糊涂侦探（2008）

That’s profiling, and I will have none of it.
真讨厌 我的新鞋黏到口香糖
Darn it, I have gum on my new shoes.
他想点燃他的鞋子 那是鞋子炸♥弹♥
He’s trying to light his shoe. It’s a shoe bomb
抓住他 那只是口香糖
Get him It’s gum.
他有炸♥弹♥ 是口香糖 不是
He’s got a gun Not Gum Not No Gum
口香糖
Gum
我是联邦保安官 你被捕了
Federal marshal, you’re under arrest.
先生 我相信你打断了我的尾椎
Sir, I believe you just shattered my coccyx.
我们将遇上一个乱流
Folks, we may be experiencing a little turbulence.
请大家系好安全带
The “fasten seatbelt” sign has been turned on.
喔 你连帮个忙都不肯
Well, you were no help whatsoever.
我要怎么帮忙 我只是个子♥宫♥发霉的老女人
How could I help I’m just a woman with a dusty old uterus.
我没说你的子♥宫♥发霉
I never said dusty.
就快抵达跳伞点 我先去
We’re close to the drop site. I’ll go first.
你上了手铐可以吗 小小的手铐难不倒我
Gonna be all right with your cuffs No cuffs can contain me.
不好意思 暴♥力♥男
Excuse me, violent sky marshal.
你想要什么
What do you want
我得去厕所
I have to squeeze the lemon.
你听到了
You heard me.
我得去厕所
Squeeze the lemon.
（特务专用降落伞）
你有没有在健身 偶尔有
Do you work out Occasionally.
我相信多吸收蛋白质对身体好
Yeah, I’m big on protein. Protein’s great.
我得把它弄出来 我得把它弄出来
I gotta get it out. I gotta get that out
就快好了 快好了
That’s in there, that’s in there.
就算痛也得忍♥
No time for pain.
跳伞点到了
Over the drop zone.
命中目标
Ball sack
我的妈呀
Son of a hamster.
你没事吧 没事 我很好
You all right in there Yeah. Yes, I am.
一切都很好
Everything’s fine.
老天爷
Mother of pearl
好痛哦
That burns
最后机会
Last chance.
舱门开启 三、二、一
Airlock activated. Three, two, one.
投掷第一个包裹
First package away.
（洗手间无人）
我超喜欢猫的
Absolutely, I love cats.
真的吗 是啊
Really Yeah.
糟糕
Damn.
投掷第二个包裹
Second package away.
很好 你听到我了
Oh, good, you heard me.
投掷第三个包裹
Third package away.
第三个包裹
Third package
99号♥ 复活岛巨人来了
99, Easter Island.
我马上回来 你在半空中能去哪里
I’ll be right back Where could you possibly be going
别再放开我
Okay, never do that again
别一直抓住我 别乱动
Stop hanging on me Never Stop it
麦斯 我拉不到备伞 快想办法
Max, I can’t reach my reserve Do something
换作是我一定会放手
That would have definitely worked on me.
你疯啦 我不拉备伞 你也会死
Are you crazy If I can’t pull my chute, you’ll die too
降落在干草堆上面 闭嘴
Aim for the haystack. Stop talking.
干草堆比较软 闭嘴
Aim for the haystack, it’s softer. Stop talking
你错过了
You missed it.
（你们又干了什么坏事 ）
（可恶 该死 ）
（你最好给我快出来）
（俄♥罗♥斯♥ 斯摩棱斯克镇6哩外）
（晚上7点整）
好 我不想一直说这件事
Okay, not to keep dwelling on this
不过你那一吻有够猛的
but that was some kiss.
你怎么知道有用
How did you know that would work
你亲过快要摔死的男人吗
Have you kissed other men who plummeted to their deaths
够了 你知道吗
Okay, you know what
到目前为止 我一直都在帮你解围
So far, our entire partnership has consisted of me getting you out of trouble.
你知道原因吗 因为你一直在发号♥施令
Do you know why It is because you keep leading.
现在轮到我当家作主
So here’s how we stop that. I lead now.
我有实地经验 你啥都不了
I’m the one with experience. You know nothing.
你错了
I beg to differ.
我查过你的考绩 我的分数
I looked up your field agent exam, and I scored
我的什么 你的特务考试成绩
My what Your field agent exam.
我的分数比你高八分
I scored eight points higher than you.
这不是教室
This is not a classroom.
八分就是有差别 这是真的任务
That’s the difference between an A plus and an A minus.
你再不听话就会害死咱们俩 这是甲和甲下的差别
You’ll get us killed if you don’t listen A minus
好 当你面对杀手该怎么做
Okay, you’re faced with an assassin. What do you do
掏出枪来狂射 你没有枪
I take out my gun, and I would shoot You don’t have a gun.
我的枪被你抢走 砰 你挂了
I did until you took it. Bang. You’re dead.
我没有挂 砰 你挂了
No, I’m not. Bang. You’re dead.
别向我开枪啦 你挂了
Stop shooting me. You are dead.
我不喜欢你向我开枪 砰 砰
I don’t like it when you shoot me. Bang. Bang. Bang.
住手 砰 砰
Stop it. Bang. Bang.
别再向我开枪 你都说我
Stop shooting me more. You already said I was Hey.
把任务手册丢掉
Throw out your manual.
出任务不打分数 只能试着活命
Out here there are no grades, there’s only dead, and not dead.
我告诉你 我没枪也能克敌制胜
You know, I am not completely incompetent without a gun.
我可是花郎道的高手
I am a master in the art of Hwa Rang Do.
我还没准备好 这就是我的重点
I was not ready. That’s my point.
你知道吗
Yeah, you know what That
你在干嘛呀
Hey, what was that
（天控局 上午9点30分）
麦斯都到了莫斯科 别说你俄语情报还没翻译好
Max is halfway to Moscow. Don’t tell me you’re still translating that Russian.
他们说话太快了 很难
They talk fast, it’s hard.
八个天字白♥痴♥才抵得过一个麦斯
It takes like eight of these morons to do what Max did.
真希望虾米计划赶快完成
I can’t wait till we finish the Hymie project.
这样所有的天字白♥痴♥都会被淘汰
All these stupid agents will be obsolete.
再见了 虾米代表什么
Byebye. What’s a Hymie
混合式人工智慧体 基本上就是机器人
Hybrid Mechanical Intelligence Entity. Basically a robot.
重新设计从盖不达偷来的科技
It’s a stolen KAOS technology.
这是最高机密 很少人知道
Being reprogrammed. Topsecret. Needtoknow.
所以你就不必知道
And you don’t need.
我是职业杀手 什么都能当武器杀了你
I’m a trained killer. I can kill you with anything in this office.
我大可以用便条纸杀死你们
You wanna die by Postits Because I could make that happen.
你们会死得很难看
And that’s a slow death.
小赖 是
Larabee. Yeah.
你是最后一个用影印机的人 对
Were you the last one to use the copier Yeah.
卡纸了
You left it jammed.
又怎样
So Why don’t you
你怎么不去修呢
unjam it
只要看使用手册就会修 这是你的钉书机
Just open the door, read the instructions. This your stapler
是啊 你要我教你用吗 不用
Yeah, want me to show you how to use it No.
我看你怎么把自己修好
Unjam that.
天字23号♥ 是
23. Yes.
请过来一下 没问题
Can I have a moment, please Sure.
什么事
Yes, Chief.
我要跟你说你的问题
Let me tell you about a pattern that’s beginning to emerge.
你以前是外勤特务
As a former field agent, I’m very much aware
我非常了解 要你坐办公桌是有点困难
of how difficult it is to make the transition to office life.
明明就是他把影印机弄坏的
He didn’t unjam the copier.
局里有规矩 你知道的 不守规矩怎么行
We have rules here. If you don’t follow the rules, then what are we
我告诉你什么是规矩 你不能用钉书机乱钉同事的额头
I’ll tell you what we’re not. We’re not people who jam staples into people’s heads.
中情局干员才会干那种事
That’s CIA crap.
好吧 我是你最顶尖的特务
All right, look, Chief, I’m your best guy.
根本就不该待在办公室 我应该和麦斯出任务
I don’t belong in an office making copies. I should be out there with Max.
听好 23号♥ 今天别再给我惹事
Look, 23, no more stapling today.
别乱动
Just hold on.
（俄♥罗♥斯♥ 斯摩棱斯克镇）
（晚上11点整）
你怎么知道这家餐馆
So how do you know this place
身为分♥析♥员 我不放过任何情报
Well, as an analyst, I like to keep my ears open.
光是靠窃听就能无所不知
It’s amazing what you learn
我还知道 柯士帝喜欢来这里
listening to chatter. In fact, Ladislas Krstic loves this place.
其他的盖不达对手也一样 斯摩棱斯克镇的斯斯小馆
As do many KAOS agents. Cafe MinskPinsk in Smolensk.
在这里可以知道任何”斯”
It doesn’t get any better than “thinsk.”
你有没有听到我刚说的
You see what I just did
只要句尾加”斯” 就很像俄语