糊涂侦探（2008）

If you were CONTROL, you’d be dead.
咱俩都没死 很显然我不是天控特务
Well, neither of us is dead, so I’m obviously not from CONTROL.
那倒是挺有道理的
That actually makes sense.
跟我来 史派克先生
Follow me, Mr. Shpilkes.
测试 测试
Test. Test.
贝多芬第九号♥交响曲的《快乐颂》
Ah. The “Ode to Joy” from Beethoven’s Ninth.
他创作的时候耳朵已经聋了 还染上梅毒 有趣小知识
Stone deaf when he wrote it. Syphilis. Fun stuff.
对 我的最爱 尤其是最后的音符
Yes, a personal favorite. A bit familiar, but it ends with a bang.
你做得很好 麦斯
You’re doing great, Max.
我现在要带你 看整个计划的核心地带
What I’m about to show you is the inner sanctum of our entire operation.
整个计划的核心地带
The inner sanctum of the entire operation
是的
Yes.
就是这里
This is it
当然不是 我说了谎
Of course not. I lied.
他常常说谎
He does that.
我要先杀你 再杀你的伙伴
I’m going to kill you, and then I’m going to kill your partner.
我不知道你在说什么
I don’t know who you’re talking about.
史派克太太一定是迷路了
Ah. Mrs. Shpilkes must be lost.
我得警告你 这栋建筑物
I think it’s only fair to warn you, this facility is surrounded
被130名训练有素的狙击手 团团包围了
by a highly trained team of 130 Black Op snipers.
我不相信 你相信
I don’t believe you. Would you believe
有二十来个特种部队队员吗
two dozen Delta Force commandos
不信 或是拿了空气♥枪♥的罗礼士
No. How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun
再见了 史先生
Goodbye, Mr. Smart.
史达克先生 我想你低估了我
Well, Mr. Shtarker, I think you’ve underestimated me
我会让你措手不及
and the element of surpr
99号♥ 我们身分已暴露 快走
99, we’ve been compromised. Get out.
无法辨识
Access denied.
无法辨识 无法辨识
Access denied. Access denied.
无法辨识
Access denied.
麦斯 你在哪里
Max, where are you
天字99号♥ 我找到黄饼了
99, I found the yellowcake.
当然了 那里是一间糕饼店
Of course you did, it’s a bakery.
不是真的饼干啦 是黄饼铀
No, not yellow “cake” cake, yellowcake uranium.
虽然这里也是真的有黄饼啦
Although there is yellow “cake” cake here as well.
喔 麦斯
Oh, Max.
麦斯 你听得到
Max, do you read
天字99号♥
我失去讯号♥ 你的无线电呢
What happened to your radio
我吞到肚子里了 我可以 拉出来还你 但你可能不会要吧
I swallowed it. I can get it back, but you may not want it.
真恶心 听着
Good Lord. Listen
我在建筑物主要支承点放置了炸♥弹♥
l’ve placed charges at points all over the building.
什么 你不能炸掉充满核原料的建筑物
What Max, you can’t blow up a building full of radioactive material
我知道 我只放一点炸♥药♥让建筑物倒塌
I know that, 99. I’ve placed only enough charges to safely bury the weapons lab.
麦斯 你太厉害了
Max, that’s brilliant.
这是你第一次对我说好话
Wow. That’s maybe the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.
我不懂 我以为他挂了 我只能说 他死也不放弃
I don’t get it, I thought he was dead I will say this, he is not a quitter.
这太扯了啦
This is just ridiculous
天字99号♥
天字99号♥ 快点醒来
Wake up, 99.
也许你应该再亲他一下
Maybe you should kiss him again.
（你死定了）
慢着 我认得你的声音 是达立
Wait, I know that voice. The chatter Dalip.
（我认识你 ）
你打到我了啦
Ow That was me
麦斯 继续奋战中
Max I’m Yep, still fighting.
达立 我能证明我认识你 你最爱吃烤鸡丁咖里
Now, Dalip, I can prove that I know you. Your favorite dish is chicken tikka
我们都爱听美国流行金曲榜
Like me, you enjoy American Top 40 with Ryan Seacrest.
等等 我还知道一件事
Wait, wait, Dalip, there’s something else that I know.
麦斯
Max. Max.
你的婚姻出了状况 你最亲爱的老婆要离开你
Your marriage is in trouble. Your darling wife, Zeenat, is leaving you.
不过还是有希望
But there is still hope.
你爱她吗
Do you love her
爱就要表现呀 回家吃中饭
Then show her. Go home for lunch.
下次要杀人 带她一起去
Take her with you the next time you go to kill someone.
她只想陪在你身边
She just wants to be with you
这样一来她就能甩掉她老姐
and that means less time with her sister
我们都知道她才是你们之间的问题
who we both know is undermining your relationship.
把枪踢过来
Kick the gun to me.
99号♥ 请别打岔
99, please.
大只佬也会有痛苦的
Big people feel pain too.
你要干什么
What are you doing
噢 不 噢 不
Oh, no. Oh, no.
麦斯
Max
好了 没事了 没事了
Okay. Okay. That’s all right. That’s okay.
她老姐真的是个八婆
Her sister’s such a bitch.
你没事吧 没事 你刚才超棒的
You all right Yeah. That was amazing.
谢谢
Thank you.
我们得走了
We gotta go.
99号♥
99.
那算什么 我的手抽筋
What was that I cramped up.
跟我来
Come on. Come here.
好主意
Good idea.
他先带你爬上去 然后大家一起走
We will climb up with you, and we’ll all go together.
（环绕音响真棒 好像真的一样）
他甩了我们
He left us here.
大烂人
What a douche.
就差一点点
Missed it by that much.
太好了 很方便 开枪扫射
Well, that’s convenient. Shoot them.
不管怎样 99号♥ 别往下看
Whatever you do, 99, don’t look down
我要想办法爬到墙沿 我们行的 99号♥
I’m gonna try to get us over to that ledge We can do this, 99
麦斯
Max.
是喔
Right.
谢了 局长
Thanks, Chief.
没问题
Okay, no problem.
局长很高兴 他派23号♥去清查现场
The Chief is thrilled. He sent 23 out to observe the cleanup.
太好了
Great.
听好 你能否回答一个私人问题
Listen, is it possible that you could answer a personal question
有可能
It’s possible.
你为什么要整型
Why did you change your looks
那并不是私人问题
Oh. Um That’s not really a personal question.
我让私事影响到公事
Things from my nonwork sphere spilled into my work sphere.
情报曝光 身分也曝光 于是我就变成黑发女郎
Facts became known, identities were compromised, and I became a brunette.
好棒的故事哦
Wow. That is a great story
可是一点都没谈到你自己
in which you revealed absolutely nothing about yourself.
我把一项任务搞砸
I blew a mission.
我和同事交往 失去专注力 执行任务出了错
I was involved with someone from work. I lost focus. The mission blew up.
我和对方分手了 不过 我的身分已经曝光
I broke it off with that person, but my identity had already been revealed.
于是 我有两个选择
So I had two choices.
下半辈子都躲在办公桌后面
I could either spend the rest of my life behind a desk
就每天上班八小时
which would be like eight hours a day
比挤额头上的痘痘更痛苦
of scraping a cheese grater against my forehead.
你应该很清楚 是啊
Oh, you know. Yes.
我也能变脸 于是我选择变脸
Or I could change my face, so that’s what I did.
虽然很痛 不过那是一定的
And it was painful, but it needed to be done, and s
我不想再谈这件事了 好吧
I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. Okay.
我以前很像我妈
I used to look like my mom.
我以前很像我妈的两倍
I used to look like two of my moms put together.
老大 我想问
Sir, if I may ask
你是怎么挑选目标的
how did you choose the target
怎么会挑中洛杉矶 大城市
Why Los Angeles Major city
媒体多
lots of media attention
而且总统也会在那里
and the president will be there.
但是害死那么多电影明星很可惜
Still, it’s too bad about all the dead movie stars.
是啊
Yes.
少了他们热心参政该如何是好
What will we do without their razorsharp political advice
老天 你吃掉我的手下吗
Oh, my God, have you eaten the crew
瞧 他听懂了耶
Oh, look, it understands.
快回去干活
Get back to work.
（莫斯科 上午7点整）
不 不可能 不 不 麦斯说
No, that’s not possible. No, no, no. Max said that
不
No.
一点道理都没有
That doesn’t make any sense.
黄饼铀、导弹弹头 兵工厂生产线