猪头逛大街（2004）

No. Extreme kayaking!
不要 高难度的皮船!
No!
不要!
Extreme!
高难度!
No! Man, that was so fuckin’ extreme!
不要! 那真♥他♥妈♥的是高难度!
On a scale of 1 to 10,
用10分来衡量的话
one being not so extreme and ten being extremely extreme,
一个不是很高难度 10个高难的高难度
I give this a 9.5!
我给分9.5!
Check it out! Extreme cheddar!
瞧瞧看! 高难度干酪!
Hey. Extreme cashier!
嗨 高难度的收银员!
Somebody should do something.
某人该做点什么.
Yeah, you’re right.
是的 你说对了
Hey, asshole! Why don’t you leave that guy alone
嗨 小屁♥眼♥! 为什么不离开这个家伙…
and go jerk off to some snowboarding videos or something?
…然后对着滑雪板影碟什么的打手♥枪♥?
I didn’t mean you should do something about it.
我没说你该这样做
What? You’re gonna take that?
什么? 你打算就这样?
What’s up with that? Huh?
你怎么了? 嗯?
You’re gonna take that?
你就这样算了?
Yeah! Yeah!
好! 好!
Shit! That’s right, bitch!
切! 这就对了 娘们!
You just try fuckin’ with me one more time!
你♥他♥妈♥的想和我再玩玩吗?
Just try it! Thank you, come again.
来试试! 谢谢再次光临
Yeah! Yeah!
好! 好!
Kumar, you okay?
古马 你没事?
Yeah, dude,
嗯 哥们 我只是厌恶那些混♥蛋♥.
You know what? Fuck it, I’m hungry. Let’s just get outta here.
你知道吗? 干♥他♥妈的 我很饿 我们离开这里
Did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?
妙手少年偷了我他妈的车对吗?
Yes. I think he did.
是的 我想是的
You! You had to pick up a hitchhiker! Why?!
都是你! 你一定要载搭便车的! 为什么?!
Calm down.
冷静下来
Why did you leave the keys in the car?
为什么你要把钥匙留在车上?
Why? Because it would get stolen.
为什么? 那样会被偷的.
I figured that Neil Patrick Harris was a trustworthy guy.
我以为尼尔*帕特里克*哈里斯 是个可信的人
Come on. How was I supposed to know he’d fuck us over?
我怎么知道他会这样搞我们?
This whole freaking night, this whole night, is your fault!
整个怪异的晚上 整晚都是你的错!
Where are you going? I’m going inside to call the police.
你要去哪里? 我打算进去叫警♥察♥.
I don’t want to talk to you anymore.
我不想再和你说话了
Yeah! Yeah!
好呃! 好呃!
There’s a pay phone across the street
街对面有付费电♥话♥.
if you don’t wanna deal with those assholes.
如果你不想和那些混♥蛋♥打交道的话
After we talk to the cops, we’re still going to White Castle, right?
我们和警♥察♥说过以后 我们还是去白色城♥堡♥ 对吗?
I’m not speaking to you.
我不和你说话
When are they fucking going to develop button technology
他妈的 他们打算什么时候更新按钮科技
that will understand urgency?!
让机器理解什么叫紧急情况?!
Dude, this is ridiculous. Just walk across.
哥们 这有点荒谬 穿过去吧 一秒钟就会变的
There’s not a car in sight. Just go ahead.
根本看不见车 走过去.
Fine. You want me to cross? I will cross.
好吧 你想让我横穿? 我会横穿的
If it makes you happy, I will cross.
如果你高兴的话 我会横穿的
I’ll do it.
我会的
Shit!
狗屎!
What Sorry.
怎么 抱歉
Is there a problem, Officer Palumbo?
帕鲁波警官 有什么问题吗?
Is there a problem? You ever heard of jaywalking?
有什么问题? 你没听过违规横穿马路?
Yes, I have. I’m really sorry. Won’t happen again.
我有听过 我真的很抱歉. 不会再发生了
That’s great. I’m writing you up a ticket.
很好 我给你开张罚单
A ticket? Are you serious?
罚单? 你是认真的?
Who the fuck are you, shitwad?
你♥他♥妈♥的是谁阿? 你个屎头?
Let me apologize for my friend here. I’m very sorry.
我来为我朋友道歉吧. 我很抱歉
I’m really glad you’re here. We’ve had a rough night.
很高兴你来这里. 我们今晚很不幸
You know the show Doogie Howser M.D.?
你知道妙手少年这部电视剧吗?
Great show. God, I love that show. “Doogie.”
很不错的节目.我喜欢那节目. “聪明鼠.”
Neil Patrick Harris stole my car tonight.
尼尔*帕特里克*哈里斯 偷了我们的车
Hey, NPH wouldn’t do that, all right?
嘿 哈里斯不会那样做的 好吗?
Give me some l.D.
给我看看你们的身份证.
Excuse me, how can you give him a ticket for jaywalking?
抱歉 你怎么能因为他横穿马路就开罚单呢?
It’s 2:30 in the morning. There’s not a car around here.
现在是早上2:30.这里一辆车也没有
Kumar, shut up.
古马 闭嘴
That’s not the kind of tone you want to use
你这样的口气不对吧
on a cop who can bust your ass.
警♥察♥是可以抓你的
Bust my ass? Yeah, Koomar.
抓我? 是的 古马
Bust your ass.
抓你
What kind of name is that anyhow? Koo-mar.
这是个什么样的名字?古–马–.
What is that,
怎么拼写的? 5个O还是2个U?
No, it’s actually one U.
没有 实际上只有一个U.
Yeah, bullshit.
是的 狗屎
Whatever happened to good old American names like Dave or Jim?
那些老式的美国人名字都怎么了? 比如德芙 吉姆.
Harold. Harold.
哈罗德 哈罗德
Are you kidd Now that’s a great name.
你开什么玩笑 那是个不错的名字
Let me take care of this. You should be proud of that name, son.
让我来处理这事 你该为那个名字而自豪 孩子…
As you were, ladies.
…如你认为的那样 女士.
$220?! Are you crazy?! Kumar, if you don’t stop
220美元?! 你疯了?! 古马 如果你不停止
No, I understand exactly what’s going on here.
不必 我非常知道现在的状况
Excuse me, officer, let me
抱歉 警官 让我猜猜看
I’m really sorry Get your hands down!
我非常抱歉 把你的手放下去!
Okay, alright. No sudden moves. Back it up!
好吧 好的 不要乱动. 后退!
You were probably the big asshole in your high school, right?
你或许在高中是最坏的大混♥蛋♥ 对吗?
Absolutely right.
完全正确
Used to pick on guys like us every day, right?
习惯于每天作弄我们这些人 对吗?
With pleasure.
乐意效劳
Then graduation day came, and we went to college,
毕业那天来了 我们都上了大学
and you went nowhere, and you thought,
而你无处可去 你想
“Hey, how can l still give them shit?
“嗨 我怎么才能继续把这些 破事塞给你们呢?
I know, I’ll become a cop.”
我知道了 我可以做一名警♥察♥.”
Well, congratu-fuckin’-lations. Your dream has come true.
呃 恭喜你老母 你的梦想成功了
Now, why don’t you just take this quiet little Asian guy
现在 为什么不把这个文静的亚洲家伙
with the Anglicized name that treats you so well
而且有着你还非常中意的英式名字
and give him a couple of other tickets?
再给他一张罚单如何? 正好一对
Better yet, just take him to jail. Better idea.
如果还不够 把他带到监狱去 好主意
Why don’t you just arrest him? Does that work out for you okay, Harold?
你为什么不逮捕他? 哈罗德 这样解决如何?
“Great American name, Harold.”
“哈罗德 很棒的美国式名字” 我们走 哈罗德
Thanks to your buddy, we’re going downtow–
谢谢你的兄弟 我们现在去–
Oh, shit.
哦 狗屎
Well, thank you so much for being understanding about Bradley.
呃 非常感谢你能理解布拉德利
I promise you he won’t ever do it again.
我向你保证他不会再犯了
I’m sure he won’t.
我确信他不会了
Right, Brad?
对吗? 布拉德?
Yes, sir,
是的 先生 帕鲁波警官
Mommy, can we go home? Get in the car, Bradley Thomas.
妈妈 我们能回家了吗? 上车去 布拉德利*托马斯
Bye, Brad.
再见 布拉德.
Are you gonna do something about my car?
你打算处理我车的事吗?
First our top story.
首先是我们的头条轶闻
The search for the escaped cheetah continues tonight.
寻找逃脱的印度豹活动仍然在今晚继续
It was last spotted in Randolph County. south of….
最后发现的现场是在伦道夫县. 南部的…
So what are you in here for? For being black.
那么你怎么会在这的? 因为是黑人
Seriously.
说真的
I am serious. You wanna know what happened?
我是认真的.你想知道发生了什么吗?
I was walking out of a Barnes & Noble,
我正要走出邦诺书店时
and a cop stops me.
一个警♥察♥拦住了我
Evidently a black guy robbed a store in Newark.
显然有个黑人抢了纽渥克的一家店铺
I told him, “l haven’t even been
我告诉他 “我这几个月根本没去过纽渥克.”
So, he starts beating me with his gun…
然后 他们就开始用他们的枪殴打我…
…telling me to stop resisting arrest. Holy shit! What’d you do?
…告诉我不要反抗逮捕. 见鬼! 你怎么做?
I kept saying, “l understand I’m under arrest.
我不听的说 “我知道我被逮捕了.
Now please stop beating me.”
现在请不要殴打我了.”
I don’t understand how you can be so calm about all this.
我不明白你怎么能怎么冷静的面对这些.
Look at me. I’m fat, black, can’t dance,
看看我 我很胖 是黑人 不会跳舞
and I have two gay fathers.
而且我还有两个同性恋的父亲.
People have been messing with me my whole life.
人们把我的生活搅得一团糟
I learned a long time ago that there’s no sense getting all riled up
我很早就理解了 每次一群傻瓜给你
every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time.
一段苦闷的时光时 激怒了大家是没有好处了
In the end, the universe tends
最后 宇宙会展开 就像它应该的那样