蠢蛋搞怪秀3D

你应该看看我会黏在哪
You should see it from where I’m at.
喔不
Oh, no.
称个两分钟 谁来计时啊
Hold it. Two minutes! Someone time it.
这两分是我♥干♥过最久的69式
Two minutes is the longest 69 I’ve ever fuckin’ done!
-你要怎么摆脱这69式啊 -我他妈的不知道
-How do you plan on un-69-ing? -I have no fucking idea.
-我知道要怎么把他们弄下来了 -把他们从桌上滚下来
-I got an idea how to get him off. -Slide them down the table, this way.
-不 -什么
-No! -What?
不 不要…爽
No, don’t… Nicely.
谁去把电击枪拿来
Somebody go get me the stun gun.
不
No!
耶 去拿来 把电击枪拿来
Yeah! Go get it! Get the stun gun!
扯下来 扯下来 不不不
I’m pulling off! I’m pulling off! No! No! No!
这一点也不酷 不 不
That’s not fucking cool! No, no!
干
Fuck!
干♥他♥妈的看我的乳♥头♥
Look at my fucking nipple!
干勒 我的腋下啊 菲尔 扯下来
My fucking armpit kills! Phil, pull it off.
-真的吗 哪儿 这里 -这是哪来的
-For real? Where, here? -What’s this from?
我不行啦 让AP来吧
I can’t. Let Ap do it.
-扯猛点 -准备 准备 准备…
-Yank it off. -Ready, ready, ready…
住手
Stop that.
我想这就是超级瞬间胶的用途
I think that’s it for Super Mighty Glue.
我想这就是超级瞬间胶的用途
I think that’s it for Super Mighty Glue.
感谢神 我们没人有包皮来玩这游戏
Thank God none of us had that foreskin you were talking about.
谁有包皮啊
Does anyone have foreskin?
谁啊 现在是举起你的手的时候
Anybody. Now’s the time to raise your hand.
耶
Yeah.
三 二 一 上啊
Three, two, one, go!
志隹士
Chicas.
抱歉 我按错钮
Sorry. I hit my wrong button.
还我的腿来 救命啊
Give me my leg! Help!
把我的腿还来
Give me my leg!
那狗咬走我的腿 停 小偷
That mutt’s got my leg! Stop! Thief!
-嘿 -你想去哪
-Hey! -Where you going?
喔 天啊
Oh, God.
我得去厕所 换一下内♥裤♥
I went to the bathroom. I have to change.
跑 跑 跑 跑 跑 跑 跑
Run, run, run run, run, run, run!
跑 跑 跑 跑 跑
Run, run, run, run, run!
嘿 老兄 你在做啥啊
Hey, man. What are you doing, man?
我搞砸了 我搞砸了
I messed myself. I messed myself.
可以帮帮我吗
Can you help me?
天杀的 才不 你会清理好吧
Hell, no. You going to clean it?
我会清好的 如果你滚远点
I’m cleaning it! If you’ll get off my case.
哈啰 我是 欧文·齐斯曼
Hello. My name is Irving Zisman.
这是我孙子 默里
This is my grandson, Murray,
今天我们要去买♥♥台摩托车
and today, we’re going to go buy a scooter.
哇 好个可爱的地方
Wow, what a lovely place.
好选择
Good selection.
-你好吗 -嗯 这是我孙子
-How you doing, sir? -Good. I’m with my grandson.
-喔 不错啊 -嗯
-Oh, very nice. -Yeah.
-这台多少钱 -大概两千
-How much does this cost? -That’s running about $2,000.
两千 我有弄坏啥吗
Two thousand? What’d I do, break something?
天啊
My goodness.
你在那看啥 默里
What were you looking at over there, Murray?
就几台摩托车啦
Just a couple of bikes down there.
这台如何
Tell me a little bit about this one here.
还不错 我会把它放回去
This is nice. I’ll put it back.
-我等等回来 -Ok
-I’ll be right back. -OK.
干夭寿喔
Holy shit!
干 我按错钮了吗
Fuck. Did I hit the wrong button?
发生什么事 你还好吧
What happened? Are you OK?
需要叫救护车吗
Sir, would you like me to call the paramedics?
不用啦 我还好
No, I’m fine!
-发生什么事 -这老兄刚爆冲了
-What happened? -The old dude just took off.
刚有人冲了出去
Some guy just fuckin’ went through the thing.
他怎么冲了出去 从这里
How’d he come through here? He came through here?
他就这样冲了出去
He went out that way.
他怎可能就这样冲出去
How’d he go out that way?
我想他应该还好
I think he’s all right.
喔 我的老天啊
Oh, my goodness.
插♥你♥老母
Up yours!
我是 庞修斯 野蛮人
I’m Pontius the Barbarian,
现在宰了肮脏野兽正是时候
and now the day has come to slay the foul beast,
恶魔的仆从
the devil’s brethren.
来啊 野兽 接受你的末日吧
Come, beast. Come meet your doom.
喔 你这乖戾的野兽
Oh, you sour beast!
你这暗黑的猪猡
You swine of the darkness!
我期待这场狂欢很久了 你…
I’ve long awaited this blood orgy, you…
傻子 再来
Fool! More!
傻子 他逮到我了
Fool! He’s got me!
干 天杀的 把我从这弄走
Fuck! Goddamn it, get me out of here!
干
Fuck!
老兄 干♥他♥个鸟东西
Dude, fuck this shit.
-发生什么事 -我受够了
-What happened? -I’m fucking over it.
-你在这还不赖啊 -我知啦 让我好很多
-It got you good right here. -I know, it got me good a lot.
你被夹跟刺到了 所以任务完成了
You got bit and stung, so mission accomplished.
我♥干♥他妈的超火大
I’m fucking pissed.
不然你以为会发生啥事
What’d you think was going to happen?
上来点 耶 就是这
Up a little. Yeah, right there.
喔 操
Oh, shit.
在这里的是 BMX传奇人物 垫霍夫曼
We’re here with BMX legend Mat Hoffman,
这是 运动服的鸡尾酒
and this is a Sweatsuit Cocktail.
我猜这是让汗流下来
So I guess the idea is for the sweat to dribble down
流进漏斗 然后进杯里
into the funnel, into the cup.
这烂东西 甚至是我们…
That’s rinky-dink, even for us.
从屁♥股♥里流了出来
That’s coming right out of the ass.
我们可能需要一个医生
We probably need a doctor.
差点就有一滴了
You almost have a drop.
穿这个实在是有够热耶
Man, it’s fucking hot in this!
斯蒂沃 脸
Steve-O, face.
-那是什么 -脸
-What’s that? -Face.
看起来像白卤汁
Looks like white gravy.
收集他脸上的水 把杯子放低一点
Sop his face. Bring the cup down a little bit.
-装好 装好 -喔 操
-Get it, get it! -Oh, shit!
-那是尿还是汗 -汗啦 老兄 装好
-Is that pee-pee or sweat? -It’s sweat, dude. Get it!
把它拧出来 斯蒂沃
Wring that out, Steve-O.
我们失去兰斯了
We’re losing Lance, guys.
啥
What?
什么…他的头在上下摆动
What is…? His head’s bobbing.
兰斯 你还好吧 我想我们让他崩溃了
Lance, you all right? I think we just broke him again.
你 还好吧
You OK?
-你需要摄影机 -嗯…
-You need the camera? -Yeah…
-摄影机能让你好一点 -耶 我…
-The camera help you not get sick? -Yeah, I’m…
好吧 把摄影机给他 让他…
All right, give him the camera so he…
好了吗 你好吗
Got it? You good?
嘿 谁来看我深入股沟
Hey, someone follow me down the crack.
Ok 来噜
OK, here we go.
斯蒂沃 斯蒂沃 天啊
Steve-O! Steve-O! Lord!
抱歉 抱歉
Sorry! Sorry.
前列腺考验着你我
A prostate exam going on back there.
干饶了我吧 老兄
Fuck sake, dude.
把这脱掉 然后把水拧出来…
Here, let’s take this shit off and wring out the suit.
这让我作恶
That makes me want to puke.
这是你在这两年里第一杯鸡尾酒 是吗
This is the first cocktail you’ve had in two years, right?
耶 为了身体健康
Yeah. Here’s to good health.
干杯吧 斯蒂沃
Chug that whole thing, Steve-O.
我觉得摄影机…
I think the cam…
别吐在机器上
Don’t puke on that heater.
你吐在…
You’re puking on…
把摄影机给我 你吐在镜头上了
Give me your camera. You’re puking right on your lens.
这似乎…
Here, we gotta like…