寻找薇薇安·迈尔

有个男的冷血地谋害了他太太
Some man murders his wife
随后遭到逮捕
and then gets caught in cold blood:
“我跟你说过会这样”
“I told you so.”
那些揭示了人性中的愚昧的事情
I mean, these things that revealed the folly of humanity.
他抱歉 帮助杀害
两名男孩杀害家暴父亲
两名强♥奸♥受害者
儿童性♥虐♥待
受虐妇女
强♥奸♥
被害人
暴♥力♥
虐待
如果你去看她的作品 她是瞄到了生活中的怪里怪气
If you look at her art, she sees the bizarreness of life,
生活中的不和谐
the incongruity of life,
以及人类的软弱之处
and the unappealingness of human beings.
随时都有些小东西
There were little things all the time
她会以显微镜的方式去瞧清楚
that she was just plain in microscopic ways,
然后丢给我
just chipping at me all the time.
我会拎着零用钱
I would go down with my allowance money
去艺品店给自己买♥♥
to the craft store and buy myself
一千个小 比如 一千道小彩虹
a thousand little, tiny, you know, like, rainbows and…
和玻璃小玩意
Glass tchotchkes.
薇薇会看着我收藏的小玩意 很不喜欢
Viv would look at my trove of tchotchkes and hate it.
她会拿个大型拖把桶子
She would get a big mop bucket,
倒进热肥皂水
and she would fill it with hot, soapy water, yes,
和氨水
and ammonia,
她倒进去的氨水未免太多了
and she would have the ammonia be such a strength
让你无法靠近桶子
that you couldn’t be near the bucket.
需要用到那么多氨水
Clearly, to need that much ammonia,
一定是要清理特别肮脏的地方
you would surely be cleaning something very, very dirty.
她会抬起手臂
She would take her arm
把所有的小玩意通通扫进桶里
and just swipe all the tchotchkes into the bucket,
那些小玩意儿摩擦着 碰撞着
and they’re crashing and grinding together
然后全碎掉了
and smashing,
然后他们被氨水掩盖
and then they’re all covered in ammonia.
我呢 只能默默忍♥受
Me, I sort of just quietly tolerated
不管我的生活中发生什么
whatever was happening to me in my life.
我的弟弟会付诸行动 而我觉得
My brother acted out, and I don’t think
她对他的行为会无可奈何
that she had good ways of coping with his behavior.
她会抛弃我们
She, sort of ditched us.
我们一起散步
We were all taking a walk together,
然后她钻进一条巷子就失踪啦
and she would duck down an alley and just disappear.
最后警♥察♥找到我们
The police finally found us.
我想她是要吓吓我们
I think she wanted to scare us.
我记得警♥察♥当时这么说
And I remember getting lectured by the police like,
“你们不可离开保姆”
“You can’t leave your babysitter”
我就说 “不是的 ”
and me saying, “No, no.”
“是我的保姆丢下我”
“My babysitter left me.”
有些意外 我知道并非意外
There were some accidents, which I knew weren’t accidents,
大家都知道并非是意外
that everybody knew weren’t really accidents,
突然之间 底下是传来孩子尖叫
where all of a sudden, there’s a kid screaming in the basement
门关着 灯灭着
with the door shut and the lights off.
对 就是这种事情
Yeah, that kind of thing.
她很刻薄
She was mean.
我不知道能说什么
I don’t know how else to say it.
我不知道 她会有 阴暗面
I don’t know; She had, like, a dark side.
我记得有一次她说
I remember one time she said,
“这些男人 他们会让你坐在他们的大腿上
“These men, they’ll have you sit on their laps,
“然后你会感觉有东西顶着你”
“and then you’ll feel something poking you.”
我记不得她的原话怎么说的
And I can’t even remember the context
但就是那样
of when she said that, but it just was,
她对男人有这类的怒气
she had this, like, anger in her towards men,
现在我当然晓得她说的什么意思了
and now I know exactly what she was talking about,
但还是孩童时 我只知道她说的话
but as a kid, I really I knew what she was saying
很黑暗 而且不太对劲
was dark and a little not right.
我看到她这样不止一次
I’ve seen her more than once
害怕地往后跳 因为男人
jump back in fear, you know, from a man.
那些年她说过好几遍
She said several times over several years,
所有的男人都是为了毁掉你
men, all they were out to do was ruin you.
离他们远点 提防他们
Stay away from them. Be careful of them.
他们要的只是性
You know, that all they want is sex.
她总是害怕被碰触到
She was always afraid of being touched.
我记得她当时站在树桩上
I remember she was standing up on a stump,
正在拍某件东西
taking a picture of some sort of incident.
那男的以为她会掉下来
The man apparently thought she was falling.
他伸出手 而她一看到男人朝她伸手
He reached up, and all she saw was a man reaching for her,
她打了他
and she decked him
她以为他要袭击她
she thought he was attacking her
把他打成脑震荡 送医院去了
and gave him a concussion, sent him to the hospital.
我敢拿钱来赌
I would bet money
她在某种情况上
that she was, um, brutalized in some way,
遭遇过暴♥力♥袭击 骚扰或什么
attacked in somel mean, or, you know, molested, whatever.
我不想这么说
I hate to say that,
但是她一定碰到过很糟糕的事
but something happened to her that was awful,
因为没人会像她这样
because nobody would act like the way she did.
我记得
I remember some of
她那种非常强烈的情绪
the more strong emotion things, I’m afraid.
很难记得还有其他什么人
It’s harder to remember some of the other, um…
我不知道你想不想知道这些 但我会
I don’t know if you want to go into this, but I will.
我会的
I will.
我也发生过一些
I mean, there were things that happened to me
不太好的事
that were not good.
迈尔小姐强迫喂我吃饭
Miss Maier was forcefeeding me, forcing me to eat
我因为没吃光盘子里的食物
’cause I wasn’t finishing all on my plate.
我父母发现了 我爸很气
My parents found out, and my dad got angry.
但我爸若知道实际情况的话
But if my dad found out exactly how,
事情必定会变得更糟
it would have been worse.
她会按住我
She would hold me down,
把食物挤入我的喉咙
she would shove the food in my throat,
然后压住我鼻子 直到我吞下
and then she would choke me until I would swallow it.
她会一次次这么做
And she would do that over and over again.
她的确有着相当阴暗的一面
There was very much of a dark side to her
我没有涉足
that I have not gone into.
她有时会失控
She would lose it sometimes.
我想到她第一次打我
I think the first time she hit me
是我五岁时
was when I was five years old
因为我正学着系鞋带
’cause I was trying to learn to tie my shoelaces,
我做得不对
and I wasn’t doing it right,
她对我感到十分挫败
and she got very frustrated with me,
所以就开始把我的头
and so she started slamming my head
往书架一侧撞去
into the side of this bookcase.
她不会打我的脸
I mean, she wouldn’t hit me in the face.
我的脸上完全没有伤痕
Obviously, I didn’t have bruises there,
但她会抓我手腕 把我到处摔
but she’d grab me by the wrists and swing me around the room
让我撞到东西
and slam me into things
她变得非常生气时就会这样
when she got really upset about something.
我到了8岁才能挣脱她的手
And I was eight years old before I could break her grip.
这之后 她就不再这么做了
After that, she didn’t do that again.
我力气够大了
I was strong enough.
她是很有风采的人
I mean, she was a brilliant person,
我觉得她真的蛮在乎 也努力了
and I think she really cared, and I think she tried,
我不知道其他人
and I don’t know if any of the others
有没提到这个 他们如果也发生过这种事
will ever talk about that, if it ever happened to them.
我不知道 也许她碰在一起了吧
I don’t know. Maybe she got it together.
我希望她是这样
I’m hoping she did.
我真的不想说起她这些事
I really hate saying these things about her,
因为我一直觉得内疚
because I’ve always felt guilty
没有把薇薇留得更久一些
about not keeping Viv for longer.
我先生跟我讨论
My husband and I were talking then
收养一个孩子
about having a foster child.
薇薇说 “你们如果想照顾别人
Viv said, “if you want to take care of somebody”,
“为何不照顾我呢”
“why don’t you take care of me?”
说完她笑了 不过她是正经的吧
And then she kind of laughed, but she meant it.
我想她是真的想