幽灵世界（2001）

难道五十年代就有迷你商城了吗？
Since when were there mini-malls in the 1950s?
谁能忘得了五十年代带来这个绝妙感觉呢？
Who could forget this great hit from the Fifties, huh?
我觉得我好像掉进了时间漩涡一样。
I feel as though I’ve stepped into a time warp.
嘿，看看咱们的服务员那飘逸的五十年代发型。
Hey, check out the awesome Fifties hairdo on our waiter.
嗨，我的名字叫艾伦
Hi. My name is Allen…
今天下午由我来招待你们。
and I’ll be your waiter this afternoon.
-嗨，艾尔。 -我们能叫你“怪人艾尔”吗？
– Hi, Al. – Can we call you “Weird Al”?
我可以想象。
I’d imagine so.
你看看这些征友广♥告♥。
You should check out the personals.
可能我们未来的老公正在想法儿联♥系♥咱呢。
Maybe our future husbands are trying to contact us.
开始咯。
Here we go.
“医生，运动男，超高智商，特立独行，射手座。
“Windsurfing doctor, Mensan IQ, maverick Sagittarius.”
“愿寻热情的你共享激♥情♥！”
“Let’s hit the clubs, make each other laugh.”
这个归你了。
You can have that one.
上帝啊，来听听这个。
Jesus, listen to this one.
“还记得我吗？六月七日在机场大巴上
“Do you remember me, airport shuttle, June 7?”
“留着一头秀丽金发的你一袭黄裙……
“You, striking blond with yellow dress…”
“带着珍珠项链，穿着棕色鞋子。
“pearl necklace, brown shoes.”
“我是帮你找着隐性眼镜
“I was the bookish fellow in the green cardigan…”
“那个穿绿毛衣的书呆子
“who helped you find your contact lens.”
“是我太疯狂，还是你也和我一样有感觉？”
“Am I crazy, or did we have a moment?”
天，这人太可怜了。
God, that’s so pathetic.
我的意思是，她大概根本没注意到他。
I mean, she probably didn’t even notice him.
他还神经兮兮的把每个细节都记那么清楚。
And he’s psychotically obsessing over every little detail.
我们该打给他，假装是那个金头发的。
We should call him and pretend to be the blond.
噢，我们绝对得打给他。
Oh, we totally have to.
是他的答录机。
It’s his machine.
嗨，是我。
Hi, it’s me.
你的秀丽金发。
Your striking blond.
我当然还记得你。
Of course I remember you.
有时间一起出来吃顿便饭吧。
Let’s get together for lunch sometime.
星期五下午一点怎么样？
How about Friday at 1:00?
我在我最爱的“沃镇”餐厅等你。
Meet me at my favorite restaurant… Wowsville.
在世纪公园道的迷你商城里。
It’s in the mall on Century Parkway.
不见不散，亲爱的。
See you there, darling.
哦，对了。你一定要穿那件性感的绿毛衣来哦！
Oh, yeah, and be sure to wear that sexy green cardigan.
噢，这就是我告诉你那个相声演员。
Oh, it’s that comedian I was telling you about.
-我还和我妈妈住在一起。 -他绝对是最差劲的。
– I still live with my mother. – He’s the absolute worst.
那要是她已经死了十五年会怎么样呢？
So what if she’s been dead for fifteen years?
看吧？这根本不算笑话嘛。
See? That’s barely even a joke.
唔，就像我经常说的那样–
Well, it’s like I always say…
你饶了我吧。
take my life… please.
乔伊•马科布，演艺行业里最怪的怪胎。
Joey McCobb, the weirdest man in show business.
如果他有那么怪的话，怎么还会穿耐克？
If he’s so weird, how come he’s wearing Nikes?
乔伊•马科布是我们的神。
Joey McCobb is our god.
-我真想操他。 -我打赌你会。
– I want to do him. – I bet.
事实上，他有点让我想起了
Actually, he kind of reminds me…
你以前约会过的一个人–拉里
of that one guy you went out with… Larry.
天啊，他穿的这是什么范儿啊？
God, what look was he going for…
五十年代的同性恋网球手吗？
a gay tennis player from the Forties?
-操♥你♥大♥爷♥的。 -你可和他约会过哟。
– Fuck you. – You dated him.
你怎么会有这东西？
Why do you have this?
不知道。大概是十年级吧，你那会儿借给我的。
I don’t know. You lent it to me in, like, tenth grade.
噢，看我那时多可爱。
Oh, look at how cute I am.
真是个小柴火妞。
What a little hose bag.
看，这是我爸和玛馨。
Look, there’s my dad with Maxine.
天啊，看看她，真♥他♥妈♥是个怪物。
God, look at her. What a fucking monster.
如果他又开始和她约会的话，我就自杀。
If he starts dating her again, I’ll kill myself.
听着，女士。你说你想放松你的头发。
Listen, lady, you tell me you want to relax your hair.
要么给它唱段催眠曲，要么用这个。我只有这个。
Sing it a lullaby or use this. It’s all I’ve got.
嘿，你在干嘛？
Hey, what you doing?
你还有五分钟才下班。
You have five minutes left on your shift.
唔，你好哇，年轻的杂货店打工仔。
Well, hello there, young employee of the Sidewinder.
听着，我已经说过了，我不会载你们去的！
Look, I already told you guys, I’m not giving you a ride.
年轻人，你能告诉我……
What can you tell me, young man…
冻酸奶的各种口味吗？
about the various flavors of frozen yogurt?
我一分钟就好！你们能去外面等等吗？
I’ll be done in a minute. Can you guys just wait outside?
我不明白。我只是想知道–
I don’t understand. I simply wish to know…
乔什，你在干什么？
Josh, what are you doing?
除了本店最受欢迎的巧克力和香草味，
In addition to our favorites, chocolate and vanilla…
本周我们特推六枪草莓……
this week we are featuring six-gun strawberry…
野樱桃，以及十加仑橘子。
wild cherry roundup, and ten-gallon tangerine.
我觉得这些口味我一个也不喜欢。
I don’t believe I care for any of those.
吃了吗？乔什。今天给我来两包烟吧。
What’s up, Josh? Give me two packs of cigarettes today.
加班呢。十六个小时哦。
Working overtime. Sixteen hours.
还有自然之酿，清醒果汁。
And nature’s nectar, wake-up Juice.
再来六条牛肉干。
And give me six of these beef jerkys.
我饿的能啃芭比娃娃的裤裆了。
I’m hungry enough to chew the crotch out of a rag doll.
嘿！嘿！说你呢！
Hey! Hey, you!
我跟你说多少遍了？不♥穿♥衣服就不卖♥♥东西给你。
How many times I tell you? No shirt, no service.
滚出我的店！
Get the hell out of my store.
你以为这里是哪儿？美德俱乐部？
What do you think this is, Club Med?
这可是美国，伙计。学学咱这儿的规矩。
It’s America, dude. Learn the rules.
错，你才该学学规矩。是我们希腊人发明了民♥主♥。
No, you learn the rules. We Greeks invented democracy.
-你们还发明了同性恋。 -我♥操♥！
– You also invented homos. – Fuck you.
美得你!得先请我吃饭。
You wish. You got to buy me dinner first.
那么……
So…
等下再说好吗？
Can we talk about this in a minute?
正经的，我马上就下班了。
Seriously, I’m, like, this close to being done.
婊♥子♥养♥的♥！
Son of a bitch.
你以为你在干嘛？
What do you think you’re doing?
关掉你那操蛋的噪音！
Turn off that goddamn noise.
是摇滚，宝贝儿。言论自♥由♥。
Rock ‘n’ roll, baby. Freedom of speech.
你以为这儿是哪儿？伍德斯托克吗？
What do you think this is, Woodstock?
-那家伙真神了！ -谁？道哥？
– That guy rules! – Who, Doug?
那家伙呆在这儿的时间比我还长。
That guy spends more time in here than I do.
这是我的停车场！
It’s my parking lot!
那乔什你能载我们一下下吗？
So, Josh, will you please give us a ride?
-求你了，乔什？ -不行。
– Please, Josh? – No.
-行行好吧？肯定超级好玩的。 -帮帮忙，乔什？
– Please? It’ll be super fun. – Please, Josh?
听着，我搞不懂为什么你们俩非要我载。
Look, I don’t see why you guys even need a ride.
那个地方你们两分钟就能走到。
You could walk there in two minutes.
这只是我们和你一起出去玩的一个借口。
It’s just an excuse for us to spend time with you, Josh.
如果这家伙突然发狂，你会保护我们吗？
If this guy freaks out, will you protect us?
这家伙有各种理由发狂。
This guy has every reason to freak out.
你们对人家干的这事儿真挺缺德的。
This is a pretty fucked up thing to do to somebody.
我觉得乔什对我们而言已经开始变得太成熟了。
I think Josh is becoming too mature for us.
噢，看啊！那个可能就是他。
Oh, look, maybe that’s him.
不是，现在离约的时间还有二十五分钟。
No. It’s still twenty-five minutes too early.
像这样的地方不是多的很吗？
Aren’t there a million places like this?
错。这个地方无出其右。
No. This is the ultimate.
这里就像是伪五十年代餐厅里的泰姬陵。
It’s, like, the Taj Mahal of fake Fifties diners.
那，那个怪人艾尔呢？
So, where’s the Weird AI guy?
在那后面。
There he is back there.
我看见他的头发波涛起伏了。
I can see his hair bobbing up and down.
我真想和他做♥爱♥。
I want to make love to him.
我要告诉他你这么说了。
I’m gonna tell him you said that.
真高兴再次见到你们，姑娘们。
So nice to see you again, ladies.
嗨，怪人艾尔。我朋友她–
Hi, Weird Al. My friend here has…
闭嘴！
Shut up!
-她说她想…… -给我闭嘴！
– She says she wants to… – Shut up!
噢，上帝啊！
Oh, my God.
天啊，那个肯定是他！
God, that is obviously him.
哦，天哪，他刚点了一杯巨型牛奶。
Oh, my God. He just ordered a giant glass of milk.
那是香草奶昔。
That’s a vanilla milkshake.
噢，天啊，这完全无法忍♥受。
Oh, God, this is totally unbearable.
我♥操♥你妈！你怎么开车呢？
Fucking asshole! What’s wrong with you?
噢，天哪。是他！
Oh, my God. It’s him.
-有人会开车吗？ -他疯了！
– Can anybody drive? – He’s insane.
-我们应该跟踪他回家。 -算了吧！
– We should follow him home. – Forget it.