上帝保佑美国（2011）

所以我们一出去 我就从后面
So once we get outside I get this guy
绞住这家伙的脖子 他就晕倒了
in a rear naked choke and he passes out.
-该死 真的吗 -对
– Oh, fuck, really? – Yeah.
-太可怕了 -不 感觉棒极了
– That’s terrible. – No, it was awesome.
我是罗比·巴克利
“I’m Robbie Barkley
您正在收看的是 极限好莱坞
and you’re watching “Hollywood extreme”.
另一个年轻人声称
Another young man comes forward with allegations
参观梦幻庄园时
that he was sexually molested by Michael Jackson
被迈克尔·杰克逊性骚扰
while visiting the neverland ranch.
他的父母宣称要保守这个秘密
Parents claimed to keep the secret under wraps
因为他们爱他的音乐
because they loved his music.
为什么他们不能放过他
Why don’t they just leave him alone?
迈克尔一心只想让人们开心
All Michael ever wanted to do was make people happy.
仅此而已
That’s all he wanted to do.
人们并不知道他和
People don’t know what happened
那些孩子之间发生了什么
between him and those kids.
他们又不在现场
They weren’t there.
他们就是嫉妒他仇视他
They’re just a bunch of jealo haters.
我恨说迈克尔·杰克逊坏话的人
I hate people who say bad things about Michael Jackson.
我恨死那些敌对者了
I fucking hate haters.
我恨我的邻居们
I hate my neighbors.
从他们公♥寓♥持续涌出的
The constant cacophony of stupidity
刺耳蠢话绝对能让人魂飞魄散
that pours from their apartment is absolutely soul-crushing.
我直直地看进他眼里
I looked him right in the eye.
说 你是弱智
I go, “You’re retarded”.
然后当面一拳
And I punched him right in the face.
不管我多么礼貌的要求他们
It doesn’t matter how polite I ask them
注意基本礼仪
to practice some common courtesy.
他们就是没法了解
They’re incapable of comprehending
他们的行为影响到了别人
that their actions affect other people.
完全不为其他人考虑
They have a complete lack of consideration for anyone else
过分地关注自己的权利
and an overly developed sense of entitlement.
没有礼貌 自私自利 不知羞耻
They have no decency, no concern, no shame.
他们也不在乎
They do not care that I suffer
我深受失眠和偏头痛之苦 日益虚弱
from debilitating migraines and insomnia.
他们不在乎我得去上班
They do not care that I have to go to work
或者我想杀了他们
or that I want to kill them.
我知道想杀掉他们的想法不正常
I know it’s not normal to want to kill them.
但我也知道我不再正常了
But I also know that I am no longer normal.
我恨那婴儿
I hate that baby.
我恨那婴儿愚蠢的胖脸
I hate that baby’s fat, stupid face.
伙计 哪儿不对了
Hey, buddy. What’s wrong?
很多
A lot.
我是罗比·巴克利 这里是极限…
I’m Robbie Barkley and this has been “Hollywood…
-放松 老兄 -我不是你老兄
– Take it easy, bro. – I’m not your bro.
天哪
Oh, God.
请不要开枪 我有孩子
Please don’t shoot. I have a baby.
看这个 看这个 真是悲剧
Look at this. Look at this. This is tragic.
天哪
Oh, God.
林赛·罗翰怎么了
What is wrong with Lindsay Lohan?
她原本很有潜力的
She used to have a lot of potential.
我不知道发生什么了
I don’t know what happened.
上帝保佑美国
这是有史以来最好笑的铃♥声♥
It’s the most hilarious ringtone ever.
只要发送 猪…
Just text “P-i-g-f-a-r…
备受争议的牧师阿耳特弥斯·戈兰
Controversial reverend Artemus Goran
和他的支持者回到了风口浪尖
and his supporters are back in the news,
这次在一个癌症患者的葬礼上举♥行♥抗♥议♥
this time protesting at a cancer victim’s funeral.
上帝憎恨同性恋 上帝憎恨同性恋
God hates fags! God hates fags!
上帝憎恨同性恋
God hates fags!
无糖 无碳水化合物 纯能量
激速 激速 它就在你眼前
Velocity. Velocity. It’s in your face.
接下来的是 剽悍姑娘
Coming up on “Tuff gurlz”…
露西 你个讨厌鬼
Lucy, you — skank.
再鄙视我试试看
Don’t you — disrespect me.
放马过来
Bring it on!
你♥他♥妈♥的在我食物里大便了
Did you mother — poop in my food?
什么 什么
What? What?
你个贱♥人♥
You bitch!
我想她是个卖♥♥♥国♥♥贼♥
I think she’s a traitor
迈克每周二货
应该被判以叛国罪
and should be tried for treason.
支持我们的战士 带他们回家
只是因为在战争中失去儿子
Look, just because she lost her son in the war
迈克每周二货
并没给她权利去不尊重
does not give her the right to disrespect
现在正为国家效力的
all of our brave sons and
所有勇敢的儿女们
daughters who are serving our country right now.
坦白说 我觉得她儿子死了更好
Frankly, I think her son’s better off dead
这样他就不必看到他妈妈
because now he doesn’t have to see the jerk
变成了怎样的混♥蛋♥
that his mother has turned into.
现在 我知道
Now, I know, I know,
在你们都开始满怀愤怒地觉得
before you all start flying off the handle
“迈克 你怎能如此无情”之前
with, “Oh, Mike, how can you be so heartless?”
我来提醒你 我爱的三件事
Let me remind you there’s three things I love,
迈克尔·富勒 美国人 爱国者
我母亲 我的国家
my mother, my country,
和为了我们在这里的平静生活
and the men and women who fight the fight over there
而在那里奋战的人们
so we don’t have to fight it here.
富勒有话说 到此为止
That’s it for “Fuller talk”.
你已听到最终评论
You’ve heard the end of the statement.
记得通过屏幕下方的号♥码来
Remember to order all your “Fuller talk” Products
限♥量♥发♥售♥
订购所有”富勒有话说”产品
at the 800 number at the bottom of the screen.
富勒是我老乡 希望
我们还剩一些短袖
We still got plenty of t-shirts available.
男孩们在纵火烧流浪汉并
The boys were caught after setting the homeless man on fire
将视频上传到网上之后被逮捕了
and then posting video footage of the attack online.
-蠢货 -蠢货
– “Dumb nutz!” – “Dumb nutz!”
蠢货
“Dumb nutz!”
兄弟 你还好吗
Dude, are you all right?
蠢货
“Dumb nutz!”
我们的媒体给他无限自♥由♥
We have a press that just gives him a free pass
只因为他是黑人
because he’s black so he
这就是你的总统吗
就不必像我们其他人
doesn’t have to work hard like the rest of us
斯坦·库尔茨脱口秀 国家倒♥退♥了吗
循规蹈矩累死累活
who play by the rules.
这是我们所在的世界 女士们先生们
That is the world we live in, ladies and gentlemen.
美国巨星
-你的名字 -史蒂文·克拉克
– What’s your name? – Steven Clark.
史蒂文·克拉克 26岁 坦帕市
你要为我们唱什么呢
What are you singing for us,
史蒂文·克拉克
Steven Clark?
可知前路去向何方
Do you know where you’re going to
人生百态 喜乎悲乎
Do you like the things that life is showing you
你将何去何从
Where are you going to
可知否
Do you know
所欲所求 可曾如愿
Did you get what you’re hoping for
当你回首 那里没有
When you look behind you, there’s no
天哪 停 我让你停下
God, stop it. I’m stopping you.
心中希冀何事
What are you hoping for
好了 停下
Okay, okay, stop.
我希望你会停下 请你停下
I’m hoping that you’ll stop. Stop, please.
开玩笑呢 是吧
You are kidding me, right?
你在浪费我们的时间 史蒂文
You’re wasting our time, Steven.
你在干吗 别鞠躬了
What are you doing? Stop bowing.
什么都别做 听我说
Just stop everything and listen to me.
你是不是 是不是精神有问题
Do you — do you have a mental problem?
没有
No.
去看看心理医生吧
Go get some psychiatric help.
我们好莱坞再见
I’ll see you in Hollywood.
不 你不会的
No, you won’t.
我没法回答那问题
I can’t answer that question.
他也杀了他妻子和母亲
He also killed his wife and mother,
一个悲惨的下午
bringing the total to 16 dead and 33 wounded