希望沟壑（2019）

Why not?
他让我不要给你
He asked me not to give it to you.
那我让你把号♥码给我
Well, I ask you to give it to me.
我不会给你的 好吧
I’m not going to, all right?
我不明白你为什么总是这么任性
I don’t see why you always have to get your own way.
任性
Get my own way?
你觉得我很任性吗
You think I get my own way?
我觉得把他的电♥话♥号♥码给你不是个好主意
I think it’d be a bad idea to give you his number.
这轮不到你来管
Well, that’s not for you to judge
就像你最喜欢说的
as you’re so fond of saying.
我是一个大人了
I’m grown up.
我不是个罪犯或者疯子
I’m not a criminal or a lunatic.
我就想跟我的丈夫联♥系♥上
I wish to be able to contact my husband.
不行
No.
我觉得你该走了
I think you’d better go.
你走吧 走开
Go on, leave.
这是你想要的
It’s what you want.
你又帮不上忙 所以还不如走了
You can’t help, so why don’t you just go?
你对我也没什么用
You’re no use to me.
你站在他那边
You’ve taken his side.
你就像他一样离开了我
You’ve left me already just like he has.
如果我要独自一人
Well, if I’m to be alone, I’d rather
我宁可自己待着也不要你来可怜我
be alone and not have you dangling about pitying me
施舍我
and patronizing me.
你快走吧
Go on leave.
你为什么要这么做
Why do you do this?
做什么
Do what?
我什么都没做
I’ve not done anything.
我没离开他
I’ve not left him.
是他离开了我
He’s left me.
你去告诉他别这样做
Go and tell him not to do this.
我不能把他带回来
I can’t bring him back.
你怎么知道
You don’t know that.
你试过了吗
Have you tried?
你继续跟他见面
You go on seeing him.
你这是让他以为你认可他的做法
That means you let him think he has your approval.
妈 他坠入爱河了
Mom, he’s in love!
你死了吗
你死了吗
是的
下辈子是什么样的
人没有下辈子
你需要甜食带你重拾幸福感
What you need is a sugar high.
怎么样 满血复活了吗
There, life flooding back?
我应该给我妈吃一个
I should feed one of these to my mom.
她现在还是心情很糟糕吗
She still in a bad way?
你♥爸♥的作为挺糟糕的
It’s bad what your dad did.
他 他并不开心
Oh, he… he wasn’t happy.
我知道的
I knew that.
他们曾经一定相爱过吧
They must have loved each other once?
是的 很久以前
Yeah, way back.
当我 我还小的时候
We used… we used to do this thing when I was little where
我们经常站成一排 我在中间
we’d stand in a line, and I’d be in the middle
我妈会抓住我的一只手 我爸抓着另一只
and then my mom would hold one my dad would hold the other…
然后他俩抓着我荡
and they’d swing me between them.
所有的爸爸妈妈都会这么做
All moms and dads do it.
他们的小孩 只要荡 让我在他俩中间荡
Their kids, they just swing… swing me along between them.
抱歉
Sorry.
杰米
Jamie.
你懂我的
You know me.
如果我哭的话 我只会为自己而哭
If I cry, I’m crying for myself.
我只是不太在乎别人
I just didn’t care enough about anyone else.
那可不是
That’s not true.
你给我买♥♥了个甜甜圈
You got me a Krispy Kreme.
卡卡圈坊:著名甜甜圈连锁店
所以到底怎么了
So what’s up?
你是问我吗
Is this about me?
反正在哭的不是我
I’m not the one who’s crying.
我不是被抛弃的那个人
I’m not the one who’s been left.
你不是吗
Aren’t you?
好吧 好吧
Ok, ok.
还是每周都去看你妈妈吗
Still seeing your mom every weekend?
直到她能自己应付
Until she can cope on her own.
你什么时候能不用经常过去
When do you stop going?
反正也没那么经常
Not so often anyway.
她那时候会是什么感受
How is she going to feel then?
不太好
Not great.
你会有什么感受
How are you going to feel then?
我吗
Me?
杰西认为你还没有放下
Jess thinks you’re still holding on.
我有吗
Am i?
是一些需要我签的文件
It’s some papers I’m supposed to sign.
我不知道是什么
I don’t know what.
杰米 我不会这么做的
Jamie, I’m not going to do it.
不 他可以自己来问我
No… he can ask me himself.
他可以过来 然后我们一起签字
He can come here, and we’ll sign together.
是的 我在努力应付
Yes, I’m coping.
那就星期天吧
Sunday then.
30年前我站在查令十字车站的月台上
30 years ago, I was standing on a platform
等着坐火车去坦布里奇
in Charing Cross Station waiting to get on a train to Tunbridge.
我看见一个人在月台上走
And I saw a man walking down the platform who I thought
我以为那是我父亲
was my father.
我举起手然后喊道 爸爸
And I raised my arm and called, father.
我的手还悬在空中的时候
And with my arm still in the air,
我想起来我父亲四个月前去世了
I remembered that my father had died four months earlier.
那人 一个完全陌生的人 走了过去
The man, a complete stranger, walked on by.
火车进站了
The train came in.
我上了一节车厢
I got into a carriage,
然后火车离开了查令十字车站
and the train left Charing Cross.
车厢里的另一个人是一个年轻女人
The other person in the carriage was a young woman.
她看着我 好像在为我难过
She was looking at me as if she was sorry for me.
我意识到我脸上有泪水
I realized I had tears on my cheeks.
“怎么了” 她问我
“What is it?” She said.
“没事” 我说
“Oh, nothing.” I said.
“我把一个人误认成了我已经去世的父亲”
“I mistook a man for my father who’s dead.”
她说 “你一定很想再见到他”
And she said,”You must want to see him again very much.”
我父亲是一个很内向的人
My father was a reserved man.
我不记得他拥抱过我
I don’t remember him ever embracing me.
然而当这个女人跟我说话的时候
Somehow when this young woman said these words to me,
我知道我这一生都想要得到他的拥抱
I knew that all my life I’d wanted his embrace
而且现在我永远也得不到了
and that now it would never come.
我开始哭泣 应该说是继续哭泣
I began to weep, continued weeping I should say.
然后那个年轻女人朗诵了一首诗中的几句
And the young woman recited some lines
我从来没听过也从未再忘记
from a poem I’d never heard and never forgotten since.
“在那里等我
“Stay for me there.
我定会去那空荡的山谷与你相见
I will not fail to meet thee in that hollow vale.
别太在意我的迟到
And think not much of my delay.
我已经在路上了”
I am already on the way.”
这是亨利·金在他妻子去世时写的
It’s by Henry King on the death of his wife.
火车上那个年轻女人怎么知道我的感受
How did that young woman in the train know what I was feeling?
那是你的母亲
It was your mother.
当然是格蕾丝了
Of course, it was Grace.
然而我上错了火车
And I was on the wrong train.
那是一辆快车
It was the fast train.
它没有在我去的站台停下
It never stopped at my station.
我发现的时候 已经快到多佛港了
We were halfway to Dover before I realized it.
事实就是我一开始看错了格蕾丝
The truth is I made a mistake about Grace right
然后她也看错了我
at the beginning, and she made a mistake about me.
我们以为我们很像对方 但事实并非如此
We thought we were like each other, and we weren’t.
我当时并不知道
I didn’t know it.
我尽力成为她想要的样子
I did my best to be who she wanted me to be,
但是我都不知道自己是谁
but I didn’t know who I was myself.
当安吉拉挽住我 一切都变了 她的触碰
All it took was Angela’s hand on my arm, her touch.
她触碰到的就是真实的我