糊涂侦探（2008）

No, no, no, we’re not ready yet.
好 好
Okay. All right.
这玩意没用 快关掉
It doesn’t work, get rid of it. Turn it off.
这玩意儿简直就像垃圾
This thing is no good. It’s a useless piece of garbage.
快关掉 小赖 你没事吧
Turn it off Larabee, you all right
小赖想出去
Larabee wants out
今天一定要把这臭东西丢掉
Today’s the day, and we’re gonna get rid of this damn thing.
没事了 大家都没事了吧
That is cold. That’s cold. All right, easy.
好了 可以了吗
All right, are we done
好了 我又听得到了
Yep. I can hear now.
抱歉 有人说这玩意搞定了
Sorry, Chief, someone led me to believe the cone was ready.
我可没用”搞定了”这字眼
For the record, I never actually used the word “ready.”
你明明说：”保密胶囊超有效”
“I’ll show them the cone. The cone’s the shizzle.”
你和我说过 好了 闭嘴
You said that to me. All right, shut up.
大家听好
Listen up, people.
这三个月来 发生一连串
There’s been a rash of thefts of nuclear material
核武原料失窃案 尤其是黄饼铀
especially yellowcake, over the last three months.
根据麦斯的情报 我们派天字38号♥潜入盖不达集团
Now, based on Max’s intel, we were able to get Agent 38 inside KAOS.
他一定就快揭发什么大事了
We must’ve been close to uncovering something
所以盖不达集团才会我们下手
so KAOS hit us and they hit us hard.
他们骇入我们的电脑系统
They hacked our system
知道每一名外勤特务的身分
and learned the identities of all our field agents.
我们的人在世界各地都受到攻击
Around the world our people are under attack.
唯一的线索是盖不达对付我们所使用的炸♥弹♥
Our only lead is the maker of the bomb KAOS used against us.
叫拉底斯拉斯·克斯切尔
Vladimir Krs
应该念柯士帝 是
It’s pronounced “Krstic,” sir. Yes
柯士帝
Krstic.
对 他是波士尼亚人 也是盖不达集团最大的军♥火♥商
Yes. He is a Bosnian national, and one of KAOS’ favorite munitions suppliers.
可惜我们不知道他的下落
Unfortunately, we have no idea where he is.
事实上我们知道 他在俄♥罗♥斯♥
Actually, sir, we do. He is in Russia.
你怎么知道 答案就在我的报告第482页
How do you know that It was on page 482 of my report.
没人看我的报告吗
Doesn’t anybody read my reports
任务很清楚 找到嗑死你
All right, our mission is clear, people. Find Krs
是柯士帝 对 找到他
Krstic. Yes. Find him
柯达的柯 士气的士 皇帝的帝 柯士帝
Kris Kringle. Fish stick. Yes, Krs
我知道啦 我知道啦 柯士帝
Okay, I got it, I got it. Krstic.
利用他潜入盖不达集团
Use him to get to KAOS, then recover the stolen nuclear material
趁他们没干坏事前 抢回核武原料
before they can do something less than friendly
走运的话 也许能揪出幕后黑手
and maybe, if we’re lucky, we can apprehend the man behind it all
齐格菲
Siegfried.
这是他和他的助手史达克的照片
Pictured here with his number two man, Shtarker.
每名特务的身分都被泄露了 要怎么办
How are we gonna do that when our agents are compromised
派我去 我不怕让自己曝光
Put me out there, Chief. I’m not afraid to expose myself.
你讲话都不经过大脑吗
Do you ever think before you speak
对 我发现脱口而出最好
No, I just whip it out there. It’s what’s best.
幸好我们有别的选择
Fortunately, we have other options.
天字99号♥最近动过整形手术 没人认得出她的新脸孔
99 recently underwent massive plastic surgery, so her new face is not known yet.
我们也还有一名新特务 天字86号♥
We also have a new agent, Agent 86.
那是谁
Who’s that, sir
就是你 麦斯
It’s you, Max.
好耶 麦斯
All right, Maxie.
你办到了
You did it.
洛伊德 把保密胶囊给我好吗
Lloyd, may I have the C.O.S. Please
我开心得要命
I’m so happy
我好开心哦 这是我这辈子最爽的一天
I’m so happy This is the best day of my life
麦斯 你按得不够大力
Max, you didn’t push the button hard enough.
你们都听到了 对
So you could hear me Yes.
对 对不起 局长 我有意见
Right. Excuse me, Chief, just a thought.
我不是质疑你的判断力 天字99号♥ 有话直说
I’m not questioning your judgment I insist on complete honesty.
你想对我说什么就直说吧
If you have something to say to me, I wish you would just say it.
麦斯没经验 我不要他做我搭档
Max has no experience. I don’t want him as my partner.
她说起话来一点都不留情
Well, that is a sucker punch to the gonads.
麦斯 你第一次出任务 我们要送你一个小礼物
Hey, Max. We got you a lovely parting gift for your first mission.
喔 一把口袋刀
Oh, a pocketknife.
这可不是普通的口袋刀 是瑞士军用口袋刀
Not just a pocketknife, Swiss Army knife.
里面有镊子、钳子、放大镜
Comes with tweezers, pliers, a tiny magnifying glass.
去鳞刀、锯子 火焰放射器、凿子
Fish scaler, a saw, a flamethrower, chisel, a wirecrimping tool.
你刚刚说什么 凿子
What was that thing you said Chisel
前面那个 火焰放射器
Before that. Did you say flamethrower
对 你看
Yeah. Check it.
我们也加了小十字弓
We also added a crossbow that fires harpoons
能射出六十尺长的纳米蜘蛛网线 拥有直径半寸钢丝的支撑力
connected to spidersilk nanothread. Has the strength of steel cable.
采集蜘蛛网费时费力
It’s a timeconsuming, laborintensive technology.
我们得挤出每只蜘蛛的蜘蛛网
The spiders have to be individually milked.
而且他们超不爽的
And they do not like it.
没错
No, they don’t.
两位 你们最棒了
Gentlemen, you’re the best.
谢了
Thanks.
（962航♥班♥ 华府至莫斯科）
（下午3点30分）
各位先生女士 请将椅背竖直
Ladies and gentlemen, while you are in your seats
并将安全带系紧
please keep your seatbelts fastened.
我觉得我们当搭档很棒
I feel really good about us as partners.
天字23号♥说心态很重要
23 says that’s important.
“一定要互相信任” 23号♥是这样说的
“Trust is a must.” That’s what 23 says.
是吗
Does he
我觉得我和你很速配
You and I share a bond, I think.
我们都知道长得丑有多难过
We both know what it feels like to look in the mirror and not like what we see.
所以你去整型 我去减肥
You with the surgery, me with the weight loss.
我要给你看一样东西
I wanna show you something.
这是从前的我
That was me.
喔 你瘦了好多
Wow, impressive.
恭喜了
Congratulations.
谢谢你
Thank you.
这是从前的我
This is me.
哇
Wow.
这真是太神奇了 99号♥
Very impressive, 99.
从前的你超丑的
You were truly hideous back then.
既然我们要假装成夫妻
Since we are going to be portraying husband and wife
也许应该先套好话
maybe we should get our story set.
好主意
Okay, good idea.
我们在赌城的行销大会上认识 一年后结婚 没小孩
We met at a marketing convention in Vegas. Married a year later. No kids.
我喜欢你父母 你讨厌我爸妈
I like your parents, but you hate mine.
我们想要生小孩吗
Do we want kids
你想 但是我要专心拼事业
Well, you do, but I’m concentrating on my career.
这不公平 我的年纪比你大
I don’t know if that’s fair. I mean, I’m older than you are.
没大多少啦 真的吗
Well, not by much. Really
我去整型的时候 请他们
When they gave me a new face, I had them
让我看起来年轻几岁
take a couple years off.
反正顺便嘛 对吧
You know, why not
如果是这样 你就是高龄产妇 你应该
Well, if that’s the case, then you are at an advanced age, and you should be
我才不是高龄产妇
Well, no. I was never
我是说你的卵会干掉 掉出子♥宫♥
I’m just saying that your eggs could dry up and fall out of your uterus.
要生小孩一定要趁现在
So time is of the essence.
这只是你的想法 不 这是医学事实
That’s your opinion. No, that is a medical fact.
我还有很多时间能生小孩
There is a lot of time for me to make this decision.
你或是我妈都不能逼我
I will not be rushed into it by you or my mother.
你的时间不多了 空姐怎么还不送饮料来
You don’t have much time. Where is the drink cart
怎么了 六点钟方向
What Six o’clock.
别转头 用眼角的余光
Don’t turn around, don’t turn around. Use your peripherals.
有看到他吗
Do you see him
我睁大了眼睛 啥都看不见
I’m just widening my eyes. I’m not actually seeing anything more.
那个大块头呀 他干脆举牌说
The big guy that might as well be holding up a sign
“我是杀手 我要来杀你”
“I’m an assassin, here to kill you.”
拜托 99号♥ 这只是刻板印象
Okay, 99, you know what That is profiling.
他长得高大 不代表他是坏人
Just because he is large doesn’t necessarily mean that he is a bad guy.
他是坏人 他一定是大坏蛋
That’s a bad guy. That’s a really bad guy.
别这么说 你看到他的脸吗
You don’t say. Did you see his face
有
Yes.
他活像复活岛巨人
His head looks like one of the Easter Island heads.
真是的 我也跟你一样
You know what I’m doing the same thing.
我不该用刻板印象来评断别人