徒手攀岩

他要去无保护攀岩什么的
that he was gonna free solo or anything.
我可能会斥责他说 “你不许去”
I could come down on him and say, “You shouldn’t be doing that,”
狄德莉·沃罗尼克
亚历克斯母亲
然后疏远他 但疏远就疏远了
and alienate him, and, it would’ve alienated him
因为攀岩才是他的一切
because that’s his, whole life.
我觉得当他在无保护攀岩的时候
I think when he’s free soloing,
是他最能感受自己存在的时刻
that’s when he feels the most alive,
是感受一切最美好的时刻
the most everything, the most.
感受最强的时刻
Feels the most.
你又怎么能从他身边夺走这么珍贵的东西呢
And how can you even think about taking that away from somebody,
我不会这么做的
you know? I wouldn’t.
受伤三周后
我能够在穿鞋和系安全带的时候
I’ve been able to stand on one foot
一只脚站立了
while I put my harness and my shoes and stuff on,
能做到这样也算是一个小小的胜利了
and getting’ this like kind of, a minor victory.
自从受伤之后我还没穿过攀岩鞋
I haven’t put on my climbing shoe basically since I did it.
还肿胀着 一碰就痛
So swollen. So tender.
不幸的是 在裂隙上攀爬全靠脚踝
Unfortunately, crack climbing is all ankle-dependent.
而自♥由♥攀岩线路是九百米的裂隙攀爬
And Freerider is 3,000 feet of crack climbing.
我的那些脚踝严重扭伤过的朋友们
All my friends that have sprained their ankles
都这么说
in serious ways have all been like,
“恢复到正常至少要六个月的时间”
“Oh, it’s gonna be at least six months until it’s normal.”
如果我下个月不爬完的话
If I can’t get this done in the next month
天气就会变 我就要等到明年
then the weather will change and I’ll have to wait until next year.
我记得几年前
You know, a couple years ago,
他告诉我 他这辈子从来没有
I remember him telling me that he had never
意外滑落过
fallen unexpectedly in his life,
而我现在见过两次了
and now I’ve seen it happen twice
而且都在上个月内
in the past, like, month.
听到这样的话之后
But when you hear stuff like that,
不免就会有点担心
you start to wonder a little bit.
在他打电♥话♥给我之前的那个晚上
I had this dream the night
我做了个梦
before he called me that he had, like,
梦里他来到我家找我们 然后哭了起来
wandered into our house and asked us, and, like, started crying,
把我吓坏了 因为亚历克斯一般不会哭
which really freaked me out ’cause Alex doesn’t cry.
然后他告诉我他无保护攀爬的时候摔了下来
And then he had told me that he fell free soloing and started, like,
然后给我看他的伤口 他把袖子拉起来
revealing all of his injuries, like he pulled up his sleeve on his arm,
然后骨头就这么从臂膀上掉了出来
and in my dream a bone just, like, fell out of his arm and
简直一团糟
it was all messed up.
那真的是一个特别逼真
And that, and it was this really, like, kind of vivid,
但超级奇怪的梦
but super freaky dream.
然后第二天他打电♥话♥给我
And, uh, and then the next day he called me
告诉我他把自己弄伤了
and told me he hurt himself.
你好 英格里德
Hi, hi, Ingrid.
有时候每次一个
Sometimes, one at a time.
你们好 怎么样啊
Hi, hello, how’s it going?
-伙计们 -怎么样 菲茨
– Hi, guys. – What’s up, Fitz!
菲茨来了
So we got Fitz.
汤米 菲茨 你们想来刻个南瓜吗
Hi, Tommy, hi, Fitz! Are you gonna carve a pumpkin?
非常好
Nice, that’s good.
这个好像有点怪
That seems off.
亚历克斯说 “我才不要刻南瓜呢”
Alex said, “I want nothing to do with the pumpkin carving,
“我什么都不刻 我讨厌节日”
and I won’t carve anything and I hate holidays.”
我喜欢享受玩乐的时光
I like having fun when I have fun.
我不喜欢被别人指挥说你应该去玩
I don’t like being told that it’s time to have fun.
我觉得我们还得再来一点
Yeah, I think we need to a little more.
她在扭来扭去的
Whoa, she’s squirming.
你能抱得住吗
I don’t know. Do you have a good grip on there?
你再把那个东西杵到我的眼睛里我就撒手了
You put that in my eye again, I’m gonna drop you.
它为什么不想看我们
Why does it not want to see us?
逗你呢 我不会
Just kidding, I won’t.
他没完没了的
He keeps.
你得再抱高一点
You gotta lift him up more, you need to.
再见 汤米
Bye, Tom.
你现在应该充满了恐惧啊
Oh man, you should have a lot of fear right now.
因为我能感受到很多的焦虑
Okay, ’cause’ I feel a lot of anxiety.
在我长大成人的过程里
No one in any part of my family has hugged
我家里的所有人都不互相拥抱
during all my formative years.
在我差不多二十三岁的时候
I had to teach myself how to hug
我不得不教会自己如何去拥抱
when I was, like, 23 or something.
因为我就想 “好像大家都在拥抱”
‘Cause I was like, “Everyone seems to hug,
“我好像也应该这么去做”
that seems like something I should get into,”
然后我就开始练习
and then I started, like, practicing.
现在我可是挺擅长的呢
Now I’m quite a good hugger.
你看出来那个南瓜是辆车了吗
Yes. You see that the pumpkin is a van?
我看出来了 好珍贵的车啊
I did see it. That’s a precious van.
那是只猫吗
Is it a cat?
-猫是我刻的 -很不错
– I did the cat. – That’s good.
-看看 -就是我自己做的…
– Look at that. – Um, I did it all by my…
说实话 它这样看着还挺好
Honestly, it does look good like this.
之前它不好看 我觉得
It looked terrible. I think, yeah.
爱这个字呢 有部分
Part of the thing with the L word, you know,
就是要说爱之类的话
is saying love and stuff,
而我这辈子
is that, like, in my entire life
我家里的任何人从来没有用过
no one in any part of my family has ever used,
这个字
you know, that word.
我妈妈从来只对我
My Mom has only spoken French
和我姐姐说法语
to my sister and I our whole lives.
她是法语老师
She’s a French teacher,
所以她用法语说”我爱你”之类的话
so she says, “Je t’aime” or whatever,
而我爸爸不怎么说话
and then my dad didn’t talk about anything.
查理跟谁都没有感情的羁绊
Nobody had an emotional bond with Charlie.
查理很可能有我们现在所说的孤独症
Charlie was probably what we call nowadays Asperger’s.
查理的痴迷 也就是大家所说的偏执
Charlie’s obsession, what everyone called monomania.
他非常喜欢旅行
He loved to travel.
来自夏威夷的问候
他为旅行而活就像亚历克斯是为了攀岩一样
He lived to travel like Alex lives to climb.
当他没有旅行时 情况就不太妙
When he wasn’t traveling, things were not good.
亚历克斯要做了点什么
Alex would do something
我们就用恶心的名字叫他
and we’d call him stupid names,
“蠢蛋 别那么做” 这类的刻薄的词
“Hey, bozo, don’t do it like that,” just demeaning things.
当你这么小的时候通过这样了解自身价值
If you learn that about your self-worth
我觉得那个烙印是抹不掉的
when you’re this big, I don’t think that goes away.
我一点都不记得了
I have no recollection of that.
我没觉得爸爸贬低了谁
I don’t think my dad put down anybody.
我觉得我爸爸就像一只泰迪熊
I think my dad is like a teddy bear,
但是爸爸挺抑郁的
but dad was pretty morose.
而他们俩一离婚
And then the thing is once they got divorced,
他们就都
then they both were, like,
快乐了很多 一切都很不错
so much happier and it all seemed great,
可他第二年夏天就去世了
but he died the next summer.
他没能活着看到后来的一切
It’s really kind of too bad that he doesn’t get to see
真是太糟了
how it all played out,
因为他对培养我攀岩倾注了那么多心血
’cause he put so much effort into nurturing my climbing.
可谁说得准
But who knows?
也许妈妈认为他阻碍我们
Maybe mom thought that he was, like, holding us back or, like,
或者说没有推动我们去释放出最大的潜力
you know, not pushing us to achieve our full potential or,
你明白我的意思吧
like, whatever, you know what I mean?
我妈常挂在嘴边的话是 “差不多就不行”
My Mom’s favorite sayings are, “Presque ne compte pas,”
英语就是”差一点也不行”
“Almost doesn’t count,”
或者”过得去也不行”的意思
or, uh, “Good enough isn’t.”
无论我做得有多好
No matter how well I ever do at anything,
都还不够好
it’s not that good.
攀岩之星
《户外》
《攀岩》
纽♥约♥时♥报♥杂♥志♥
那种否定自己的无底深渊
The bottomless pit of self-loathing.
那绝对是一些单人徒手攀岩的动力来源
I mean, that’s definitely the motivation for some soloing.
我们到了
Here we are.
我还是一直
So I still never, like, quietly,
不太知道你摔下来是怎样的情况
quite understand what happened when you fell, you,
你会有预感吗
like, do you even know?