议事录（2019）

亡羊补牢一番
Open up the bonnet.
Better late than never
我是说，传统上我们更倾向于
运用迂回的方法交谈
I mean, I know we’ve traditionally favoured
a more indirect approach
但我开始觉得这种方式也许并不是最可取的
But I’m beginning to feel that might not
have stood us in the most brilliant stead
我是说，我还记得你妈妈连
第二天预约的理发都没有错过
I mean, I still remember your mother keeping
her appointment at the hairdresser’s the next day
我懂，我当时就是这幅表情
我记得我当时想
I know. That’s the look I gave her.
I remember thinking…
天哪，这个女人知道怎么把一场大灾祸
轻描淡写地掩盖过去
…Christ, there’s a woman who knows
how to brush a catastrophe under the carpet
– 就这样了吧，下次你就知道了
– 什么？
– Well, there we are, you’ll know for next time
– Sorry?
别就那样到我公♥寓♥来
因为星期三可能会非常忙碌
Not to come up to the flat like that.
Because it can be a very busy day, a Wednesday
– 会吗？
– 安排得满满当当
– Can it?
– Chockablock
但若像我这样忠诚于自己的选民
就会发生这种情况
But then this is what happens when one’s
as devoted to one’s constituents as I am
说到这个，我猜你昨晚没听那个节目吧？
Speaking of which, I don’t suppose you listened,
did you, last night?
我不觉得你能从你的
繁忙事务里挤出时间，对吧？
Don’t suppose you found time
in your exhausting schedule for that? No?
我上了《有问必答》，戴安娜，从利兹发回的现场直播
不过你肯定不会听的啦
（Any Questions? ，BBC广播台的老牌讨论节目）
It was my Any Questions, Diana. Live from Leeds.
But then of course you didn’t listen
因为这是过高要求了，对吧？
你必须抽出片刻真正地考虑一下别人
Because it’s a lot to ask, isn’t it? Actually to have
to think about somebody else for a moment
你会很高兴听到
我多少算是毫发无损地回来了
Well, you’ll be pleased to hear
that I emerged more or less unscathed
– 还激起了那么一两阵微不足道的掌声呢
– 真的吗？
– One or two smatterings of applause, even
– Did you really?
据说首相下跳棋的时候听了几耳朵
觉得我表现得相当好
Apparently the PM listened from Chequers
and thought I did rather well
– 不是吧！
– 据说是的
– No!
– Apparently
得到了老蛇发女妖的首肯呢
The old gorgon approved
有消息说，我周一会被拍拍脑袋表扬两句
Word is, I shall be getting
a little pat on the head on Monday
– 还拍脑袋呢！
– 反正啊
– Not a pat on the head!
– Anyway
– 要不然拍拍尻子，你意下如何？
– 什么？
– Or the bottom, do you think?
– I’m sorry?
– 玛格丽特会拍拍你屁♥股♥吗
– 不会
– Does she do pats on the bottom, Margaret?
– No
– 你真的大获全胜的时候也不行？
– 那时候也不行
– When you’ve really stuck it to ’em?
– Not even then
哦，如果你是艾伦·克拉克、塞西尔之流的马屁精
我敢打赌她也会拍你尻子的
Oh, I bet she does if you’re Alan Clark. Cecil.
One of the thrusters
我见过她怎么替你捋直领带
从你西装翻领上拍去浮毛
I see the way she straightens all your ties.
Picks fluff of your lapels
– 她就像一只雌性大猩猩首领
– 她才不是呢
– She’s like a dominant female gorilla
– No, she isn’t
– 巡视她的后宫
– 我向你保证
– Prowling her pack
– I promise you
她手下所有的公学男孩都在史密斯广场上列队
上气不接下气地向她汇报
All her public schoolboys
lined up in Smith Square, panting up at her
– 你们的阳♥具♥在裤衩里阵阵悸痛
– 别这样！
– Your willies throbbing away in your y-fronts
– Come on!
她从不挑哪个女性和她同坐桌旁，不是吗？
Well, she never picks any girls
to sit round the table, does she?
只有一屋子男人
一条接一条地修订《地方政♥府♥法》
Just roomfuls of men, ratcheting up
the Local Government Act, section by section
– 哦天哪，不会是她吧？
– 不好意思？
– Oh God. It’s not her is it?
– I’m sorry?
每个星期三啊
The Wednesdays
如果你赶往伍尔弗汉普顿
都是为了和玛格丽特♥共♥度良宵，那这的确是不得了的大事
That really would be something, if it were Margaret
you were whisking away to Wolverhampton
– 她是妈咪
– 什么？
– She’s Mummy
– I’m sorry?
– 替我们捋直领带
– 妈咪？
– The straightening of ties
– Mummy?
– 拍去翻领上的浮毛…
– 好吧，这可真是让人心碎啊
– The fluff on the lapel…
– Oh now, that really is heartbreaking
我是说她是让人毫无性♥欲♥的那种女人
I’m saying she’s a profoundly un-erotic woman
我知道你妈就像是南希·米德福德
和匈奴王阿提拉之间的缺失一环
（Nancy Mitford：英国女作家，以描写上流社会生活的小说著称）
I mean, I know your mother was more or less the
missing link between Nancy Mitford and Atilla the Hun
但一般说到妈咪，是指这个女人
是柔弱易感的那种类型
But the point about Mummy, in general,
is that she’s the soppy one
她是首相啊，戴安娜
她又不是埃丝特·兰岑（英国著名电视记者）
She’s the Prime Minister, Diana.
She’s not Esther Rantzen
我不知道这有没有什么心理学上的解释
I wonder if there’s a psychological explanation for it
也许她的生产经历极其可怕
这就说得通了
Perhaps she had an appalling
experience of childbirth. That would do it
也许她的哪个孩子生产半途卡住了
也许卡萝尔有个巨大的脑袋
If one of them got stuck on the way out.
Maybe Carol had an enormous head
– 可能是吧
– 你也这么觉得？
– Must be it
– Do you think?
– 只希望他们当初能更快地上产钳
– 好吧，不是这个原因…
– If only they’d been quicker with the forceps
– Well it’s either that…
…就是她有什么综合症
那个叫什么来着…
…or she’s got one of the syndromes, isn’t it.
What’s the one called…
…就是你无法想象你的行为
会对他人造成什么影响？
…where you can’t imagine the
impact of your actions on somebody else?
那被称为自♥由♥市场经济学
It’s called Free Market Economics
– 别拿这事儿开玩笑
– 开心点儿，亲爱的
– Well don’t joke about it
– Oh cheer up, darling
你很快就能喝到一杯血腥玛丽了
它会让你平静下来的
You can have a Bloody Mary soon.
That’ll take the edge off
因为你不得不关心别人
Because you have to mind about people
– 关心别人？
– 而你并不真正的关心他们
– Mind about people?
– And you don’t. Not really
事实上，这么多年来
目睹你活跃于政坛，我可以说
In fact, having watched you
in action all these years, I would say…
最能描述你对选民的态度的词
…that the word that best describes
your attitude towards your constituents…
– 就是轻蔑
– 绝对是屁话
– …is disdain, actually
– Absolute rubbish
有时候还交杂着一种骇然的兴致
Mingled sometimes
with a kind of appalled amusement
哦天哪
我真的要这么做了吗？
Oh God,
I’m really going to have to do this, am I?
– 想象一下有两对父母，亲爱的
– 不，你不会要…
– Imagine there are two sets of parents, Diana
– You’re not going to…
这两对父母都在教孩子骑自行车
And both these sets of parents
are teaching their child to ride a bicycle
你的确要这么干！
You are!
第一对父母保护欲极强
每次孩子掉下来，他们都会冲过去，把他抱起来
The first set are terribly protective. Every time their
child falls off, they rush over, scoop him up
问他哪里痛，吻吻跌痛的地方
真是可怕的老自行车，他们说，就那样把你甩下去了
Ask him where it hurts, kiss it better.
Horrid old bike, they say, throwing you off like that
最后，他们再也受不了了
把稳定架重新装上了
In the end they can’t bear it any more
and they screw the stabilisers back on
– 他们说，这就能保证你的安全啦
– 是啊，我正要说到这儿
– That’ll keep you safe, they say
– Yes, I’m just about there
与此同时，第二对采取不同的方式
Meanwhile, the second set of parents
take a different approach
不是吧！
They don’t!
他们对孩子的爱不亚于第一对
他们也不愿意看到他把自己弄伤
They don’t love their child any less than the first set.
They also hate to see him hurt himself
他们也想径直冲过去装上稳定架
但他们克制住了这种冲动
They also want to rush straight over
and re-attach the stabilisers. But they resist this urge
他们强迫自己显得漠不关心，悠然自得
快爬起来，老伙计，他们说
They force themselves to appear nonchalant, relaxed.