所以我开了一家货车运输公♥司♥
So I opened a business, the trucking company.
它将给我的孩子们 我们的孩子们一个未来
It’s going to give my children, our children, a future.
最重要的是共度快乐时光
And it all comes down to quality time.
抽出时间陪伴家人
It’s about regaining your time and having time with family.
不管我有多少种身份 我始终是个父亲
Before everything and after everything, I’m a father.
这让人难过 因为我长久以来一直是这样
It’s gonna be sad because this has been me for so long.
– What are you going to do today? Tonight? – Homework.
-你今晚有什么安排? -复习功课
复习功课?
Homework?
现在我们要为患者做心理治疗了
– Like right now, we’re doing psych. – Uh-huh.
I was assigned PTSD. So I’m doing, like, how the treatment for PTSD has changed.
我负责创伤后应激障碍 所以我要学习治疗方法的变迁
因为以前
‘Cause you know, before,
患创伤后应激障碍的 主要是从战场上回来的军人
it was primarily military personnel returning from war suffering PTSD.
而且当时不叫创伤后应激障碍 而是叫炮弹惊吓综合征之类的
And it wasn’t even called PTSD, it was shell shock syndrome. Something like that.
他们回家后还能听到枪声和炸♥弹♥声
They come home and they still hear guns blazing and bombs.
Yeah, yeah.
And it was just like all men at war, but now they say it can apply to children
以前全是战场上的士兵 但现在他们说小孩子也会得这种病
经历过高度紧张事件的人都会得
and anyone that’s been in a high-stress incident.
尤其是现在 经过病毒这件事…
Especially now, after the whole virus thing and–
对 没错 我们整天工作
Yeah, true. Of course, we worked the entire time,
见到这么多人死亡 这是违反天性的
and that’s unnatural for people to see that much death,
所以我们都会得创伤后应激障碍
so we’re going to all have PTSD.
有件事从来没人提 就是
Something that nobody talks about, you know, is like,
这么多出诊电♥话♥ 对我们的精神健康的影响
how all these calls take a toll on our mental heath.
不愉快成了我们的常态
We have to normalize not being okay.
我去西村接过一个病人 后来死于吸毒过量
I had a patient in the West Village who died of an overdose.
Another guy that had COVID, and him and his wife passed away.
还有一个男的得了新冠 他和他老婆都去世了
We found them together.
我们发现他们死在一起
我还接过一个受了枪伤的人 非常年轻 他去世了
I also had another gunshot wound guy. Really, really young. He passed away.
我每天都看到可怕的事
You know, I see horrible things every day.
但现在家里有了小宝宝
But now that I have this little person in my family,
I feel like work now took a whole different meaning to me.
我感觉对我而言 工作有了全新的意义
每天能回到家人身边 我对此充满了感激 因为
I’m just grateful to go home to my family because, you know,
你每天都有可能回不了家
there is always that chance that you may not make it home.
在我心目中 事业曾经是我的一切
My career used to be just everything, you know, in my head.
我曾经非常认同我的工作…
I used to really identify with my job and…
并且感觉那就是我
I used to feel like that’s who I was.
现在这种感觉变淡了
Now, I don’t feel that way as much.
我觉得这是我的一部分 但我的身份并不取决于此
I feel like this is a part of me, but it doesn’t define me.
我觉得我有许多不同的方面
You know, I feel like there’s so many different sides and aspects of me.
-嘿 宝贝 她怎么样了? -我刚喂了她
– Hey. baby. How’s she doing? – I just fed her.
她需要再吸一次吗?在她睡觉前?
Does she need to be suctioned again? Before she went to bed?
我想让她尽可能多睡一会儿 以便…
I wanted her to stay asleep for as long as she can, so…
好的 我就想问问情况 说声我爱你
Alright, well, I just wanted to call and check in and say I love you.
-我也爱你 -好的 再见
– I love you too. – Alright, bye.
I hate that she’s sick.
我讨厌她生病
这让我反胃 说实话
It’s, like, making me sick to my stomach, to be honest.
不过 她正在建立免疫能力 而且…
But, you know, she’s building her immunity and…
我知道她没事 只是…
I know she’s okay, it’s just…
我很难过不能陪着她
it blows that I can’t be there.
我一直想做个贤妻良母
Just always want to be a better spouse or a better mother.
就算没有时间 也努力挤出更多时间
Just trying to create more time even when there isn’t any,
because that’s what commitment is.
因为这就是奉献
我很感恩 拥有健康的身体 以及更加健康的心态
I’m really grateful for having a healthy body and a healthier mind.
这在很大程度上 归功于我的丈夫和女儿
You know, my husband and my daughter are a lot to do with that.
我女儿给我的感觉让我诚惶诚恐
I think I’m in awe of the way she makes me feel,
加深了我跟我妈的感情
in the sense of being connected to my mom.
跟以前相比 我妈现在陪我的时间更多了
My mom is more present now than she could ever possibly be.
该死
Damn.
Hi, love!
你好 亲爱的
给爸爸亲一个
Mi little daughter.
– Hey, a little kiss! Kiss!
Where’s Mauricio?
毛里西奥在哪里?他在这里!
Here he is!
我严重睡眠不足
I’m very sleep-deprived.
这是我有了第二个孩子以后开始的
It is definitely catching up to me after my second child.
我现在40多岁了
And I’m in my 40s now,
我上了十多年的夜班了
so I’ve been doing this for over 10 years, working nights.
这严重影响到了我的健康和身体状况
It’s definitely catching up to me health-wise and just overall, physically.
我不知道我还会干多久
I don’t know how much longer I’ll do it for.
– Good morning. Stacy? – Good morning. That’s me.
-早上好 史黛西 -早上好 是我
-嗨 -嗨
– Hi. – Hi.
你是?
And you are?
-这是我弟弟扎伊尔 -嗨
– That’s Zaire, my brother. – Hi.
分诊记录写得很简略
So the triage note was brief.
-说你在为斋月禁食 -对
– It said you were fasting for Ramadan. – Right.
你还在禁食吗?还是…
Are you still fasting?
-还有八天 -还有八天
– Eight more days. – Eight.
-但谁会数呢? -老天
– But who’s counting? – My goodness.
我的头…
And my head…
我的后脑勺和眼睛里有压♥迫♥感
Back of my head, I felt pressure in the back of my head and in my eyes,
我总是看着镜子说:“你没事 放松”
and I kept looking in the mirror and going, “You’re okay, relax.”
但我的心跳开始加快
But my heart started to beat faster.
于是我叫了救护车 我没有好转 我更虚弱了
That’s when we called the ambulance, I said, “I’m not better, I’m weaker.”
我们会做一些心脏检查 查查电解质和镁
So we’re going to check some heart labs, some electrolytes, your magnesium,
确保这些症状 不是由于某些东西失衡造成的
make sure that nothing’s off balance that could be causing the symptoms.
-你抽烟吗? -不抽
– Are you a smoker? – No.
也不喝酒 是吧?
And no alcohol, right?
-是的 -好
– No. – Okay.
我戒了瘾 正在康复
I’m a recovering addict, if that helps.
好的 我想冒昧地问一句 你在戒什么瘾?
Oh, okay. And if you don’t mind my asking, you’re a recovering addict from what?
可♥卡♥因♥
Crack cocaine.
好的 戒了多少年了?
Okay. How many years clean now?
-四个月 之前复吸过 -四个月!太棒了
– Four months. – Four months!
– Former relapse. – That’s excellent.
我觉得很了不起!就因为我戒掉了
I think it’s phenomenal! Only because I’m done.
That’s really good.
非常好
Mm.
You’re gonna make me cry more. You wipe one, it gets replaced.
你还会让我哭的 擦一下就换掉了
我们将检查心肌酶和你的心脏 全面检查
Well, we’re gonna check cardiac enzymes and your heart, everything,
确保不是其他疾病引起的
just to make sure this is not something else being unmasked.
如果结果正常 实验室检查结果也正常
If it looks moderate and your labs look okay,
那你就可以回家了 带点冰块回去 在家康复
then I think that you’re okay to go home with some ice chips and recover at home.
-好的 -好 我还会来看你的
– Okay. – Alright, I’ll come back for you.
-好 -好
– Okay. – Okay.
我绝对想不到 她是个正在康复的成瘾者
I would have never, ever thought that she’s a recovering addict.
她太和蔼可亲了
She’s just a sweet, sweet soul.
人们总是给我惊喜
People surprise me all the time.
我不是一个多疑的人
I’m not overly skeptical.
我总是努力保持乐观
I’m trying to still always stay optimistic
在工作中保持积极的心态
and keep a positive vibe when I come into work.
但最近有时会做不到 我们太劳累了
But lately, that hasn’t always happened, and we’re reaching a level of fatigue.
我们都工作得太辛苦了 我们牺牲了太多东西
We’ve all worked so hard, you know, we’ve sacrificed so much.
我们不想让自己精疲力尽 以至于无法
We don’t want to reach that burnout where you’re not putting
全身心投入工作
all your heart and your soul into it.
这绝对是对我们的耐力考验
It’s tested our resiliency for sure.
什么情况?
What’s the story?
这是约书亚 17岁 男性 有多处枪伤…
Joshua, a 17-year-old male. He has multiple gunshot wounds…
– He’s gonna pull through. – He’s a fighter.
-他会挺过去的 -他是个斗士
是的
He is.
是的
He is.
小约出院了
Josh walked out of the hospital.
现在他的家人也将离开这座城市
Now his family also is going to leave town.
当这些孩子走入外面的世界时 我的心跟他们在一起
My heart is with all of these children as they go out into the world.
追踪人们的情况很难
It’s very hard keeping track of folks.
你跟他们一起度过了 惊心动魄、改变一生的时刻
You live through this powerful, life-changing moment with them,
然后你会想 他们出什么事了
and then you wonder what happened to them.
当你遭遇创伤时
When something traumatic happens to you,
你的大脑过滤信息的化学方式
the chemical way that your brain filters information, or something,
会发生根本改变 因为我感觉不一样了
changes radically, because I felt different.
深吸气
Deep breath in.
我没有焦虑
I have no anxiety.
我显然找到了一种哲学 向我解释了
I clearly found a philosophy that explained,
我存在于世间的诸多原因
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