我不是你的黑鬼（2016）

1979年6月 著名作家詹姆斯·鲍德温做出了艰难复杂的尝试
借由三位被害友人的人生 讲述他的美国故事
梅德加·埃弗斯
梅德加·埃弗斯
梅德加·埃弗斯
马丁·路德·金
马丁·路德·金
马尔科姆·X
鲍德温只写到了第30页 书名叫
《记住这座房♥子》
鲍德温先生
Mr. Baldwin,
《迪克·卡维特秀》 1968年
我确信你还是会见到这样的评论
I’m sure you still meet the remark that:
“黑鬼怎么搞的 他们为什么不乐观”
“What are the Negroes… why aren’t they optimistic?”
他们说 “情况已经好多了
They say, “But it’s getting so much better.
有黑鬼做市长
There are negro mayors,
各项体育运动都有黑鬼参与”
there are negroes in all of sports.”
有黑鬼从政
There are negroes in politics.
他们现在甚至被赐予了拍摄电视广♥告♥的
They’re even accorded the ultimate accolade
无上荣耀
of being in television commercials now.
我很高兴你笑了
I’m glad you’re smiling.
现在情况真的变好了吗 还是依然绝望
Is it at once getting much better and still hopeless?
我觉得没太大希望
I don’t think there’s much hope for it, you know,
说实话
to tell you the truth,
只要人们还在用这种特殊的语言
as long as people are using this peculiar language.
问题不在于黑人怎么样了
It’s not a question of what happens to the Negro here,
或者黑人怎么样了
or to the black man here,
这对我而言是一个非常现实的问题
that’s a very vivid question for me, you know,
但真正的问题是 这个国家将会怎么样
but the real question is what’s going to happen to this country.
我得重复一遍
I have to repeat that.
我不是
你的黑鬼
致杰伊·阿克顿
斯帕坦文学经纪社
1979年6月30日
我亲爱的杰伊
我向你坦白 我撰写随信附上的方案时左右为难
夏日才刚刚开始
The summer has scarcely begun,
可我已经感觉 它即将结束
and I feel already that it’s almost over.
我快要五十五岁了
And I will be 55.
没错 一个月后我就五十五岁了
Yes, 55, in a month.
我即将开始一段旅程
I am about to undertake the journey.
这是一段向你坦白的旅程
And this is a journey to tell you the truth,
我一直知道 我迟早要启程
which I always knew that I would have to make,
但我也期盼过 大概
but had hoped, perhaps,
肯定期盼过
certainly had hoped,
不要太早启程
not to have to make so soon.
我认为 旅程之所以被称为旅程
I am saying that a journey is called that
是因为我们无法预见这一路上
because you cannot know what you will discover
会发生什么
on the journey,
遇事会如何行动
what you will do with what you find,
而事件又会如何影响我们自身
or what you find will do to you.
自♥由♥不仅是我们的权利
Not only have a right to be free,
-自♥由♥也是我们的义务 -对
– we have a duty to be free. – Yeah.
所以当你在公交车上落座
And so when you sit down on the bus
坐在车的前排
and you sit down in the front,
或者坐在白人身边
or sit down by a white person,
你坐在那里 是因为你有落座的义务
you are sitting there because you have a duty to sit down,
联合抵♥制♥蒙哥马利公车运动 阿♥拉♥巴马州 1955-1956年
而不仅仅是因为你有落座的权利
not merely because you have a right.
这个生死浮沉的年代
The time of these lives and deaths,
在公众看来 是从1955年
from a public point of view, is 1955,
我们第一次听到马丁的演讲开始
when we first heard of Martin,
直到1968年 以他遇害而告终
to 1968, when he was murdered.
梅德加在1963年夏天遇害
Medgar was murdered in the summer of 1963.
马尔科姆于1965年遇害
Malcolm was murdered in 1965.
梅德加 马尔科姆和马丁
The three men, Medgar, Malcolm, and Martin,
他们三个人各不相同
were very different men.
考虑到马丁在1955年才二十六岁
Consider that Martin was only 26 in 1955.
他把一个国家的罪孽 谎言和希望
He took on his shoulders the weight of the crimes,
扛在自己的肩头
and the lies, and the hope of a nation.
我希望这三个人的人生能够彼此碰撞
I want these three lives to bang against
相互揭示 就像在现实中那样
and reveal each other, as in truth, they did.
我希望用他们壮烈的旅程
And use their dreadful journey
引导为他们所深爱
as a means of instructing the people
却背弃了他们的人们
whom they loved so much,
他们也为这些人
who betrayed them,
献出了自己的生命
and for whom they gave their lives.
尽己所能
在黑鬼孩子走进
The moment a negro child
校园的那一刻
walks into the school,
利安德·佩雷斯 白人公民委员会
每一位体面 自尊 爱孩子的父母
every decent, self-respecting, loving parent
都应该带自己的白种孩子离开那所破学校
should take his white child out of that broken school.
我们不和黑鬼一起上学
我们克♥林♥顿♥高中的学生不想要黑鬼同学
我们不和黑鬼一起上学
罢♥课♥抗♥议♥克♥林♥顿♥高中种族融合
阿肯色州 小石城 中♥央♥高中 1957年
回你自己的学校去
Go back to your own school.
上帝宽宥谋杀 也宽宥通奸
God forgives murder and he forgives adultery.
但祂非常愤怒
But He is very angry
祂确实在诅咒推动种族融合的人
and He actually curses all who do integrate.
我就是在那时看到这张照片的
That’s when I saw the photograph.
在巴黎那条宽阔的林荫道上
On every newspaper kiosk
每家报亭都有
on that wide, tree-shaped boulevard in Paris,
十五岁的多萝西·康特斯
were photographs of 15-year-old Dorothy Counts
在北卡罗莱纳州夏洛特市
being reviled and spat upon by the mob
在上学路上
as she was making her way to school
被众人唾骂 吐口水的照片
in Charlotte, North Carolina.
那个女孩子脸上
There was unutterable pride,
有着难以形容的骄傲 紧张与痛苦
tension and anguish in that girl’s face
她走在上学的路上
as she approached the halls of learning,
而历史在她背后嘲笑她
with history jeering at her back.
这让我感到愤怒
It made me furious,
让我满腔愤恨 满怀同情
it filled me with both hatred and pity.
也让我感到羞愧
And it made me ashamed.
我们应该有人去陪着她的
Some one of us should have been there with her!
但正是在那个日光朗照的下午
But it was on that bright afternoon
我知道自己要离开法国了
that I knew I was leaving France.
我只是无法继续在巴黎隔岸观火
I could simply no longer sit around Paris,
讨论阿尔及利亚和非裔美国人的问题
discussing the Algerian and the Black American problem.
每个人都在尽己所能
Everybody else was paying their dues,
我也应该回家 尽我所能
and it was time I went home and paid mine.
J·森宝利 速溶纯可可粉
H·坎伯森家族
全品类鞋靴专营
俺现在一定能找到好工作了
天哪 玛丽亚小姐
大伙对这里的咖啡情难自禁
俺们大伙绝对是杠杠的
我终于回家了
I had at last come home.
如果这里面有一些幻想
If there was, in this, some illusion,
这里也有很多真♥相♥
there was also much truth.
在巴黎的那些年里
In the years in Paris,
我从未想念过美国的任何事物
I had never been homesick for anything American.
没想过华夫饼 冰淇淋
Neither waffles, ice cream,
热狗 棒球 舞♥女♥ 电影
hot dogs, baseball, majorettes, movies,
没想过帝国大厦 没想过康尼岛
nor the Empire State Building, nor Coney Island,
没想过自♥由♥女神像 没想过《纽约每日新闻》
nor the Statue of Liberty, nor the Daily News,
也没想过时代广场
nor Times Square.
这些事物都已离我远去
All of these things had passed out of me.
它们可能从未存在过 即使再也看不到它们
They might never have existed, and it made absolutely
对我来说也无所谓
no difference to me if I never saw them again.
但我想念我的兄弟姐妹 还有我的母亲
But I missed my brothers and sisters, and my mother.
他们很重要
They made a difference.
我想见到他们 想见到他们的孩子
I wanted to be able to see them, and to see their children.
我希望他们还记得我
I hoped that they wouldn’t forget me.
我想念哈莱姆区的周日清晨 想念那里的炸鸡和饼干
I missed Harlem Sunday mornings and fried chicken, and biscuits,
我想念那里的音乐
I missed the music,
我想念那里的风格…
I missed the style…
那种全世界独一无二的风格
that style possessed by no other people in the world.
我想念淡漠的黑色面孔
I missed the way the dark face closes,
酒吧 哈莱姆区烧烤
四处打量的黑色眼珠
the way dark eyes watch,
还有黑人笑逐颜开的样子
and the way when a dark face opens,
全世界好像都被点亮了
a light seems to go everywhere.