十日拍拖手册

如果你真的要找人咨商 你得敞开胸襟
If you’re really going to commit to this, you’ll have to open up.
-说出心里的话 -好
-Dig deep. -OK.
秀出你的灵魂 有话就说
Bare your soul. Show me your teeth.
安蒂·安德森 班杰明·贝瑞
Andie Anderson. Benjamin Barry.
请进 欢迎你们
Please come in. Hi. Welcome.
在我们开始之前 你们想怎么付费
Before we start, how will you be paying?
-亲爱的 -多少钱
-Sweetie? -How much is it?
-三百美元 -三百
-$300. -300?
-不论任何代价 -告诉我
-Whatever it takes. -So tell me,
-你们交往多久了 -七天
-how long have you been going out? -Seven days.
-七天 很有趣 -现在来找你是不是太早了
-Seven days. Interesting. -Is that too soon to see a therapist?
-七天虽然不是一辈子… -七天就是一个礼拜
-Seven days isn’t like a lifetime, but… -It’s like a week.
你看他这个样子
Did you hear that tone?
我们之间怎么可能不出问题
How can we not have a gulf between us with a tone like that?
你们在性事方面怎么样
How are things between you sexually?
-我们还没到那里 -班有一点问题
-We haven’t had sex. -No, Ben has a little problem.
-我没有问题 -你有
-I don’t have a problem. -You do.
-我没有问题 -那是个大问题
-I do not have a problem. -It’s a big problem.
-我没有 -你有
-I don’t. -You do.
那天晚上我们本来想做♥爱♥
The one night that we even thought about having sex,
-她却替我的傢伙取名字… -你是说阴♥茎♥
-she decides to nickname my… -Penis.
她叫它苏菲亚公主 简直泄我雄风
Princess Sophia! Talk about shooting a man’s horse!
我认为那个名字很美
I thought it was a beautiful name.
我知道了 班杰明
I see, Benjamin.
你什么时候发现对男人有兴趣
When did you first realise you were attracted to other men?
-什么 -这很严重
-What? -That’s serious.
班杰明 这个地方很安全
Benjamin, this is a safe space.
我天生就喜欢女人
I like women. It just happened that way.
我觉得你太爱强辩了
Methinks thou doth protesteth too much.
听到没有 她就是这样 你在说什么
You see? This is the shit I’m talking about. What the hell’s that?
她老是这样 住口
This is what she does. Stop that!
我听到很多愤怒的言词
I’m hearing a lot of latent anger here.
-他很易怒 -我才不易怒
-Rage-oholic. -I’m not a rage-oholic!
班 深呼吸
Take a deep breath for me, Ben.
让怒气散去…对
OK, just let it go… Yeah.
-感觉好多了 -过来
-I feel better. -OK. Come here.
这种情况我见过很多次
I’ve seen this before. I’ve seen it many times.
-是 -你们需要独处吗
-Yeah. -Would you two like to be left alone?
你们干脆去开房♥间好了
Maybe you should get a room.
你在勾引我们的心理医师
You are hitting on our shrink!
-我没有 -你有
-No, I’m not. -You are!
-你这个变♥态♥ -五秒钟以前我还是同性恋
-You are a pathological flirt! -Five seconds ago I’m gay!
-我一紧张就会流汗 -我到底是什么
-I sweat when I get nervous. -Which one is it?
再说 我何必勾引其他女人
Besides, why hit on another woman?
你一个人就够我烦的了
You’ve got enough personalities to keep me occupied.
-这话很伤人 -班 你以安蒂为耻吗
-That was hurtful. -OK. Ben, are you ashamed of Andie?
他当然是
Of course he is.
-我不以她为耻 -你有没有想过我的感受
-I’m not ashamed. -How do you think that makes me feel?
我跟他母亲聊天 他就吓得要命
It’s like, when I talked to his mother… he freaked out.
你背着我做这件事
Now, you did that behind my back.
-我想打个招呼 -你想跟我母亲聊天
-I just wanted to say hi. -Want to talk to my mother?
那就聊吧 你还可以跟全家人聊
Then talk to her. If you want to talk to the whole family, you can.
我们可以到斯塔屯岛度周末
We can go to Staten Island for the weekend.
这是个很正面的想法
Now, that is a positive idea, Ben.
-是吗 -安蒂 你觉得怎么样
-It is? -How about it? Andie?
-什么 -想不想到斯塔屯岛
-What? -Would you like to go to Staten Island?
班叔叔
Uncle Ben, hi.
就是这里
Yes, ma’am.
-妈 爸 我们到了 -狗屁
-Hey, Mom, Pop, we’re here. -Bullshit!
-那个帅哥是谁 -我爸爸曾经是海军
-Who’s that handsome guy? -My dad as a navy ensign.
-他十年前在这里驻扎 -狗屁
-He got stationed here ten years ago. -Bullshit!
-亲爱的 -最近好吗
-Hey, darling. -How are you?
-很好 -你知道这位是谁吗
-Good. -Know who this is?
我知道 看看他需不需要换尿布
I do. See if the baby needs changing.
安蒂 很高兴见到你本人
Hey, Andie. I’m so happy to have you here in the flesh.
-你的人就像你的声音般甜美 -葛兰达
-You’re just as pretty as you sound. -Glenda!
我来了
I’m coming!
-这是乔伊二世 -狗屁
-Oh, yeah. And this is Joey Junior. -Bullshit!
我们全家受”妥瑞氏症”之苦 乔伊臭得不得了
The whole family suffers from Tourette’s. Joey suffers from being stinky.
我帮你擦干净 再回来玩
We’re gonna get you cleaned up. Go on out back, have a good time.
-抓到你了 -好
-Got you. -OK.
他抓到你了
Hi. He got you.
-阿诺伯伯有三张老K -是吗
-Uncle Arnold has three kings. -Yeah, right.
-猜我敢不敢说 -我要说了 狗屁
Now, dare I say it or not? I’m just gonna say it. Bullshit!
-大家好 -你好
-Hi. -Oh!
安蒂 过来这里
Andie, come on out here.
-过来见大家 这是班的父亲 -你好
-Meet everybody. This is Ben’s father… -Well, hello!
欢迎光临寒舍
Welcome to our humble abode.
-这是阿诺伯伯 -阿诺伯伯
-This is our Uncle Arnold. -Hi, Uncle Arnold.
他放屁就像轰炸机一样 但他毕竟是一家人
He farts like a howitzer. But he’s family, what can you do?
-肠胃不好 -没错
-Intestinal complications. -Yeah, right.
-你见过乔伊了吗 -安帝
-Did you meet Joey? -A female Andy?
-是”蒂” -很高兴见到你
-L-E. -Nice to meet you.
这个游戏叫做”狗屁” 你刚好来得及玩
The game is Bullshit and you’re in time for the lightning round.
-我不会玩 -很简单的
-I don’t know how to play. -It’s very simple.
你要把你所有的牌都脱手
The trick is to get rid of all the cards in your hand.
我看一下我的牌 我说我有两张A
I’m gonna look at my hand. Do you know, I’ve got two aces here?
你觉得呢
What do you say to that?
你怎么说
What are you gonna say?
-我说狗屁 -我听不到她说什么
-I say bullshit. -I didn’t quite hear what she said.
-狗屁 -她知道怎么玩了
-I said bullshit! -She knows how to play the game.
-爸爸在这里 -来爸爸这里
-Here’s Daddy. -Come to Poppa.
机灵得很 你们好吗
Slick as a whistle. How are you, Unc? Pop?
老兄 你好吗
How you doing, buddy?
-要不要加入我们 -祝你们好运
-Want to join us? -Good luck.
狗屁专家来了 我们正要开始玩牌
The expert’s here. OK, we went through the deck, let’s start again.
有一个二 我这里有一个
We’ve got a two. Let’s see, I got myself one deuce here.
狗屁
Bullshit.
人肉测谎机
Human lie detector.
儿子 我有两个三
Try this, son. Two threes.
-一个四 -三个五
-One four. -Three fives.
狗屁
Bullshit.
-看看谁是第一名 -我看到你的名字了
-See whose name’s on top there? -Yes. It says Ben with a star next to it.
-还敢说我狗屁 -你一定很自豪
-Still want to bullshit me? -You must be so proud.
我尽量
I’m doing my best.
-看看你有什么… -我说的是实话
-Yes! We’ve got… -No, I told the truth!
-三个五 -他很厉害 叫他第一名
-Three fives. -He’s good. He’s the champ.
-我呢 -六
-What am I? -Sixes.
-一个六 -看看我有什么
-One six. -All right. Look what I got.
玩这个游戏要能看穿人心
The key to this game is being able to read people.
-两个八 -妈妈 狗屁
-Two eights. -Bullshit, Mama.
我不是故意要伤害你的
I’m gonna have to hurt you.
妈妈一向不怎么会玩
Mom’s never been that great at it, but why?
因为我不会骗人
It’s ’cause I’m so pure of heart.
狗屁
Bullshit!
大家都到哪里去了
Hello, where is everybody?
-这是安蒂 我妹妹朵拉 -幸会
-This is Andie. My sister, Dora. -Nice to meet you.
她比班还会玩”狗屁”
She’s kicking Ben’s ass in Bullshit.
-我喜欢她 -没错
-I like this girl. -That’s right.
班的牌越来越多
Ben’s starting a card collection.
待我重振旗鼓
Let me get back on track here.
三张Q 你们怎么说
Three ladies. What have you got to say about that?
狗屁
Bullshit.
你听到了 我说狗屁
You heard me. I said bullshit.
-怎么了连输七次 -棋逢敌手
-What is that, seven in a row, Sparky? -I think he’s met his match.
不过就是看穿人心
Well, it’s… all about reading people.
-输家 -两张K
-Loser. -OK. Two kings.
狗屁
Bullshit?
狗屁
Bullshit!
你真的遇到对手了
You have met your match.