糊涂侦探（2008）

我用项圈套住你 把你当成狗
I put a collar on you and make you my bi
我想我把他给惹毛了
I think I really got inside his head.
我为我的行为感到可耻
I am not proud of what I just did. I am not proud of what I just did.
你玩完了 碎念妞
Game over, Chatty Cathy.
我说玩完 才算玩完
Game over when I say it’s over.
好吧 吃屎吧
Okay. Wet willy.
好了 谁想吃午饭
Okay. Who wants lunch
干得好 23号♥ 不过我自己也行
Well, excellent work, 23, but I could’ve handled it my
麦斯 局长要见你 我也很高兴见到你
Max, the Chief wants to see you. It is nice to see you too
局长 你要见我
You wanted to see me, Chief
对 麦斯 请坐吧
Yes, Max, yes, please, sit down.
我拿到你的报考成绩
Your fieldagent test results just came in and
你耳朵在痒吗 绝对没有
Something wrong with your ear Absolutely not.
你要先接吗 我可以等
Would you like me to wait while you answer that
接什么
Answer what
没事 你刚才要说什么
Nothing. You were saying
我要说你的成绩很好
I was saying the results are quite extraordinary.
事实上 你对存在主义的申论题 回答得超赞
In fact, your essay on existentialism was quite amazing.
那一题我留下一片空白
I left that section blank.
空白 太高杆了
Blank Brilliant.
干得好 麦斯
Brilliant, Max.
反正你以高分过关 好耶
You passed with flying colors. Yes
老实说 我并不觉得意外
You know what, sir I can’t say that I am shocked.
因为我对今年的考试很有信心
I felt good about this year’s test, in light of the fact
尤其是去年我的确有点发福
that in previous years, my fitness has been an issue.
个人最佳成绩
Personal best.
但我减重成功 随时能出任务
But not anymore. I’m ready for duty.
麦斯 我知道你很努力
I know how hard you’ve prepared for this
也很想当特务
and how much this means to you
不过我不能升你的职
but I’m afraid I can’t promote you.
什么 我不能失去最好的分♥析♥员
What I can’t afford to give up my best analyst.
你最会窃听 而且你的报告
I mean, the amount of chatter you get through, and the reports
不只是资料那么简单
I mean, they go way beyond the raw data.
就因为 我表现得太好 所以不能升职
So to be clear, you’re not promoting me, because I do such a great job.
麦斯 没人了解你我的工作理念
Max, the way you and I work is becoming a lost art form.
我花半天时间向副总统解释
I spend half my days trying to convince the vice president
情报出于人性 不只是卫星科技
that intelligence comes from humans and not satellites.
我们必须靠直觉才能成功
Men with hunches, that’s where the real work gets done.
我非常以你为荣
I’m very proud of you, Max
我一向以你为荣
very proud of you
我需要你留在原来的岗位
but I need you where you are.
对不起 我俩没有明天
I am sorry, but we can never be.
虽然我今天被打枪 但是某一天 我还是会成为真正的外勤特务
Despite today’s setback, I will at some point become a field agent
当那一天到的时候
and when that happens
一通电♥话♥就会带我到世界另一端
one phone call could take me to the other side of the world.
我在骗谁啊 我是个错失良机的欧吉桑
Who am I kidding I’m a middleaged man who’s missed the train.
你不需要我 我配不上你
You don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.
你又年轻又充满活力
You’re so young and so full of life.
别冲动 虎牙
Don’t do it, Fang.
不要爱上我
Don’t love me.
来吧
Here.
喔 太好了 抱歉
Oh, great. Sorry.
这是我最后一英哩了 你害我算不出我的速度
That was my last mile. I have no idea how fast it was.
你跑得一定很快 才能撞倒我
You were moving. It’s not easy to knock me down.
我的下盘很稳
I have a low center of gravity. Pretty solid.
只好算4分50秒啰
I’m just gonna call that one a 4:50.
不错嘛 我跑过5分16秒
Impressive. I once ran a 5:16.
是吗 你 比我逊耶
Oh, really That’s, uh, slower.
不是一切都要竞争吧
Not everything’s a competition.
如果是 我一定赢你
Well, if it were, I’d win.
你在勾搭我吗
Ah. Are you flirting with me
才没有 你想把我吗
Not at all. Are you flirting with me
看状况 有用吗
That depends. Is it working
一点都没用
Not at all.
幸会了 我很佩服你的专注
Well, nice meeting you I admire your focus
我是隐形人吗
Am I invisible
（天控局总部 下午3点30分）
布鲁斯、洛伊德 发生什么事
Bruce, Lloyd, what happened
这又是什么味道
And what is that ungodly smell
恐惧
Fear.
我马上回来
I’ll be back.
别动
Freeze.
你也别动
Freeze.
你才别动 你别动
No, you freeze. You freeze.
我先说的 我要你无限期别动
I told you to freeze. Freeze times infinity.
天啊
Oh, my God.
你 你
You. You.
你是天控局的 我是史麦斯
Are you CONTROL I’m Maxwell Smart.
天控局的分♥析♥员 你是谁
I am a CONTROL analyst. Who are you
我是天字99号♥
I’m Agent 99.
哇塞 你就是天字99号♥
Oh, my word. You are Agent 99
我是你的超级大粉丝 谢了
I am a huge fan Thank you.
你在干嘛
What are you doing
我在你旁边 有话直说
I’m right here, just talk to me
我要造成混乱 好让你逃出去
I’m going to cause a diversion. You run and get help.
我不觉得那是好 嘘
I really don’t think that that’s a Shh.
你刚才嘘我 嘘
Did you just Shh
快走 快走
Go, go, go
等等
Wait
快关掉
Somebody shut it off
你来得正好 23号♥ 我撂倒一个敌人
Good, 23, just in time. I think I got one of them.
那是局长吗
Is that the Chief
是的
Yes, it is.
不好意思哦 局长
Sorry about that, Chief.
他的额头肿了个包吗
Is that a dent in his head
（秘密安全室入口 上午7点整）
嗨 嗨
Hi. Hi.
天字13号♥ 你在树里面耶
Agent 13, you are in a tree.
对 通讯失效 他们叫我藏在这里
Yeah, communications got knocked down, so they put me in a tree.
老派的隐身法 很高兴看到你没事
Oldschool stuff. Glad to see you’re okay.
是啊
Yeah, yeah.
我得走了 请你把走道升起来好吗
Well, I have to get going. Would you raise up the walkway, please
你不必急着走嘛 不必急嘛
You don’t have to get going. You don’t have to go.
我得赶去开会
Yeah, I’ve got a meeting.
你好吗 不错
How you been I’ve been well.
一切都好吗 很好 我得
Everything good It’s great. Well, I gotta
你待会儿会经过这里吗
Could you come back this way
会啊 应该会
Yeah, yeah, I think I will.
几点
What time
这个嘛
Well Mm.
我知道了
I get it.
谁想跟躲在树干的家伙讲话
Who wants to talk to a guy in a tree
我知道
I get it.
撑着点 拜托 不要哭
Hang in there. Don’t cry, don’t Please don’t cry.
（天控局安全室 上午7点12分）
好了 开始吧
Okay. Let’s get started.
不好意思 我还是有点头晕
You’ll have to bear with me, I’m still a little fuzzy.
昨天被狠狠地K到头
I got a pretty good hit in the head yesterday.
对 当时很暗 你大概是被绊倒的
Yes, it was dark in there. You probably tripped.
我膝盖挂了彩 烟雾超浓的
I hurt my knee. It was smoky too.
好了 这是我们知道的情报
All right, here’s what we know.
且慢 局长 我要求使用保密胶囊
Wait. Chief, I request the cone of silence.
用不着啦 这是安全室耶
Max, not the cone of silence. We’re in a safe room, for God’s sakes.
我们原本也以为天控局很安全
We thought CONTROL was safe.
好吧 洛伊德
Okay. Lloyd.
好了 盖不达集团 破解了我们的安检程序
Okay, we have reason to believe that our security was breached by KAOS.
你得大声点 听得到吗
You have to speak up. Can you hear me
我谁都听不到 什么
I’m not hearing anyone. What
听得到吗 抱歉 你说什么
Can you hear me What did you say
布鲁斯 这没用 是没用呀
Bruce, it’s not working. It’s not working
局长 是我用灭火器K你的头的
Chief I hit you in the head with a fire extinguisher
不行 会议还没开始