
-Nope. -Who gives a shit?
嘿 贾里德 这次别用你下面那坨打我
Hey, Jared! Don’t hit me with your purse this time!
赞喔 傻子
Nice wristband, douche.
十小屋
Ten hut!
我有接到吗
Did I catch it?
大家都不知道橄榄球跟物理有关
People don’t realize football’s a game of physics.
等速度或相对速度之类的
Speed and velocity equals that.
-打得好 待会淋浴见 -打得好 待会淋浴见
-Good game. See you in the showers. -Good game. See you in the showers.
喔 干
Oh, fuck!
这绝对是十分中的十分
That was perfect. That was perfect.
这是我们的朋友威尔 他有一个蛮特别的屁♥股♥
This is our friend, Will, and he has a very special bottom.
老兄 你真是屁王之王
Dude, you are one mingin’ machine.
准备 好的 来啊 派对开始
You ready? All right, come on, dude, let’s party.
-吹看看小号♥ -好滴 来噜
-What about the trumpet? -All right. Here he goes.
你让我们充满了爵士气息
You’re bringing jazz back to the working man.
-这个实在是太屌♥了 -这真是太有才了
-We’re on to something here. -That’s talent!
嘿 老兄 你可以用屁♥股♥抽烟吗
Hey, bud, dude, can I bum a smoke?
等等
Wait.
结束啦
Bottoms up.
结束得像屎…
There’s shit on the end…
怎么才能结束的像屎
Is there shit on the end?
-这里有屎 -嘿 看这里
-There’s shit on there. -Hey, look at this shit.
我看到了…
I saw it.
-真是干♥他♥妈的恶心 -老兄 刚那实在是太屌♥了
-That’s fucking gross. -Dude, that was fucking mingin’.
用吹箭来试试看
Let’s get out the dart gun.
-耶 -拿去
-Yeah. -There you go.
真走运 我们刚好有耶
Luckily, we had it handy.
-要先练一下吗 -弄颗汽球来
-Do you want to practice? -Let’s get a balloon.
-需要下面点吗 -恩 再低一点
-Does it need to go down lower? -Yeah, go lower.
好了 就这样
You got it. You got it.
你是想要把蛋蛋钉牢吗
You might want to tuck your nuts up.
不不不 我觉得你要把大腿张开点
No, no, no! I think you should leave your legs just a little agape.
斯蒂沃 小心你的蛋蛋 你会伤了它的
Steve-O, don’t get your balls in the way. You’ll hurt ’em.
-塞紧了吗 -嗯 我想是塞好了
-Is this sucking in? -Yeah, he’s sucking in.
-流浪了 -我说真的
-Trippin’ out. -I’m seriously trippin’.
你是想拖时间吗…嘿
You wanna try the longer… Hey!
我是 约翰尼·诺克斯维尔 这是 坏狗
My name’s Johnny Knoxville and this is Bad Dog.
奥克拉荷马 奥克拉荷马
Oklahoma! Oklahoma!
干
Fuck!
喔 我屁♥股♥的肉
Oh, my ass meat!
那狗还真是…勇健
That dog… is athletic.
我屁♥股♥超痛
My ass hurts.
兰斯 我刚在那有蹲好吗
Lance, can you tell I’ve been doing squats?
我不该先搞这个的…
You know, I couldn’t have done this on the first…