如何死亡：西蒙的抉择（2016）

And he has the possibility to say no and go back home
他都可以反悔然后回家
until the very last moment.
就算药剂已经装进袋子
Even when the medicine is in the bag already
点滴准备就绪
and the perfusion is closed,
这时候他突然间不敢打开点滴了
and he, all of a sudden, is afraid of opening it,
没关系 没人会生气 他随时可以回家
no problem, nobody’s angry, he could go back home any time.
挂起来
We hang this up.
我们必须向有关部门证明
We have to prove to the authorities
当事人是自己打开点滴的
that this person has opened the drip himself or herself,
所以只能录下影片来证明
and you can only prove that by doing a little film.
好了 现在我们要回答几个问题
Yeah? OK, so we do the questions now.
我知道你因为患有运动神经元病
I know that you cannot speak
无法说话
because of your motor neurone disease.
所以我问的这些问题
This is why I will ask the questions in a manner
你可以通过点头或摇头回答
that you can just show with your head yes or no.
你的名字是西蒙·宾纳吗
Is it right that your name is Simon Binner?
是的
That is right.
你的出生日期是1957年11月2日吗
Is it right that you have been born on 2nd November, 1957?
是
Yes.
你书面写下了
And you have written that you’ve come here
你是自愿来这里结束生命
to Lifecircle to end your life
原因是你患有很严重的运动神经元病
because you have this very bad motor neurone disease,
病情恶化迅速 对吗
very progressed, is that right?
对
Yes.
点滴已经连接到你的大脑
I have put the perfusion into your brain.
现在点滴中已注入药物
There is a medication in the perfusion now.
我已告知 如果打开点滴你就会死
And I have told you that you will die if you open it.
你是否清楚 一旦打开点滴你就会死
Do you know that you will die if you open this perfusion?
是的
Yes, yes.
西蒙 现在是…
So, Simon, it is now…
现在几点了
What time is it?
9点38分
9:38.
如果你想终止生命的话
If you would like to die,
现在就可以打开点滴了
you are allowed to open the perfusion now.
你好啊 黛比 我是西蒙
Hi, Debbie. It’s Simon here.
我非常非常爱你 黛比
I’ve loved you very, very much, Debbie.
我感到不配拥有你 汉娜和佐伊
I haven’t deserved you, or Hannah or Zoe.
你们是如此善良又体贴的姑娘
Such loving and caring young ladies.
而我一直以来却犟得要命
And I’ve been such a grumpy Gruffalo for much of the time.
但我真的很爱你 黛比
But I really love you, Debbie.
我们的婚姻生活充满了欢声笑语
We’ve had such a fun and laughter-filled marriage.
我们能在一起是多么的幸运
We were really blessed to have found one another.
病情慢慢恶化有个好处
The one blessing of a slow decline
我们在过去的十个月中
is that we’ve had time
有足够的时间好好聊天
to speak about things over ten long months,
不像车祸那样一下结束
not like losing me in a car smash.
该说的我们都说过了
We’ve really said everything that needs to be said.
你是特别棒的妻子 黛比
You’ve been a truly fantastic wife to me, Debbie.
我知道我们一直以来深爱着彼此
And I know that you’ve loved me and I’ve loved you.
总之 时间不等人
Anyway, time and tide wait for no man.
我爱你 黛比
I love you very much, Debbie.
再见了
Goodbye.
两周后
我记得西蒙去世的画面
I remember Simon dying and
我记得他放了一段录音
I know he played a tape,
但我不记得录音的内容了
but I don’t remember the tape.
我记得我在他身边时感受到的温暖
I remember the tenderness I felt towards him.
我早上为他准备好
I got him ready in the morning.
他仍然那么精神
He was still really, really keen,
佩戴好了袖扣
that his cuff links were put on properly
打理好了鞋子
and that his shoes were done up properly.
那让我很感动
And I found that very touching,
我就是爱他如此整洁利落的模样
and it’s something I really loved about him, that he was so smart.
我依稀记得在飞机上…
and I vaguely remember being on a plane…
我记得艾瑞卡 差不多就是这样
I remember Erika and that’s about it.
对 的确不容易…
Yeah, big chunks just kind of…
因为当时我们正尝试帮他熬过去
cos we were just trying to get through it for him.
对他来说 我觉得他在
For him, I think he went to Switzerland
最合适的时候去了瑞士
at exactly the right time for him.
但对我们来说 我们所要经历的
But, for us, what we had to go through,
帮他结束生命 这异乎寻常的艰难
to end his life, it was extraordinarily difficult.
我仍感到悲痛欲绝
And I feel I’m still in shock and trauma.
一个人前一分钟还在 后一分钟就离开了
Somebody’s there one minute and then not the next.
我无法…
And I can’t…
我无法用语言形容他离去的意味
I haven’t got the words to express about how big a deal it is.
我很愤怒
I’m angry,
我很想念他
I’m missing him,
我很怀念他
I yearn for him.
我很内疚没能想尽办法让他的生活足够精彩
I’m guilty that somehow I couldn’t make his life nice enough,
也许如果我更尽力
you know, and maybe if I’d worked harder
让生活更舒适
and made it easier,
那次没斥责他 在他需要时满足他
and hadn’t snapped at him that time, or got this when he wanted,
也许他还不会想离开
maybe he wouldn’t have wanted to go,
我知道这些想法不合逻辑
and I don’t think any of that’s logical,
但你就是会不自觉地那样想
but I think it leaves you with those kind of feelings.
我做得够多吗
Did I do enough?
也许我就是在纠结 我做得够多吗
Maybe that’s what I’m struggling with – did I do enough?
有没有…
Was it…?
为使他生活充实我做得够多吗
Did I do enough to make his life worthwhile
而这些年他的确为我付出太多
when he had done so much for me, really, over the years,
帮我照料女儿
and helped me look after my daughter
处理其他生活琐碎
and all those kind of things.
也许这种想法就是困扰我的难题
Maybe, that’s the difficulty of what I’m struggling with.
我无法感受…
I cannot begin to feel…
很多人对我说 “我觉得你很勇敢”
A lot of people said to me, “I think you’re very brave.”
其实并不是我多勇敢
Well, I’m not very brave,
而是我别无选择
I don’t have…the option of being brave or not.
也有人说他勇敢
Then some people say he is brave.
伊丽莎白和我聊过这事
And Elizabeth and I were discussing this
我们觉得 “是的 他很勇敢”
and saying, “Yes, he was brave.”
但我们也要记得
But we have to remember
也有很多坚持到生命终结的人
that these other people were brave that have stuck it out,
他们也很勇敢
as well.
致以慰问
我把他当作小宝贝一样地缅怀
You see, I’m mourning him as my baby boy.
致以慰问
他给我写了张小纸条
He wrote me something on a piece of paper.
虽然难过但这样最好 感谢您做我的母亲
虽然难过但这样最好 感谢您做我的母亲
It’s sad, but it’s for the best. Thank you for being my mum.
这个我所认识的男人
The man I came to know was,
你们也会记得他
as you will also remember him,
他天赋异禀
a force of nature.
思维缜密 口齿伶俐
Incisive, articulate,
精力充沛
bursting with energy.
他从不顾影自怜
He never wallowed in self-pity,
他精彩地活到了生命尽头
he was absolutely fantastic to the end.
他是个高尚的人
He was a magnificent man.
他将高尚延续到生命终结
He was magnificent to the very end.
他在临死前写给我这样的话
And he wrote to me just before he died,
提醒我 我不会再遇到像他一样的朋友
warning me that I would never find another friend like him.
我认为我们能够无可置疑地说
I think we can say, without fear of contradiction,
我们都不会再认识像他一样的人
that none of us will ever know anyone like him.
西·宾纳 对我来说
Si Binner, as he will always be known to me,
他是来自一个异星球的家伙
was a guy from a slightly different planet.
我想念这个愚蠢的家伙 一位真正的朋友
I’m missing the daft bugger. A friend indeed.
起
Up.