议事录（2019）

但你们的话语有分量，罗宾
所以当你们说某个人是不可接受的…
But your words have weight, Robin.
So when you say that a person is unacceptable…
哦亲爱的，不，恐怕如果你要责怪某人
你得怪工党
Oh dear, no, I’m afraid if you want to blame someone,
you’re going to have to blame the Labour Party
– 什么？
– 都是他们的错
– Sorry?
– It’s all their fault
工党？
The Labour Party?
如果他们继续把最没吸引力的人选作领袖
If they will keep choosing the most unappealing
people possible as their leaders…
那么这就是将要发生的事
我们将永远掌权
…then this is what is going to happen.
We’re going to be in power for ever
别转移话题
Don’t change the subject
我们在公文递送箱另一头看着他们
不敢相信我们的好运
（下议院长桌两边各有一个箱子，原是议员带文件用的公文递送箱
后演变成两党重要成员的发言处）
We look at them across the dispatch box
and we can’t believe our luck
一批又一批衣冠楚楚的地理老师
在我们面前列队而出
The succession of badly dressed
geography teachers they march out in front of us
尼尔·金诺克，迈克尔·富特
一个接一个的绝佳大礼
（均为80年代初工党领袖）
Neil Kinnock, Michael Foot.
It’s one absolute gift after another
你让人们觉得有什么东西在遭受攻击
福克兰群岛啦，家庭传统啦…
You make people feel that something is under attack.
The Falkland Islands, the family…
– 福克兰群岛的确受到攻击了啊
– 问题在于必须得有这么一个敌人
– The Falklands were under attack
– The trouble with this is there has to be an enemy
– 他们都在斯坦利港登陆了
– 你们让人相互对立
– They landed at Port Stanley
– A group against which you turn people
哦天哪，我知道发生什么了
你又嗑上《卫报》了，是不是啊？
Oh dear, no, I see what’s happened.
You’ve been at The Guardian again, haven’t you?
我们谈过这个的，戴安娜
这非常危险
We’ve talked about this, Diana.
It’s terribly dangerous
所以我一直跟村里小卖♥♥部讲
不要卖♥♥卫报给你
It’s why I keep telling them in the village shop
not to sell it to you
那冲冠义愤和印刷错误的可怖组合
Terrifying combination of righteous indignation
and typographical inaccuracy
不，你知道什么才是危险的吗，罗宾？
No, you know what’s dangerous, Robin?
不，亲爱的，对不起，我不跟你杠了
我认真的
No, darling, I’m sorry, I’m not going to do it.
I mean it
我以前愿意忍♥受这些争吵
因为这是我们性生活中必不可少的一部分
I used to be willing to put up with these rows
when they were a necessary part of our sex life
但恐怕近来我与你辩论的性致有所衰减啦
But I’m afraid the appeal of debating the issues of
the day with you has abated somewhat of late
– 天哪，除非正是这么回事
– 什么？
– Oh my God, unless that’s what’s going on here?
– Sorry?
她不会又要“诱惑”我了吧？
She’s not going to get her allure out again? Is she?
我的天哪，她就是打这个主意！
所以你还穿着睡裙呢
Holy shit, she is!
That’s why you’re still in your nightie
你觉得我们能余烬重燃？
You were thinking we might rekindle
the dying embers, were you?
– 让夫妻之乐的烟灰盘重获生机？
– 你真可悲
– Bring the conjugal soot pan back to life?
– Pathetic
为什么不呢？我们过去很擅长这个的，不是吗？
以前的时候
And why not? We used to be
quite good at it, didn’t we? Back in the day
给我搞点鱼肝油，谁知道我能有多大能耐
Get some cod liver oil in me,
who knows what I’ll be capable of
一勺麦芽酒
我在楼梯上就能把你干了
A spoonful of malt.
I shall be ravishing you on the stairs
– 你怎么说？
– 我说你小心点儿吧，罗宾
– What do you say?
– I say you want to be careful, Robin
因为目睹你们的种种行为
一个人会觉得充满破坏欲
Because one can feel quite destructive, you see.
Watching you all in action
我总是产生一种
也许我有责任做点什么的念头
And I keep having this thought that perhaps
I’ve got a duty to do something about it
– 吹吹哨之类的
– 吹什么哨？
– Blow the whistle, as it were
– Blow what whistle?
你知道我这周一直想起谁吗？
Because you know
who I keep thinking about this week?
当我听到你们谈论别人的孩子的时候？
When I hear you talking about
other people’s children?
– 卡萝尔
– 卡萝尔？就是那个…？
– Carol
– Carol? As in…?
– 撒切尔
– 好吧
– Thatcher
– Right
– 她肯定过得不容易
– 你是说…
– Because that can’t be easy. Can it?
– You mean…
我是说，你觉得她有没有可能
I mean, do you think she ever manages…
曾经轻抚卡萝尔的脸庞
告诉她她很棒呢？我是说玛格丽特？
…to stroke Carol on the cheek
and tell her she’s wonderful? Margaret?
“快到这儿来，你这小傻瓜
过来，我的美丽姑娘”
‘Come here, you great silly thing.
Come here, my beautiful girl’
你觉得她有可能鼓起那种柔情吗？
Do you think she can ever muster
that kind of tenderness?
– 我不觉得这是她的长项
– 到妈咪这儿来
– I shouldn’t think that’s her forte somehow
– Come to Mummy
跟你讲，如果我在会议上见到她
我就会去这么做
I tell you, if I see her at conference
I’m going to do it
我不明白
I don’t understand
我要大步走上主席台
给她一个拥抱
I’m going to stride right up there
onto the podium and give her a cuddle
– 哦天哪，戴，到这儿来，我听不下去了
– 抱歉？
– Oh lord, oh Di, I can’t bear it for you
– Sorry?
– 快过来
– 你干嘛？
– Come on
– What are you doing?
你又疯疯癫癫的了，亲爱的
从上周末开始，我就知道有什么不对劲的地方
You’ve gone potty, darling. Since last weekend.
I knew something was wrong
– 所以我一直叫你做填字游戏
– 我没疯，罗宾
– It’s why I keep telling you to do the crossword
– I haven’t gone potty, Robin
– 你没有？
– 恐怕我仍然清醒得可怕呢
– You haven’t?
– Still grimly lucid, I’m afraid
你确定吗？因为要不然的话
我就得带你去看兽医了
You’re quite sure? Because you know,
I’d have to take you down to the vet’s if you had
哦，你会吗？
Oh, would you?
这种情况下唯一人道的做法
要不然紧接着又要摔折屁♥股♥啦
Only humane thing to do in the circs.
Coming on top of the gammy hip
不过他们现在很擅长做这个手术了
显然你什么都不会感觉到
But listen, they’re very good at it these days.
Hardly feel a thing, apparently
– 你知道吗，我觉得我还挺感动的
– 什么？
– You know, I think I’m rather touched by that
– I’m sorry?
的确，因为这事儿很难独♥立♥完成，是不是啊？
I am. Because it’s surprisingly hard
to accomplish on one’s own, isn’t it?
就像他们在圣诞节期间一直说的
要是那楼梯再长一段儿…
As they all kept saying at Christmas,
if the stairs had been one flight longer…
– 别说了！
– 或者要是那倒霉催的跑步的人没在现场
– Don’t!
– Or if we hadn’t put that wretched runner in
请你别再提起那件事了
Please don’t start that up again
这是自我保护的条件反射
他双手就那么瞬间伸了出去
It’s the self-protective reflex.
The hands just shoot out
拜托！上周末晚餐上我就听你说这套了
巴菲都不知道眼睛往哪看了
Please, Di! I heard you doing this at that dinner
last weekend. Buffy didn’t know where to look
– 是啊，真是太棒了
– 简直极度尴尬啊
– Yes, it was wonderful
– It was extremely embarrassing
发发慈悲吧，亲爱的
这是我为数不多的乐趣了，吓唬妻子们
Have a heart. It’s one of the few remaining pleasures,
frightening the wives
我是认真的，人们会相信你，会在报纸上曝光的
就连肯后来也问这是不是真的
I mean it. People will believe you. It’ll end up in the
papers. Even Ken asked afterwards if it was true
– 那你怎么说的？
– 我说一个字都别信
– And what did you say?
– I said don’t believe a word of it
她只想引起关注，事实上，我说
只是酒醉后蹒跚了几步而已，没有更刺♥激♥的事了
She’s only after the attention. Truth is, I said,
it was nothing more glamorous than a drunken stumble
– 你没这么说吧！
– 早上来杯雪莉酒，摔个大跟头
– You didn’t!
– Mid-morning sherry. Arse over tit
你一直暗地给我使绊子，这太无礼了
You’re always undermining me. It’s very unkind
不，实际上我对你非常慷慨呢
背地里
No, I’m terribly generous to you, actually.
When you’re out of earshot
我告诉他们，她行为颠三倒四的
只因为她壮志未竟
I tell them she only behaves appallingly
because she’s unfulfilled