如何死亡：西蒙的抉择（2016）

第一 我不认为这是正确的选择
One, I don’t think it’s the right thing to do,
第二 可能也是最重要的
and two, and perhaps most importantly,
我不相信他真的想离开
I don’t believe he really wants to go.
你在重新考虑吗
You are reconsidering?
是的
明显是的
He is, apparently.
是的
I am.
因为他在重新考虑 我们突然又有了希望
In him reconsidering, we suddenly have hope again.
这是个很大的转变
That’s a real change.
是的
我以为他们不在乎我的辞世日期
我以为他们不会在乎我的辞世日期
I thought they’d be indifferent to the timing of my demise.
我完全错了
I was so wrong.
如果我是一个人 我绝对会选择离开
If I was single, I’d be gone. Definitely.
但我不是一个人
But I’m not single.
而且我现在才开始意识到
And I have responsibilities to others
我得对别人负责
that I’m only now starting to fully understand.
新信息
西蒙·宾纳
9月22日 周二
Tuesday, 22nd September.
亲爱的朋友们 这个周五
Dear friends, we’re having
我将再次举♥行♥搞笑游戏聚会
another one of my ludicrous games parties this Friday.
特别活动是套圈游戏
Hoop a cone will be a featured event.
女士们请穿裤子
And women have all been instructed
参加荡秋千的游戏
to wear trousers for the tree swing.
提姆 鉴于你高大的身材
Tim, on account of your height and bulk,
你被任命为CBTO
you are hereby duly appointed CBTO
也就是首席宾纳运输官
Chief Bins Transportation Officer.
恭喜你的升职
Congratulations upon your elevation to high office.
这里
Here?
放这里吗
Here?
他仍在参与活动
He’s still taking part in things.
他非常好胜
He’s very competitive.
这就赢了
This wins it.
好的
Yes.
太好了
Yes!
他还能写字
He can still write.
当他写字速度变慢 我们不知道将发生什么
When his writing slows down, we don’t know what will happen.
但现在 他状况其实还不错
But at the moment, he’s doing very well, actually,
而且大家给了他许多支持
and getting so much support from everybody.
他总是非常友善 这么多年来 一切都值得
He’s always been very sociable, and, in the years, it’s paid off.
他有一群一起长大互相支持的傻瓜朋友
He’s got all his daft friends that have grown up very supportive.
-这座位真难受 -你坐好了吗
– It’s the most uncomfortable bloody seat. – Are you on?
应该好了
I suppose so, yes.
好的 你想用左手还是右手
Right, do you want left hand or right hand?
左手吧
I think left hand,
因为我想用右手抓住绳子
cos I’m going to hold on tight with my right hand.
这感觉像是等待判决
It feels like a stay of execution.
就是这种感觉
That’s exactly what it feels like.
我仍然珍惜他的友谊
I still value his friendship,
享受在他的公♥司♥工作
I still enjoy being in his company.
在我们小时候
When we were children,
总会有一些比赛
there was always some competition going on.
我觉得他仍在享受人生
I think he’s still enjoying life.
他经常笑
He laughs so much.
他自己写短♥信♥或笔记
He writes his texts or his notes,
伊丽莎白
西蒙的妹妹
他会被自己说的笑话笑翻
and he’s shaking with laughter at his own jokes.
每次看完他回家 当我坐进车里
Whenever I see him, when I come home, I get in the car
我总是想 “多么美好的一天 多么欢乐的一家啊”
and I just think, “What a lovely day! What a happy house!”
10月4日
你们说句话呗
Right, are you saying anything for me, you guys?
周日
Sunday.
楠萨奇公园 阳光明媚
Nonsuch Park, the sun is shining.
黛比不想让他去瑞士
Debbie doesn’t want him to go to Switzerland.
这使得他重新考虑
It’s given him a way to reconsider.
每天一点点地分♥析♥可能是件好事
Analysing it day-by-day is probably a good thing.
但是我认为 最后还是要他自己决定
But I think, in the end, it has to be his choice.
我觉得我不总是了解他的感受
I don’t think I do always know what he’s feeling.
10月9日
我觉得做游戏能让西蒙转移注意力
I think the games are a way of Simon deflecting attention.
当西蒙不能交流的时候会变成什么样
What is Simon going to be when he can’t communicate?
我不想让他走到那一步
And I wouldn’t like him to let himself get to that stage
然后想着
and then think,
不 现在我厌倦一切
Oh, no, now, I’m hating everything,
但是我无法逃脱了
but I’m sort of trapped.
恐怕我快要无法控制双手了 我感觉它们在离我而去
恐怕我快要无法控制双手了 我感觉它们在离我而去
我很快就会没办法和人交流了
I’ll be totally unable to communicate soon.
失去我唯一的交流方式
It’s terrifying to think my only form
想想就可怕
of interaction will be gone.
不能说话很糟糕 但什么也做不了…
Losing my voice is bad, but none…
什么也做不了更恐怖
None is terrible.
10月12日
黛比·宾纳写道
Debbie Binner wrote.
西蒙·宾纳 紧急
Simon Binner – Urgent.
亲爱的艾瑞卡 西蒙现在坐在我身边
Dear Erika, Simon is sitting next to me
我们经历了一个可怕的上午
after a terrifying morning.
他企图上吊自杀
He has tried to hang himself.
我们已经安抚住了他
We have calmed him down.
但是现在他说他要去死了
But now, he is saying he needs to die now
希望尽快能来
And wants to come as soon as possible.
最晚这周五 也就是10月16日
This Friday, 16th October, at the least.
请告诉我 这可以吗
Please, can you advise if it is possible.
他说他很绝望
He says he’s desperate.
黛比·宾纳 祝好
Debbie Binner. Kind regards.
我已经告诉她10月16日不行
Yes, and I have told her that 16th October is not possible.
黛比转达说
And he promised me, by writing
他写字保证
and by Debbie telling me,
他可以接受19日周一过来
that he would accept to come on Monday 19th
并且他保证不会
and he promised that he would not do
再做这种傻事了
something like that any more.
在宾纳之前 我从来没想过
Until this happened to Binner, I never really thought
有人会害怕自己不死
that you could be so frightened of not dying.
在昨天宾纳尝试自杀之后
And for Binns to have done what he did yesterday…
一定程度上表明
sort of demonstrates,
因为他不是一个鲁莽残忍♥的人
given he’s not an unthinking or cruel person,
表明了他现在的感受绝对很可怕
sort of demonstrates the absolute horror that he feels,
我觉得 他已经不堪重负
that, I think, you know, he was so overwhelmed
他有点失去了理智
that he kind of lost the plot, in a way,
并且做出我觉得…
and did something which, you know I think is…
他可能会后悔的事
he was very, you know, he was properly sorry about.
我觉得我们已经错过了他
I think somehow we’ve missed those moments of
经历无法忍♥受的悲剧的时刻
unendurable tragedy.
你可以忘记这些
And…you know, you can just forget that
因为你只看到他搞笑 乐观
because you just see him as funny and upbeat and…
欢乐的一面
you know, hilarious.
我们会举♥行♥一个小型告别午餐派对
There’s going to be a small farewell lunch party,
黛比寄了请柬
which Debbie’s sent a card…
为了 让他感受朋友围绕的快乐时光
A sort of… given where they are, quite a jolly note about…on…
在周五举♥行♥
on Friday.
亲爱的朋友们 宝贵的时光匆匆流逝
Dearest friends, our precious time is moving fast.
大家都知道
As I’m sure you all know,
10月19日 周一 我亲爱的西蒙
My precious Simon is going to Switzerland to end his life
就要去瑞士结束自己的生命了
On Monday, 19th October.
我们经历了地狱般的一周
We’ve had one hell of a week.
鉴于最近发生的事情
And in light of recent developments,
去瑞士看来是最佳选项了
Switzerland seems the kindest and best option.
西蒙明确表明他已经受够了
Simon has made it very clear that he’s had enough.
星期五
周五你们会看到我们沮丧
Please know that you will find us beaten,
一身疲惫 伤痕累累的样子
Battle-weary and bruised on Friday.
但是我们爱你们 想和你们最后一次欢聚一堂
But we love you all and want to celebrate one last time
以一种更温柔低调的方式告别
In a gentle, more low-key way than before.
爱 拥抱和力量 黛比
Love, hugs and strengths, Debbie.
我最多只能撑到2016年1月