神采公路（2002）

You’re served.
You’re being sued
by Mr. J.J. Madison,
三周前开车撞死他的猫
for your responsibility
in a hit and run kill
of his pat cat Snickers,
three weeks ago in
front of the courthouse.
我没来过这 之前我在圣路易
– But I’ve never
been here before.
I was in St. Louis
three weeks ago.
跟法官说 我只是发传票
– Tell it to the judge.
I’m just process serving.
建议你去镇上找个律师
Meanwhile I suggest
you head into the town
and hire yourself a lawyer,
you’re gonna need one.
先把车停到湖边停车场
But first uh, park your
car in that lot over there,
不然会被告污染空气
by the lake, you can get
sued for polluting the air.
（未得允许不得慢跑）
（五位专业律师）
（神探律师所）
要律师吗？我很行！
– Hey Mister!
史丹佛第一名毕业
I’m really good, check it
out Stanford, class of ’88.
重要的是我懂技巧
Summa cum laude, but more
important I know the angles.
你好 我帮你设个名义公♥司♥
保护你财产
你需要的是好律师 就是我
– You don’t need a lawyer.
You need a good
lawyer, and that’s me.
我叫白马克 记住这名字
Page Mackland Park is the name,
那两个只是讼棍！
and that’s the only name
you need to remember.
These other guys, I won’t see–
– I’m uninterested.
– Valerie McCabe, year of ’91.
我是麦薇莉 耶鲁毕业
对游客有优♥惠♥
I’ve got special
rates for visitors.
我能帮你胜诉
And I know I can win your case.
你根本不知我案子
– You don’t even know my case.
被麦迪森无理控告
– The Madison case?
游客多半都遇上这麻烦
Nuisance suit, happens
to visitors all the time.
事实上他根本没养猫 他过敏
Fact is, J.J. Madison
doesn’t even have a cat.
这案子两下就解决
He’s allergic.
I can have it thrown
out in no time.
没养猫？那干嘛这样控告人？
– Wait. He never had a cat?
So why he’s gonna
sue somebody for it?
因为他可以
– Because he can.
什么？
– What?
这里每个成人都是律师
– Every adult citizen
of Morlaw, is a lawyer.
大家互相控告 理由不重要
So everybody sues
everybody else.
It doesn’t matter
if there is a cause.
这样生活才能保障
It’s how we make sure
that everybody makes
a living off the profession.
太疯狂了
– Yeah, but that’s insane.
我可以告你
– I can sue you for that.
你对本镇言语毁谤
You just made a defamatory
remark about this town.
你看我腿？我可以告你性侵害
Hey are you looking at my legs,
I can sue you for that too.
Sexual harassment.
有什么你不能告我的吗？
– Is there anything
you can’t sue me for?
雇用我
– Hire me.
那就是律师和客户的关系
That way everything
between us is subject to
attorney-client privilege.
一小时75 第一小时免费
I’m $75 an hour,
first hour is free.
至少你知道我案子
– Well, at least
you know my case.
好 我雇用你
All right. You’re hired.
我要告你 薇莉
– Hey, hey I’m suing
you Valerie, no no!
在公共通道
For the sexual enticement
or the appearance thereof
色♥诱♥或以外表引诱可能客户
of a potential client on
the public thoroughfare.
他觉得你性感所以聘你
He only hired you, because he
found you sexually attractive.
快到我办公室！
– Hurry. My office.
否则会被他们告惨！
We could get slapped with
a dozen more lawsuits,
just walking down the street.
（9月27日 周二）
这案子很快 几周就够！
This will be essential.
Shouldn’t make more
then a couple of weeks.
几周？我10月2日要到丹佛
– Whoa, whoa, weeks?
No, no, no, I have to be
in Danver on October 2nd.
不能那么久
It can’t take that long.
这不算久！
– That’s not long.
我们新市牌才叫久
Long is our city limits sign.
想换新标示搞了五年
We’ve been trying to get knew
one put up for five years now.
先是忘了写环境评估报告
But we forgot a file an
environmental impact report,
告示牌的金属有潜在危险
and as the metal in the signpost
is a potentially
hazardous substance,
还在打官司
we’re in court over that.
某律师质疑人口数字
And another lawyer
is challenging
the census figure on the sign.
还有人说市界要重新测量
And another lawyer said
we had to do another
land survey to determine
the exact city limits,
才能确定告示要放哪
so we know precisely
where to put the sign.
于是找了测量员
So we brought in a surveyor.
但他因抽烟被告
But he got sued for smoking,
谕令不得再测量
and wasn’t enjoined from
finishing the survey.
我看还得等两年
I say we’re at least two
years, from a new sign.
那你还要住在这？
– And you chose to live here?
我绝不想住别地方
– I wouldn’t live anywhere else.
每天都有新挑战 新判例
Every day is a new challenge.
A new precedent.
对法条的新释意
A new way of
interpreting of the law.
这是知识的飨宴
It’s an intellectual feast.
好吧
– Okay so if everyone who
lives here is a lawyer,
大家都是律师 那生活怎么办？
how do you live?
谁开商店？谁开洗衣店？
I mean, who runs
the grocery store.
马桶坏了谁去修？
Who does your dry cleaning?
Who fixes the shitter,
when it breaks?
法律工作是我们的正职
Well, we all moonlight
on the law related jobs.
有警♥察♥ 司法官 法庭书♥记♥
You know police, bailiffs,
court reporters…
你说的那些琐碎的事
But those other trivial
things, you mentioned?
由你们这些等诉讼的人做
They’re done by people
like you, awaiting trial.
以赚取诉讼费用
It’s the only way they can
afford their legal fees.
10月1日我可以弄个听证会
Now, I can get you a hearing
on Monday October 1st.
必须找证人说明你的操行
Meanwhile.
We’ll have to call witnesses,
to testify as your character.
你的家人 朋友
You know, family, friends.
应征工作会有帮助
So, that you can qualify
for your employment program.
诉讼费也会便宜些
It’ll help keep cost down.
明早把他们电♥话♥给我
So tomorrow morning, why
don’t you get me their names
and numbers, and
I’ll subpoena them.
他们来 也会被人告吗？
– Well, even if
they could get here.
Wouldn’t they get sued too?
当然
– Of course.
你要赔偿 他们的问题你要负责
But you’ll indemnify them, and
their problems will fall on
我就有更多工作
your shoulders, which
means more work for me.
电♥话♥号♥码在车上 我去拿
– Okay, well, I have those