蠢蛋搞怪秀3D

干
Fuck!
干烂透了
Sucks doody!
-有什么感觉 -我改变想法了
-How do you feel? -I changed my mind.
电击枪是我现在最痛恨的东西
Stun guns are the number one most thing that I hate now.
牛是第二 蛇第三
Bulls are second, snakes are third.
这真是烂透啦
That sucked! Terribly.
我是 普雷斯顿 莱西
I’m Preston Lacy here
身边是职业球员 杰克布朗
with pro kicker Josh Brown,
这是 场目标
and this is the Field Goal.
踢
Kick!
哇 这球踢得好
Wow, that was a good kick.
-直接命中吗 -就这么给他直接亲下去
-Was that right in the puss? -Right on the kisser.
喔干
Oh, fuck.
我的嘴巴
My mouth.
干
Fuck!
-我爱你 兄弟 多谢 -喔 我的天啊
-I love you, buddy. Thank you. -Oh, my God.
职业橄榄球星 杰克布朗 我爱你 老兄 在这
Pro football star Josh Brown. I love you, buddy. Right here.
干 满分啦
Fucking A!
-打在嘴巴上 -真男人
-On the mouth. -You’re a man.
埃普丽尔 这是什么胶水
April, what kind of glue is this?
-超强瞬间胶 -这是超强胶
-Super Mighty Glue. -This is Super Mighty Glue,
我们今天要用这个来玩一下
and we’re going to have a little fun with it today.
谁有胸毛
Who’s got tummy hair?
我没有
Not me.
-你有胸毛 -我有一些
-You have tummy hair? -I have a fraction.
-这绝对是胸毛 -绝对是
-That’s definitely tummy hair. -That’s tummy hair.
-喔 你们有胸毛耶 -我说的就是这个
-You guys got tummy hair. -Now we’re talking.
我们该抹些在他们身上
Looks like we got cast for this bit.
-别挤在他手指上啊 -他们说你不用抹太多
-Don’t get it on his fingers. -You don’t need a lot, they say.
“每次只用一点点” 喔 诺克斯维尔 天啊
A dab’ll do ya. Oh, Knoxville, Jesus!
不 我觉得这会有用
No, I think this is gonna work.
好吧 准备好了吗
All right. We ready?
准备好 然后
Ready, then?
喔 我的天啊
Oh, my God!
喔 我的天啊
Now. Oh, my God!
就把手放着 放着 就把手放在那
Keep it on there. Keep it on. Keep it on there.
老兄 我的皮可能会被扯掉
Dude, it’s gonna take my skin off.
你的手会像刚尻完枪的样子
You’re gonna have hairy palms.
等等 我蛮喜欢的 当 普雷斯顿 说…
Wait. I kind of like it when Preston says…
干
Fuck!
-没动啊 -你想要普雷斯顿说啥
-It’s not moving. -What do you like Preston to say?
来演奏场交响乐吧
Get a little symphony going.
老兄 这已经黏住了
Dude, this is in.
该拔起来了吗
Should they pull it?
不用再等啦 老兄 已经黏住了
We don’t need any more time, dude. It is in.
你至少用了15克的超级瞬间胶
You got at least 15 grams of super glue.
-拔起来 拔起来 -真的吗
-Pull it! Pull it! -Really?
三 二 一…
Three, two, one…
皮来了 我知道啦 上啊 巴姆
Skin’s coming, I know it. Go, Bam!
他是只狼人
He’s a werewolf!
狼人
Werewolf!
这是菲尔的毛
That is mingin’-ass Phil’s.
普雷斯顿的长的不错 但还是太恶烂
Preston’s is pretty gross, but that is disgusting!
哇
Wow!
不 别继续在你的毛手上抹了
No, don’t pour that on your boo-boo hand.
-好刺啊 -会受伤的
-It stings. -That’s gotta hurt.
嘿邓恩 你屁♥股♥里有毛吗
Hey, Dunn. Do you have any hair on your butt?
-没 -你想要一些吗
-No. -Do you want some?
我其实有点想要有屁毛
I’m thinking I’m about due for a hairy ass, yeah.
我三十岁了 但就是还没长出来
I’m in my 30s, it hasn’t grown in natural yet.
那我想我们该来弄点移植手术
So I think we’re gonna have to do a transplant.
菲尔 我可以拿点你的背毛吗
Phil, can I borrow some of your back hair?
嗯 就像你坐在我背上吗
Yeah, like having you sit on my back?
我还蛮想当个真男人
I’m thinking about becoming a real man.
好 我躺下让你坐上来
Sure, I’ll lay down and you can sit on it.
-Ok 雷克 -准备好了吗 要弄了喔
-OK, Rake. -You ready to go? Let’s do it.
赖安你有刮屁♥股♥吗
Ryan, do you shave your ass?
刮我的…看着我 我像是会刮屁♥股♥
Shave my… Look at me! Do I shave my ass?
我连剃刀是啥感觉都不知
I don’t know what a razor feels like.
我想 你连卫生纸是啥感觉都不知
Apparently, you don’t know what toilet paper feels like either.
-没有啦 -确保清洁
-I don’t! -Make sure it’s clean.
好啦 冲冲冲 坐下来
All right, go, go, go! You gotta sit!
-坐 坐 坐 -坐下来
-Sit! Sit! Sit! -Sit down.
计时两分钟
Time it, two minutes on the clock.
-菲尔 你在下面还好吗 -嗯
-Phil, you all right down there? -Yeah.
-把它想成是一个特别的黏着经验 -好
-Consider this a bonding experience. -Okay.
还有30秒
You got about 30 seconds.
痾 如果我无法弄掉菲尔的毛
Well, if I can’t get Phil’s hair off of me,
嗯…我还比较想要ZZ Top乐队比尔德的毛
then, you know, I’d really rather prefer a ZZ Top beard.
干♥你♥个屎洞 你个大猪头
Fucking asshole! You dickhead!
-他手可能拿不下来了 -不 干♥他♥妈的 操
-That’s not gonna come off. -No fucking shit!
可能拿不下来了
That’s not gonna come off.
要拿下来了 要拿下来了
It’s going to come off. It’s going to come off.
你♥他♥妈♥的 他妈的混♥蛋♥
You fucking, fucking pricks.
好吧 邓恩 站起来
Okay, Dunn, stand up.
邓恩 起来了 站起来
Dunn, you’re up. Stand up.
我们来看看你屁♥股♥是不是有毛
Let’s see if you got some hair on your butt.
-准备好 上 -一 二…
-Ready? Go. -One, two…
-干啥勒 -你的屁♥股♥看起来有80岁
-What the hell? -Your butt looks 80 years old.
-是这样吗 -应该是要有人来把它烫平
-Does it? -Somebody should iron you.
-看菲尔的背 -来看看
-Look at Phil’s back. -Let me see.
你的毛掉了好多
Man, you’re missing a lot of hair in there.
没被屎沾到 不是吗
But no doo-doo stains, right?
-没有 -没很多啦
-No. -Not so much.
好的 赞啦
All right, good.
为啥你要这样抓着啊
Why’d you grip it like that?
为啥你要拔掉菲尔的钢毛
Why you biting off of Preston’s steez by going…?
等一下 放下那些剪刀
Wait a minute, hold those scissors down.
喔 你个天杀的
Oh, you son of a bitch.
我这只手还空着的勒
I have a free hand.
哈啰
Hello!
-我会这样抓着他 -好 你抓着他
-Here, I’ll be like this to catch him. -All right, you catch him.
赖安 你要不要先把你的裤子拉高点
Ryan, do you want your pants up, first?
抓我 抓诺克斯
Catch me. Catch Knox.
-抓着巴姆 -别管你的裤子了
-Grab Bam. -No, keep your pants down.
-我不想让我的卵蛋飞出来 -准备 三…
-I don’t want my balls hanging out. -Ready then? Three…
老兄 这应该会很烂
Man, this is gonna suck.
三 二 冲啊
Three, two, go.
喔我的天啊 喔我的天啊
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
哇勒干
Fuck me, man.
真♥他♥妈♥的
What a bunch of dicks.
这比菲尔的还糟耶
That’s worse than Phil.
好啦 小子 你在干嘛
All right. Wee Man, what are you doing?
你整个超糗的啦 巴伯
You take the cake, bub.
你不会这么简单就出柜的
You won’t come out that easy.
为啥不把小子跟普雷斯顿黏在一起
Why don’t you want to glue Wee Man to Preston?
-是啊 -我应该躺着
-Yes. -I should lay down,
然后你应该躺在我上面
and you should lay down on top of me.
-喔 -上吧
-Woof. -Going right for it.
像这样
Like this?
-我觉得是这样 -不
-I think like this. -No.
-喔耶 -喔耶
-Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah.
-来个69式 -黏成69式
-A 69. -Glued into 69.
我觉得这是最赞的
I think that’s the best way.
喔 干是要黏他身上 还是黏我
Well, fucking lube him up or lube me up!
-来吧 -胶水在哪
-Let’s go! -Where’s the glue?
-这真赞 -Ok Ok Ok
-That’s good. -OK, OK, OK!
-诺克斯维尔 -抱歉啊
-Knoxville! -Sorry.
你个屎蛋
Asshole!
我们现在真的是兄弟了
We’re really bros now.