我不是你的黑鬼（2016）

一言以蔽之 我想念人情冷暖
I missed, in short, my connections,
想念生了我 抚育了我
missed the life which had produced me and nourished me
也供养了我的人
and paid for me.
现在 尽管我已经是个陌生人 我回家了
Now, though I was a stranger, I was home.
《跳舞 傻瓜 跳舞》 H·博蒙特执导 1931年
我被银幕上的动作迷住了
I am fascinated by the movement on and off the screen.
我大概七岁
I am about seven.
我和我妈 或者我姨在一起
I’m with my mother, or my aunt.
那部电影叫《跳舞 傻瓜 跳舞》
The movie is Dance, Fools, Dance.
我意识到琼·克劳馥是一名白人女子
I was aware that Joan Crawford was a white lady.
但我记得 后来某次我被差遣去商店
Yet, I remember being sent to the store sometime later,
遇见一位正在购物的有色女性
and a colored woman who, to me,
在我看来 她跟琼·克劳馥
looked exactly like Joan Crawford,
长得一模一样
was buying something.
她貌美倾城
She was incredibly beautiful.
她低头看着我 笑靥如花
She looked down at me with so beautiful a smile
我甚至不觉得害羞
that I was not even embarrassed,
对我来说 这可不多见
which was rare for me.
英雄
这个时期
By this time,
我已经被一位年轻的白人老师照管
I had been taken in hand by a young white schoolteacher
她叫比尔·米勒 是一位漂亮的女性
named Bill Miller, a beautiful woman,
对我来说是非常重要的人
very important to me.
她给我书看 并和我讨论那些书
She gave me books to read and talked to me about the books,
关于世界
and about the world,
关于埃塞俄比亚 意大利
about Ethiopia, and Italy,
以及德意志第三帝国
and the German Third Reich,
她带我看戏剧和电影
and took me to see plays and films,
其他人都不会想到带一个十岁男孩
to which no one else would have dreamed
去看那些
of taking a ten-year-old boy.
正是因为比尔·米勒
It is certainly because of Bill Miller,
《金刚》 梅里安·C·库珀执导 1933年
及时出现在了我充满恐惧的生命中
who arrived in my terrifying life so soon,
我从来无法真正地憎恨白人
that I never really managed to hate white people.
尽管说真的
Though, God knows,
总有那么几个白人 让我萌生杀心
I’ve often wished to murder more than one or two.
因此 我开始怀疑
Therefore, I begin to suspect
白人的所作所为
that white people did not act as they did
并不因为他们是白皮肤 而是另有其因
because they were white, but for some other reason.
当然 那时我还小 不谙世故
I was a child of course, and therefore unsophisticated.
我接受的就是比尔·米勒真实的样子
I took Bill Miller as she was,
或是她在我面前表现出来的样子
or as she appeared to be to me.
不管怎么说 她也受到过黑人的待遇
She too, anyway, was treated like a nigger,
尤其是在警♥察♥面前
especially by the cops,
而且她对地主也没有好感
and she had no love for landlords.
♪ Richard! Can’t get him up! ♪
《理查德的回答》 W·理查德·克伦奇执导 1945年
♪ Richard! Can’t get him up! ♪
♪ Richard! Can’t get him up! ♪
♪ Lazy Richard! Can’t get him up! ♪
♪ Richard! ♪
那时候 没有一个长得像我父亲那样的人
In these days, no one resembling my father
能够出现在美国的电影屏幕上
has yet made an appearance on the American cinema scene.
♪ Can’t get him up! ♪
♪ We’ll try to get him on the phone ♪
♪ I was laying down dreamin ♪
不 并不尽然
No, it’s not entirely true.
比如 当时还有斯特平·费奇特 威利·贝斯特
There were, for example, Stepin Fetchit and Willie Best
还有曼坦·莫兰 这些人 不论对错
and Mantan Moreland, all of whom, rightly or wrongly,
我都很厌恶
I loathed.
对于我了解的那个世界 他们似乎在造谣
It seemed to me that they lied about the world I knew,
在贬低
and debased it,
据我所知 像他们那样的人
and certainly I did not know anybody like them,
我一个也不认识
as far as I could tell.
也可能是他们滑稽的 双眼圆瞪的恐惧中
For it is also possible that their comic, bug-eyed terror
《怪兽横行》 F·R·斯特雷耶执导 1932年
包含着一个关于恐惧的真♥相♥
contained the truth concerning a terror
而我希望可以永远免受那种恐惧
by which I hoped never to be engulfed.
但电影《永志不忘》中 黑人楼管的恐惧
Yet, I had no reservations at all concerning the terror
《永志不忘》 M·勒罗伊执导 1937年
让我胆战心惊
of the Black janitor in “They won’t Forget”.
叫警♥察♥
Give me police!
叫警♥察♥
Give me police!
叫 叫警♥察♥
Give me — Give me police!
扮演这个角色的
I think that it was a black actor
应该是一位叫克♥林♥顿♥·罗斯蒙德的黑人演员
named Clinton Rosemond who played this part,
他长得有点像我父亲
and he looked a little like my father.
不是我♥干♥的 不是我♥干♥的
I didn’t do it. I didn’t do it!
不是我♥干♥的 不是我♥干♥的
I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it!
他惊恐不已 因为在这个南方小镇上
He is terrified because a young white girl
一个年轻的白人女孩被奸♥杀♥
in this small Southern town has been raped and murdered,
而发现她尸体的区域
and her body has been found upon the premises
玛丽·克莱的尸体在巴克斯顿大楼地下室被发现
正是由他这个楼管负责
of which he is the janitor.
早上好 汤姆
Good morning, Tom.
楼管是个小角色
The role of the janitor is small,
但时至今日 他的脸仍在我记忆中
yet the man’s face bangs in my memory
挥之不去
until today.
-我什么都没做 -没人说你做了 汤姆
– I have done nothing. – Nobody says you have, Tom.
但他们也可能会
But they might.
电影中冷酷而野蛮的行径不仅令我惧怕
The film’s icy brutality both scared me —
为什么
What for?
也给了我勇气
and strengthened me.
《汤姆叔叔的小屋》 哈里·A·波拉德执导 1927年
“他没救了 主人”
“拖出去”
因为汤姆叔叔拒绝亲手为自己报仇
Because Uncle Tom refuses to take vengeance
“我原谅你 亦如我希望被原谅”
对我来说他并非英雄
in his own hands, he was not a hero for me.
《关山飞渡》 约翰·福特执导 1939年
就我所见 英雄都是白人
Heroes, as far as I could see, were white,
不仅是受电影影响
and not merely because of the movies,
也受我生活的这片土地影响
but because of the land in which I lived,
电影只是现实的映射
of which movies were simply a reflection.
我对那些英雄既厌恶又害怕
I despised and feared those heroes
因为他们确实亲手复仇
because they did take vengeance into their own hands.
他们觉得该复仇的是他们
They thought vengeance was theirs to take.
是的 我懂了
And, yes, I understood that:
我的同胞就是我的敌人
my countrymen were my enemy.
我怀疑所有这些故事
I suspect that all these stories are
都是为了说服我们
designed to reassure us
这类行为并不是犯罪
that no crime was committed.
我们在屠♥杀♥之中创造了传奇
We’ve made a legend out of a massacre.
忽视众所周知的
Leaving aside all the physical facts
所有确凿事实
which one can quote.
忽视强♥奸♥和凶杀
Leaving aside rape or murder.
剑桥大学辩论 1985年
忽视血淋淋的压♥迫♥史
Leaving aside the bloody catalog of oppression,
虽然从某种程度上 我们对此已经司空见惯
which we are, in one way, too familiar with already,
对于受压♥迫♥者而言
what this does to the subjugated
有色人种入口
这一切破坏了他们对于现实的认知
is to destroy his sense of reality.
这意味着作为美国黑人
This means, in the case of an American negro,
出生于辉煌的合众国
born in that glittering republic,
你从出生的那刻起
and in the moment you are born,
因为一无所知 所以觉得万物皆是白色
since you don’t know any better, every stick and stone
每张脸都是白色的
and every face is white,
因为你还没有照过镜子
and since you have not yet seen a mirror,
你以为自己也是白色的
you suppose that you are too.
直到大概五六七岁
It comes as a great shock
才遭受到巨大的打击
around the age of five, or six, or seven,
你发现加里·库珀杀害了印第安人
to discover that Gary Cooper killing off the Indians,
在1974年主演的电影《胜利者》中杀死反派印第安人
你正要为加里·库珀加油助威
when you were rooting for Gary Cooper,
却发现自己就是印第安人
that the Indians were you.
你会震惊地发现 这个国家
It comes as a great shock to discover the country,
你出生的地方
which is your birthplace,
赋予你生命和身份的地方
and to which you owe your life and your identity,
在它的整个现实体系中
has not, in its whole system of reality,
却没有赋予你一席之地
evolved any place for you.
亲爱的杰伊
致杰伊·阿克顿
斯帕坦文学经纪社