阿呆与阿瓜2

I have an idea.
不如我们请哈利和罗伊
Why don’t we have Harry and Lloyd
亲自把包裹送去给佩妮吧
hand-deliver the box to Penny?
这样哈利就能见到他的女儿
That way Harry will get to meet his daughter in person
你也可以保证包裹能安全送达
and you’ll be assured the box gets there safely.
你疯了吗
Are you insane?
你以为我会把我的发明 交给这两个低能的家伙
You think I’m just going to hand over my invention to these 10-year-olds?
放心 让崔维斯陪他们去
Oh, don’t you worry. We’ll have Travis go with them.
他会好好保护这个包裹
He won’t let anything happen to the box.
而且还会带他们去找佩妮
And he will lead them straight to Penny.
包在我们身上
You can count on us, sir.
我们说到帮到
Our word is our bond.
詹姆斯·帮到
James Bond.
要我陪他们去 你干嘛这样建议他
I’m going with them? Why the hell did you tell him that?
你知不知道天上掉下来什么
Do you not realize what just fell into our laps?
我们的五百万刚才变成十亿了
Our five million just turned into a billion.
这只鹿怎么不会跑
What’s wrong with this thing?
对 但他说他要捐出去
Yeah, but he said he was gonna give it all away.
在佩妮演说之前阻止她就好了
Not if we get to Penny before she reads that speech.
那个什么KEN的是几时
when is this KEN thing, anyway?
其实是今天开始
It actually starts today,
但佩妮要到5月2日晚上才演说
but Penny doesn’t give her speech until the night of May 2nd.
所以我们有…
So that gives us…
4月有几天
How many days are in April?
9月是30天
Thirty days have September,
其他月份我忘了
all the rest I can’t remember.
应该是31天 不然8月就没31天了
Must be 31 because nothing rhymes with August.
我觉得是32天
No, I think it’s 32, Har.
4月是闰月
April’s a leap month.
-31天 -32天
-31. -32.
-31天 -32天
-31. -32.
-31天 1 -32天 2
-31, 1, 1, 1! -32, 2, 2, 2!
是30天啦
30! There’s 30!
谢谢你
Thank you!
可是你是说31天
You said 31.
对 但我比较接近
Yeah, but I was closer.
包裹在哪儿
Hey, guys, where’s the box?
什么包裹
What box?
装了十亿美元发明的包裹
The box with the billion-dollar invention in it.
罗伊 你把包裹怎么了
Lloyd, what did you do with the box?
我 明明在你那里
Me? You had it.
才怪 记得我们停在休息站时
No, remember we stopped at that truck stop
还用它在停车场
and we were kicking field goals with it
-当足球踢吗 -记得
-out in that parking lot? -Yeah.
记得我一球踢过电♥话♥线 你说…
I remember I kicked one over the telephone wires, and you said…
你说对了 真的在我这里
You know what, you’re right. I did have it.
你看
Look at that!
我拯救了全人类
I just saved humanity!
不如包裹由我来保管吧
You know what? Maybe I should hold on to that box.
不行
I don’t think so, mister.
博士要我保管包裹
Dr. P encrusted that to me.
我要平安送到我女儿手上
And I’m gonna make sure it gets to my daughter, safe and sound.
你目前为止做得很称职
Yeah, well, you’re doing a great job so far.
你们要不要玩”闻闻看”
You guys wanna play “He Who Smelt it”?
好啊
Yeah.
那是什么
What’s that?
很复杂 你要注意听
It’s complicated, so pay attention.
车窗关起来 最先闻到屁味就得一分
We put the windows up, first one who smells a fart gets a point.
猜得到是谁放的屁
If you say who dealt it,
再加一分
double points.
但如果你说有屁味
But if you say you smelled a fart
却没人放屁
and nobody farted,
比如经过屠宰场…
like if we were just passing a slaughterhouse…
假屁
False fart!
那就扣一分 闻出自己放的屁也不算分
…you lose a point. And you can’t smell your own farts, either.
什么烂游戏 我才不要
Are you guys kidding? No! No!
我不要像猪一样坐在车上闻你们的屁味
I’m not gonna sit around sniffing your farts like some kinda truffle pig.
门儿都没有
Forget it!
好吧 那就我和罗伊单挑
Okay, fine. Lloyd and I will play one-on-one.
对 决一胜负
Yeah, head-to-head.
这种游戏怎么单挑
How can you play one-on-one?
如果你没放屁却闻到屁味
If you smell a fart, and you didn’t do it,
不就很明显是另一个人放屁
isn’t it obvious the other guy did?
你不是说你没玩过
I thought you said you never played before.
对啊 讲得好像规则他订的
Yeah. Sounds like he wrote the rulebook.
我想我们刚抓到有个人在说谎 哈利
I think we might have a hustler here, Har.
你在干嘛
What are you doing?
我忘了
I forgot.
这样吧 我来订规则
Uh, you know what? I’m going to make a rule.
有我在不准玩放屁游戏 懂吗
There will be no fart games while I’m in the car, got it?
你凭什么发号♥施令
Who made you king of the car?
我知道该怎么办了
I know how to settle this.
我想一个数字 从1到3
I’m thinking of a number between one and three.
猜到的人就能发号♥施令
Whoever guesses it gets to be king of the car.
-1 -不对
-One! -No.
-3 -不对
-Three? -Nope.
认输 所以答案是什么
Okay, what is it?
Two.
我本来想说那答案的
I swear I was gonna say that!
我们说好的 由我来发号♥施令
All right, so it’s agreed, I’m king of the car, right?
好吧
Fine.
殿下
Excuse me, Your Highness,
可以给我一条肉干吗
would you grab me a Slim Jim out of the back?
长长的那种
One of the long ones.
好
Yeah.
搞什么鬼
Oh, hey, what the hell?
天呐
On, God! Hey!
不
No! Hey!
这是干嘛 天呐
What is that? Oh, God!
你看 哈利
Look, Harry.
他黏在玻璃上了
He’s hooked on crack.
拜托你们手下留情
For the love of God, have mercy!
我是费尔契葬仪社的
Hello, you’ve reached Herbert Felcher
赫伯·费尔契
at Felcher and Felcher Funeral Parlor.
请在哔声后留言
Please leave a message at the beep.
这是芙蕾妲·费尔契的私人信息
Hi! This is a private message for Fraida Felcher.
请你跟芙蕾妲说哈利找她
Would you please tell Fraida that Harry called?
哈利·唐恩
Harry Dunne.
二十年前把她肚子搞大的人
The guy who knocked her up 20-something years ago.
对了 很高兴终于见到你们
Um, pleasure finally meeting you all, by the way.
烟火
请你跟她说我找到我们的女儿了
Anyway, would you tell her that I’ve located our daughter.
她在埃尔帕索参加KEN会议
She’s at a thing called the KEN Conference in El Paso.
用豆泥沾酱的脾子命名的城市
The town named after the bean dip.
你真贴心
Oh, that’s sweet!
奶奶再见
Bye, Grandma!
好好玩吧
Have fun, sweetie.
他才是真正的男子汉
Now, there’s a real man.
我敢打赌他不是坐着尿尿
I bet you he don’t pee sitting down.
不准你碰那根摇杆
Don’t touch that joystick!
HKHS舞会 做♥爱♥之夜
你们看
Wow, look!
放开我的
Let my people
同胞们
go!
哈利
Harry!
罗伊 痛死我了
It hurts, Lloyd. It hurts so bad.
哪个痛 哈利是这个
Which one hurts, Harry? This one? Or this one?
还是这个
Stop it! Lloyd, please,
住手罗伊 求求你
save my daughter.
救救我的女儿
And then
然后我要你和她嘿♥咻♥到升♥天♥
I want you to bone her like a chicken cutlet.
听见没
You hear me, mister?