偷龙转凤

刚检查一下住处
Just checking on the accommodations.
别故伎重演了
Don’t start that. Not again.
我发誓…
I could swear that…
我们还剩几分钟 可以提高修养
Well, we have a few moments for cultural improvement.
我们怎么避开警报
How do we get past the alarm?
就像这位绅士一样…
Like this gentlemen here…
我利用人们的正常反应
I’m depending on normal human reactions.
忧郁时期的作品
Blue period?
注意色彩的巧妙搭配
Regard the subtle harmony of color.
现在 精密机械装置的妙处在于…
Now, the nice thing about complicated mechanical devices is…
如果它们突然失灵…
if they do suddenly go haywire…
失灵 然后呢
Yes. What’s after haywire?
那么 使用者就会手忙脚乱…
Well, the people in charge have a tendency to panic…
到处乱转 我们下手的时机就到了
and to run around in confused circles, and at that moment we strike.
伦勃朗的上乘之作
A superb Rembrandt.
现在到了不归路口 这是我编的新词
Now, this is, to coin a phrase, the point of no return.
再过六十秒 铃♥声♥就会响起
In precisely one minute, the closing bell will ring.
我们可以随着人流溜走 然后心安理得地美餐一顿
We can leave with the others and have a quiet dinner,
否则就留下
or we stay.
一不做二不休
Then we’re committed to go through with it.
你真的非得到它…
Do you really want it…
不可吗
that much?
是别无选择
More!
好吧听你的 按我说的做
Okay. You’re the boss. Just do as I tell you.
准备倒计时
Stand by for the countdown.
六 五 四…
Six, five, four…
三 二 一…
three, two, one…
开始
Now!
注意人的正常反应
Watch for normal human reactions.
还好吗
Comfy?
没料到我们会这么紧密团结
I hadn’t counted on there being quite so much togetherness.
现在可是旅游旺季 所有的房♥间都被预订了
It’s the height of the tourist season. Everything was booked.
我只能尽力而为了
This was the best I could do.
他把门锁了我们被锁在里面了
He locked the door. He’s locked us in.
我得承认 这是个挑战 不过这么一来不是更刺♥激♥了吗
It’s challenging, I admit, but doesn’t that make it more interesting?
-我快昏倒了 -别介这地方不够你躺的
-I’m going to faint. -Don’t. There’s no room.
该行动了 伙计们
All right, boys.
你没听到吗
Didn’t you hear me?
正好8:01
8:01 on the nose.
现在我们弄清了他们的巡逻时间
Now we have a fix on when they make their rounds.
刚好每小时一次
Exactly every hour.
我们还被困着 怎么办 总策划
We’re still locked in. How about that, mastermind?
拿着
Hold that.
真是天才
Brilliant!
-从里面打不开 -该死
-It doesn’t open from the inside. -Blast!
我竟然鬼使神差…
However, by a strange coincidence…
地带了…
I just happen to have…
现在
Now.
太棒了
Marvelous.
别大喊大叫
No applause, please.
等着 看我再表演一个
Wait till you see what I do for an encore.
你在干嘛
What are you doing?
交给我过来
Give it to me. Here.
把这些穿上开始
Put those on. Get cracking.
转身
Turn around.
干嘛
What for?
直接套在外面
They go on over the clothes.
那儿谢谢
There. Thank you.
可喜可贺 你看上很糟糕
Congratulations! You look terrible.
我们能快点偷雕像吗
Can we steal that statue soon?
-我不喜欢抱怨 但太 -有点耐心会动手的
-I hate to complain but really… -Have patience. We will.
什么时候 怎么干
When? And how?
想想看 如果你是警卫…
Now look, if you were a guard…
每晚守着一个既买♥♥不起…
and had to sit night after night guarding junk you couldn’t afford…
又不感兴趣的旧破烂 你会怎么样
and didn’t particularly like, how would you feel?
变得暴躁
Irritable.
不
Oh, no!
-是心理战 -就用那个
-It’s psychological warfare. -With that?
开灯跟我来
Turn on the lights. Follow me!
“警钟长鸣”
“Ring out, wild bells! ”
小心点 你搜外面 跟我来
Look around! You spread out! Come with me.
一切正常
Everything is in order.
-毫发不爽 -我检查过了不是短路
-Nothing is missing. -I checked. It isn’t a short circuit.
科学家
Scientists!
设计这个盗窃警报 纯粹是为了拿我开涮
A burglar alarm especially designed to give me heartburn.
-对不起 先生 -谢谢你
-Sorry, sir. -Thank you.
克莱伯·拉法叶特博物馆 我是警卫队长
Kleber-Lafayette Museum. Senior Guard speaking.
我很抱歉惊扰了各位…
I regret very much if the Minister and the Madam Minister…
部长和女部长
have been disturbed.
虽然 警报大作
Yes, I know it’s a very loud alarm.
但原因不明
We don’t know why it went off.
我们和警♥察♥仔细搜查 但是…
We checked everything, and so did the police. But…
先生们 秋毫无犯 警报已重新设置
No, sir, nothing is missing, and the alarms are set again.
先生们 我很抱歉先生们 晚安
I’m sorry, sir. Good night, sir.
省警♥察♥厅
The Prefecture of Police.
警报把内政部长都吵醒了
The alarm bells woke up the Minister of the Interior.
太好了
Good!
我吓坏了
I’m so scared.
我的心怦怦乱跳
My heart’s thumping.
我感觉糟透了
I just feel terrible.
我想请个医生 不过 说老实话这个雅间容不下他
I’d send for a doctor but I honestly don’t think he’d fit in the closet.
我也为你担惊受怕 我无权把你卷进来
I’m so scared for you, too. I had no right to involve you in this.
如果你想放弃计划 我…
And if you want to call it off, I…
我对你的关心感激不尽 但是…
Well, that’s a kind thought and I appreciate it, but then…
那么鲍尔教授怎么办
What about Prof. Bauer?
如果他明天去鉴定你那个一百万的宝贝 会有什么后果
What happens tomorrow when he turns up to test your million-dollar baby?
那是赝品 对吗
It’s a fake, isn’t it?
这个时候就不要长篇大论什么前因后果了
No long, involved stories at this time of night.
点头还是摇头
Just nod your head, yes or no.
谁雕的
Who carved it?
-我爷爷 -模特是谁
-My grandfather. -Who posed for it?
我奶奶
My grandmother.
-你是第一个察觉到相似之处的 -我明察秋毫
-You’re the first to notice a resemblance. -I’m very sensitive and perceptive.
你什么时候知道她和我 还有…
How long have you known about her, and me, and…
从你第一次让我偷它开始
Since you first asked me to steal it.
但如果你那时就知道维纳斯不值钱…
But then if you knew the Venus was worthless…
为什么还…
why did you…
为了这个
That’s why.
我很傻
I’m so stupid.
再解释一遍
Explain it to me again.
真有趣 这里一下变得很宽敞了
Funny how roomy it’s suddenly become in here.
我们逐渐适应二人世界了
We’re adjusting to our environment.
这是什么
What is it?
对不起是我的订婚戒指 我都忘了
I’m sorry. It’s my engagement ring. I forgot about it.
我也是恭喜你
So did I. Congratulations.
我能吻新娘吗
May I kiss the bride?
还有 我在吻谁的新娘
For one thing, whose bride am I kissing?
我也不知道一个美国人叫利兰·戴维斯
I don’t know. Some American. His name’s Leland Davis.
还是戴维斯·利兰
Or Davis Leland?
这两个家伙都很走运
They’re lucky fellows, both of them.
第二轮开始了
Second round coming up.
注意我的位置
Just marking my place.
别离开
Don’t go away.
找到他 到处找找
Find him! Look around.
很快 就会有人对这个噪声忍♥无可忍♥了
Pretty soon, someone’s going to get awfully tired of this racket.
人的正常反应
Normal human reaction.
我是杰克特 克莱伯·拉法叶特博物馆警卫队长
Jacquart speaking, Senior Guard at the Kleber-Lafayette Museum.
阁下有何吩咐
At your service, Excellency!
是的 先生 我知道很吵 阁下
Yes, sir, I know it makes a terrible noise, Excellency.
装上它就为了这个
It was installed for just that purpose.