十日拍拖手册

I guess I…
我不一定要亲自做
I… I don’t really have to.
我叫托尼帮我代班
I’ll call Tony, he can fill in for me!
-太棒了 -谢谢你
-Great! -Oh, yeah. Thank you!
-亲爱的 不用客气 -太棒了
-Honey, you’re more than welcome. -Yes!
要注意时间
Oh, look what time it is. Huh?
这将是一次特别的经验
This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience,
我要跟你分享
and I am going to share it with you.
席琳狄翁
她的手举起来 又放下
…reaches up, she brings it down.
这是我看过最震撼的表演
It’s the most powerful thing I’ve ever… seen.
经过这么多天 他居然还没离开你
After all this, he still didn’t leave you?
他比我想像中还要强 快点专心想办法
I tell you, this calls for drastic measures. Come on, guys, concentrate.
你很粘他吗
Are you being clingy?
-粘人 贪得无厌 爱抱怨 -学小孩子讲话
-Clingy, needy, whiny. -Baby-talk?
偶尔 我可以发挥到极致
Occasionally. I could kick that up a notch.
我不断地提麦克以前的女友
I obsessed over Mike’s old girlfriends.
谈论你以前的男朋友更好
Better yet, talk about old boyfriends.
好方法 但是对他无效 现在是五级战备
It’s good, but it won’t crack this guy. This is Defcon 5!
我得做出一些可怕的事 一点都不好玩
I have to do something truly appalling. It’s not funny.
我得在明天之前想出办法
I have to think of something before tomorrow.
-为什么不今晚 -男士之夜 他们要玩牌
-Why not tonight? -Poker night. Boys’ night out.
麦克也有男士之夜
Mike had a boys’ night.
-你让他拥有男士之夜 -他们每个礼拜固定聚会
-You’re giving him a boys’ night? -They do it every week.
-那是在遇到你之前 -你的意思是
-Before he met you. -What are you suggesting?
你明白我的意思
I think you know.
各位 手气好吗
Feel lucky, boys?
-班 你知道吗… -两块钱
-You know, Ben… -That’s two bucks.
我比你幸运多了 至少不用听席琳狄翁的演唱会
…I feel luckier than you. I didn’t sit through a Celine Dion concert.
-这才叫做真爱 -收牌
-That’s what true love is all about. -I fold.
多加50块 她爱上你了
Raise fifty. She’s in love with you?
她已经在准备婚礼了
Is she? She’s planning the wedding!
各位 准备哭吧 我手上有好牌
All right, guys. Read ’em and weep. I got ladies over fours.
-该死 -没有
-Damn. -Nothing.
-我有一个三和么点 -没有我的牌好
-I have a three and an ace. -It does not get better than this.
-看 -亲爱的 我回来了
-Look at that. -Honeykins, I’m home.
-亲爱的 -安蒂
-Hi, honey. -Hey, Andie.
-她有钥匙 -合法取得的吗
-She has a key? -Is that legal?
我没想到你会来
I wasn’t expecting you.
你怎么会有钥匙
How’d you get a key?
管♥理♥员♥帮我打了一把
Oh, honey, Francesco, your super, made me a copy.
管♥理♥员♥
Francesco, huh?
-小班班 你没有生气吧 -我没有生气
-You’re not mad, are you, Binky-Winky? -No, I’m not mad. No, no, no.
他们你都见过了 托尼 阿泰 法兰斯…
You know the guys. Tony, Thayer, Francis…
-小心桌垫 -托尼
-Watch the felt! -Tony, hi.
-罗纳德 -你好
-Ronald. -Hello.
-乔 -你好
-Joe. -Hey.
-我不是故意要打扰你们打牌 -我们知道
-I didn’t mean to interrupt your game. -We got it.
-我帮你们带来可口点心 -点心
-I brought some yummy snacks. -Snacks? Mmm.
来玩新的游戏
The game is… Hold ‘Em.
三个人一组 下注吧
Three up for company. Ante a dollar, please.
-托尼 披萨好恶心 -不要
-Tony. Yucky, yucky pizza! -Oh, no.
好吃的小黄瓜三明治
Yummy, yummy cucumber sandwich!
第一张牌是九
First card up is a nine.
-我拿一个 -好
-Take one. -Yeah, sure.
-这样才乖 -放在那边 谢谢
-Good boys. -Put that over there. Thanks.
-三 -你跟吗
-Three up. -You follow?
小心接招
Look around the horn, look around the horn.
小班 谢谢你
Thanks, Benny.
阿泰 你也要
Thayer! That means you too, Thayer.
每个人拿一块钱
Everyone in for a buck.
九和五 托尼 换你了
Next card, five. Nines and fives. Back to you, T-Dog.
你有九和七 可能会有顺
Nine and a seven. Go for the straight.
-托尼 换你了 -她泄漏我的牌
-That’s you. Tony, you’re up. -She told you my hand.
-小亲亲 -亲爱的
-Peek-a-boo! -Oh, hi!
-我们要在这里玩牌吗 -我们玩哪一种
-Are we gonna play cards here? -What game are we playing?
我已经爆了 有九…
I’m already maxed out. We got a nine up…
擤鼻涕 没有人喜欢鼻涕虫
Blow. Nobody likes Mr Sniffles.
-我讨厌鼻涕虫 -快擤 你快窒息了
-I hate Mr Sniffles. -Come on, stuffy head.
-很好 是白色的 很健康 -很好
-Good, good. White. Healthy boy. -Good.
健康
Healthy.
不好了
Oh, no.
不会吧
Oh, no!
我们的爱之蕨死掉了
Our love fern! It’s dead.
-不是的 它在睡觉 -你让它死掉了
-No, honey, it’s just sleeping. -You let it die.
你要让我们的爱死掉
Are you gonna let us die?
你要好好反省
You should think about that.
什么是爱之蕨
What the hell’s a love fern?
我们把这一局打完
All right, guys. Let’s try to get through one hand.
-她是不是在忙 -希望如此
-Is she on something? -God, I hope so.
你来了
Hi.
你说我脑袋有问题
Are you saying I’m some kind of mental person?
-他没有这么说… -托尼
-No, no, he wasn’t… -Oh, Tony!
-他是说… -我受够了
-He meant… -That’s it!
-我受够了 -安蒂
-That is it. -Andie?
我要把爱之蕨带走
I’m taking this love fern with me.
等一下
Hang on.
刚才是怎么回事
Hey. Hey, hey. What just happened in there?
-我要去听 -不要出声
I’m gonna go listen. Quietly.
这实在太吓人了 你好像真的疯了
This is getting really creepy. You’re acting completely insane.
你说我是疯子
Oh, so I am insane?
你的行为像是疯子 库尔 闭嘴
No, you’re acting insane. Shut up, Krull.
-它是无辜的 -它不会怎么样
-He’s an innocent animal! -He’ll live.
你不喜欢动物 还说我是疯子 我没办法跟你在一起
I can’t be with someone who dislikes animals and thinks I’m mental.
我就是这个意思
That’s what I’m talking about.
那个性感 迷人 风趣 聪明美丽的安蒂到哪去了
Where’s the sexy, cool, fun, smart, beautiful Andie that I knew?
那个想认真从事新闻业的安蒂
The one who wanted to be a serious journalist, huh?
你情绪不稳定 就像马戏团一样
You’re up, you’re down, you’re like a one-woman circus!
-我们之间结束了 -我想是吧
-I guess this means we’re over. -I guess so.
-好 -好
-Fine. -Fine.
终于
Oh, finally.
-结束了 -不行
-It’s over, man. -No, no, no.
-真的结束了 -还剩四天
-It is, man. -Four more days!
你们都看到了 她简直是被鬼附身
Guys, you were here. Did you see her homage to The Exorcist?
-我觉得那样很性感 -一点都不性感
-I did. I thought it was sexy. -It was not sexy.
-他说的没错 算了 -他说的没错
-He’s right. Forget it. -He’s right.
你要让史碧尔和葛林得逞
Do you think Spears and Green will like their new office?
然后他一辈子卖♥♥足球
Sure. And he gets to sell footballs for the rest of his life.
-还是卖♥♥灌肠器 -结束了
-Or a really good douche campaign. -Hey, it’s done.
-怎么了 -感情咨商
-What? -Couples therapy.
每次我太太跟我闹离婚 我就会去感情咨商
Every time my wife wants a divorce, I suggest couples therapy.
-真的 他太太很讨厌他 -感情咨商
-It’s true. She hates him. -Couples therapy.
感情咨商
Couples therapy!
-就是这样 -感情咨商
-Come on! -Couples therapy!
安蒂
Andie.
你能原谅我吗 我不知道我刚才怎么了
Can you forgive me? I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry.
安蒂 我太过分了 能再给我一次机会吗
I am way out of line, Andie. Can you give me another chance?
你不是受不了吗
Haven’t you had enough?
-我什么都愿意 -起来
-I’m willing to do anything. -Get up.
安蒂 你要我做什么都可以
I’ll do anything, Andie.
你想不想去做感情咨商
Look, what do you think about… couples therapy?
感情咨商
Couples therapy?
阿泰认识一个很棒的医生
Thayer has this doctor, says he’s a hell of a guy.
我有认识的心理医生可以治疗你这种人
No. I know a therapist who’ll work wonders with somebody like you.
-那正是我需要的 -我会去预约
-That’s what I need. -I’ll get an emergency session.
-宝贝 不论任何代价 -我想是吧
-Baby, whatever it takes. -I guess.
亲爱的 谢谢你
Thank you, sweetheart.
-谢谢你体谅我 -小班 我爱你
-Thank you for understanding. -I love you, Binky.
但是我不要马上原谅你
But I don’t have to like you right now.
安蒂 谢谢你
Thank you, Andie.
该死 讨厌
Dammit! Shit!