精灵旅社2

Sir, Master Kakie has arrived.
嘿
Oh, hey.
德古 这是布兰登 广为人知的惊奇
Drac, this is Brandon, a.k.a. Kakie.
-我们给丹尼斯请了他来 -嘿 伙计
-We got him for Dennis. -Hey, man.
见到你真作呕
Nauseated to meet you.
什么时候开始 我半小时后还要去图书展览会
When does this happen? I got a book fair in half an hour.
好了 我的吸血鬼儿子在哪
All right. Where’s my vampson?
拜托 还是要搞个这么戏剧性的入场
Oh, please. Still has to make a dramatic entrance.
爸爸 看看你
Dad! Look at you!
那么你现在开酒店了
So you run a hotel now?
从黑暗王子转型成客房♥服务之王
From Prince of Darkness to King of Room Service.
是的 很高兴见到你
Yes. So good to see you.
我马上就来找你
I’ll be right with you.
让瓦拉德远离人类和梅菲斯
Keep Vlad away from the humans and Mavis.
我马上去做
I’m on it.
这是一套干净的服装
Oh, now that is a neat costume.
这两个闻起来有点意思
These two smell funny.
你是欧洲人
Oh, you’re European.
这是所谓的除臭剂
It’s called deodorant.
这好像在侮辱整片大♥陆♥啊 琳达
Nothing like insulting an entire continent, Linda.
嘿 伯爵 最近怎么样 我是科学怪人
Hey, Count! How goes it? Frankenstein.
事实上 我技术上来说是科学怪人怪物
Actually, I’m technically Frankenstein’s monster.
科学怪人他是被科学家…
Frankenstein, he’s the doctor who…
我会很乐意听更多 打给我的人吧
Would love to hear more. Call my people.
那么让我给你介绍你儿子的其他小伙伴吧
So, let me introduce you to some of your son’s other buddies.
这是莫里
This is Murray.
求你别杀我
Please don’t kill me!
我是说 你好吸血鬼 怎么了
I mean, yo, V! What’s up?
会说话的卫生纸 这还真是个新玩意
Talking toilet paper. Well, that’s a new one.
好了 小孩在哪 那个我想见的人
All right! Where’s the kid? That’s who I wanna meet.
约翰
Johnny!
这是德古拉的女婿
This is Dracula’s son-in-law.
我是康特 乔纳方
I am Count Jonafang.
你想太多 黑羊
Bleh, bleh, black sheep.
你有羊毛吗
Have you any wool?
你头上的是什么东西
What’s that thing on your head?
看起来像是我奶奶的乳♥房♥♥
Looks like my grandmother’s boobies.
爸比 这个脸这么有趣的人是谁
Daddy, who’s the man with the funny face?
就是这个小孩吗
Is this the kid?
当然是了
It sure is.
让我看看那些尖牙
Let me see those fangs.
你在干什么
What are you doin’?
我就是太爱他了
Oh, I just love him so much.
我想在他的尖牙前抱住他
I want to hug him right in the fangs that he has.
我再说一次 让我看看那些尖牙
I repeat, lemme see those fangs.
他发育晚 就像你一样
Oh, he’s a late fanger, just like you.
对 没错 就像我一样
Yes. Yes. Just like me.
这里的大人物曾经是个爱哭的小孩 好吧
The big shot here was a little crybaby, all right.
对 对 我是
Yes, yes, I was.
以前还尿床
Used to pee in his bed.
好了 老爸
Okay, Dad.
我们只需要把小孩的尖牙吓出来
We just need to scare the fangs out of the kid.
倒吊
Hare ha hangs?
没错 我就这给这里的大人物先生做的
Yeah, it’s what I did for Mr. Tough Guy here.
首先你得掌握些东西
First, you’ve got to possess something
最后小吸血鬼就会发现天真可爱
the late fanger finds sweet and innocent.
然后你给他们看凶残的一面然后…
Then you show them what’s what and…
相信我 这回吓到尖牙马上出来 对吧 德古
Trust me. It’ll scare the fangs right out. Right, Drac?
说真的伙计们
Seriously, guys,
如果图书展览会迟到我会错失街头游乐会的
if I’m late for the book fair, I’ll miss the street fair.
这是带你的人
That’s your guy.
着魔 但丹尼斯会很难过的
Possessed? But Dennis will be so upset.
你还不明白吗 这是我们的机会
Don’t you get it? This is our ticket.
如果这对丹尼索维奇有效 他是个吸血鬼
If it works for Denisovich, boom! He’s a vampire.
而你们就可以留在这了
And you all get to stay here.
好吧 好吧
All right. All right.
-明白了 -聪明
-Capisce. -Good call.
孩子们 所有人 请就坐
Kids, everyone, have a seat.
丹尼斯有个大惊喜给你们
Dennis has a big surprise for you.
唯一的惊奇 蛋糕怪物
The one and only Kakie, The Cake Monster!
嘿 孩子们 是我惊奇
Hey, kids! It’s me, Kakie!
今天真是个美好的惊奇日
What a wonderful Kakie day it is!
现在我有个问题 这里谁喜欢蛋糕
Now, I have a question. Who here loves cake?
上升
Rise!
为什么我浮起来了 可以叫舞台总监来吗 拜托了
Why am I floating? Can I have the stage manager, please?
这不适合我啊
This isn’t working for me.
吓到了吗 丹尼索维奇 你有什么感觉吗 任何改变
Scary, Denisovich? You feeling anything? Any change?
惊奇没事吧
Is Kakie okay?
我要所有的蛋糕 分享是懦夫的行为
I want all the cake. Sharing is for cowards.
我不记得电视上有这样子啊
I don’t remember any of this from the TV show.
额…我想我在蓝♥光♥盘上看到的 花絮什么的
Um… I think I saw it on a Blu-ray disc, bonus stuff.
等等 为什么瓦拉德爷爷在上面
Wait, why is Grandpa Vlad up there?
我很怕怕 公公 惊奇是怎么了
I’m scared, Papa. What’s happening to Kakie?
你不吃蛋糕 蛋糕就会吃了你
You don’t eat cake. Cake eat you!
不
No!
住手
Stop it!
刚发生什么事 伙计 我不干了
What just happened, man? I’m outta here.
这些家长比大众点评给差评的还要衰
None of these parents better review this on Yelp.
嘿 你刚做了什么
Hey, what did you just do?
只需要多几秒孩子的尖牙就马上出来了
A few more seconds and the kid’s fangs would have popped right out.
我不在乎 这不值得
I don’t care. It’s not worth it.
什么不值得
What’s not worth it?
这是我最后一次想让男孩变成吸血鬼 那么你就会留下
It was my last attempt to make the boy a vampire, so you’d stay.
用毁掉他最喜欢的东西 你怎么能这样做
By ruining his favorite thing? How could you do that?
我们当时很绝望
We were desperate.
你也有份
You were in on this?
丹尼斯在我的镇里不会开心的
Dennis won’t be happy in my town.
丹尼斯从没去过那里
Dennis hasn’t been there.
现在到丈夫和妻子
Now husband and wife
感受到紧张和争吵
Feel the strain and the strife
闭嘴
Shut up!
约翰 丹尼斯不是怪物
Johnny, Dennis is not a monster.
他喜欢鳄梨
He likes avocado.
因为你不让他吃其他有意思的东西
‘Cause you don’t let him eat anything fun.
我认为丹尼斯只是想做个普通人
I think Dennis just wants to be normal.
我们可以别用”普通”这个词吗
Can we stop using the word “normal”?
我们现在住在哪 他是普通人
Where we live now, he’s normal.
他是他自己 你不能改变他的 爸爸
He is who he is. And you can’t change him, Dad.
丹尼斯 你去哪里
Dennis, where are you going?
远离这里
Away.
但你自己离开这不安全
But it’s not safe out here by yourself.
我知道一个我们可以藏起来的地方 跟我来
I know a place where we can hide. Follow me.
如果你不阻止我
If you didn’t stop me,
我的曾孙就不用一辈子做个懦夫了
my great-grandson wouldn’t have to be a wimp his whole life
就像这里的笨蛋
like Schlumpy over here.
-懦夫 -约翰冷静点
-A wimp? -Johnny, be cool.
你想找打吗 老家伙
You wanna throw down, old man?
1997年有认证的黄腰带
Certified yellow belt since 1997.
不
No!
现在这是怎么回事 你不是吸血鬼
What’s this now? You’re not a vampire?
你想太多了
Bleh?
他当然是人类了 他是我们的儿子
Of course he’s human. He’s our son.
你觉得我们是怪物吗
You think we’re monsters?
你 你让你的女儿嫁给一个人类和生了个人类小孩
You! You let your daughter marry a human and have a human kid?
为什么你不直接把木桩打进我的心脏
Why don’t you just put a stake through my heart.
我们不再憎恨人类了 而且他们也不憎恨我们
We don’t hate humans anymore, and they don’t hate us.
人类
Humans?
你太愚蠢了
You’re a fool.
你的曾孙是我见过最可爱 最亲切
Your great-grandson is the sweetest, kindest,
最特别的男孩
most special boy I’ve ever met.
如果因为他是半人类