I didn’t stay in my truth.
我没做什么混合媒介绘画，我压根都没画画
I didn’t make mixed media drawings. I didn’t paint.
我一笔都没动
I didn’t draw.
终于有机会想干嘛就干嘛了，然后我就什么都没做
Given free time to do with which whatever I want, I’ve done nothing.
我是哪门子艺术家
I am not an artist.
我也没有未来可言
I have no future.
能弄个不加黄油不加橄榄油的水煮西兰花嘛，能把土豆泥换成烤土豆嘛
Can you steam my broccoli with no olive oil and no butter? Can I have a baked potato instead of mashed potatoes?
能用无脂的酱料嘛？能换个….?能加点奶酪嘛？
Can I get that with fat-free dressing? Can I please substitute –? Can I get that with cheese?
你这能点哈维家的？能上个奶油布丁嘛？
不能换啊，之前不是在菜单上有的吗，我能看看…？
Do you have Harvey’s? Can I get creme brulee? No substitutions! It used to be on the menu. Can I see –?
烤奶酪…配鸡肉…多少钱…换成炸薯条….
Grilled cheese. — with chicken. How much –. — switch to fries.
能把薯条换成蔬菜吗？
Can I get greens instead of fries?
我不知道能说点什么，就是，人们永远不可能畅所欲言
I don’t know what to say. This is the problem talking. You know, you never get to say the things — that you want to say —
但当你终于有机会去诉说的时候，语言又不够用了
— and then, when you get the chance to say it, words are not enough.
所以干脆闭嘴好了
So you just lock up.
当你闭口不言的时候，你就只能被迫张开耳朵去听，
或者更糟糕，你听到的都是些破烂噪音
You don’t say anything. That’s when you hear sounds — or worse, you don’t, you hear just, like, some filler —
有的时候插空说上几句话，只是因为你不知道怎么把你真的想表达的说出口
— something to take up the space. Fill in the gap that’s there because you don’t know how to say what you really want to say.
也许其实根本就说不出来吧
Probably it can’t be said.
我真心想跟你说的是：我喜欢你
What I’m really trying to say is: I like you.
我油个好消息告诉尼，就是我冰没油疱疹2型
I haf ze good news of ze test back from the Herpes Two, and I no haf Herpes Two.
干 净
C L E A N
一方面，在这个佛蒙特待的日子真的过的飞快
On one level, time here in Vermont is flying by.
但与此同时，又感觉过的好慢等不及见你
But on another, it’s like time is moving so slow waiting to see you.
就算你现在突然出现在我面前，我也等不及
If you appeared magically before me,right now, it wouldn’t be soon enough.
能帮忙拿个番茄酱嘛
Could you bring the ketchup over?
不客气
No problem.
谢喽
Thanks.
不客气噢
You’re welcome.
我的脚好冷
My feet are cold.
好冷啊
My feet are cold.
不好意思你能不能不发出声音
No offense but can you shut up!
我不想又遇到一个控制狂男友，那个”不说话”协定只是一个控制我的手段
I don’t need another boyfriend who controls me, and this no-talking thing is just a device to–
我就是不想被约束或者被强迫着进入某种思维方式中
I don’t want to be controlled, or harassed into modes of thinking in my analytical process —
当你打算好好思考一些事情的时候却总是被别人的想法干扰
If you think of having to do things analytically, and getting confused by other people’s thoughts —
我真是受够了你一直把你的想法和信念强加在我身上
I’m sick of your imposing your thoughts and beliefs on me.
再也受不了你逼着我一直跟你写字沟通，一边回避我一边又想要控制我
I’m sick of your reasons for wanting me to keep writing, that you’ve avoiding me, and trying to control me,
而且你根本不信任我，你是在害怕什么啊？
and you don’t trust me. What are you trying to prevent?
你想保护自己免受什么伤害啊
What are you trying to protect yourself from?
你为什么不想知道更多我的事情？为什么不想更加了解我？
Why don’t you want to find out more about me? Why don’t you want to get to know me?
你在害怕什么呀？我是会伤害你嘛？
What are you afraid of? Who are you trying to protect yourself from?
多听点我的事情好不好？多和我说会话啊，为什么不能信任我呢？
Why don’t you want to know me better? Why won’t you talk to me? Why don’t you trust me?
笔没水了！
It ran out!
你真的一句话都不肯说呢
You’re not going to say anything!
我想跟你说的是….我一直想跟你说…
(crying) What I was trying to say to you — what I was trying — (shouts)
– 我不想 – 别哭了！
(weeping) I don’t want — Stop! Crying!
听我说！听 我 说 啊！
Listen to me! Listen (weeping) Listen to me!
就听听吧拜托了！
(shouting) Listen to what I’m trying to tell you!
天哪！诶哟
No! Jesus.
我想说的是，对，咱们早晚都会开口对话的没错
I mean, okay. Obviously we should talk. Of course. Right?
说话
Talk.
唉这衣服搁仓库里绝对爬过老鼠的
You know when this was in storage the rats must have gotten into it.
我的确倾向于只在视频里活着
I do tend to try to exist maybe through the video camera —
或者通过这种媒介来解决生活中的问题
or processing things in life through artistic mediums,
我的想法是：借用这种富有创意性的介质来搞清楚我们真正想成为什么样的人
I’d rather look at it that way. We can use these creative lubricants to help us find out who we’re trying to be.
我们干嘛要管我们之前是什么样的家伙，根本无关紧要啊
Why should we be dealing with who we’ve been, you know? That’s pretty much irrelevant, you know —
我只是感觉你在抑制这个体验，阻止这个过程的发生
I just feel like you’re — canning that experience. You’re just stopping it dead in its tracks
仅仅是因为你发现了一些你不愿意发现的秘密
only because maybe you’re discovering things that you don’t want to discover,
通过咱俩有过的交流，我脑袋里有了一个你的形象
through our communication — I created this version of you
任何我不了解你的地方我都会假定它是美好的
and any of the blanks I just assumed were pleasant.
我不是很想告诉你但是，好像你并没有我想象的那么美好，你懂吗
and I really feel bad about saying this, but it’s starting to be very apparent that they’re not, you know?
只要咱俩开口♥交♥谈，那些脏东西早晚都会涌出来的
And if we start talking, it’s just a matter of time before all that stuff comes out.
我们都说实话吧，这段关系早晚会结束的，真的，早晚的事
Let’s be honest with ourselves, it’s going to end — you know — it’s just a question of how.
你懂的
You know.
咱俩故事的结束
How our story ends.
但我希望能在结束之前我们能够多体验到一些，更加了解对方
And — it just seems before that happens we should try to experience more, learn more from each other.
我猜你并没有准备好面对这些
I guess you’re not ready for this.
我不想把咱俩之前好不容易建立起来的东西都毁了，你知道吗
I don’t want to ruin what we have, you know?
听起来你只是对这个试验着迷，而不是对我这个人着迷
It sounds like you’re into this experiment and into this process but you’re not really into me.
你要么点进来要么就翻页
Well, you either click or you don’t
我感觉我的童年给我留下了超级严重的害怕被抛弃的情结
I feel like my childhood left me with some serious abandonment issues.
我非常聪明，阴♥道♥很紧，我还会做千层面
I’m really smart. I have a great tight pussy. I can make lasagna.
我猜是因为我从未感觉过自己是个美人，所以我希望他能这么去设想我
I guess because I’ve never felt that I was beautiful, I would like him to think I was.
我脑袋空得不行，只是感觉好失落好失落
I don’t have any idea just — I feel so lost.
你又在跟踪我吗
待会想一块出去玩嘛
我想要有个男人跟我说一句 我爱你
I want a man to say — I love you.
我想告诉你点事
I’m going to say something.
我想把这些拍下来
I’m going to film it.
我们所有的笔迹都存着呢–那些画和录像–我们真的可以做点什么出来
We’ve all all the writing — Go all the way! — and the drawings and all the video — to make this into something.
– 这是不是太异想天开了？ – 我们不应该问自己这种问题其实
Isn’t this crazy? I don’t think we should even ask ourselves questions like that.
我俩的关系带着点强迫性…
There’s sort of like this compulsive nature to our relationship
…必须跟创造什么东西相绑定一样 – 我不关心终点在哪，我只对过程感兴趣
–for it to be in creation. I’m not interested in arriving anywhere. I’m interested in the process of getting there.
– 我们从不解决我们之间的问题 -除了你之外没人能够带给我这样… –你到底怎么了 —
we just never seem to solve our problems — I don’t think anybody brings out in me what — the hell is wrong with you except you — honest
–有的时候真的烦得很 –我们–对这段关系有一种信念 — 你觉得我应该和你站在一起 –都不用讨论 –你说跳
–it gets really fucked up sometimes — we are –faith in a relationship — on the same page with you — no discussion — you say jump
–我说多高 –我不知道我脑袋怎么了 –咱俩项目的这种艰难险阻有点–
–I say how high — I don’t know what’s going on inside my head — it’s the difficulty of executing this project it’s kind
–有点熟悉 — 一部分的问题在于 –你到底想不想干？ –我也不知道 –别吵架好吗 – 我想成为..
it’s feeling very familial — part of the question is — Do you want to do? — I don’t know if I want to — let’s not fight — I want to be
我只是想说 –这是一个很重要的问题 –比费大劲推着这玩意前进要简单得多
I just want to say that –that’s the big question — it would be a lot easier than trying to make it work.
嗨，恭喜啊！你们成为了我们的十二部入围剧情片之一
Well, congratulations! You’ve been selected for one of twelve narrative feature spots
你们拍这部片子用了多久啊？
How long have you been working on this film?
– 一年 – 噢恭喜
A year. — Oh, congratulations.
我只是偶尔会倾向于这样的问题…
I do just now and then kind of like lean off into this kind of question of —
怎么了？？ 你觉得怎么了？
What’s happening? What do you think is happening?
根本不会有结束的，你每次都发毒誓但下次还是再犯
There’s never an end. You resolve and just come back a nice day
那种诡异的小怪事可说也说不完，我们是永远不会为此道歉的
There’s too many fucking weird little things to say to say we’re ever sorry —
搞得像这个世界除了这垃圾就没有别的一样
As if there’s no fucking other shit!
你能感受到嘛?
Do you understand what it feels like?
–太混♥蛋♥了！
— such an asshole!
该死！该死！该死！
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
我只是想自己做一次决定但为什么这么难啊！
I’m just making a decision on my own but it hurts!
我真是太讨厌太讨厌了
I hate it so much.
咱俩一起变老就是这样的吗
Is this the part where we grow old together?
不敢相信我们在做这些
I can’t believe we’re doing this.
就是这个！就是这个！
This is it! This is it!
噢！噢！
Owooo! Owooo!
– 之后会…？ – 你没有别的要说的吗？
What will — You’re not going to say anything more?
你想怎么去获得…？ –我完全…– 我不想再这么脾气暴躁了
What do you want to get this — I am totally — I want to stop being so pissed off.
唔，我完全… — 听我说，阿林，自然点
Well, I am compli — listen, Arin. And just be natural, be present —
靠过来，快点
Lean in. Y’know — come on in.
嗯呐 好的 –是的，就是这样，挺好的
Yeah, okay. So less –. Yes. Like that. That’s good.
我就是做了，搞得像我不… –除了这一切，还有 … –我现在正在跟你说话
I’ll just fucking do it. Like I don’t– Without all that. And — I’m talking to you right now.
我会用尽手段把那个蠢蠢介绍放出来给大家看的
I will do whatever it takes to get this stupid fucking intro out there.
好了吗？好的，你们有什么想说的嘛？
All right? Okay. So what do you want said?
让我们把这事说清楚吧
Let’s discuss that so that it’s crystal clear.
我们还有机会修复这段关系吗？
Are we going to be able to fix this relationship?
我们还有机会…
Are we going to be able to —
…再一次爱上彼此吗？
–fall in love again?
