Alison! Captain!
有人在吗？
Anyone!
一本关于圣诞节的**小说
呃，大概说下，你还要多久…？
Just… Erm, just roughly speaking, how much longer do you…?
托马斯，我告诉过你别选那个姿势的
Thomas, I told you not to choose that pose.
不，我不累，一点也不
Oh, no, I’m comfortable. Too comfortable, if anything!
我就是怕你累着
I was just wondering if YOU needed a break.
没有，我发现这还挺放松的
No, I’ve actually found it quite relaxing.
第89题
Question 89.
日常 – 我们都喜欢披头士乐队，请问罗宾最喜欢他们哪个？
Usually… We all love The Beatles, but which one is Robin’s favourite?
A:斯塔格
Is it A, Stag?
B: 唐 – 帕特
B, dung? Pat…
你有没有觉得这种复习
Do you think maybe this revision is like taking some of the fun
会让比赛很无趣 – 一点也不
out of the quiz? Oh, not at all.
应该很好玩，但毫无准备地面对范妮
It should be fun. But go up against Fanny unprepared,
会死的很难看
and she’ll eat you alive.
接下来第90题
OK. Question 90.
我觉得我可能需要休息一下 – 好的
Yeah, I think I might just give this a bit of a rest. Yes.
你很明显需要小憩一下 – 是啊
Aahhh! Yes, you clearly needed a little break! Yeah.
库珀太太，我已经告诉律师这个房♥子
Mrs Cooper, I’ve been to talk to my lawyer about how long
在我领地上存在了多久
house been on my land.
她说我有权利 – 他有权利，艾莉森
And she tell me I’s gots rights. He’s got rights, Alison.
我来说重点，我们大概估算了下
Me cut to chase. We do munch the numbers,
你欠我的房♥租是…
and by my calculators, you owe me back rent of…
无数英镑零五先令
It’s a quazillion pounds and five shillings.
那时你随便编的数字，而且你用不了钱
Well, you’ve just made that number up and you can’t spend money.
所以…
So…
那我们一会儿再去找你
Right, well, we’ll get back to you, then!
为什么？
Why？
你在做什么？ – 在做两周前就该做的事
What are you doing? What we should have done two weeks ago.
告诉理事会
Telling the council.
那里有完备的救助…
There’s systems in place to help people who’ve got…
我不太懂这个 – 大概就是
No, I don’t know about this. Quite right.
那种，你给他们一英寸，他们就会拿走一英里，或更多
That sort, you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. More!
你知道，在布兰普顿也有一些和“漫游自♥由♥”
You know, we had a similar problem with some “Right to Roam” types
漫游自♥由♥：国外的一种法律，规定公众有进入一些私人领地休闲娱乐的权利
（煞♥笔♥百度百科的相关词条被人改成了广♥告♥）
类似的问题，一条公共人行道
at the Bramptons. I mean, 700 years is a good innings
可以有700年的寿命
for a public footpath.
然后享乐时间变现，我的游泳池就是这么来的
High time it became something else. Like my swimming pool.
可以发了
Good to send.
准备发了，按下发送按钮
Ready to send. Just press send.
你要帮我按下吗？
Want to press send?
你说几天，结果变成了几周
Look, you said a couple of days, and it became a couple of weeks.
现在都快拖到圣诞节了 – 对啊，圣诞节
And now it’s nearly Christmas. Oh, well, exactly. It’s Christmas.
我不认为我们现在做这事
I just… I don’t think we can do this now.
这么做不对 – 好吧
It doesn’t feel right. All right.
别把我说的好像，那人是谁来着？你，小孩，今天是几号♥？
Don’t make me feel like, what’s his face? You, boy! What day is it?
米高·肯恩 – 你知道那个故事有一个非布偶版本的吧？
Michael Caine. You do know there’s a non Muppet version of that story?
米高·肯恩参与的是《布偶圣诞颂》
改编自《圣诞颂歌♥》，还有一部金凯瑞参演的动画版
知道，但没这部好 – 也是
Yeah, but it’s not as good. That’s true.
不，很糟糕，非常糟糕
Yeah, no. It’s bad, isn’t it? It’s really, really bad.
鼻子很怪异
I mean, the nose is just weird.
等圣诞早上她拿这礼物送我的时候我该怎么回答？
What will I say when she gifts me this upon Christmas morn?
你就假装自己喜欢它
I suppose you’ll just have to pretend you like it.
卡罗尔给我买♥♥了那个创意啤酒时我也这么干的
Like I did when Carol bought me that creative Newkie Brown,
而她明知道我喜欢尼姚啤酒！
when she knows I like Watney’s!
谢谢你，艾莉森
“Thank you, Alison,
创作出如此的…
“so much for this…
杰作
“..magnificent…”
我觉得她…
Yeah. Yeah, no, I think…
我觉得她能看出这不是尼姚啤…你要的
I think she’d know it’s not Watney’s…wanted.
但实话对她的打击会很大，我的意见对她非常重要
Ah, but the truth would break her. My opinion means so much to her.
我不是个习惯说谎的人，但如果你想学
Well, I’m not much of a fibber, but if it’s bare faced lies
睁眼说瞎话，你知道该去找谁吧？
you’re after, you know who you should talk to?
什么事？
Yes?
所以呢？我们就无视他？
So what, we should just ignore him?
不，我不是这个意思，我是说
No, I’m not saying that, I’m just saying,
别和他牵扯太多
don’t get too involved.
别闹，就是请他吃顿热乎饭而已
Oh, come on, it’s just a hot meal.
又不是让他搬进来
It’s not moving in.
不过… – 不行，太冒险了
Although… No. It’s a security risk.
我们对他一无所知
We don’t know anything about him.
一顿饭没啥，但…那是我留着自己吃的农家馅饼！
I mean, the meal’s a nice idea, but… No! My cottage pie!
嗯，可香了
Mm! Mm! Lovely.
经过仔细的思考，我们有了新的提议
We’ve done some thoughts, and there be a new offer on the table.
地是我的
See, land is mine.
房♥子碰到我地盘的部分算我的
So we take bit of house that actual touch the land,
天上的那部分 – 就是楼上
and the bit that float in the sky… The ups the stairs.
算你的…怎么样？- 没有一楼
..yours. So, deal? OK, so how will we get to upstairs
我们要怎么上二楼？
without using downstairs?
再联♥系♥
We’ll be in touch.
在吗
Knock, knock.
你好 – 我正好做了些…
Oh, hello. I was just making some…
抱歉，刚骗你的，我…
No, I’m sorry. That’s a lie. I was…
我给你带了块农家馅饼，不知道你是否…
I brought you a cottage pie. I don’t know if you…
谢谢，那真是太…谢谢你
Oh! Oh, thank you. That’s very… Thank you.
不，谢谢你
Oh, no, thank YOU.
冷静
OK. Calm…
冷静点，艾莉森
Calm. Calm. Alison?
饭好吃吗？
Enjoy the meal?
哦，很好，好吃 – 我在和狗说话
Oh, er, yeah, yes. I was talking to the dog.
那好吧
Oh, right. Yeah.
老实说吧，我不太喜欢
Erm… Look, truth be told, I’m just not really a fan
那东西，我很感谢…
of that kind of thing. I mean, I appreciate…
有的吃就别挑了，你以为自己是谁？
Beggars can’t be choosers! Who do really think you are?
你这个骗子 – 这种东西我在军队的时候
You’re a liar. I had my fill of that kind of stuff
吃够了
when I was in the forces.
人中豪杰，民族的骄傲
Salt of the Earth. Pride of the nation.
这是我们欠他的 – 抱歉
We owe him our thanks, actually. I’m sorry,
我不该认为你什么都吃
I don’t know why I assumed you’d eat…everything.
习惯了，我只是没有房♥子，不是没有味蕾
Happens all the time. I lost my house, not my taste buds.
哈哈 – 但那是块很不错的农家馅饼
Ha-ha, ha-ha! OK, but that is a great cottage pie.
它真的很…
Oh, it’s really…
稍等，一会儿回来
Right, just, wait there. Wait there.
没有，不存在不能说谎的事
There is nothing. No-o-o-thing that cannot be lied about.
或者更确切地说，没有什么事实是无法回避的
Or rather, there is no truth that cannot be avoided.
比如，有些人问你犯了什么事
For example, if someone asks you an incriminating question,
你就用另一个问题反问他
simply answer with another question.
真有用吗？ – 别插话
Does that actually work? With respect,
问题是，你希望它有用吗？
The question is, do you want it to work?
瞧见没？让我们试试吧
You see? Give it a go, shall we?
嗨，托马斯，我是穿少了点的可爱艾莉森。然后轻下脸蛋
Hi, Thomas. The lovely Alison here. Little dress. Peck on the cheek,
可能发生，我也不知道
maybe? I don’t know.
你喜欢我为你画的画吗？
Do you like the lovely painting I’ve done of you?
怎么会有人
How could one not like
不喜欢你创作的…
the effort you put into creating…
那些小圆眼睛，歪斜的下巴和鼻子！
..those beady eyes and wonky chin and the nose!
好了好了好了，不该一上来就给你弄这么难的
It’s…. OK, OK. OK, we’ve run before we can walk.
让我们换个情景
Let’s try another approach, shall we?
真老道
Mm. Very resourceful.
我更像是一名厨工
I mean, more of a commis chef, really.
我的意思是，偷学一些技巧
But, you know, shown me the ropes.
退伍后我就自己弄了辆货车
And when I got demobbed, got myself a van,
把它改装成披萨车，然后发展成了餐厅
turned it into a pizza truck. And that led to the restaurant.
尝一下
Try a bit of that.
我去，吊打农家馅饼
Oh, man! That beats cottage pie!
别理他，他没怎么见过世面 – 冒昧的问下
He’s got a very unrefined palate. So if you don’t mind me asking,
你怎么沦落到…？
how did you end up…?
这个问题
Ah. That question.
那是我在军队中学到的另一件事
Well, that’s another thing I learnt in the forces.
不幸总是降临的悄无声息
When things go south, you very rarely see it coming.
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