人性（2001）

l became a nature writer.
昨晚，在我的山顶上
Last night, on my mountaintop,
我感觉到风拍打我的毛发.
l felt the wind whip
through my hair.
这样猛烈
lt was violent.
我差点死了.
l almost died.
我所有琐碎的烦恼都伴随这肆虐的狂风飞走了
All my petty concerns were sent
flying with those gale force winds.
我在自然之中，我就是自然！
一只水獭，一只鹳，一棵橡树
l was in nature. l was nature!
An otter, a stork, an oak tree.
一个女人
A woman.
当我成为一个有名的自然作家时
我对自己说，“去他妈的人类”
When l became a famous nature writer,
l said to myself, “Fuck humanity.”
我从没见过我的公众，我从没见过我的出版商.
l never saw my public,
l never saw my publisher.
我从未见过另一个人类，这样太好了
l never saw another human being.
And it was wonderful.
但是我不得不承认到30岁，我很饥渴
But l have to admit by the time
l was 30, l was very horny.
我的生活中需要一个男人
l had to have a man in my life.
我必须做出改变，从而满足我的欲望
l would become what l needed to
become to achieve this.
我的成功允许我谎称自己没有毛发
My success would allow me to afford,
to become a hairless lie.
-有进步!
-嗯?
– Progress!
– Yeah?
是的
Oh, yeah.
亲爱的，你变得很平滑，浑身光滑
Honey, you are getting smooth,
smooth, smooth all over.
像婴儿的屁♥股♥一样平滑
Smooth as a baby’s butt.
-我喜欢这样，露易丝
我越来越像一个真正的女孩
Oh, l love it, Louise.
l’m getting like a real girl.
你仍然在积极物色一个真正的男孩？
Yeah. You still in the market
for a real boy?
是啊
Always.
我哥哥认识这这么一个人
可能对你是个不错的选择
‘Cause my brother knows this guy.
Might be right up your alley.
告诉我，我可以利用某个人满足我
Tell me. l could use
someone up my alley.
我不大明白，你指性♥爱♥？
Oh, l don’t get that.
What is that? Something sexual?
闭嘴，告诉我
Shut up and tell me.
相貌英俊，30岁，心理学家
Handsome, 30’s, psychologist.
热爱动物？必须热爱动物，露易丝
Loves animals?
Must love animals, Louise.
爱动物，爱你
Loves animals. Loves you.
你的意思是?
What do you mean?
喔，有次提到你是我的一个朋友
Well, somehow it came up
that you’re a friend of mine…
英俊又热爱动物的心理学家先生说
and Mr. Handsome Animal-loving
Psychologist said that…
他将会很高兴见到你
he would love to meet you.
他自己难道不能说么？
Won’t he be able to tell?
我哥哥说那个男人是个35岁的老处♥男♥
My brother says,
the guy’s a 35-year-old virgin.
所以，也许他不太能理解女人的感受
So, maybe he won’t know
how a woman usually feels.
除此以外，他视力不好，几乎看不见
Plus, he has bad eyesight,
almost legally blind.
还有，这倒是对这种情况很有帮助
Which is very helpful
in this situation.
他有一根非常小的鸡♥巴♥
Plus, he has an extremely
small penis of which…
小到让自己压抑和羞愧
he is mortifyingly ashamed.
机会来了
And chances are he will be
so grateful for…
他将对任何不带评价色彩的关注求之不得
他肯定永远属于你
any non-judgmental attention.
He will be yours forever.
他一定和你哥哥很亲密
He must be really close to
your brother…
以至于能够告诉他这样私人的事情.
to tell him such personal stuff.
哦，是的，我哥哥是他的心理医生
Oh, yeah. My brother’s his shrink.
《去他妈的人类》真是一次愉快的阅读体验.
“Fuck Humanity” was a delightful read.
非常感谢，是的，我是一个真正的动物热爱者
Thank you so much.
Yes, l’m a real animal lover.
我目前在做一些跟动物有关的工作
l work with animals. Right now,
坦白讲，我在教老老鼠…额…餐桌礼仪
l’m teaching mice, well,
uh, table manners to be candid.
是怎么一回事?
And how’s it going?
我希望你不会觉得我疯了
l hope you don’t think me daft.
当然不会
Oh, no.
这是重要的工作
lt’s important work.
是更宏大的社会学实验的一部分
lt’s part of a larger
sociological experiment.
我是联邦政♥府♥资助的
l’m federally funded.
更宏大的实验是指什么？
What’s the larger experiment?
我的论文是关于礼节，礼仪，礼貌
My thesis is that
courtesy, decorum, manners are…
这些在我们的日常交往中都是缺少的
all sadly lacking
from our daily intercourse.
但是野蛮和粗鲁却习以为常
– But–
– Rudeness and vulgarity are the norm.
因此，如果我可以教授老鼠餐桌礼仪
Ergo, if l can teach
table manners…
那么我就可以教给人类
to mice, then l can teach them
to humans.
如果我能教人们餐桌礼仪，也许…我可以
And if l can teach table manners
to humans, then maybe…
让这个世界更安全一些
l can make the world
a little bit safer.
感谢上帝
Lord, we thank You
for this bountiful gift…
我们将接受你慷慨的恩赐
we are about to receive.
阿门
Amen.
噢，天啊，内森，不
这个餐叉是错的，小家伙
Oh, God, Nathan. No.
That’s the wrong fork, young man.
哈罗德，告诉他
Harold, tell him.
不是这个餐叉
lt’s the wrong fork, Nathan.
对不起，我会用对的那个的，我忘了
l’m sorry. l’ll use the right one.
l forgot.
哈罗德
Harold.
告诉他
Tell him.
太晚了，你该回自己的房♥间去了
lt’s too late. You’ll have to
go to your room.
你有没有觉得，可能
And do you think, maybe,
this um…
儿童时期的教导
early childhood indoctrination has
something…
对你最近关于餐桌礼仪的兴趣有影响？
to do with your interest
in table manners in the present?
似乎能有一些便利，难道不是么，温德尔?
Seems a tad convenient,
don’t you think, Wendall？
那么，你有没有想过
Well, do you have
any thoughts then…
这种热情来自哪里？
on where this passion
might’ve come from?
那是我的工作.
lt’s my work.
你不能减少我对亲子教导的热情
You can’t reduce my passion to
parental indoctrination.
为什么毕加索作画？为什么莫扎特作曲？
Why did Picasso paint?
Why did Mozart compose?
毕加索的父亲是一个画家？莫扎特的父亲是一个音乐家？
Picasso’s father was a painter.
Mozart’s father was a musician.
是，好吧，你可真龌龊
Yes, okay. Now you’re being nasty,
Wendall.
刚刚还炫耀了一下
Now you’re just showing off.
我来这不是为了被嘲弄的
l really didn’t come here
to be mocked.
哦，那当然不是我的目的
Well, that certainly wasn’t
my intention.
那是我的工作，温德尔，仅此而已
lt’s my work, Wendall. That’s all.
你瞧?
– Voila.
– Oh.
这看起来太棒了
This looks wonderful.
你看上去太棒了
– You look wonderful.
– Oh.
我今晚简直幸福到极点，莱拉
l’m on top of the world tonight,
Lila.
我的工作进展的一帆风顺，还有我自己的生活–
My work is going splendidly
and my personal life–
餐叉 餐叉!
The fork. Fork!
抱歉？
l’m sorry?
只是…外面的餐叉一般用来吃沙拉
lt’s just the outside fork is
usually a salad fork. lt’s–
哦
Oh.
挨着外面的是正确的
One goes from the outside in.